Post your favorite Simpsons Quotes!!

[Jynx980]

Originally posted by: MrDingleDangle Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears
smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and
eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell
enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can
go out there and find your dog.

....Add-on..
Bart: "Your right dad Im going to find him right now!"
Homer: "Rats! I almost had him eating dog food!"

A couple more..

Homer: "Are you really the head of the Quick-emart?
Quickemart boss: "Yes"
Homer: "Really?"
Quickemart boss: "Yes"
Homer: "You?"
Quickemart boss: "Yes. I hope this experience has been enlightining for you."
Apu: "But.."
Quickemart boss: "Thank you come again."

Out of the store...
Homer: "I dont get it. Was he really the head of the Quickemart?"
Apu about to strangle him...
Homer: "Dont worry Apu, it was as much my fault as it was yours."


Homer: "If hes so smart then why is he dead?"


Ned: "Im a mur-didly-urdler!"


Homer:"... alright Bart Im gonna need you to put some beers on ice and get out some coldcuts."
"Micheal Jackson": "Homer, Im a vegitarian and I don't drink."
Homer: "Are you sure your here voluntarly?"

 

[dxkj]

Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

and then response

"I dont think any of us expected him to say that"

 

[CurtisEbear]

these aren't all accurate, i'm going mainly off memory. these are some of my favorites


Bart - To decide, i propose a race around the world! Meet me at Lester Square tomorrow at noon. The queen herself will drop the checkered flag.

Jay Sherman - How do you sleep at night?
McBaine - On a beeg pile of mahney with many beautiful ladies.

Lou - Ah, hey, chief, can i hold my gun like this? *holds gun gansta style* It looks so much cooler.
Wiggum - Whatever you want birthday boy.

Homer - Get 'em ma.

Flanders' wife(how to spell the name?) - Go faster Neddie!
Ned - I can't! It's a GEO!

Lisa - Don't worry dad, i know how we can get out of this. *winking at homer* Hey dad, do you want to come take a look at my science project?
Homer- *winking at lisa* No Lisa, but I sure don't want to eat this crappy breakfast!

Barney - (after paying $10 [i think] for a beer) - This better be the best damn beer i've ever had! *takes a drink* You got lucky!

Clerk at Miscellaneous Etc - (to comic book guy) whoah, whoah. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.

Homer - Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. "Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and TV...is.

Secetary: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you want a little brother?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge.
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it, I'm outta here. (step step step...slam)

Marge : I'd think that we should get more involved in his activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer : Yeah, and then they'd give us the chair.
Marge : That's not what I meant.
Homer : It was Marge, admit it.

 

[KeyserSoze]

Yes, RESURRECTED!


Homer (Speaking to a talking parrot): "It's not enought to want the cracker, you have to earn the cracker."

Finally, a line no-one has used yet.





KeyserSoze

 

[dethman]

 

[UncleWai]

Chief Wiggum: This place has got more pirated tapes then uuh...

Lou: A Chinese K-Mart?

Chief Wiggum: That'll have to do.

-----------

Chief Wiggum: But the owner is in more hot water than....

Lou: A Japanese teabag?

Chief Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou.

 

[her209]

Ralph: Me learn English? That's unpossible!

 

[Dudd]

Dr Nick: Inflammable means flammible? What a country!

 

[KeyserSoze]

I was watching an episode today, where Moe is telling Homer the plan to steal Moe's car. And so he gets out a toy car, and an olive.


Moe"Homer, this is my car, and this Olive is you, here's what I want you to do...."
(Homer then picks up the olive, and eats it.)
Homer: "Mmmmmm......me." (In his usual slobbering of food.)




KeyserSoze

 

[XZeroII]

Vegas Amber: We didn't!
Grandpa: Well, we almost didn't, but you wouldn't take "I can't" for an answer. Wanna give old Abe another term in the oval office?

 

[XZeroII]

Lenny: Having 2 wives is sweet.
Carl: No, you're thinking of 2 KNIVES
Moe (Holding 2 knives): You know, I gotta tell ya, this is pretty sweet.

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: KeyserSoze
I was watching an episode today, where Moe is telling Homer the plan to steal Moe's car. And so he gets out a toy car, and an olive.


Moe"Homer, this is my car, and this Olive is you, here's what I want you to do...."
(Homer then picks up the olive, and eats it.)
Homer: "Mmmmmm......me." (In his usual slobbering of food.)


KeyserSoze

Moe"Homer, this is my car, and this Olive is you, here's what I want you to do...."
(Homer then picks up the olive, and eats it.)
Homer: "Mmmmmm......me." (In his usual slobbering of food.)
Moe: Ok, now this little man will have to be my car, and this toy car will be you....nevermind.

 

[KeyserSoze]

I got TWO Quotes.

First, from "Dummbell Indemnity", where Homer steals Moe's car for him, and then ends up going to jail. Moe, LEAVES him in Jail. So, Homer escapes with the rolling book cart, and as he's riding that book cart down the street:

Homer: "Must kill Moe...weeeeeeeeeee....Must kill Moe......weeeeeeeeeeee....Must kill Moe....weeeeeeeeee!!!!"


Then, from "A Star is Burns", they have the Film Festival, and Barney submits his movie about being a drunk. At one point during the movie, it shows him at a meeting, and he says

Barney: "My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic..."
Camera then pans out, and you see Lisa at a Girls Scout Meeting
Lisa: "Mr Gumbal, this is a girlscout meeting"
Barney:"Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem"




KeyserSoze

 

[XZeroII]

Lisa: *gasp* Their periodic table has 260 elements!
Skinner: Yea...our school board has cut us back to 16. All of them Lanthanides.



