bigi
Platinum Member
- Aug 8, 2001
- 2,490
- 156
- 106
Homer:
Something like this:
"A gun is a tool, like a toaster or an alligator."
"I don't see any "any" key. All that computer hacking is making me thirsty, I think I'll order a tab" <- and Homer presses the "tab" key.
" I had an intercourse with your spouse or significant other...., now that's psychiatry", when visiting Flanders in a nut-house.
Comic Book Guy:
"Springfield has moved up to #299 in the list of americas 300 most livable cities. TAKE THAT EAST ST. LOUIS"
Something like this:
"A gun is a tool, like a toaster or an alligator."
"I don't see any "any" key. All that computer hacking is making me thirsty, I think I'll order a tab" <- and Homer presses the "tab" key.
" I had an intercourse with your spouse or significant other...., now that's psychiatry", when visiting Flanders in a nut-house.
Comic Book Guy:
"Springfield has moved up to #299 in the list of americas 300 most livable cities. TAKE THAT EAST ST. LOUIS"
BeauJangles
Lifer
- Aug 26, 2001
- 13,941
- 1
- 0
At the end of the episode where Homer & Marge go to Rev. Lovejoy's marriage retreat.
Clerk: Yep, `General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of
bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but
if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
Customer: And uh no one's ever caught him?
Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet
tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel,
cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.
Clerk: Yep, `General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of
bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but
if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
Customer: And uh no one's ever caught him?
Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet
tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel,
cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.
Best thread EVER!
Homer: "Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyhoo can I have 50,000 dollars?"
Homer: "...So all we have to do is go down to the pound and get you a new jazzman."
Futre Lisa: "Momma's watching her stories."
Marge: "Do you have any more clearenced Chenelle dresses?"
Saleswoman: "No but we have a shipment of slightly burnt sears cloths coming in."
Cletus: "What time and how burnt?"
Homer: "Give me some water, my socks are dirty."
Carl: "Oh come on Moe its not that bad. Is Homer really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Lenny really that lazy?"
Moe: "Oh my God, its worse than I thought."
All three cry
Carl: "You see, this is why I dont talk much."
Lucy Lawless: "Xena wants xex!"
Manager to sideshow mel in fast food place: "Is this clown bothering you?"
Pimply teenage worker: "Sir you forgot your taco."
Krusty: "I dont want it."
Pimply teenage worker: "But this comes out of my salary. If I had a girlfriend she would kill me."
Krusty: "To prove that this metal Kursty-O is completley safe Ill eat one myself."
Krusty twists in pain
Sideshow Mel: "Krusty that was a regular Krusty-O."
Krusty: Their poison!"
Thats all Ill post for now. My head is filled with those. This thread will be like 4000 posts long!
Homer: "Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it. Anyhoo can I have 50,000 dollars?"
Homer: "...So all we have to do is go down to the pound and get you a new jazzman."
Futre Lisa: "Momma's watching her stories."
Marge: "Do you have any more clearenced Chenelle dresses?"
Saleswoman: "No but we have a shipment of slightly burnt sears cloths coming in."
Cletus: "What time and how burnt?"
Homer: "Give me some water, my socks are dirty."
Carl: "Oh come on Moe its not that bad. Is Homer really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Lenny really that lazy?"
Moe: "Oh my God, its worse than I thought."
All three cry
Carl: "You see, this is why I dont talk much."
Lucy Lawless: "Xena wants xex!"
Manager to sideshow mel in fast food place: "Is this clown bothering you?"
Pimply teenage worker: "Sir you forgot your taco."
Krusty: "I dont want it."
Pimply teenage worker: "But this comes out of my salary. If I had a girlfriend she would kill me."
Krusty: "To prove that this metal Kursty-O is completley safe Ill eat one myself."
Krusty twists in pain
Sideshow Mel: "Krusty that was a regular Krusty-O."
Krusty: Their poison!"
Thats all Ill post for now. My head is filled with those. This thread will be like 4000 posts long!
XZeroII
Lifer
- Jun 30, 2001
- 12,572
- 0
- 0
Lisa to Milhouse: Pass this note to Nelson when you get to class
Milhouse (thinking): When she sees you'll do anything she says, she's bound to respect you
Milhouse: Sure! What's a big sister for!
Milhouse walks into the nurse's office. He has a MASSIVE wedgie.
Nurse: Another wedgie?
Milhouse: Uh hu
Nurse: I'll get the forcepts
Milhouse: Hurry!
...Milhouse: Theres plenty of Milhouse to go around!
Milhouse (thinking): When she sees you'll do anything she says, she's bound to respect you
Milhouse: Sure! What's a big sister for!
Milhouse walks into the nurse's office. He has a MASSIVE wedgie.
Nurse: Another wedgie?
Milhouse: Uh hu
Nurse: I'll get the forcepts
Milhouse: Hurry!
...Milhouse: Theres plenty of Milhouse to go around!
XZeroII
Lifer
- Jun 30, 2001
- 12,572
- 0
- 0
Apu: Who needs a Kwiky Mart? Now here's the tricky part. Oh won't come and rhyme with me.
Marge: Their floors are sticky mart
Lisa: They made dad sicky mart
Bart: Let's hurl a bricky mart
Homer: The kwiky mart is really...doh!
Apu: There it is, the world's first convenient store (looks up to the top of an isolated mountain)
Homer: That's not very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything I do?
Marge: Their floors are sticky mart
Lisa: They made dad sicky mart
Bart: Let's hurl a bricky mart
Homer: The kwiky mart is really...doh!
