wow, this thread has depressed the sh!t out of me. I'm mostly depressed because, it brings back some bad memories. Same type of sh!t happened to me. Jaeger, trust me on this....it will NEVER be the same between the two of you. No matter how hard you try, things have permanently changed between you 2 and you can't get back to where you were. Not ever. She's just fvcked with your head too badly. I've been in your shoes. You have to walk away. PS. Im with a really great girl now...you'll find someone better, trust me.
SP33Demon
Lifer
- Jun 22, 2001
- 27,928
- 143
- 106
Find a rebound chick and pound the hell out of her doggystyle (coworker that likes you?). That always worked for me. I don't see nothin' wrong, with a little angry bump n' grind!
Who knows, maybe you'll even date your rebound chick and she'll be 10X better than your ex. :beer:
Who knows, maybe you'll even date your rebound chick and she'll be 10X better than your ex. :beer:
Where is that line between forgiveness and self-respect? Whom can we trust? Can we trust another, when that trust has already been broken?
Sincere grief and heartfelt regret can exist in situations like this - I have seen it in relationships that are relatively long-term. However, that is up for you to decide.
It is painful - you look at her and you see this guy, this slimeball who she was with. You want to trust her, you want to believe that deep down, she feels some shame. That when she was with him, she was feeling remorse. That she really couldn't be that cold, that cruel, that indifferent - no, this isn't some dirty little tryst with a coworker, this is something that is patently wrong, that is causing deep pain to another human being.
You have two choices: you can take your belongings, numerous as they may be, pack them up, rent a U-Haul, and drive home. Look her in the eye and tell her that you're hurt, but that you wish her luck in her future endeavors. Go home, heal, enjoy being alone for a while. Maybe even years. Get back to your roots, get a new job, reinvent who you are, and move on.
Or you can be the one waiting there for her when she comes home. Wait with silent suffering and a large amount of patience. I am willing to try and trust you again, if you are willing to devote yourself to me. I want to trust you; I don't want to abandon what we have built together. There is some redeeming value in our relationship, and I want to try it for just a little bit longer.
Neither decision is easy. The shock of betrayal never completely wears off - it will haunt you for years. It still haunts me. But make your decision, and stick with it. You will find another whom you can trust, eventually. Give it time.
Shalom,
Nate
Sincere grief and heartfelt regret can exist in situations like this - I have seen it in relationships that are relatively long-term. However, that is up for you to decide.
It is painful - you look at her and you see this guy, this slimeball who she was with. You want to trust her, you want to believe that deep down, she feels some shame. That when she was with him, she was feeling remorse. That she really couldn't be that cold, that cruel, that indifferent - no, this isn't some dirty little tryst with a coworker, this is something that is patently wrong, that is causing deep pain to another human being.
You have two choices: you can take your belongings, numerous as they may be, pack them up, rent a U-Haul, and drive home. Look her in the eye and tell her that you're hurt, but that you wish her luck in her future endeavors. Go home, heal, enjoy being alone for a while. Maybe even years. Get back to your roots, get a new job, reinvent who you are, and move on.
Or you can be the one waiting there for her when she comes home. Wait with silent suffering and a large amount of patience. I am willing to try and trust you again, if you are willing to devote yourself to me. I want to trust you; I don't want to abandon what we have built together. There is some redeeming value in our relationship, and I want to try it for just a little bit longer.
Neither decision is easy. The shock of betrayal never completely wears off - it will haunt you for years. It still haunts me. But make your decision, and stick with it. You will find another whom you can trust, eventually. Give it time.
Shalom,
Nate
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
E & I
Every...single...woman...is...Evil and Insane.
They will lie like a dog in a gutter to get their way because they know guys will believe them (to an extent).
They will play games with your mind until they think they've found the 'right one' and then they'll jab their steely teeth into your chest and rip out your heart so you can die watching it beat its last.
E & I
Every...single...woman...is...Evil and Insane.
