Has anyone here had a vasectomy?

[Engineer]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
OK, I have some time now to tell the tale:

My wife made the appt. for me, and I go to the doctor, who's name is (I am NOT kidding here) Dr. Dick Tapper. I didn't feel too comfortable with that, but I find out the guy is like a leader in the field, so I feel better. If you've done 20000 of these things, you can't screw it up. The next visit, I have to strip and put on a butt showing gown, then they put me on a table not unlike that one in the Frankenstein movies (sans those lightning shooting ball thingies).

Jeff the Gay Nurse comes in while I'm on the table, and goes "HI HI THIMPLY HI! You're here to get your vas snipped today?" I didn't know how to respond to that, so stupidly I go "Uhhh...yes." Jeff then flips open the undercarriage and starts inspecting the patient. He mentions something about a jungle, then starts shaving (my vision is blocked by a sheet- probably don't want to watch someone holding a razor down there anyway). I personally think he spent a little too much time down there, but then again, I can't see what he's doing.

Dr. Tapper arrives, and exclaimed "Finally...a large set! Those are so much easier. Been working on little guys all day!" I took that as a compliment. The Dr. asks Jeff the Gay Nurse to get the anesthetic ready. I'm thinking I'm going to get gassed or something...then Jeff the Gay Nurse proceeds to pull out THE BIGGEST FREAKIN NEEDLE I'VE EVER SEEN!!! Dr. Tapper pinches my sack quite firmly and says "You're going to feel a little pinch." Before I can say "MOMMY!" the Dr. jabs THE BIGGEST FREAKIN NEEDLE I'VE EVER SEEN through the sack area. The length of this needle surely went all the way though, then through the mattress and the anesthetic drained into a bucket underneath (this is an insurance scam- they probably reuse it for the next poor sap). The resulting sensation was not unlike someone wearing spiked steel toe boots getting a running start and doing a flying Ju-Su-Kwan-Do kick directly on the bull's-eye. My breath was taken away, so there was no scream, but there was a bit of a full body spasm. Jeff The Gay Nurse took my hand and started saying "You'll be OK in a minute." Jeff The Gay Nurse did not make me feel better.

Numbness set in around the loins, and once again I was at rest. Then, as if he was performing some kind of blessing ceremony, the good Dr. starts holding his tools up to the light one by one to inspect them. First there was this miniature meat hook, then a tiny scythe looking thing (something the Grim Reaper for Midgets would carry), a soldiering iron (again...not kidding. At least it wasn't an arc welder- my insurance didn't cover that).

Dr. Tapper and Jeff The Gay Nurse crouch over and get to work. It sounds like they're shaking a silverware tray down there, and I feel pokes and prods, but nothing bad. The Dr. says "OK, you're going to feel a little tug." No problem...I've been tugging that area for years. What he failed to mention was he was going to be tugging my innards out through a hole he made while distracting me with a shaking silverware tray...the bastard!!! This was a strange feeling...as if someone tied a string to your intestines and started to pull them out of an orifice. I let out a hearty ascending "ooooOOOOOOOOOOOHGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Jeff The Gay Nurse promptly gave the good Dr. another needle, which he didn't bother inserting (why bother, my insides were outside at that point) and he started squirting the needle all over. "Better?" he asked. "Yes...*pant pant*....that much...*pant pant*...better." I was ready to ask if I could suck on one of those syringe things in the hopes I would be knocked out.

Misfortune came my way in the form of a loose sheet. The blocking sheet fell down on one side, allowing me to see the good Dr. holding a tube (much like a piece of spaghetti) out of a hole in the sack with a little meat hook, and then getting ready to SOLDIER IT!!! I was like an XBox waiting for a mod chip! He sticks it on the tube, which begins to smoke. My nuts were smoking. Yes...smoking. The tube breaks, and then he ties a square knot in both ends (I confirmed this with my Cub Scout manual after the procedure). The nuts stopped smoking around this point, which is a good thing. Jeff The Gay Nurse gave the good Dr. a needle and some thread...sewed up a couple of things with a lovely cross stitch...and then declared "All done!" I was told to lay there for 15 minutes to contemplate the tortures that I underwent in order to have nonchildmaking sex. Well...at least I can get busy without fumbling for condoms now.