Apu: There it is, the world's first convenient store (looks up to the top of an isolated mountain)
Homer: That's not very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything I do?
"What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."
Homer (Speaking to Apu): "Are you sure you don't want to come, in a civil war Re-Enactment we need lots of Indians to shoot."
Apu: "I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first."
Homer (Speaking to the Squishy Lady): "I know you get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavor?"
Squishy Lady: "Sure, go ahead."
Homer: "Grape."
KeyserSoze
thats one of my favorite ralph moments
AFter his room is flooded and he is wearing floodpants-
Milhouse- EVERYTHINGS TURNING UP MILHOUSE!
Bart- my mom has earings, do you think shes cool?
Milhouse- I think your moms HOT!
Banner: I'll get you, Beer Baron!
Homer(off screen): Oh no you won't!
Banner: Oh yes i will!
Homer: D'oh!
Ralph- The pointy kitty took it
"Homer: "Welcome to the internet my friend! How can I help you?"
Comic Book Store Guy: "I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiberoptic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that is compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?"
Homer: "... Can I have some money now?""
Does anyone have a sound clip of this or know where to get it? I would really love to hear that again
Comic Book Store Guy: "I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiberoptic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that is compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?"
Homer: "... Can I have some money now?""
Does anyone have a sound clip of this or know where to get it? I would really love to hear that again
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears
smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and
eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell
enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can
go out there and find your dog.
-- Homer
Homer: I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Homer: Donuts ... is there anything they can't do?
Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure.
smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and
eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell
enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can
go out there and find your dog.
-- Homer
Homer: I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Homer: Donuts ... is there anything they can't do?
Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure.
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have anything with fruit?
Homer: This has got purple stuff in it. Purple's a fruit
Shelbyville man: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.
Homer: Stupider like a fox!
Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kodos (as Bob Dole): It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed....DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole!
Kodos (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOOO!!
Dole: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOO!!!!
Dole: Hmmmmmm.....abortions for some....miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: YEAY!!!!
Kang (as Clinton): My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!
Homer:No beer and T.V. make Homer something something...
Marge:Go crazy?
Homeron't mind if I do!
Rex Banner: Are you the "Beer Baron"?
Ned Flanders: If you're talking about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly arged.
Rex Banner: He's not the "Beer Baron" but he sounds drunk. Book 'em boys!
Grandpa: I'm going to the outhouse.
Lisa: We don't have an outhouse.
Homer: My toolshed!!!
Homer: I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.
Marge: Homer! This is a funeral!
Vendor: HOT DOGS!
Homer: WOO HOO!
Marge: Do you just follow my husband around everywhere?
Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.
Wiggum: Okay, folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!
Moe: The new fryer's here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.
Homer: 40 seconds?? But I want it now!
Marge: I'll just have a coffee.
Australian Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, Cof-fee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: Coffee. C-O-...
Bartender: B-E...
Homer: This has got purple stuff in it. Purple's a fruit
Shelbyville man: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.
Homer: Stupider like a fox!
Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kodos (as Bob Dole): It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed....DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole!
Kodos (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOOO!!
Dole: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOO!!!!
Dole: Hmmmmmm.....abortions for some....miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: YEAY!!!!
Kang (as Clinton): My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!
Homer:No beer and T.V. make Homer something something...
Marge:Go crazy?
Homer
on't mind if I do! Rex Banner: Are you the "Beer Baron"?
Ned Flanders: If you're talking about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly arged.
Rex Banner: He's not the "Beer Baron" but he sounds drunk. Book 'em boys!
Grandpa: I'm going to the outhouse.
Lisa: We don't have an outhouse.
Homer: My toolshed!!!
Homer: I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.
Marge: Homer! This is a funeral!
Vendor: HOT DOGS!
Homer: WOO HOO!
Marge: Do you just follow my husband around everywhere?
Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.
Wiggum: Okay, folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!
Moe: The new fryer's here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.
Homer: 40 seconds?? But I want it now!
Marge: I'll just have a coffee.
Australian Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, Cof-fee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: Coffee. C-O-...
Bartender: B-E...
This is paraphrasing a little, and I'm not sure why, but I love this conversation:
Carl: Mailing a package today huh?
Lenny: You know it!
Carl: Ya, I'll probably mail some tomorrow
Lenny: Right on!
(then they high-five)
Carl: Mailing a package today huh?
Lenny: You know it!
Carl: Ya, I'll probably mail some tomorrow
Lenny: Right on!
(then they high-five)
placebo139
Golden Member
- Jun 25, 2001
- 1,381
- 0
- 76
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.? - Homer Simpson
I was looking for the exact quote of that online, I can't find it. I have that episode at home.
Look at this response....as a shameless *bump* if you will
KeyserSoze
Nelson making fun of a tall guy driving a really small compact car. The way he sounds is just funny.
Tall guy: "Are you making fun of me and my automobile? This is the largest automobile I could afford."
Ralph: "Why does everybody always run away from me?" Then he stands there as he pees his pants.
Tall guy: "Are you making fun of me and my automobile? This is the largest automobile I could afford."
Ralph: "Why does everybody always run away from me?" Then he stands there as he pees his pants.
Burns: Ah, soon that mighty apparatus will burst forth with its precious fluid. Almost sexual, isn't it?
------
Vegas Floozie: Think we could Irish up this coffee?
Flanders: Try to watch the swears hon. We don't use the I-word in this house.
------
Vegas Floozie: Think we could Irish up this coffee?
Flanders: Try to watch the swears hon. We don't use the I-word in this house.
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