They will lie like a dog in a gutter to get their way because they know guys will believe them (to an extent).
They will play games with your mind until they think they've found the 'right one' and then they'll jab their steely teeth into your chest and rip out your heart so you can die watching it beat its last.
Kinda makes me feel good about the attitude I have towards women when I date them. I'm a very cold person (even my family can vouch for that) I show compassion and brotherhood to friends, however I am stone cold when it comes to women and girl friends. It's because of my fear; that makes an imaginary wall so I don't get too close.
4 years man... plus the house is in her umm What were you thinking? That is the dumbest move ever... Were you thinking with your heart or your head?
4 years man... plus the house is in her umm What were you thinking? That is the dumbest move ever... Were you thinking with your heart or your head?
An important side note I did not think of - what kind of payments have you made on the house? I.e. if she's been making all the payments, and it's in her name, I see no problem. If you're the one who's been paying the mortgage, but it's in her name, you have some talking to do with a lawyer.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
You've got property and money involved here.Don't compound your current pain by making hasty decisions that could haunt you for years to come.Seek some counseling and some legal advice before you make moves you might regret later.
btdt, man...
About 4 years ago when my (now ex)wife was suffering depression and wasn't working (despite my repeated attempts to get her into counseling, go back to school, get a job, volunteer, anything) I'd finally had enough and we decided to divorce. We each dated a bit that summer but nothing big. Then, she decided counseling may help and moved back home. A few weeks later, I caught her in a lie. She was still seeing a guy she'd seen once or twice during our separation. She'd told me she was going to a sleepover with a good friend of hers and others from where she used to work. I only half believed her but let her go anyway. So...next morning I call her friend's to ask her to bring something home from the store. Her friend says she's gone to the store now to get stuff for b'fast. So, I call her cell..it rings...rings...finally she answers and says she just woke up. Ah HA! Lying B!TCH! She'd spent the night at this fvckwad's house that she'd only been out with twice! Fvcking slut! 12 years' of marriage shot to hell right there. She promised to break it off with him but the trust was gone. Once trust is gone it can never return. She regrets it now...wants to get back together. But...oh HELL NO!
They carry no guilt. She never once apologized to me about doing all of that. Not once...ever. Women are Evil and Insane!
MichaelD
Lifer
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
According to him, most of the stuff IN the house is his. I was in the exact same position about 6 years ago. Her apartment, 75% of the stuff mine.
I waited until she left for work, then I picked up the UHaul I'd rented the night before and moved out. Didn't tell her squat. Turns out she came home from work about an hour early and I was just finishing loading the truck.
The look on her face was worth every anxiety filled moment I spent with her.
She just stood there and stared. She went upstairs, saw that I didn't take anything that wasn't mine and said "well I guess you're leaving, huh?"I said "You always were a master of the obvious" got in the truck and left. That's what he should do, and here's why.
The house is hers. If she gets an Order of Protection (or equivalent) against him, he'll be barred from that house. She will get to keep everything in it unless he sues. I should know b/c that's what happened to me when I was 18. My scarring started relatively early.
us americans could learn something from the muslim countries where cheating is punishable by death
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Originally posted by: MichaelD
According to him, most of the stuff IN the house is his. I was in the exact same position about 6 years ago. Her apartment, 75% of the stuff mine.
I waited until she left for work, then I picked up the UHaul I'd rented the night before and moved out. Didn't tell her squat. Turns out she came home from work about an hour early and I was just finishing loading the truck.
The look on her face was worth every anxiety filled moment I spent with her.
I said "You always were a master of the obvious" got in the truck and left. That's what he should do, and here's why.
The house is hers. If she gets an Order of Protection (or equivalent) against him, he'll be barred from that house. She will get to keep everything in it unless he sues. I should know b/c that's what happened to me when I was 18. My scarring started relatively early.Live and learn man, live and learn.