WRONG!!!! I was told by the hot desk receptionist "No ejaculations for 2 weeks"..as if she were mocking my situation. 2 WEEKS! The last time I went 2 weeks without spilling some was when I was 16 and broke both arms---and even then I found a way! That was the roughest part.

I had to drop off "samples" 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, and 6 months afterwards to make sure I had no swimmers left. It was interesting telling the wife I needed to go crank one off for the doctor. I was deemed sterile after 6 weeks, and the fun began.

Only side effect is I get a bit of itching around the scar. I didn't get any swelling or infections like some people. You're supposed to lay down for three days...I have the feeling that people that don't do this are the ones that get problems. You FEEL like you can go for a 5 mile hike afterwards, but after 30 minutes on your feet you get a throbbing like you won't believe down there (not the good kind either).

So, that's my story. This is also the longest thing I've ever posted to ATOT! Am I supposed to do cliffs or something?

That sums it up pretty well!

Oh, and the 2nd time was the same as the first, except that thay don't charge you since they screwed it up, but they charged me anyway and then threw out the charges later!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
as to OP, 24 and you want to have a vasec? i always said i'd get one once we had our 2nd child, we had a 3rd child (accident) and i still haven't gotten one. i just can't get myself to go in and have it done. it's a pretty bid deal.

not as big as telling all of ATOT that your 3rd child was an accident/mistake. Hope you don't make that the description of events as you continue to introduce your kids.

Way to go dad, perhaps castration is more up the alley for you.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I'm just curious about the procedure.

Is it painful? How long does it take? How long until you're back at 100%? How much does it cost, etc.

I'm considering getting one when I turn 24, but I'm not sure.

Why on earth would you get one at 24?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I'm just curious about the procedure.

Is it painful? How long does it take? How long until you're back at 100%? How much does it cost, etc.

I'm considering getting one when I turn 24, but I'm not sure.

Why on earth would you get one at 24?

hopefully he won't.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I'm just curious about the procedure.

Is it painful? How long does it take? How long until you're back at 100%? How much does it cost, etc.

I'm considering getting one when I turn 24, but I'm not sure.

Why on earth would you get one at 24?

I touched on it briefly a few posts above yours.

 

[Chaotic42]

Bump for more opinions.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
Bump for more opinions.

If you are happy with the offspring or lack of in your life (think about as you are dying on this)...then put it in a knot and nut on!

I have no kids and contemplating this. I am 34.

It would make a lot of things easier.

 

[BoberFett]

It's a simple outpatient procedure. It took about one half hour. One of the best things I've ever done. Had it done when I was 28. Should have done it years earlier.

 

[DT4K]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42Fourth, because I am going to University, the chances are decent that I will meet a woman with whom I am interested in having relations and that I will have the time to have those relations. Currently I have no time at all for women, fun, or sleep.

What if you do meet a woman and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her and what if you both decide you want to have a family in a few years when you are done with school?

24 is too young. And I'm not saying you are immature or that you haven't thought through this thoroughly. It's just that you are making decisions based on the way you feel now and what your situation in life is right now. The fact that you are going to school means there's a pretty good chance that your life will be very different 10 years from now.

Think about how much you changed in the last 10 years. Do you really not see that you may change a great deal in the next 10 years?

I have a friend who at 25 had no desire to have children. A few years later, he changed his mind and at 30something, he's married with a child.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: DT4K
What if you do meet a woman and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her and what if you both decide you want to have a family in a few years when you are done with school?

What if I meet a woman, decide that I want to spend my life with her, have a kid, she divorces me, and I spend the rest of my life paying thousands of dollars per month in child support?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: DT4K
What if you do meet a woman and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her and what if you both decide you want to have a family in a few years when you are done with school?

