RandomFool
Diamond Member
I think my girlfriend knows my passwords...I told them to her but i don't know if she remembers them. I know here but don't check it..i trust her She snoops occasionally when on my pc and knows i know she does. It doesn't bother me i've got nothing to hide.
sao123
Lifer
- May 27, 2002
- 12,653
- 205
- 106
you guys just dont seem to get the concept of marriage.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
in marriage there is no privacy.
One flesh. Unity. No subdivisions. No Individuality. No privacy.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
in marriage there is no privacy.
One flesh. Unity. No subdivisions. No Individuality. No privacy.
i used to know my ex-girlfriends email password but i wouldn't open her inbox unless she asked me to(calls me and asks me to read some info to her).
don't know if she's changed her password or not
don't know if she's changed her password or not
Sounds to me like some mindgames are in order.
But seriously, if she's reading your email, there's a problem. If she's pissed because she's now unable to read your email, there's a BIIIIIG problem.
I can just hear the argument now:
"Honey, did you change your email passwords."
"Yep"
"WTF?! Don't you trust me!"
"You're the one reading my email. Don't you trust me?"
"Don't change the subject you lying cheating bastard!"
So you don't think spouses should have any expectation of privacy? It's interesting that you haven't even begun to address the issue of distrust flowing from the OP's wife... or is that "not the issue"?
I agree with you 100%, and I'm pretty shocked by some of the responses here, which pretty much blame you for the whole scenario.
To me, this is indicative of a jealous/posessive person, regardless of whether it's a man or a woman.
Unfortunately, some spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends can't accept that fact... and if they're ever forced to deal with it, they can even sometimes get violently angry (just watch COPS).
My sister is actually like this to a degree. I love her to death, but she's very posessive of my brother-in-law. The guy can't cross the street without checking in yet he's never done anything to violate her trust. She simply just MUST know exactly what he's doing at all times.
Again, I agree. My wife and I are close, but we also have our space. We have common friends and we each have a few of our own. People need that. Our individual space isn't huge by any means, but we're not wading around in each other's personal email, letters, phone calls, etc. Like I said before, it wouldn't even occur to either one of us to wedge our way into the middle of a private discussion. If I was meant to be a part of that discussion, I would have been invited.
And here's a newsflash to folks like sixone: I don't have to be hiding something to be bothered by the fact that you're pathologically suspicious. My wife and I have access to each other's email accounts, but if either of us we're found snooping around in the other's, there'd be major problems. That's just stupid, and shame on you for coming down on someone who felt betrayed by such actions.
Sixone, you blow my mind. For no tangible/apparent reason whatsoever, you're treating this guy like HE'S the one responsible for all of this.
I'm curious as to what you would have said to him had the original post read "I compulsively snoop into my spouse's life for no justifiable reason... tell me what I should tell her to do to make me feel better".
You would have told him to man up.
If this was me and my wife I'd tell her to seek professional help... and I'd expect the same response from her. Trying to pin this adolescent behavior and the resulting argument on the OP is rediculous. And telling him that his reaction (which was very reasonable by just about any standard) was "no way to treat is wife" (especially after she was caught snooping in his email even AFTER he tried discussing it with her like adults) is downright LAUGHABLE.
SP33Demon
Lifer
- Jun 22, 2001
- 27,928
- 143
- 106
Tell her it's none of her business. It's YOUR relationship with your women and/or guy friends, not your wife's. Some things are still kept personal, including your relationship with your friends. Would it bother you if your wife hopped on the phone everytime one of your friends called, and told you what you could and could not say to them? There's a reason why "guys night out" does not include the old lady. Yes, most of everything you do will be shared and united as one, but not when it comes to personal relationships with friends.
That's how I found out that bitch was cheating on me, but it was also the first time I'd ever done so. She'd already betrayed my trust, so I didn't fvcking care.
sixone
Lifer
- May 3, 2004
- 25,030
- 5
- 61
If you hadn't noticed, we don't have both spouses here, so I can't address any comments to her. I'd have lots of questions for her as well, which would have determined what I would have said to her. But if you need to make some stuff up, pray continue.
The OP said he says he has nothing to hide, but wants to hide it anyway. That make sense to you? That is a huge red flag, if you're paying attention.
If you want to have private things in your marriage, then marry a woman that wants the same expectation. This thread is about a couple that doesn't have the same expectations, and the reasons why don't really matter. If the OP wants to keep his wife, and I have no reason to think he doesnt, he can man up and do what it takes to keep it and keep it solid. Or not.
Depends on the relationship. But I make it pretty clear from the beginning that I expect/need a certain amount of privacy.
I've not made anything up. You've left virtually no room for error/poor judgement by the other spouse. Nearly all of what you've said has in some way implicated the OP in causing the mistrust. You've barely stopped short of flat-out asking "so what did you do to justify her violating your privacy"... of course, that's probably because you don't think he deserves any in the first place. Heaven forbid you leave any room for "well, maybe she just flatout screwed up for no good reason at all". Heaven forbid you take the OP's word for what actually happened. You surely wouldn't want to entertain that scenario...
What doesn't make sense to me is your sensationalization of what's been said. He simply wants a small degree of privacy, as do I. I have nothing to hide in the walls of my home, but I don't want FBI kicking in my door every Tuesday just to make sure I'm not running a meth lab. The same goes for my wife. 99% of my email consists of online shopping transactions. The other 1% is email from my wife, my sisters, other family, and friends... I wouldn't have a problem showing this stuff to anyone as long as it was MY choice to do so. I don't have to have anything to hide, per se, to take issue with my spouse, in an act of subterfuge, reading my email. If that doesn't smack of distrust I don't know what does. I would take that as a serious personal insult and would see it as a doomsday sign with regard to our marriage. I'm sure my wife wouldn't feel any different if the tables were turned, and I'd be ashamed of myself if she caught me reading her email.
I'm just curious as to where you'd draw the line. Do you stalk your husband? Do you follow him wherever he goes? Do you have a problem with spouses who do that? I mean, if people have nothing to hide, what's the problem?
Psycho, if you ask me. No offense to the OP's wife, but people who do that need a life. People who think it's justified need counseling.
Your true colors. Interesting that you didn't pose the possibility of his wife wanting to keep her husband, "woman'ing up", and doing what it takes to keep HIM... such as not reading email that wasn't sent to her.
And this, posted by you earlier, is lame:
So because his wife will read his email, you're saying he should just find a way to communicate with people that she can't access. In a way you're acknowledging his right to a degree of privacy, but that it's up to him to do it in a manner that's impossible for his wife to intercept. Why is it so unreasonable for him to just expect her to respect his email privacy? Who in the world promotes this sort of behavior and distrust?
The flip-side is your justification of her reading that email. Suppose he decides to go to a bar to talk to his friends. I suppose you think it's reasonable for her to tail him there and grab a booth next to his and listen?
This is pretty wacky stuff when you really think about it.
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