The house might be in her name but if he's on the house note things get stickier.Also,if he's helped pay for the house a breakup that's done cooly and rationally might result in a legal agreement that results in the sale of the home and the return of some money to him that he's going to need. If he's on the mortgage the bank isn't going to care that she cheated,he needs to carefully look at all ways his finances are co-mngled with hers and calmly extricate himself from ongoing obligation. I've been in his shoes and must tell you that making hasty choices when you're in the middle of searing emotional pain often does result in much longer term fiscal pan.
The house might be in her name but if he's on the house note things get stickier.Also,if he's helped pay for the house a breakup that's done cooly and rationally might result in a legal agreement that results in the sale of the home and the return of some money to him that he's going to need. If he's on the mortgage the bank isn't going to care that she cheated,he needs to carefully look at all ways his finances are co-mngled with hers and calmly extricate himself from ongoing obligation. I've been in his shoes and must tell you that making hasty choices when you're in the middle of searing emotional pain often does result in much longer term fiscal pan.
Definately good advice
Definately good advice
MichaelD
Lifer
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: MichaelD
According to him, most of the stuff IN the house is his. I was in the exact same position about 6 years ago. Her apartment, 75% of the stuff mine.
I waited until she left for work, then I picked up the UHaul I'd rented the night before and moved out. Didn't tell her squat. Turns out she came home from work about an hour early and I was just finishing loading the truck.
The look on her face was worth every anxiety filled moment I spent with her.
I said "You always were a master of the obvious" got in the truck and left. That's what he should do, and here's why.
The house is hers. If she gets an Order of Protection (or equivalent) against him, he'll be barred from that house. She will get to keep everything in it unless he sues. I should know b/c that's what happened to me when I was 18. My scarring started relatively early.Live and learn man, live and learn.
The house might be in her name but if he's on the house note things get stickier.Also,if he's helped pay for the house a breakup that's done cooly and rationally might result in a legal agreement that results in the sale of the home and the return of some money to him that he's going to need. If he's on the mortgage the bank isn't going to care that she cheated,he needs to carefully look at all ways his finances are co-mngled with hers and calmly extricate himself from ongoing obligation. I've been in his shoes and must tell you that making hasty choices when you're in the middle of searing emotional pain often does result in much longer term fiscal pan.
Very good point; I didn't read where he's on the house note, but if he is that changes things a WHOLE lot. *nods head* The voice of experience has spoken. I bow to the Babe.
First off, Jaeger, you make me laugh with the Divine Brown comparison. LMAO! Call it as it is. I call that whoring too, and at least get paid for it.
But on a more serious note: No offence, but either you're drama or you surround yourself with drama. If it's the latter, that still makes you a drama King. You also have the "why me; sorry me" attitude. Stop wallowing in pity. Either you suck it up and stay in the relationship or you wear the attitude you need and leave the relationship.
Let me say that I agree with other members who have pointed out that people tend to blame their so-called partners' accomplices. I too think the blame should go to the right person: Your significant other. You say she's to blame, yet you keep making excuses for her conduct. I want to pop the heads of some ladies that fight the the mistresses rather than their significant others. The men have it so easy. It is your significant other that's supposed to be committed to you.
Well, that of course is an assumption. If your significant other isn't your spouse, then you have no business whining if you had no oral or written contract that the relationship was exclusive. I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to sympathise if you were presumptuous and thought she was committed to you. I don't remember her making a vow to you. You aren't married to her, so stop crying "why me; sorry me" and leave the relationship! If you choose to stay in it, too bad. I won't even just say this if she does it again. I would actually laugh at you again. You make excuses for her and say it isn't disrespect. Maybe it isn't after all since she has no obligation to you. From the sound of it, this isn't the first time she's done this. She's just giving you what you seem to want: Drama. If you're surrounding yourself with drama and sources of drama, then it's what makes your life and brings happiness to you. So maybe you're benefitting from her so-called selfishness too. MichaelD was right, but it's applicable to both men and women. Besides, I don't think it's a good idea to give credit to a bitter old man. LMAO! Hahaha! I like to tease MichaelD! Sorry. He actually seems happy now and well relaxed. Maybe his last gf put just too much stress on him and he had to blame it on the mother of his kid. Anyway, Jaeger, I would normally sympathise, but you sound too much like Mr. Saviour, Superman type of guy (translates to drama King). I don't like drama Kings and Queens, since they seem to do everything for credit or attention. Hope you can resolve this matter and feel better soon.
