Question for those in relationships regarding email privacy

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Jeraden
Well, I left out a lot of details, but the sequence of events were:
- realized she was reading emails
- told her I was going to change my password because I was not comfortable with that. Discussions ensued, I did not change it yet
- found out later that she was still reading them even after previous discussion, so then I changed it and we had further discussions/arguments.

Why do you care if she reads your e-mails? Why do you expect her to misunderstand? What are you doing that makes you uncomfortable with your wife seeing it?

She is not your problem.

right. always the mans fault since hes up to no good, huh?

would you like your husband listening in on coversations with your friends? what if they are telling you something personal that they didnt want anyone else to know and expected you to keep it in confidence?

When did I ever address anyone other than the OP? And where did confidential information come from? The OP didn't mention it, and neither did I.

Try again.

since when was it a requirement to be directly addressed in a public conversation on a public forum?

the confidential information is an instance where the op wouldnt want the wifey to read his emails, but wouldnt be hiding anything evil from her to cause mistrust on her part.

heres one that may be a little easier. what if he was talking about a gift to get his wife for christmas or an anniversary?

the point is, just because he doesnt want her reading his emails doesnt mean that hes hiding something or doing something he shouldnt be. people that cant understand that are the ones with the trust issues.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Jeraden
Well, I left out a lot of details, but the sequence of events were:
- realized she was reading emails
- told her I was going to change my password because I was not comfortable with that. Discussions ensued, I did not change it yet
- found out later that she was still reading them even after previous discussion, so then I changed it and we had further discussions/arguments.

Why do you care if she reads your e-mails? Why do you expect her to misunderstand? What are you doing that makes you uncomfortable with your wife seeing it?

She is not your problem.

right. always the mans fault since hes up to no good, huh?

would you like your husband listening in on coversations with your friends? what if they are telling you something personal that they didnt want anyone else to know and expected you to keep it in confidence?

When did I ever address anyone other than the OP? And where did confidential information come from? The OP didn't mention it, and neither did I.

Try again.

since when was it a requirement to be directly addressed in a public conversation on a public forum?

the confidential information is an instance where the op wouldnt want the wifey to read his emails, but wouldnt be hiding anything evil from her to cause mistrust on her part.

heres one that may be a little easier. what if he was talking about a gift to get his wife for christmas or an anniversary?

the point is, just because he doesnt want her reading his emails doesnt mean that hes hiding something or doing something he shouldnt be. people that cant understand that are the ones with the trust issues.

Apples and oranges. You wanna accuse me of hating oranges because of my stand on apples? Won't fly, but give it your best shot.

 

[shimsham]

apples to oranges? the op never said what was specifically in the emails, so there are no apples or oranges.

do you ever directly answer any questions posed to you?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Jeraden
Well, I left out a lot of details, but the sequence of events were:
- realized she was reading emails
- told her I was going to change my password because I was not comfortable with that. Discussions ensued, I did not change it yet
- found out later that she was still reading them even after previous discussion, so then I changed it and we had further discussions/arguments.

Why do you care if she reads your e-mails? Why do you expect her to misunderstand? What are you doing that makes you uncomfortable with your wife seeing it?

She is not your problem.

right. always the mans fault since hes up to no good, huh?

would you like your husband listening in on coversations with your friends? what if they are telling you something personal that they didnt want anyone else to know and expected you to keep it in confidence?

When did I ever address anyone other than the OP? And where did confidential information come from? The OP didn't mention it, and neither did I.

Try again.

since when was it a requirement to be directly addressed in a public conversation on a public forum?

the confidential information is an instance where the op wouldnt want the wifey to read his emails, but wouldnt be hiding anything evil from her to cause mistrust on her part.

heres one that may be a little easier. what if he was talking about a gift to get his wife for christmas or an anniversary?

the point is, just because he doesnt want her reading his emails doesnt mean that hes hiding something or doing something he shouldnt be. people that cant understand that are the ones with the trust issues.

That's not the case though. His wife obviously seems to think there's enough there to keep reading his emails.

I'm curious what kind of relationship he has with these "female friends." How often do you talk to them? You obviously feel you have something to hide from your wife since you stated that you are being "ultra careful" about what you say when you talk to them.

