UglyCasanova
Lifer
- Mar 25, 2001
- 19,275
- 1,361
- 126
"why do women have b00bs?
so you got something to look at when you're talking to them!!"
-peter griffin
so you got something to look at when you're talking to them!!"
-peter griffin
Originally posted by: JoeKing
Originally posted by: mwtgg
Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
If you're referring to the one I think you are, ugh, that's sick.
Ok I'll bite... please PM me the joke :evil:
It's really not soo bad. So in risk of getting this thread locked, here it is..
Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
...
One to masturbate with, the other to moan.
Do you know how to tell when a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts her sentence off with "A man once told me..."
She starts her sentence off with "A man once told me..."
NuclearNed
Raconteur
- May 18, 2001
- 7,882
- 380
- 126
rudder
Lifer
- Nov 9, 2000
- 19,441
- 86
- 91
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Orange
Orange Who?
orange you glad I did not say banana
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Banana
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Orange
Orange Who?
orange you glad I did not say banana
Whitecloak
Diamond Member
- May 4, 2001
- 6,074
- 2
- 0
DrPizza
Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
What do you call cheese that isn't your's?
NACHO cheese!
How do you make a clown stop laughing?
Hit him in the face with an axe!
A Bear and a Rabbit are pooping in the woods. The Bear looks at the rabbit and quizzicly asks, "Do you have problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replies, "No", so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan. One sausage says, "Hey, is it just me, or is it warm in here?" To which the other sausage replies, "AAAAAHHH!!! A Talking Sausage!!!"
How do you make a cat go woof?
Douse him in kerosene and toss him in the fire place.
A pirate walks into a bar, and strolls up to the bar for a drink.
The bartender looks at him and says 'Did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate looks at him and says "Arrrrrrrr, it's drivin me nuts!"
NACHO cheese!
How do you make a clown stop laughing?
Hit him in the face with an axe!
A Bear and a Rabbit are pooping in the woods. The Bear looks at the rabbit and quizzicly asks, "Do you have problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replies, "No", so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan. One sausage says, "Hey, is it just me, or is it warm in here?" To which the other sausage replies, "AAAAAHHH!!! A Talking Sausage!!!"
How do you make a cat go woof?
Douse him in kerosene and toss him in the fire place.
A pirate walks into a bar, and strolls up to the bar for a drink.
The bartender looks at him and says 'Did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate looks at him and says "Arrrrrrrr, it's drivin me nuts!"
DrPizza
Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
From Mrs Pizza:
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
bigdog1218
Golden Member
- Mar 7, 2001
- 1,674
- 2
- 0
I have a ton of horrible jokes.
Why did the pony whisper?
It was a little hoarse
Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
It was on a roll
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair
How do you make a cream puff?
Chase it down the street
Did you hear about the new surgeon doll?
It operates on batteries
Why did the pony whisper?
It was a little hoarse
Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
It was on a roll
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair
How do you make a cream puff?
Chase it down the street
Did you hear about the new surgeon doll?
It operates on batteries
Fritzo
Lifer
- Jan 3, 2001
- 41,920
- 2,161
- 126
A priest, a rabbi, and a protestant walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and says "What is this...some kind of joke?"
A man wants to kill his wife, so he hires Arty the Strangler to do it. He tells Arty that his wife will be at a sale at the grocery store tomorrow and she has short, black hair, and a mole on her stomach. The husband tells Arty "I can only afford $1 right now...is that OK?" Arty takes pity on the man and agrees.
Arty shows up the next morning at the grocery store. He sees a woman with short black hair, goes up, strangles her, but she doesn't have a mole! He sees another woman with black hair, strangles her...no mole. Sees another, strangles, no mole! Sees yet another, strangles, no mole! Just then, the police arrive and cart Arty away.
The headline in the paper the next day read "ARTY CHOKES FOUR FOR A DOLLAR AT GROCERY STORE SALE!"
A man wants to kill his wife, so he hires Arty the Strangler to do it. He tells Arty that his wife will be at a sale at the grocery store tomorrow and she has short, black hair, and a mole on her stomach. The husband tells Arty "I can only afford $1 right now...is that OK?" Arty takes pity on the man and agrees.
