YAGT! Drinking and cheating....UPDATE! Just got a letter from her...UPDATED AGAIN!!! ANOTHER UPDATE X4!NOW WITH POLL!!

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: bigredguy
Just got a letter from her,

Yesterday was the fourth of July and I got a little tipsy and called you. I remember it vividly and I'm sure you do too. You sounded quite irritated with me or at least distracted. But, I meant everything I said. I hate the way I feel when I am drunk, I do have lower inhabitions and it is possible that some thing stupid could happen & I could let some stupid drunk boy (or even girl) kiss me, That is NOT what I want. And if alcohol affects you in remotely the same way it affects me, I don't want either of us to be drinking. Not with other people, not when we are so far away and missing each other so much. It is just a bad combination, I know this would be extremely hard for you and it's not something I am going to demand of you. I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.

It goes on a bit more but nothing really to the rest. For me, i know i am faithful no matter how drunk i am. I went drinking with a girl from work and a few other co-workers and we ended up getting quite drunk (well i did) and we went back to her place so she could change ( i forgot why) and she started to change right in front of me and i just walked out of the room. It really pisses me off her saying she doesn't know what will happen if either of us get drunk around other people, because i do know.

That's because she's a) very young and more significantly b) a skanky girl. Anybody old enough to pick up a bottle knows what they're doing when they drink. Her above excuse is so pathetic as to not even really warrant attention. She sounds really pitiful.

I kinda miss Tomato and his optimism. I think i am gonna just tell her i cheated on her and see what her reaction is. Either i she'll see my view point or she'll confess to her sins. I dunno, i guess i am gonna sleep on it and worry about it tomorrow when i get off of work.
'

ATOT... ruining lives, one at a time

 

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: nietsni3
so sum it up, you have only one option talking to her straight into the matter to find it out. then you can decide if you should ditch her or keep her. i think the best way is to tell her directly what you really doubt: "hey honey i have thought a lot about what you said and started to think that you may be trying to break up. so just to save both my time and yours, i want to know if..."
i think that is the best way to resolve it. you wont have to regret later if you doubted her incorrectly

It's gonna be more like. You know what you said the other day is really fvcked up, because, lemme get this straight, the only reason you aren't gonna cheat on me is cause you can't afford it? what the fvck is that about. I am sure as fvck glad i didn't let you take one of my credit cards with, who knows what would happened.... and then i will see what she has to say.

No, no, no and NO!!! *smacks you on the nose w/rolled up newspaper* Don't get into the whole "Make you feel like crap" speech-thing. It won't work. You will NEVER be able to out-talk a woman. Where do you think the expression "She could talk a hole in a cast iron pot!" expression comes from?

Just kick her ass to the curb. The only thing you have to say is "You fvcked up and you know it. Talk to the hand......" and walk away. In fact, don't even see her anymore...b/c she'll turn on the waterworks, then grab your Happy Stick of Joy, you'll fall for it and be right back at Square One. Like so much bundled newspaper, she needs to be left at the curb.

I don't even know if she did anything, i don't wanna fvck up a good thing for no REAL reason.

Dude, you're showing your age/inexperience. What "real reason" do you want? Do you REALLY want to walk in and see some dude's schlong embedded so far down her throat that his happy potatoes are smacking off her chin? :shocked: She CALLED and MAILED you b/c she's feeling guilty. Guess what? She'll do it AGAIN. It's your call.

Just do me a favor. 6 months from now when all this ends very badly...cops get called and all that shiit, just PM me to LMK that I was right.

On the other hand, she didn't have to tell you anything to begin with... she's so far away, that if she really wanted to, she could have gotten away with it. just something to think about. There's a reason she told you.

 

[cain]

she obviously has a huge problem. so i say ditch her now before sh1t gets too hot. if my fiancee did that, no matter how much i love her, i would just drop her. she's basically asking you for a get-some-dick for free card.

 

[Atomicus]

Cheat on you once and she'll do it again.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Kick her to the curb. ASAP!!!

 

[maziwanka]

wow. thats really sad that you find this out about your fiancee. i hate to say it too, but i think you should move towards ending things with her. sucks, but you probably knew this already

 

[KEV1N]

Just read the update. My opinion still stands, DUMP HER. You will never do something when you're drunk that you wouldn't do anyways... it's just an easy excuse

 

[petejk]

drop her or else you pay dearly for it.

 

[CarlKillerMiller]

She's basically setting up to cover for future fsckups.

A year down the road, she'll get wasted then shack up with some guy, and it'll be your fault for not listening when she warned you about her drinking. dump her.

 

[whoiswes]

if her name is alodie, RUN LIKE THE FARKING WIND.