I have an old girlfriend who calls me once or twice a year. She called me about a month ago and my wife answered the phone. She's fine with me talking to her though. My entire conversation with this woman was carried out in front of my wife and there was no problem with it. There is nothing I would say to my old GF that I wouldn't be comfortable talking about with or in front of my wife. Now, if I had snuck off into another room to be in private that's the type of behavior that will arrouse suspicion. Same with changing your email password.

My wife and I share a couple email accounts. My email program will log in to all of them at once and we can both read anything that anyone sends us. I also have a yahoo account and gmail account but I almost never use them. They are more for registering with forums and junk mail than anything.

There are clearly trust issues in your relationship with your wife. You should be talking with her, not us.

 

[Shadowknight]

Depending on how petty you were feeling, you could start a new g-mail account and sign up your old e-mail addy for about 15 different spam lists. If she wants to read through over 100 messages a day on how to make money faster or how a Nigerian businessman needs your help to withdraw $1,000,000 then she's free to do so.

Otherwise, you could talk to her about by CONSTANTLY reading your e-mails it shows a lack of trust on her part. Like mentioned by Jeradan, it's like having someone listening to all your calls or going through all of your personal (i.e. non household bills) mail. Once in a while is fine, but not every day on a regular basis. Besides, even in a marriage couples do need some personal space. It doesn't mean that a little privacy is going to result in an affair or a divorce. You married her, she married you, so each of you should be able to trust each other about what you do by yourself as long as you don't start acting strangely suspicious. On the otherhand, given the way the female mind works, making the logical argument may still not work. Anyway, good luck.

 

[Captante]

Just like many people here, if I wanted to crack my wifes e-mail account(s) & read her messages it would take about five minutes and by the same token if I wanted to cover my tracks it would be easy too, but she & I both have private e-mail accounts & both are ok with that because we trust each other.

The real thing to be concerned with here is the lack of trust & the motivation behind it.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: shimsham
apples to oranges? the op never said what was specifically in the emails, so there are no apples or oranges.

do you ever directly answer any questions posed to you?

You're right he didn't - you did. Until the facts support your version, my point stands.

 

[loic2003]

apples > oranges.


Personally, I need my own space and own privacy even when in a serious relationship. I wouldn't like someone to know absolutely everything about me. I'd need my own private account, my own time, my own space. Having said that, women really irritate me at the minute, and I guess my feelings could change in the future. Maybe.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Jeraden
Well, I left out a lot of details, but the sequence of events were:
- realized she was reading emails
- told her I was going to change my password because I was not comfortable with that. Discussions ensued, I did not change it yet
- found out later that she was still reading them even after previous discussion, so then I changed it and we had further discussions/arguments.

Why do you care if she reads your e-mails? Why do you expect her to misunderstand? What are you doing that makes you uncomfortable with your wife seeing it?

She is not your problem.

right. always the mans fault since hes up to no good, huh?

would you like your husband listening in on coversations with your friends? what if they are telling you something personal that they didnt want anyone else to know and expected you to keep it in confidence?

When did I ever address anyone other than the OP? And where did confidential information come from? The OP didn't mention it, and neither did I.

Try again.

since when was it a requirement to be directly addressed in a public conversation on a public forum?

the confidential information is an instance where the op wouldnt want the wifey to read his emails, but wouldnt be hiding anything evil from her to cause mistrust on her part.

heres one that may be a little easier. what if he was talking about a gift to get his wife for christmas or an anniversary?

the point is, just because he doesnt want her reading his emails doesnt mean that hes hiding something or doing something he shouldnt be. people that cant understand that are the ones with the trust issues.

That's not the case though. His wife obviously seems to think there's enough there to keep reading his emails.

I'm curious what kind of relationship he has with these "female friends." How often do you talk to them? You obviously feel you have something to hide from your wife since you stated that you are being "ultra careful" about what you say when you talk to them.

I have an old girlfriend who calls me once or twice a year. She called me about a month ago and my wife answered the phone. She's fine with me talking to her though. My entire conversation with this woman was carried out in front of my wife and there was no problem with it. There is nothing I would say to my old GF that I wouldn't be comfortable talking about with or in front of my wife. Now, if I had snuck off into another room to be in private that's the type of behavior that will arrouse suspicion. Same with changing your email password.

My wife and I share a couple email accounts. My email program will log in to all of them at once and we can both read anything that anyone sends us. I also have a yahoo account and gmail account but I almost never use them. They are more for registering with forums and junk mail than anything.

