Zontor, great sig 
That's a classic song, but I didn't realize anyone else knew it
And in the same vein as Saltboy, I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
That's a classic song, but I didn't realize anyone else knew it And in the same vein as Saltboy, I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
What did the spider say to syringer?
ATOT will never let you live me down until you tell everyone what happened you nancy boy.
ATOT will never let you live me down until you tell everyone what happened you nancy boy.
2 brownies are in the oven, one turns to the other and say "its getting hot in here". the other says "WHOA, a talking brownie"
Lol wow, thats a new one...I got a joke too
Two objects are in a location, one turns to the other and says a generic, yet witty comment, the other says "WHOA a talking object"
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ahhh....that makes MUCH more sense
Whats blue red and pussy
A baby in a microwave. (I think that's how it goes)
spacejamz
Lifer
- Mar 31, 2003
- 10,970
- 1,679
- 126
can't believe no has told the worst star trek joke ever...
what does the enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
they both circle uranus and wipe out klingons....
some more...
what is the fastest animal in the world?
a chicken in Ethopia
Why do brides wear white at weddings?
The dishwasher has to match the stove and fridge
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink
What have you don wrong when your wife comes of the kitchen to yell at you?
You made her chain too long
What do you when a women's watch breaks?
Nothing, there is a clock on the stove
(don't tell my wife I posted these...)
what does the enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
they both circle uranus and wipe out klingons....
some more...
what is the fastest animal in the world?
a chicken in Ethopia
Why do brides wear white at weddings?
The dishwasher has to match the stove and fridge
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink
What have you don wrong when your wife comes of the kitchen to yell at you?
You made her chain too long
What do you when a women's watch breaks?
Nothing, there is a clock on the stove
(don't tell my wife I posted these...)
Q: How do u get a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Simple, you open the door and stick him in.
Q: How do you stick an elephant in the fridge?
A: Take the giraffe out, then stick the elephant in.
Q: The Lion, king of the jungle, calls a meeting for the animals. What animal dares not come?
A: The elephant, he's stuck in the fridge.
Q: There is a river full of man eating alligators. How do you cross it?
A: You swim across, since the alligators are at the lion's meeting.
A: Simple, you open the door and stick him in.
Q: How do you stick an elephant in the fridge?
A: Take the giraffe out, then stick the elephant in.
Q: The Lion, king of the jungle, calls a meeting for the animals. What animal dares not come?
A: The elephant, he's stuck in the fridge.
Q: There is a river full of man eating alligators. How do you cross it?
A: You swim across, since the alligators are at the lion's meeting.
if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
welcome to Entropy Burger! May I take your order please?
All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons.
"Oh no," thought Dan. She already has a boyfriend. I must
substitute myself for him! But how?
And then a light came on in his mind. "I can eliminate him
using an alkyl halide nucleophile!"
A bear in Yosemite State Park and a bear in Alaska fall into a pool of water at the same time. which one dissolves first?
--the bear in alaska b/c it's a POLAR BEAR!
welcome to Entropy Burger! May I take your order please?
All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons.
"Oh no," thought Dan. She already has a boyfriend. I must
substitute myself for him! But how?
And then a light came on in his mind. "I can eliminate him
using an alkyl halide nucleophile!"
A bear in Yosemite State Park and a bear in Alaska fall into a pool of water at the same time. which one dissolves first?
--the bear in alaska b/c it's a POLAR BEAR!
YES.
here's another, please excuse for my poor writing.
A Mexican, Italian, and American on a plane. Out of no where, the Italian dude dump some pasta out of the plane, mexican guy ask him why and the italian guy said because we have too many in our country.
Then the Mexican started dumping tacos/burritos out of the plane, Italian guy ask why and the mexican guy said we have too many in our coutry.
Then the American took the Mexican dude and threw him out of the plane.
yes, i know it's mean.
here's another, please excuse for my poor writing.
A Mexican, Italian, and American on a plane. Out of no where, the Italian dude dump some pasta out of the plane, mexican guy ask him why and the italian guy said because we have too many in our country.
Then the Mexican started dumping tacos/burritos out of the plane, Italian guy ask why and the mexican guy said we have too many in our coutry.
Then the American took the Mexican dude and threw him out of the plane.
yes, i know it's mean.
I remember a variation of that.
Something like: A Frenchman, Brit, American and Mexican are on a plane. The plane is experiencing trouble and is about to crash but there is only one parachute. The Frenchman in self-sacrifice yells "viva la France!" and jumps out. The Brit goes "Long live the Queen!" and jumps out. The American goes "Remember the Alamo!" and throws the Mexican guy out.
Where can you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why did Simba's father die?
Because he couldn't Mufasa.
Whats the difference between red and purple?
Her grip.
Right where you left him.
Why did Simba's father die?
Because he couldn't Mufasa.
Whats the difference between red and purple?
Her grip.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
A man and his wife are talking while getting ready for bed.
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask
such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old clothes?
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me
and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let
her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask
such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old clothes?
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me
and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let
her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."
Why did the little girl fall out of the swing?
She didn't have any arms!
Expounding on a previous joke (try it on your friends):
Why couldn't the 8-year-old see the pirate movie?
It was rated ARRRRRRRR!!!
Where does a pirate go to drink?
To the BARRRRRRRRRR!!!
What does a pirate drive?
(wait for it......)
What?! A car?!?!?! No, a pirate drives a boat!
She didn't have any arms!
Expounding on a previous joke (try it on your friends):
Why couldn't the 8-year-old see the pirate movie?
It was rated ARRRRRRRR!!!
Where does a pirate go to drink?
To the BARRRRRRRRRR!!!
What does a pirate drive?
(wait for it......)
What?! A car?!?!?! No, a pirate drives a boat!
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