What if I meet a woman, decide that I want to spend my life with her, have a kid, she divorces me, and I spend the rest of my life paying thousands of dollars per month in child support?

are you really gonna do it?

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
are you really gonna do it?

I'm still researching.

If it turns out that by some strange turn of events that I change my mind after it's done, and I feel ready to spend more than $200,000 on raising a kid, I think that I would be able to spend $10,000 to get it undone.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: moshquerade
are you really gonna do it?

I'm still researching.

If it turns out that by some strange turn of events that I change my mind after it's done, and I feel ready to spend more than $200,000 on raising a kid, I think that I would be able to spend $10,000 to get it undone.

if you even are contemplating you might want kids, don't do it.
reversal gets harder the longer you try it after the operation.

 

[msi1337]

your problems with condoms aside... getting a vasectomy will give you a false sense of security when it comes to not wearing a condom, and that will likely involve the contraction of some type of sexually transmitted disease.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: msi1337
your problems with condoms aside... getting a vasectomy will give you a false sense of security when it comes to not wearing a condom, and that will likely involve the contraction of some type of sexually transmitted disease.

great point

 

[JackBurton]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Fritzo
snip, literally

do you have kids?

I have one of each, boy and a girl. Had mine at 32.

see, that's cool. i can't figure why a guy would want one prior to having kids.

Because kids suck, and they want to make sure they don't have any?

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: msi1337
your problems with condoms aside... getting a vasectomy will give you a false sense of security when it comes to not wearing a condom, and that will likely involve the contraction of some type of sexually transmitted disease.

Uh, no.

I would have to be a complete idiot to not wear a condom.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: msi1337
your problems with condoms aside... getting a vasectomy will give you a false sense of security when it comes to not wearing a condom, and that will likely involve the contraction of some type of sexually transmitted disease.

Uh, no.

I would have to be a complete idiot to not wear a condom.

a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

Well, I tell you what.

Since you have enough faith in condoms to recommend one for birth control, I'll go out and have sex wearing a condom if you agree to take complete and total legal custody for any kid that I might have if the condom breaks.

 

[BillGates]

I want one too. I'm 26.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

This is where we know you don't get around as much as you imply the condom is for the STD part of things

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: moshquerade
a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

Well, I tell you what.

Since you have enough faith in condoms to recommend one for birth control, I'll go out and have sex wearing a condom if you agree to take complete and total legal custody for any kid that I might have if the condom breaks.

i wouldn't have a problem with that, but it's your flesh and blood and your paternal instinct would kick in.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: moshquerade
a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

This is where we know you don't get around as much as you imply the condom is for the STD part of things

i'll take that as a compliment.

don't be an ass, i know what the condom is for. i take it he wanted a vasectomy to in part release him from having to wear a condom.

 

[KC5AV]

Originally posted by: Son of a N00b

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: Son of a N00b
no it is not at all...but 24...you are not going to find a doctor that will preform it..not until u are 40 at least!
but that is one of the most biggest commitments and sacfrafices you can do for a woman...if anything it is more manly...

Why would a doctor not perform it?

becuase you are clearly...and i do not care how much you have thought about this...immature about this decision...

Don't sweat it. I had mine done at 27, and the doc had no problem with it. The actual procedure will cause a little bit of discomfort at first, followed by one of the most intense pains you will ever experience when they actually cut the vas, but the pain only lasts a moment. They will tell you to take it easy for a few days. I recommend taking a Friday off from work, and you should be ready to go back by Monday, depending on what you do for a living.

 

[IronWing]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: moshquerade
a condom and a vasectomy?

seems redundant.

yes, i know condoms can break, but they are most generally effective.

Well, I tell you what.

Since you have enough faith in condoms to recommend one for birth control, I'll go out and have sex wearing a condom if you agree to take complete and total legal custody for any kid that I might have if the condom breaks.

i wouldn't have a problem with that, but it's your flesh and blood and your paternal instinct would kick in.

And if it doesn't? One more unwanted kid in the world.