Another one
Bart is driving bumper cars with rich kids. He slams into one and the rich kids airbag goes off and a bumper ambulance comes and gets the kid.

 

[XZeroII]

Marge looking at McBane's SUV: Wow, what kind of milage does it get?
McBane: 1 Highway, 0 City.


Later...
McBane, Bart, and Gretta all laughing for about 5 seconds
McBane: Laughing time is now over.


McBane while looking at a slice of pie: Remember when I told you I'd eat you last? ...I lied. (Just like Arnold in Commando)

 

[KeyserSoze]

Alright, I just found two more:


(I love Moe's line at the end, AS WELL as the actual prank call itself.)
Moe: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!"
Moe:You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!


Moe: "Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"



KeyserSoze

 

[XZeroII]

Homer (drunk): Have you ever seen that blue man group???! A complete rip-off of the smurfs!
Marge: Uh oh, your father's on the blue man group again. This will be awhile.

 

[mpitts]

Originally posted by: XZeroII
Homer (drunk): Have you ever seen that blue man group???! A complete rip-off of the smurfs!
Marge: Uh oh, your father's on the blue man group again. This will be awhile.

You forgot about"

"AAAAAAAAAND THE SMURFS! THEY SUCK!" as he passes out.

 

[blakeatwork]

The episode where Homer fights with Bart's Big Brother at Sea World

<Homer bent over backwards on the hydrant>

"This is even more painful then it looks"

Later, Homer is giving Bart advice about fighting:

"... you scream like a girl. And then, when he turns away in disgust, you kick him in the kidneys really hard, and then run like hell"

 

[Jynx980]

Originally posted by: blakeatwork
The episode where Homer fights with Bart's Big Brother at Sea World

<Homer bent over backwards on the hydrant>

"This is even more painful then it looks"

Later, Homer is giving Bart advice about fighting:

"... you scream like a girl. And then, when he turns away in disgust, you kick him in the kidneys really hard, and then run like hell"

I like the part when Homer chucks the starfish like throwing stars. Big brother catches them and puts them in a tank. "Here you go little fellahs." Shark swims by and eats them. "Doh!"

-------------------------

Mr. Burns: I dont like being outside. For one thing there are too many fat children.

Marge: Homer, is that a holloween coustume?
Homer (in devil suit): ...no.

Apu (making 'squishy' with the squishy lady) Oh! Youve had less then 8 children havent you?

Marge: People will tell you that you cant change a man, but I did with your father. Before I married your father he was rude, borish, selfish...

Lisa: But mom, dad is still...

Marge: Hes a CHANGED man Lisa!

 

[placebo139]

Originally posted by: Jynx980

Originally posted by: blakeatwork
The episode where Homer fights with Bart's Big Brother at Sea World

<Homer bent over backwards on the hydrant>

"This is even more painful then it looks"

Later, Homer is giving Bart advice about fighting:

"... you scream like a girl. And then, when he turns away in disgust, you kick him in the kidneys really hard, and then run like hell"

I like the part when Homer chucks the starfish like throwing stars. Big brother catches them and puts them in a tank. "Here you go little fellahs." Shark swims by and eats them. "Doh!"

-------------------------

Mr. Burns: I dont like being outside. For one thing there are too many fat children.

Marge: Homer, is that a holloween coustume?
Homer (in devil suit): ...no.

Apu (making 'squishy' with the squishy lady) Oh! Youve had less then 8 children havent you?

Marge: People will tell you that you cant change a man, but I did with your father. Before I married your father he was rude, borish, selfish...

Lisa: But mom, dad is still...

Marge: Hes a CHANGED man Lisa!

talk about a random bump...

 

[Led Zeppelin]

Homer: (Speaking in a elegant voice to the diamond lady harboring the monkeys) "So, I notice your home smells of feces."

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: LedZeppelin
Homer: (Speaking in a elegant voice to the diamond lady harboring the monkeys) "So, I notice your home smells of feces."
Marge: I really love what you've done with these vines(drapes, something)
*silence for a few seconds*
Homer: *sniff* *sniff*

 

[XZeroII]

[TV]
Kent Brockman: Another local peasent has been found dead, drained of his blood with 2 teethmarks on his throught. This black cape was found on the scene (show pic of cape with the word Dracula on it), police are baffled.
Cheif Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a procaution, I've ordered the egyption wing of the springfield museum destroyed.
[/TV]

Lisa: NO NO! They're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead! Nosverupto, dausguampeir!
Everyone looks at her dumbfoundedly
Lisa: A VAMPIRE!!!
Homer: Hehehe. Lisa, Vampires are makebelieve just like elves, gremlins and eskimos

[TV]
Kent Brockman: In a completely unrelated story, Mr Burns has just closed a deal to purchase the springfield bloodbank.
Mr Burns (With blood trickling down the side of his mouth): Ohhh! I'm very excited about this deal...(notices the blood, wipes it away with his finger and sucks it off his finger) mmmm...Precious blood.
[/TV]

Homer: hmmm...a business deal...
******Later**********
Homer: It sure was nice of Mr Burns to invite us to dinner at his country house in [scary voice] PENSYLVANIA [/scary voice].

***Later***

*Ding Dong*
Mr Burns(via intercom): Welcome, Come in! [hushed voice]Ahhh fresh victims for my evergrowing army of the undead[/hushed voice]
Smithers: Sir, you have let go of the button
Mr Burns: Oh son of a b****

 

[Winchester]

(polygraph exam)
lady: this is a simple test, it is only a test, I ask questions and you just answer Yes or No, do you understand?
homer: YES

Then the polygraph machine goes BOOM!!! LMAO everytime