There are clearly trust issues in your relationship with your wife. You should be talking with her, not us.

i agree. but she had his password, so what was he trying to hide? my wife has my password, but she still doesnt read my emails. same for me with hers. now if his wife had said "hey, im gonna check out your emails" and he said "noooo!", then she has a valid reason for concern. but thats not what happened according to the op.

and what women doesnt automatically get suspicious? if theres really something there, then why doesnt she deal with that?

too many people start with the "what have you go to hide" routine when there are plenty of innocent reasons why he wouldnt want her to read his personal emails.

answer this: who here among us has never said anything to a friend that we wouldnt say to our SO? say you two get into an arguement, and theyre being a royal bitch/asshole. so you bitch to your friend about it just to let off some steam.

 

[mcvickj]

I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

 

[Jeraden]

I did say the emails were all just friendly correspondence. Considering my wife has been reading them, you can bet she'd have given me an earful if they were ever anything but that. She definitely has some trust issues, but I don't think that means I need to automatically cave in to her every demand just to appease her. Especially when I'm not doing anything wrong. If I was doing anything wrong, she'd have read about it by now.

As to why I would have to watch what I say when I know she's reading, I think that is kind of obvious. You need more than just 1 person to talk to in life. If I'm ever annoyed/aggravated/etc, its nice to talk to other people, complain to them, bitch, moan, etc. I know she complains about me to her girlfriends, I don't care, thats what women do. If I'm upset with her, I'd like to complain to my friends - whether its guy friends or female friends. The fact that anything I write to ANYONE is being monitored means I suddenly have to keep all that stuff bottled up. I see tons of posts on here every day of people complaining about their significant other in some way. Relationships aren't 100% perfect.

Anyways, I didn't really mean to get into all that, but I guess justification was requested. I really just wanted to see how common it was for couples to not share email, as she seems to think its a huge deal and can't believe that any couples would keep that kind of stuff private. I think privacy is still important and a marriage doesn't mean that you need to feel like you are under 24/7 FBI Surveillance.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: shimsham
apples to oranges? the op never said what was specifically in the emails, so there are no apples or oranges.

do you ever directly answer any questions posed to you?

You're right he didn't - you did. Until the facts support your version, my point stands.

i never made any claim as to what was in the emails. just giving scenarios where he wouldnt want her to read them and the content still be innocent. just as others have said it looks like he has someting to hide when they dont know the content of the emails either.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and never have been?

 

[mcvickj]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and never have been?

Correct. I'm only 24. But I see no reason why being married would change my opinion on this subject. This is no different than having a joint banking account and a seperate account.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Jeraden
I did say the emails were all just friendly correspondence. Considering my wife has been reading them, you can bet she'd have given me an earful if they were ever anything but that. She definitely has some trust issues, but I don't think that means I need to automatically cave in to her every demand just to appease her. Especially when I'm not doing anything wrong. If I was doing anything wrong, she'd have read about it by now.

As to why I would have to watch what I say when I know she's reading, I think that is kind of obvious. You need more than just 1 person to talk to in life. If I'm ever annoyed/aggravated/etc, its nice to talk to other people, complain to them, bitch, moan, etc. I know she complains about me to her girlfriends, I don't care, thats what women do. If I'm upset with her, I'd like to complain to my friends - whether its guy friends or female friends. The fact that anything I write to ANYONE is being monitored means I suddenly have to keep all that stuff bottled up. I see tons of posts on here every day of people complaining about their significant other in some way. Relationships aren't 100% perfect.

Anyways, I didn't really mean to get into all that, but I guess justification was requested. I really just wanted to see how common it was for couples to not share email, as she seems to think its a huge deal and can't believe that any couples would keep that kind of stuff private. I think privacy is still important and a marriage doesn't mean that you need to feel like you are under 24/7 FBI Surveillance.

Well, if these friends are her friends too, you shouldn't be talking about her with them behind her back. Especially women friends. E-mail is not your only option for venting, so find another way.

Your hiding emails from her won't help with her trust issues - it's only going to aggravate the situation, and she'll work harder to 'monitor' you.

Seems your knee-jerk reaction is to tell her to just get over it, but that's no way to treat your wife. Maybe the two of you need to take this to a professional, instead of escalating the situation.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: mcvickj

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and never have been?

Correct. I'm only 24. But I see no reason why being married would change my opinion on this subject. This is no different than having a joint banking account and a seperate account.

God it's tough being right all the time. :laugh:

My wife and I have joint checking and savings accounts (no seperate accounts). What's your point?

