Deadbeat wifes son is moving out in Spring...actually forced out

[alkemyst]

Good post

AWESOME post...too bad the OP has probably set the groundwork for this guy to fail. Just the fact that he is openly admitting and even bragging about 12k of revenue being under the table and the flipside of the construction being a torture for this 'kid' shows a lot.

My co-worker has a 19 year old daughter that he is teaching to move out. Once she did poorly in college he was done with that (she will be able to restart it at any time as it's been prepaid).

Now he has her looking for work, holds her paychecks in an account that he pays out on a budget (she was blowing all her dough and having to even borrow from friends at times), etc.

He bought her a car (actually gave her his daily driver and had to go out and buy a car)...she's more focused now and actively looking for work and actually working a lot more even if it's just a week or so at a time...the economy sucks right now for everyone.

As a parent whether biological or not, you have to break out the rod here and there. The whole raising your kid as a friend, teaching them it's ok whatever they do because only they know what's best for them, the courts allowing kids to sue (other than abusing trust accounts), etc has created parents not capable of being parents.

I say bring back the real word of the law and punish the parents for the crime as well if a kid commits one. This bullshit of "I can't know what my kid is really doing" is just that. I am sure as soon as a couple sets of parents get life sentences or death for their little darling shooting another person, the kids will suddenly become more polite and law abiding.

 

[alkemyst]

Income tax evasion is much worse than stealing from the poor - it's stealing from people who actually pay taxes.

and these are the asshats always complaining about their tax dollars as well.

 

[OutHouse]

tax evasion for one. Also his ignoring of local and state laws for permits.

the horror!

 

[alkemyst]

This 24 year old lazy bastard [sic] has not grown up and has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. That is why I call him a boy.

A little positive understanding, caring, support, and guidance (strict if needed) for the boy will do him some good. Otherwise, he will only come to harm.

Down here in S. Florida there are 30ish boys and girls. It's really sad.

The adage "I can live with my 'rents to save money, they are cool!" is bullshit. Ask most how much they have saved and you will find many are actually in debt with decent jobs yet all their room and board covered. sad sad sad.

I have had to move back home a couple times as an adult due to unexpected situations. I made the stay as short lived as possible. It just felt wierd. My parents are the type that most of my friends and almost anyone around find fun to be around...still they are my parents and I am not about to bring home strange women as an adult.

 

[OutHouse]

Income tax evasion is much worse than stealing from the poor - it's stealing from people who actually pay taxes.

i actually consider it putting government on a budget.


bwhahahahah

 

[ShawnD1]

i actually consider it putting government on a budget.

Good luck with that. The biggest drains on society are old people and they happen to be the only people who actually care enough to vote.

 

[AlienCraft]

and these are the asshats always complaining about their tax dollars as well.

I'll bet we could eliminate personal taxes completely if we eliminated corporate tax breaks, subsidies, etc.

 

[alkemyst]

I'll bet we could eliminate personal taxes completely if we eliminated corporate tax breaks, subsidies, etc.

I don't think so. The government is out of control at spending and rewarding themselves.

They rise to beyond the current income level.

 

[ShawnD1]

I'll bet we could eliminate personal taxes completely if we eliminated corporate tax breaks, subsidies, etc.

Medicare, medicaid, social security, the military, and other pensions account for 80% of the yearly budget. Subsidies are extremely small.

 

[jinduy]

come on guys this isn't a 15 year old kid... he's 24 years old. imagine if they made a movie of a stepfather moving into the family trying to mentor the down and out 24 year old stepson... will ferrell would proabably be best suited to play the son.

 

[shadow9d9]

Why is everyone hard on the OP? I've seen other similar threads and normally people say kids should be out of the house by 18 lol.

Because he types like a 5 year old. "Deadbeats wifes son" for example...

 

[speg]

Because he types like a 5 year old. "Deadbeats wifes son" for example...

This. QFT. /thread

 

[chusteczka]

Is this kid disruptive in the home? Does he yell, slam doors, or break things? Does he make a mess? Does he clean up after himself? Is his room a pigsty or fairly clean? Is he mean or difficult?

From the OP's writeup, he appears incapable of making decisions and controlling guests. However, he also appears eager to please by his involvement with his sister's car. It seems he wanted to help, possibly even take a responsibility off the OP's back. Maybe that was just a shot of rebellion since it involved his sister and did not need to be the OP's responsibility. Were the wife and her kids attempting to act as a cohesive force to show the OP they could handle their responsibilities on their own without requiring his involvement?

Not enough info.


My brother's father-in-law works for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. This man is from a very small farm town an hour and a half from the nearest city. However, this man possesses four master's degrees in math, psychology, philosophy, and something more. He is extremely well qualified to handle such issues. It seems as if the OP lives in Canada. Maybe there is a resource near him to help with the situation. And I mean "help", not take control, punish, or regulate. They are able to sincerely help families with such issues.

 

[Raduque]

1300 sq ft 2 bdrm suite...bigger than your place I bet

$1k/mo is expensive for 1300sqft.

There's no reason to get nasty. Of course anything is bigger than my place, because I'm living out of the bed of my truck.

 

[RaistlinZ]

Is this kid disruptive in the home? Does he yell, slam doors, or break things? Does he make a mess? Does he clean up after himself? Is his room a pigsty or fairly clean? Is he mean or difficult?

From the OP's writeup, he appears incapable of making decisions and controlling guests. However, he also appears eager to please by his involvement with his sister's car. It seems he wanted to help, possibly even take a responsibility off the OP's back. Maybe that was just a shot of rebellion since it involved his sister and did not need to be the OP's responsibility. Were the wife and her kids attempting to act as a cohesive force to show the OP they could handle their responsibilities on their own without requiring his involvement?

Not enough info.