/you never know

 

[Pacfanweb]

If I ever see her, I'd like to buy her a drink.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: KEV1N
Just read the update. My opinion still stands, DUMP HER. You will never do something when you're drunk that you wouldn't do anyways... it's just an easy excuse

That letter reaffirmed my suspicions more than anything. That letter was even more damning than the phone call. If thats the best she could come up with while sober and in a medium like a letter that allows you to unsay stupid things easily, then its pretty clear the letter only existed to absolve herself from any guilt she has for lack of ability to be faithful. Others are right when they read between the lines here. Women are never upfront about anything, certainly not about a touchy subject like boning some other guy...she's covering all this up with her pseudo-hypothetical horsesh|t. On some level in her own mind, she's trying to make this YOUR fault so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for HER fvck up.

Whether or not she cheated on you here is irrelevant. She has displayed that given mild stressors on your relationship, stressors that ALL relationships will INEVITIABLLY have to endure at some point in their existance she will fail. A chain is only as good as its weakest link, and she's a really sh|tty, gonna-bust-at-any-damn-minute link in your chain.

Drinking doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. Thats a cop out for weak people who's resolve would have failed anyway. They blame the alcohol because that way they don't have to blame themselves. Don't let her get away with trying to use that bullsh|t on you.

 

[txxxx]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: KEV1N
Just read the update. My opinion still stands, DUMP HER. You will never do something when you're drunk that you wouldn't do anyways... it's just an easy excuse

That letter reaffirmed my suspicions more than anything. That letter was even more damning than the phone call. If thats the best she could come up with while sober and in a medium like a letter that allows you to unsay stupid things easily, then its pretty clear the letter only existed to absolve herself from any guilt she has for lack of ability to be faithful. Others are right when they read between the lines here. Women are never upfront about anything, certainly not about a touchy subject like boning some other guy...she's covering all this up with her pseudo-hypothetical horsesh|t. On some level in her own mind, she's trying to make this YOUR fault so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for HER fvck up.

Whether or not she cheated on you here is irrelevant. She has displayed that given mild stressors on your relationship, stressors that ALL relationships will INEVITIABLLY have to endure at some point in their existance she will fail. A chain is only as good as its weakest link, and she's a really sh|tty, gonna-bust-at-any-damn-minute link in your chain.

Drinking doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. Thats a cop out for weak people who's resolve would have failed anyway. They blame the alcohol because that way they don't have to blame themselves. Don't let her get away with trying to use that bullsh|t on you.

Couldnt put it better myself.

 

[Ranger X]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

That letter reaffirmed my suspicions more than anything. That letter was even more damning than the phone call. If thats the best she could come up with while sober and in a medium like a letter that allows you to unsay stupid things easily, then its pretty clear the letter only existed to absolve herself from any guilt she has for lack of ability to be faithful. Others are right when they read between the lines here. Women are never upfront about anything, certainly not about a touchy subject like boning some other guy...she's covering all this up with her pseudo-hypothetical horsesh|t. On some level in her own mind, she's trying to make this YOUR fault so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for HER fvck up.

Whether or not she cheated on you here is irrelevant. She has displayed that given mild stressors on your relationship, stressors that ALL relationships will INEVITIABLLY have to endure at some point in their existance she will fail. A chain is only as good as its weakest link, and she's a really sh|tty, gonna-bust-at-any-damn-minute link in your chain.

Drinking doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. Thats a cop out for weak people who's resolve would have failed anyway. They blame the alcohol because that way they don't have to blame themselves. Don't let her get away with trying to use that bullsh|t on you.

PingSpike is right. Women, whenever they fvck up, will almost ALWAYS try to turn the tables on you and make it seem like it's your fault. If you've had a g/f, you'd know that because they use that as a weapon. I don't know how many times I ended up apologizing for a girl's misbehavior.

Here's an example of what a girl will do.
She'll mess around on you behind your back. When you find out, she'll accuse you of not trusting her and spying on her. She'll say you are a jerk for doing that so SHE breaks up with you. She convinces herself that she was the victim in this relationship and goes back to the guy she was banging. Don't let this b**ch get away with this!

 

[KhoiFather]

Dude, next time you see her, sit her ass down, tie her down if you have to, and have a serious heart to heart conversation. Tell her straight up how you feel about the relationship and her habits. If she won't listen and is not concern about how you feel, then she's can give a crap about the relationship and definitely cheated on you.

This is the only way you are gonna find out the truth and what will happen to the relationship. Talking is your friend, dude...

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: KEV1N
Just read the update. My opinion still stands, DUMP HER. You will never do something when you're drunk that you wouldn't do anyways... it's just an easy excuse

lol I look at a couple of my close female friends and say that exact same thing. I'm a bad person.

