Gonna go through the original post line by line, since some things I noticed which led me to my "Drop him" suggestion are obviously not registering with some other folks:
Originally posted by: freesia39
my friend has a boyfriend and he can't take the fact that she's not a virgin.
Honestly...this should be all the answer your friend needs right there.
he had this dream that he would only sleep with a virgin
Ah yes...the old "I had a dream" speech (apologies to MLK)
and is disappointed at times that she isn't a virgin.
So in his mind, she is in some way inadequate?
so he asks to do other things to compensate
Compensating for what? Her deficiency or his?
because he can't obviously go out and FIND a virgin to sleep with
So...for him, it's not the person he is involved with that matters, but the state of an orifice that does?
, mainly, um, to go from behind.
Does your reticence mirror hers?
she doesn't want to do this.
question answered. And quite frankly...this should be ALL the answer her bf needs from her about his subject.
he gets mad because all he wants is a virgin "hole" just once.
Big warning sign here...back to that "orifice" question above
another BIG warning sign
yet ANOTHER huge red flag
because she's not a virgin
again, notice how it's her problem, and not his?
Do I really need to point out this cliche?
he would do this ONE thing to make him happy
I assume "he" here should be "she," and as such...notice how his needs come first?
- let him go somewhere no one else has gone before
What...is he some kind of Star Trek nutjob? A wannabe-Sir Edmund Hillary?
and even if she does it just once, he'll eventually want it again and again
Kind of a shift here, but I assume this is a concern she is having about "giving in?" That it would continue? And his pressure would continue? Who says it will stop if she says "no." What she wants obviously doesn't matter to him now, otherwise, why would this thread even be here?
i say if he loves her he'd understand
Right on...and think more about the first part of that phrase than the second part
but he's still stuck in his virgin dream
He's fixated on something that he is telling her is her "problem," but I the problem is really with him, IMHO
then he threatens to not do things for her - not take her to buy groceries, give her rides places, etc.
This threatening aspect is another red flag in my book, since all the things you mention are innocuous ways he can begin to control her.
he still can't stand that she's slept with one other person
I don't see him ever getting any better about this issue, since she can't erase her past
- her ex bf whom she was with for over a year -
OK
and constantly annoys her about that, saying rude comments about him and the two of them together.
He's so insecure...it's pathetic.
she doesn't want to leave him.
Imagine that.
she believes he can grow up someday
Fat chance
and that it'll all be behind them
Too many jokes...must stay focused
but at the moment it's not going away.
No doubt.
why the hell can't guys be happy and are so damn fixated with having a virgin? shouldn't the act itself be important?
she is SORELY mistaken if she thinks all guys are like this immature doofus.
whenever he says anything like that, it seems to just belittle the sex they have together already because he's not happy with it because she's not a virgin, even though he would deny that but to keep pushing that point makes it seem that way.
If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it must be...
perhaps he was just too sexually starved and made it too idealized for him after all the porn and strip clubs and what not.
This is a pretty important point you just made. IMHO, the single most damaging aspect of pornography is that it gives people (normally males) completely unrealistic ideas about sex. And believe it or not...pornography can make males much LESS self-confident about themselves because they don't "measure up" in some way (usually physically) to what they see. Porn can then deliver a double-whammy by reinforcing the idea that love = sex = control over another human being...which cannot be farther from the truth...and actually plants the seeds for violence against women, including rape.
Again, I stick by my original suggestion: dump this loser. :|
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