P.S.: Is this lady your first love? It sounds like it. If so, it would explain your whole "it's hard to get over her" cry/attitude. Yes, it would be hard to get over her in that case. But it seems you don't have any kids, so take advantage and leave now.
I call that whoring too, and at least get paid for it.But on a more serious note: No offence, but either you're drama or you surround yourself with drama. If it's the latter, that still makes you a drama King. You also have the "why me; sorry me" attitude. Stop wallowing in pity. Either you suck it up and stay in the relationship or you wear the attitude you need and leave the relationship.
Let me say that I agree with other members who have pointed out that people tend to blame their so-called partners' accomplices. I too think the blame should go to the right person: Your significant other. You say she's to blame, yet you keep making excuses for her conduct. I want to pop the heads of some ladies that fight the the mistresses rather than their significant others. The men have it so easy. It is your significant other that's supposed to be committed to you.
Well, that of course is an assumption. If your significant other isn't your spouse, then you have no business whining if you had no oral or written contract that the relationship was exclusive. I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to sympathise if you were presumptuous and thought she was committed to you. I don't remember her making a vow to you. You aren't married to her, so stop crying "why me; sorry me" and leave the relationship! If you choose to stay in it, too bad. I won't even just say this if she does it again. I would actually laugh at you again. You make excuses for her and say it isn't disrespect. Maybe it isn't after all since she has no obligation to you. From the sound of it, this isn't the first time she's done this. She's just giving you what you seem to want: Drama. If you're surrounding yourself with drama and sources of drama, then it's what makes your life and brings happiness to you. So maybe you're benefitting from her so-called selfishness too. MichaelD was right, but it's applicable to both men and women. Besides, I don't think it's a good idea to give credit to a bitter old man. LMAO! Hahaha! I like to tease MichaelD! Sorry.
He actually seems happy now and well relaxed. Maybe his last gf put just too much stress on him and he had to blame it on the mother of his kid. Anyway, Jaeger, I would normally sympathise, but you sound too much like Mr. Saviour, Superman type of guy (translates to drama King). I don't like drama Kings and Queens, since they seem to do everything for credit or attention. Hope you can resolve this matter and feel better soon.P.S.: Is this lady your first love? It sounds like it. If so, it would explain your whole "it's hard to get over her" cry/attitude. Yes, it would be hard to get over her in that case. But it seems you don't have any kids, so take advantage and leave now.
MichaelD
Lifer
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
Yup. I like Luvly; she gives me crap.
Keeps me on my toes. She's a cool chick. I'll say this:
1. My ex-GF did put too much stress on me. Way too much. Luvly is right; I am much more relaxed now.
2. My son's mother was Satan Incarnate before the dawn of time, before time and space and before even God...let alone my ex-GF. One's got nothing to do w/the other.
3. Baffled...er Geekbabe made some good points. If Jaeger is part-owner of the house, then he needs to get his sh1t together and possibly hire a lawyer (even to the point of going into debt to pay him) to make sure he doesn't lose his fiscal interest in the house and/or his belongings.
I agree that he's letting himself be a punching bag, but I feel for the guy, I really do. I've been there. There's a reason you become older and bitter; because once you were younger and ignorant.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again.
E & I
Every...single...woman...is...Evil and Insane."
That abbreviation looks familiar! The feeling is mutual. Conjur, you sound so bitter. Hope you feel better too. LOL!
E & I
Every...single...woman...is...Evil and Insane."
That abbreviation looks familiar! The feeling is mutual.
Conjur, you sound so bitter. Hope you feel better too. LOL! TRENDING THREADS
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