YAGT! Drinking and cheating....UPDATE! Just got a letter from her...UPDATED AGAIN!!! ANOTHER UPDATE X4!NOW WITH POLL!!

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

UPDATE

Just got a letter from her,

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday was the fourth of July and I got a little tipsy and called you. I remember it vividly and I'm sure you do too. You sounded quite irritated with me or at least distracted. But, I meant everything I said. I hate the way I feel when I am drunk, I do have lower inhabitions and it is possible that some thing stupid could happen & I could let some stupid drunk boy (or even girl) kiss me, That is NOT what I want. And if alcohol affects you in remotely the same way it affects me, I don't want either of us to be drinking. Not with other people, not when we are so far away and missing each other so much. It is just a bad combination, I know this would be extremely hard for you and it's not something I am going to demand of you. I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



It goes on a bit more but nothing really to the rest. For me, i know i am faithful no matter how drunk i am. I went drinking with a girl from work and a few other co-workers and we ended up getting quite drunk (well i did) and we went back to her place so she could change ( i forgot why) and she started to change right in front of me and i just walked out of the room. It really pisses me off her saying she doesn't know what will happen if either of us get drunk around other people, because i do know.

With her family history of alcoholims, she shouldn't be drinking and seems to know that. She will probably never really trust that someone can drink without being an alcoholic or at least without being out of control of their actions, and if you decide to stay engaged and she means enough to you, then perhaps you could consider not drinking while you are apart, even though you know you can 'hande' it.

That said, even though she "hates" the feeling, it isn't too far fetched to expect it might happen again, and she has said herself she cannot be trusted to be faithful while under the influence.

Basically, how much can you put up with, and for how long?

She ever calls me drunk from U.K. it's over, in fact if she even mentions having a drink while there we are over. She is on extremely thin ice, so we shall see....

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: nietsni3
i cant guess another possibility, but i think there must be something behind her words. cuz if she really wanted to cheat on you, she wouldnt tell it. maybe she want to make you get jealous or something.

why i wonder

 

[nietsni3]

so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

 

[NesuD]

Am I the only one who can read between the lines here? She already cheated on you. The call was a guilt call. The Letter is the giveaway.

I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.

Here to assuage her own guilt She is basically asserting that you might have or have already done it as well. She is trying to justify her indiscretion by acting as if you are as guilty as her. That woman is manipulative and dishonest. Both of which are serious character flaws. No one screws around unless they want to. Blaming it on the booze is a cop out and only demonstrates her inability to accept responsibility for her own actions. Don't play games with her it isn't worth the heartache. Kick her to the curb and move on to greener pastures.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: NesuD
Am I the only one who can read between the lines here? She already cheated on you. The call was a guilt call. The Letter is the giveaway.

I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.

Here to assuage her own guilt She is basically asserting that you might have or have already done it as well. She is trying to justify her indiscretion by acting as if you are as guilty as her. That woman is manipulative and dishonest. Both of which are serious character flaws. No one screws around unless they want to. Blaming it on the booze is a cop out and only demonstrates her inability to accept responsibility for her own actions. Don't play games with her it isn't worth the heartache. Kick her to the curb and move on to greener pastures.

Yeah, i got that feeling too, that she is just waiting to let it slip out, or for me to confess to something from last time i was drunk(i didn't do anything, so there is nothing to confess). But she is my fiancee, someone who i love(d) very much and want(ed) desperately to spend the rest of my life with, you don't just end that on suspicions(sp?).

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

No, no, no and NO!!! *smacks you on the nose w/rolled up newspaper* Don't get into the whole "Make you feel like crap" speech-thing. It won't work. You will NEVER be able to out-talk a woman. Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

Just kick her ass to the curb. The only thing you have to say is "You fvcked up and you know it. Talk to the hand......" and walk away. In fact, don't even see her anymore...b/c she'll turn on the waterworks, then grab your Happy Stick of Joy, you'll fall for it and be right back at Square One. Like so much bundled newspaper, she needs to be left at the curb.

 

[Yossarian]

Originally posted by: MichaelD Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

I think you just made it up because I never heard that before

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

No, no, no and NO!!! *smacks you on the nose w/rolled up newspaper* Don't get into the whole "Make you feel like crap" speech-thing. It won't work. You will NEVER be able to out-talk a woman. Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

Just kick her ass to the curb. The only thing you have to say is "You fvcked up and you know it. Talk to the hand......" and walk away. In fact, don't even see her anymore...b/c she'll turn on the waterworks, then grab your Happy Stick of Joy, you'll fall for it and be right back at Square One. Like so much bundled newspaper, she needs to be left at the curb.

I don't even know if she did anything, i don't wanna fvck up a good thing for no REAL reason.

 

[MadPeriot]

Shes trash, get over her and move on.

 

[Tal]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Points for honesty, but overall "Failing" grade in the category of "How not to be a drunken slut".

Dump her.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh man.... that's hurts.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

No, no, no and NO!!! *smacks you on the nose w/rolled up newspaper* Don't get into the whole "Make you feel like crap" speech-thing. It won't work. You will NEVER be able to out-talk a woman. Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

Just kick her ass to the curb. The only thing you have to say is "You fvcked up and you know it. Talk to the hand......" and walk away. In fact, don't even see her anymore...b/c she'll turn on the waterworks, then grab your Happy Stick of Joy, you'll fall for it and be right back at Square One. Like so much bundled newspaper, she needs to be left at the curb.

I don't even know if she did anything, i don't wanna fvck up a good thing for no REAL reason.

Dude, you're showing your age/inexperience. What "real reason" do you want? Do you REALLY want to walk in and see some dude's schlong embedded so far down her throat that his happy potatoes are smacking off her chin? :shocked: She CALLED and MAILED you b/c she's feeling guilty. Guess what? She'll do it AGAIN. It's your call.