 

[jjones]

The first reply in this thread is still the best.

 

[Orsorum]

On some level in her own mind, she's trying to make this YOUR fault so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for HER fvck up.

That sounds about right. Her letter sounds like she is setting you up for something - don't know exactly what, but she's using the alcohol as an excuse and she's attempting to manipulate your future behavior ("Not with other people, not when we are so far away and missing each other so much. It is just a bad combination, I know this would be extremely hard for you and it's not something I am going to demand of you. I would like to think that neither of us would be able to cross the line into what is inappropriate but the truth is that neither of us REALLY know.").

This way, if you have a beer with a couple friends (I don't know your personal habits), or if you have some Bailey's with some friends a couple nights a week, she can point at that and say "Hey, you were tempting this too", and something along the lines of "You would've done the same thing."

Etc. My opinion is to get out ASAP. But that is just my opinion.

Nate

 

[Doboji]

she probably already hooked up with someone... this is a retrospective warning... so she can admit to it easier later on.

Once they have this discussion it's already over... better to dump her now, and begin the recovery process as early as possible. Once you KNOW she's cheated on you, it'll hurt alot more than just dumping her now.

-Max

 

[FacelessNobody]

MichaelD is right. I've got a slogan for you (I hate slogans) that may help. "If there is any doubt, then there is no doubt." If you sincerely doubt something's validity, then it's probably bullsh!t. She's in England sampling the roast beef; you're screwed. Bail before it REALLY hurts you.

PingSpike and MichaelD are right about another thing, too, you can't out talk a woman. Very few men can, and I know this because I'm one of those few. You know what it does for me? JACK FVCKING SH!T! Any time I 'win' or argumentatively corner a woman using her own logic, I still lose. All it does is scar her and give her another dead horse to beat when around me or make her reluctant to deal with me. I usually just keep my mouth shut these days. Women don't take a mental bitch-slapping like men do. Many of them want you to be on their side, even when they're wrong, which for me is an ethical impossibility. Wonder why I'm single? As women mature, though, a lot of them lose much of their cattiness and become people instead of dumb little girls. Sigh, I've got a long time to wait for that .

 

[PanzerIV]

I have to jump on the bandwagon here and stress that this relationship is in serious jeopardy. She is essentially saying "hey, I am too immature and irresponsible to control my drinking so if anything happens when I am drunk then it's not my fault because my judgement was impaired." B.S. That doesn't hold up in a court of law and it shouldn't hold water with you.
I know it's easy for anonymous internet posters to tell you to dump your fiancee but given the facts things really don't look very good anyway. She is young, still trying new things and away from you giving her a feeling of emotional detachment on some levels. It might be harder for her to cheat on you in your hometown but now she's thousands of miles away and there is no way you can catch her unless she confesses or gets pregnant.
Think of the bright side, if you do break up you can find a girl close to home that you don't have to wait months to see and maybe someone a little more ready for a real, mature relationship. If you waste your time and money seeing this girl I think you deserve whatever comes next.

 

[element]

Originally posted by: Atomicus
Cheat on you once and she'll do it again.

School me once shame on you mofo. Scrape my knee twice and Herbert Walker's kid ends up in the white house....or something like that...bah i can never remember these things...

 

[Krk3561]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: KEV1N
Just read the update. My opinion still stands, DUMP HER. You will never do something when you're drunk that you wouldn't do anyways... it's just an easy excuse

That letter reaffirmed my suspicions more than anything. That letter was even more damning than the phone call. If thats the best she could come up with while sober and in a medium like a letter that allows you to unsay stupid things easily, then its pretty clear the letter only existed to absolve herself from any guilt she has for lack of ability to be faithful. Others are right when they read between the lines here. Women are never upfront about anything, certainly not about a touchy subject like boning some other guy...she's covering all this up with her pseudo-hypothetical horsesh|t. On some level in her own mind, she's trying to make this YOUR fault so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for HER fvck up.

Whether or not she cheated on you here is irrelevant. She has displayed that given mild stressors on your relationship, stressors that ALL relationships will INEVITIABLLY have to endure at some point in their existance she will fail. A chain is only as good as its weakest link, and she's a really sh|tty, gonna-bust-at-any-damn-minute link in your chain.

Drinking doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. Thats a cop out for weak people who's resolve would have failed anyway. They blame the alcohol because that way they don't have to blame themselves. Don't let her get away with trying to use that bullsh|t on you.

She's boning someone? hehe

Anyways, that letter definately sounds like a cover for something thats already occuered

 

[Cobalt]

Don't become a statistic. Leave her now, if you don't want to suffer a break up when your married.

 

[thomsbrain]

sounds like she's not capable of maintaining a stable relationship at this point.