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Your Best Jokes

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Originally posted by: pclstyle
A man goes into a bank and walks up to the cashier's desk.

"Nice tits love,I want to open a f ucking bank account," he says.

"I beg your pardon?" replies the cashier.

"Listen you dumb bitch," he says, "I want to open a f ucking bank account!"

"I'm sorry sir," she says, bottom lip starting to quiver. "I can't help you if you're going to talk to me like that."

And with that she leaves her window, walks over to the bank manager and whispers in his ear.

The two return to the window and the manager asks stiffly, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no f ucking problem," the man insists. "I just won 10 million
dollars on the f ucking lottery and I want to open a f ucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly replies. "And this slut's giving you a hard time, is she?"
Click to expand...

wow, where is this bank?
 
Originally posted by: pclstyle
A man goes into a bank and walks up to the cashier's desk.

"Nice tits love,I want to open a f ucking bank account," he says.

"I beg your pardon?" replies the cashier.

"Listen you dumb bitch," he says, "I want to open a f ucking bank account!"

"I'm sorry sir," she says, bottom lip starting to quiver. "I can't help you if you're going to talk to me like that."

And with that she leaves her window, walks over to the bank manager and whispers in his ear.

The two return to the window and the manager asks stiffly, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no f ucking problem," the man insists. "I just won 10 million
dollars on the f ucking lottery and I want to open a f ucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly replies. "And this slut's giving you a hard time, is she?"
Click to expand...
HAHA, thats good
 
Originally posted by: akubi
Originally posted by: pclstyle
might take a sec to figure this one out:

Town drunk Pete has been pounding drafts at the local bar all day. " I gotta crap" he slurs to the bartender. So he staggers to the toilet. A few minutes later the bartender hears a blood-curdling scream coming from the restroom. A little while later, another one. The bartender storms to the back and pounds on the door. "What the hell is going on in there? You're scaring the hell out of the customers!" Pete says, "Everytime I flush something jumps out the toilet and squeezes the hell outta my nuts!" The bartender kicks the door in. "You a**hole! Your sitting on the mop bucket!" 😛
Click to expand...

😕
Click to expand...



the "mop bucket" is those yellow buckets on wheels that custodians push around. You pull that lever/handle on the side, and there's a panel inside that closes to squeeze out the mop.
 
Originally posted by: HaxorNubcake
if we can keep this going, a vote for sticky and official.
Click to expand...
I don't think there's a joke in this thread that Brutuskend hasn't already posted.

Twice....
 
Originally posted by: pclstyle
Originally posted by: akubi
Originally posted by: pclstyle
might take a sec to figure this one out:

Town drunk Pete has been pounding drafts at the local bar all day. " I gotta crap" he slurs to the bartender. So he staggers to the toilet. A few minutes later the bartender hears a blood-curdling scream coming from the restroom. A little while later, another one. The bartender storms to the back and pounds on the door. "What the hell is going on in there? You're scaring the hell out of the customers!" Pete says, "Everytime I flush something jumps out the toilet and squeezes the hell outta my nuts!" The bartender kicks the door in. "You a**hole! Your sitting on the mop bucket!" 😛
Click to expand...

😕
Click to expand...



the "mop bucket" is those yellow buckets on wheels that custodians push around. You pull that lever/handle on the side, and there's a panel inside that closes to squeeze out the mop.
Click to expand...


ty for the explanation, i was thinking regular mop and bucket with wooden handle
 
Originally posted by: pclstyle
might take a sec to figure this one out:

Town drunk Pete has been pounding drafts at the local bar all day. " I gotta crap" he slurs to the bartender. So he staggers to the toilet. A few minutes later the bartender hears a blood-curdling scream coming from the restroom. A little while later, another one. The bartender storms to the back and pounds on the door. "What the hell is going on in there? You're scaring the hell out of the customers!" Pete says, "Everytime I flush something jumps out the toilet and squeezes the hell outta my nuts!" The bartender kicks the door in. "You a**hole! Your sitting on the mop bucket!" 😛
Click to expand...


Comedy gold!
 
Originally posted by: scorpmatt
whats the difference between a black man and a bench?

A bench can support a family
Click to expand...


can keep out the racism posts so we do not get it locked

but if it does not matter, anyone mind if i post a really funny jewish joke (i am jewish and it does not offend me)
 
from a different forum, but i think it's pretty representative of AT.

How many message board members does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: 272.

1 to change the lightbulb and post it to the board that the bulb has been
changed.

1 @sshole to reply immediately and threadcrap with a boldface "R"

4 to respond and share similar experiences.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing lightbulbs.

26 to point out spelling errors and grammatical errors in postings about
changing lightbulbs.

53 to flame the spell-checkers.