Just do me a favor. 6 months from now when all this ends very badly...cops get called and all that shiit, just PM me to LMK that I was right.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

No, no, no and NO!!! *smacks you on the nose w/rolled up newspaper* Don't get into the whole "Make you feel like crap" speech-thing. It won't work. You will NEVER be able to out-talk a woman. Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

Just kick her ass to the curb. The only thing you have to say is "You fvcked up and you know it. Talk to the hand......" and walk away. In fact, don't even see her anymore...b/c she'll turn on the waterworks, then grab your Happy Stick of Joy, you'll fall for it and be right back at Square One. Like so much bundled newspaper, she needs to be left at the curb.

I don't even know if she did anything, i don't wanna fvck up a good thing for no REAL reason.

Dude, you're showing your age/inexperience. What "real reason" do you want? Do you REALLY want to walk in and see some dude's schlong embedded so far down her throat that his happy potatoes are smacking off her chin? :shocked: She CALLED and MAILED you b/c she's feeling guilty. Guess what? She'll do it AGAIN. It's your call.

Just do me a favor. 6 months from now when all this ends very badly...cops get called and all that shiit, just PM me to LMK that I was right.

It's not going to be 6 months before this gets sorted, try sunday at the very latest.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tal

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Points for honesty, but overall "Failing" grade in the category of "How not to be a drunken slut".

Dump her.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh man.... that's hurts.

they only get better

 

[tranceport]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Ditch the B!
She not only wants to cheat on you, but tells you that she can and wil?
I don't see that there is a question here!

I SAY AGAIN.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

UPDATE

Just got a letter from her,

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday was the fourth of July and I got a little tipsy and called you. I remember it vividly and I'm sure you do too. You sounded quite irritated with me or at least distracted. But, I meant everything I said. I hate the way I feel when I am drunk, I do have lower inhabitions and it is possible that some thing stupid could happen & I could let some stupid drunk boy (or even girl) kiss me, That is NOT what I want. And if alcohol affects you in remotely the same way it affects me, I don't want either of us to be drinking. Not with other people, not when we are so far away and missing each other so much. It is just a bad combination, I know this would be extremely hard for you and it's not something I am going to demand of you. I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



It goes on a bit more but nothing really to the rest. For me, i know i am faithful no matter how drunk i am. I went drinking with a girl from work and a few other co-workers and we ended up getting quite drunk (well i did) and we went back to her place so she could change ( i forgot why) and she started to change right in front of me and i just walked out of the room. It really pisses me off her saying she doesn't know what will happen if either of us get drunk around other people, because i do know.

Is this a joke....leave her now for being like that.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: tranceport

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Ditch the B!
She not only wants to cheat on you, but tells you that she can and wil?
I don't see that there is a question here!

I SAY AGAIN.

but hasn't, to my knowledge, yet

 

Not worth it. Dump her. Cut your losses now.

 

[Kadarin]

I'm going to have to agree with MichaelD on this one. This girl is away from you, and she is very much enjoying the attention she is getting from other guys.

 

[element]

You're missing something here. She's right and you're wrong. You should both "cheat". This is the age when you gain experience not settle down.

She's trying to tell you she is not ready to settle down yet, needs to sow her wild oats still and so do you.

Well ok i can't really tell you if you're ready for marraige or not. But she can tell you if she is. And she's telling you she's not.

 

[MichaelD]

You're obviously in denial; you just CAN'T believe that "Pookie Bear" would cheat on you...not after EVERYTHING you've been thru...I mean, she had Thanksgiving Dinner with your parents, right? :roll:

Got news for ya'Chief...hear that rumbling sound? Move out of the way, or get hit by the Bus of Doom.

She will play you like a fiddle if you LET her.

 

[Ranger X]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
You're obviously in denial; you just CAN'T believe that "Pookie Bear" would cheat on you...not after EVERYTHING you've been thru...I mean, she had Thanksgiving Dinner with your parents, right? :roll:

Got news for ya'Chief...hear that rumbling sound? Move out of the way, or get hit by the Bus of Doom.

She will play you like a fiddle if you LET her.

Amen to that. It sounds like she is getting her way and now that she has gone out of her comfort zone (aka home) and is on her own where the boyfriend can't stop him, she can finally express her desires to bang someone else.

Bang her then dump her the same night.

 

[theNEOone]

bigredguy, you from cornell? i just graduated, w00t.

anyway, i haven't read through this whole thread so some of this may have been covered. here it goes:

1) you should be glad your fiancee was as honest as she was. although she may be hiding the complete truth, she could have just not said anything (i know i would have)
2) don't be upset about her "whoring" around while being piss drunk....everyone whores around while they're piss drunk, i don't care who the hell you are
3) we're all young here - it's experimentation/party time. don't be surprised if some distasteful things occur, especially if your fiancee is attractive
4) although i feel that she was just trying to be honest, you may want to put things on hold w/ her. she may be sending you signs about where she stands on a maturity and commitment level
5) i've been w/ my g/f for 6 years and haven't set anything in stone. although i love her to death i know that i am absolutely not ready to be engaged/married
6) good luck


=|

 

[Pocatello]

Time to pull the ejection handle and bail out.

 

[NeoHC421]

girls like this are trouble... TROUBLE!
BUT, I know that it's not like you can just dump a girl you are engaged to at the drop of a hat. I say, think about all the reasons you are with her, the reasons why you asked her to marry you. Then see all the crap she puts you through. Can you live with her for the rest of your life?
personally, i'm shocked she wasn't just begging for forgiveness and promise that nothing like that would ever happen again.