My brother's father-in-law works for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. This man is from a very small farm town an hour and a half from the nearest city. However, this man possesses four master's degrees in math, psychology, philosophy, and something more. He is extremely well qualified to handle such issues. It seems as if the OP lives in Canada. Maybe there is a resource near him to help with the situation. And I mean "help", not take control, punish, or regulate. They are able to sincerely help families with such issues.

The OP doesn't need counseling. The OP doesn't need help with "the situation". The only thing the OP needs is an extra set of hands on moving day to help toss the dude's belongings to the curb.

This isn't a rebellious teenager we're talking about. It's a grown-ass MAN who's overstayed his welcome.

 

[PhoKingGuy]

$1k/mo is expensive for 1300sqft.

There's no reason to get nasty. Of course anything is bigger than my place, because I'm living out of the bed of my truck.

I would love to pay 1k for 1300 sqft, id do that in a heartbeat. I pay 1350/mo for a 900 sqft 1 bdr and loft apartment.

But I do have a view of laguna hills/the beach/PCH from my living room

 

[BarneyFife]

The OP doesn't accomplish anything by throwing him out. First of all, the mother is going to get pissed. The sister is going to get pissed. He's going to make himself two enemies. How can you throw someone out of a house that clearly isn't doing anything wrong? It would be one thing if he was doing drugs or was getting in trouble with police etc... The only thing he's doing is playing video games. Obviously the step-father is an idiot. The kid needs help and motivation. Get him to community college. Talk to him as a person. Take him to counseling. Putting someone out on the streets with no money or no job is a recipe for disaster. Thats how people end up dead or mix with the wrong crowd.

 

[chusteczka]

The OP doesn't need counseling. The OP doesn't need help with "the situation". The only thing the OP needs is an extra set of hands on moving day to help toss the dude's belongings to the curb.

This isn't a rebellious teenager we're talking about. It's a grown-ass MAN who's overstayed his welcome.

I appreciate and agree with your logical use of parentheses within the sentence structure by keeping the period outside the enclosed parentheses. Otherwise, not so much.

 

[RaistlinZ]

The OP doesn't accomplish anything by throwing him out. First of all, the mother is going to get pissed. The sister is going to get pissed. He's going to make himself two enemies. How can you throw someone out of a house that clearly isn't doing anything wrong? It would be one thing if he was doing drugs or was getting in trouble with police etc... The only thing he's doing is playing video games. Obviously the step-father is an idiot. The kid needs help and motivation. Get him to community college. Talk to him as a person. Take him to counseling. Putting someone out on the streets with no money or no job is a recipe for disaster. Thats how people end up dead or mix with the wrong crowd.

Why are you giving the son a free pass to not take responsibility for his own situation? Why are you making it the OP's responsibility to get this "kid" motivated, get him a job, etc.

How long is the OP supposed to board this guy for free? Another year? Another 6 years until the kid is 30? When doe the onus switch to the son to get his life in order? This attitude of enabling is what got the son to this point in the first place. Everyone around him has enabled his laziness and lack of motivation; so it's not so surprising that he's just kept doing what he's been doing - nothing.

The son has been granted sympathy for the past 5 years. Enough is enough already. It has to stop somewhere, seriously. There's no other way they're going to get the message across and get him motivated to do something with his life.

 

[BarneyFife]

What should we do Raistlinz? Shoot the kid. He's only 24. He's not hurting anyone. Maybe he's depressed that his father died and he has to live with an asshole who has the mentality of a 12 year old? Right now the OP is more concerned about strangers moving in to his basement so he can make rent money than the success of this kid. Like I said earlier, he doesn't care about this kid. Its not his kid. He views this kid as a roadblock for him to make extra money. You motivate people by helping them out. Not by being an asshole.

 

[xanis]

I would love to pay 1k for 1300 sqft, id do that in a heartbeat. I pay 1350/mo for a 900 sqft 1 bdr and loft apartment.

But I do have a view of laguna hills/the beach/PCH from my living room

Seriously. I pay $750/month including utilities ($1500 split between me and my roommate) to just to not live in a sketchy area.

 

[chusteczka]

It is agreed that this 24 year old (What? Boy, youth, man; somehow none of these descriptions seem appropriate.) requires motivation. The question is whether positive motivation or negative motivation is more appropriate. Positive motivation is not "enabling", it is supporting. Positive motivation can be strong or even harsh while remaining positive and supportive. Negative motivation is most often used by:

• people unable to understand how to provide positive motivation,
• public facilities unable to provide positive motivation (e.g. police department), or
• when positive motivation has failed.

It is difficult for us internet strangers to determine the optimal method of motivation. All we can do is provide varying ideas for the OP to consider.

IMO, this situation requires an adult able to step back and view the issue from a disassociated position. An adult mentally mature enough to understand the various issues with experience to know how to proceed. The OP may be such an adult or the OP may realize the benefit of outside help. This is not our decision to make.


Edit: We need to enable the OP to determine and execute the proper course of action. We can do this positively or negatively. LOL

 

[Born2bwire]

He's 24. The OP should do only two things.

1. Kick his ass to the curb.
2. Get him an appointment with the Marines recruiter.

 

[ranmaniac]

Make a deal with him, offer to get help get him a car if he enlists and completes basic training/boot camp.

 

[JEDI]

He's 24. The OP should do only two things.

1. Kick his ass to the curb.
2. Get him an appointment with the Marines recruiter.

ding ding ding winnar! throw the deadbeat out. if the deadbeat needs motivation/structure, then get him enlisted. but maybe the army. i dont think the deadbeat who plays WOW all day will make it in the marines.

and why are people making the OP the bad guy?
if you want to help the deadbeat so much, give the OP your address, and have the deadbeat live at your place!!! YOU provide motivation, and guidance for him then! sheesh...