 

[mcvickj]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and never have been?

Correct. I'm only 24. But I see no reason why being married would change my opinion on this subject. This is no different than having a joint banking account and a seperate account.

God it's tough being right all the time. :laugh:

My wife and I have joint checking and savings accounts (no seperate accounts). What's your point?

E-mail conversations between me and friends and family are private for a reason. If I wanted a SO to be included I would either CC them in the e-mail or forward them a copy of it.

Same with the banking. Having a joint account for household things and bills is fine but I also am going to set aside money to do what I want, when I want to do it.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: mcvickj

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and never have been?

Correct. I'm only 24. But I see no reason why being married would change my opinion on this subject. This is no different than having a joint banking account and a seperate account.

God it's tough being right all the time. :laugh:

My wife and I have joint checking and savings accounts (no seperate accounts). What's your point?

E-mail conversations between me and friends and family are private for a reason. If I wanted a SO to be included I would either CC them in the e-mail or forward them a copy of it.

Same with the banking. Having a joint account for household things and bills is fine but I also am going to set aside money to do what I want, when I want to do it.

Then you'd better be sure you pick a wife that feels the same.

 

[KarenMarie]

the b/f has no interest in reading my personal emails. i set him up with his own account and taught him how to use it. he would never, ever dream of looking in my mailbox... he has no interest. he trusts me. plus i tell him everything anyway... just in case... cause i would rather have me tell him things that might be misconstrued than to have him read something and wonder.

we live together for 6yrs and have no problem with privacy. if i need something in his pockets, wallet or truck cab...i go and get it. if he needs something in my pockets, wallet or handbag, he goes and gets it.

but we are older and know where we stand and dont sweat the small stuff.

 

[oboeguy]

Originally posted by: sixone
We have one addy for our families to use, and a couple of junk accounts. They're all set up in our e-mail client, so all messages are there for either/both of us to read, from either computer.

Amusing. We each have multiple accounts and need them. Other end of the spectrum I suppose.

As for the OP... it's a personal decision. Being married means giving up a lot of personal privacy (willingly, I hope), but, IMO, you should still retain some of your individual identity (otherwise the reasons for liking each other melt away, no?).

 

[The Stigenator]

you know women are just insecure bitches.. atleast the ones i know. I remember my ex.. yup blubelle.. who went all the way thru my damn posts looking up things. Fine i made mistakes, but then she went ahead and started calling me on it.

I was being open and trusting.. she just had to go push that out with her agenda.. women need to learn to trust..


I am anti women! as you can see.. i will be for a long time. I dont mind being single for life.. i have no interest in women period. they are too much ****** work.

 

[ZoomStop]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: mcvickj
Same with the banking. Having a joint account for household things and bills is fine but I also am going to set aside money to do what I want, when I want to do it.

Then you'd better be sure you pick a wife that feels the same.

Good luck!

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
you know women are just insecure bitches.. atleast the ones i know. I remember my ex.. yup blubelle.. who went all the way thru my damn posts looking up things. Fine i made mistakes, but then she went ahead and started calling me on it.

I was being open and trusting.. she just had to go push that out with her agenda.. women need to learn to trust..


I am anti women! as you can see.. i will be for a long time. I dont mind being single for life.. i have no interest in women period. they are too much ****** work.

eh, theyre not all like that. some of us get the good ones.

 

[lightpants]

Originally posted by: mcvickj
I don't share passwords with anyone for any reason. They will go with me to my grave.

Bosco...?


A client of mine called me this morning, she was having some connectivity problems with her email account. I talked her through fixing it. She then asked me if there was anyway she could keep her husband from reading her email. They share a computer but have different user accounts and separate email addresses. I thought to myself "...hmmm...I wonder what is going on there???"
I told her how to set up a password on her user account. Then she told me that her husband reads the email she gets from her daughter. She and her daughter have been discussing Christmas gifts for him and she didn't want him to know what he was getting. She then asked how to remove the password after Christmas was over.
I think that was a legitimate reason to keep her husband from reading her email.

 

[JonnyBlaze]

Originally posted by: sixone
We have one addy for our families to use, and a couple of junk accounts. They're all set up in our e-mail client, so all messages are there for either/both of us to read, from either computer.

My husband got a couple of messages recently from his buddy's college age daughter. You better bet I read those, but I would have been very surprised if they'd been less innocent than they were.

you should have had to read them then. you were expecting more.