Arty shows up the next morning at the grocery store. He sees a woman with short black hair, goes up, strangles her, but she doesn't have a mole! He sees another woman with black hair, strangles her...no mole. Sees another, strangles, no mole! Sees yet another, strangles, no mole! Just then, the police arrive and cart Arty away.
The headline in the paper the next day read "ARTY CHOKES FOUR FOR A DOLLAR AT GROCERY STORE SALE!"
There was a guy named Benny walking along a beach one day when he looks down in the sand and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want but you must not shave, for if you do shave I will turn you into an urn."
Benny gets his wishes and goes for twenty years without shaving. Finally he gets fed up and shaves and *POOF* he turns into an urn.
The moral of the story is: a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Benny gets his wishes and goes for twenty years without shaving. Finally he gets fed up and shaves and *POOF* he turns into an urn.
The moral of the story is: a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
- He wanted to see a butterfly.
What do stand-up comedians say is the most important
- Timing
skill to have?
A woman drops in to visit a friend and finds her naked on the couch waiting for her husband. The woman says, "What are you doing naked?" The friend says, "Don't you know? This the Dress of Love." So the woman goes home, strips, and waits on the couch for her husband. The husband comes home and says, "Why are you naked?" She says, "Don't you know? This is called the Dress of Love!" The husband says, "Well, you could have ironed it first."
A couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary and a newspaper reporter is doing a story about it. He asks the husband what the secret to their long marriage was. The husband says, "On our honeymoon we went horseback riding at a ranch. My wife's horse stumbled and she said, 'That's once.' A bit later, it stumbled again and she said, 'That's twice.' Then it stumbled a third time, and she pulled a revolver out of her purse and shot the horse dead right there. When I started to complain about what she did to the rented horse, she looked at me and said, 'That's once.' "
Can you pick out the blind guy at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
- He wanted to see a butterfly.
What do stand-up comedians say is the most important
- Timing
skill to have?
A woman drops in to visit a friend and finds her naked on the couch waiting for her husband. The woman says, "What are you doing naked?" The friend says, "Don't you know? This the Dress of Love." So the woman goes home, strips, and waits on the couch for her husband. The husband comes home and says, "Why are you naked?" She says, "Don't you know? This is called the Dress of Love!" The husband says, "Well, you could have ironed it first."
A couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary and a newspaper reporter is doing a story about it. He asks the husband what the secret to their long marriage was. The husband says, "On our honeymoon we went horseback riding at a ranch. My wife's horse stumbled and she said, 'That's once.' A bit later, it stumbled again and she said, 'That's twice.' Then it stumbled a third time, and she pulled a revolver out of her purse and shot the horse dead right there. When I started to complain about what she did to the rented horse, she looked at me and said, 'That's once.' "
Can you pick out the blind guy at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
how do you get a blond one armed girl out of a tree?
You wave at them.
[racist]How do you start a jewish parade?
You roll a penny down the street.
How many Poles(polish people) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, another to turn the person. [/racist]
You wave at them.
[racist]How do you start a jewish parade?
You roll a penny down the street.
How many Poles(polish people) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, another to turn the person. [/racist]
A pirate with a wooden leg, a hook instead the right palm and a glass eye walks into a bar, and the bartender question him:
-How did you lost your leg? (asks the bartender)
-A frigate was following us, and a cannonball hit me in the leg
-How did you lost your arm?
-The frigate boarded us, and an officer of that ship cut my hand with a sword (says the pirate)
-And how did you lost your eye? (asks the bartender again)
-A seagull shitted in my eye.
-You lost your eye for a seagull shit?
-Yes, respond the pirate.
It was my first day with the hook
-How did you lost your leg? (asks the bartender)
-A frigate was following us, and a cannonball hit me in the leg
-How did you lost your arm?
-The frigate boarded us, and an officer of that ship cut my hand with a sword (says the pirate)
-And how did you lost your eye? (asks the bartender again)
-A seagull shitted in my eye.
-You lost your eye for a seagull shit?
-Yes, respond the pirate.
It was my first day with the hook
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