30 to call shens and ridicule the original poster whether it's true or not

6 to write, with no hope of reply, to moderators, to complain about the lightbulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to the board.

57 to defend the relevance of the lightbulb discussion.

27 to post website addresses where one can see different examples of
lightbulbs.

14 to complain that the website addresses are incorrect and post correct
ones.

34 to complain about how the "good old days" were so much better, and that the new AT is full of useless neffing young'uns.

12 to "leave the board forever" because they're given vacations by the moderators for making completely irrelevant and racist/sexist/bigoted statements.

:: Edited slightly to be more relevant to AT
 
Why can't you use the bathroom at a Beatles concert?

There's no john.




What goes "ha ha ha plop!"

A man laughing his head off.
 
Originally posted by: pclstyle
from a different forum, but i think it's pretty representative of AT.

How many message board members does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: 272.

1 to change the lightbulb and post it to the board that the bulb has been
changed.

1 @sshole to reply immediately and threadcrap with a boldface "R"

4 to respond and share similar experiences.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing lightbulbs.

26 to point out spelling errors and grammatical errors in postings about
changing lightbulbs.

53 to flame the spell-checkers.

30 to call shens and ridicule the original poster whether it's true or not

6 to write, with no hope of reply, to moderators, to complain about the lightbulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to the board.

57 to defend the relevance of the lightbulb discussion.

27 to post website addresses where one can see different examples of
lightbulbs.

14 to complain that the website addresses are incorrect and post correct
ones.

34 to complain about how the "good old days" were so much better, and that the new AT is full of useless neffing young'uns.

12 to "leave the board forever" because they're given vacations by the moderators for making completely irrelevant and racist/sexist/bigoted statements.

:: Edited slightly to be more relevant to AT
Click to expand...

273, 1 post in another part of the forum about whats happening in the other part of the forum.
 
Originally posted by: ironwing
Why can't you use the bathroom at a Beatles concert?

There's no john.




What goes "ha ha ha plop!"

A man laughing his head off.
Click to expand...

Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is
 
Originally posted by: scorpmatt
whats the difference between a black man and a bench?

A bench can support a family
Click to expand...

Hey, what the h3ll's wrong with you? Got a sheet and a hood hidden somewhere in that closet? :|
 
Originally posted by: scorpmatt
Originally posted by: pclstyle
from a different forum, but i think it's pretty representative of AT.

How many message board members does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: 272.

1 to change the lightbulb and post it to the board that the bulb has been
changed.

1 @sshole to reply immediately and threadcrap with a boldface "R"

4 to respond and share similar experiences.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing lightbulbs.

26 to point out spelling errors and grammatical errors in postings about
changing lightbulbs.

53 to flame the spell-checkers.

30 to call shens and ridicule the original poster whether it's true or not

6 to write, with no hope of reply, to moderators, to complain about the lightbulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to the board.

57 to defend the relevance of the lightbulb discussion.

27 to post website addresses where one can see different examples of
lightbulbs.

14 to complain that the website addresses are incorrect and post correct
ones.

34 to complain about how the "good old days" were so much better, and that the new AT is full of useless neffing young'uns.

12 to "leave the board forever" because they're given vacations by the moderators for making completely irrelevant and racist/sexist/bigoted statements.

:: Edited slightly to be more relevant to AT
Click to expand...

273, 1 post in another part of the forum about whats happening in the other part of the forum.
Click to expand...


Pure Goodness :thumbsup:
 
My "Catholic Joke" (must know something about Catholicism)

What's the name of the new Catholic steakhouse?


Corpus Crispy!! :laugh:
 
Originally posted by: JoLLyRoGer
Originally posted by: scorpmatt
whats the difference between a black man and a bench?

A bench can support a family
Click to expand...

Hey, what the h3ll's wrong with you? Got a sheet and a hood hidden somewhere in that closet? :|
Click to expand...

no, but I some cross to sell, cheap! :evil:
 
Taken:

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the
bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife whispered, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he
just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

-----------------------------------

A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. Incensed, he drags the man out to the garage and puts his johnson in a vise.

He secures it and removes the vise handle, then picks up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screams, "Stop! Stop! You?re not going to?to?cut it off, are you?"

The husband shakes his head and hands him the hacksaw. "Nope, I?m just going to set the garage on fire."
 
Originally posted by: pclstyle
Taken:

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the
bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife whispered, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he
just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

-----------------------------------

A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. Incensed, he drags the man out to the garage and puts his johnson in a vise.

He secures it and removes the vise handle, then picks up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screams, "Stop! Stop! You?re not going to?to?cut it off, are you?"

The husband shakes his head and hands him the hacksaw. "Nope, I?m just going to set the garage on fire."
Click to expand...

pwned on both counts, lots of guy bashing jokes.
 
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