Michael Bay ruins Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[blurredvision]

Rock/Conair/all Michael Bay films are basically this: strings of long, panning shots around people with "serious faces" talking about nothing important. ThIngs explode in the middle.

True Lies had a cheesy 80s soul to it. It knew what it was. It also had Bill Paxton. I shouldn't have to explain more beyond that.

Every single movie can be dumbed down like that. Give me your favorite movie of all time and I will fuck its shit up.

 

[Ns1]

Every single movie can be dumbed down like that. Give me your favorite movie of all time and I will fuck its shit up.

fight club
se7en
usual suspects

I'm curious to see what you come up with.

 

[blurredvision]

I don't understand how so many of you think your persistent in pointing to bad reviews somehow legitimizes an opinion you've made on a movie you haven't seen. I can understand you thinking that it's not your type of movie, everybody has their own tastes, but to lean on other people's opinions does not make your unfounded opinion credible.

For me, the wife and I are going with another couple tomorrow afternoon to watch. Matinee prices will cost us $9 total for both of us, 2 hours of my time, I do not expect it to be riveting and fantastic writing but I do expect to be taken away to a fantasy world that I enjoyed as a kid and be entertained while shit blows up. I don't take it seriously, those of you do are incredibly lame. It's a 2-hour movie, not your entire life.

 

[zinfamous]

Every single movie can be dumbed down like that. Give me your favorite movie of all time and I will fuck its shit up.

hard to say favorite of all time. I usually go with top 3/5:

Raging Bull
Godfather 2
8 1/2
The Deer Hunter
...Dumb and Dumber. sneaky

 

[zinfamous]

I don't understand how so many of you think your persistent in pointing to bad reviews somehow legitimizes an opinion you've made on a movie you haven't seen. I can understand you thinking that it's not your type of movie, everybody has their own tastes, but to lean on other people's opinions does not make your unfounded opinion credible.

For me, the wife and I are going with another couple tomorrow afternoon to watch. Matinee prices will cost us $9 total for both of us, 2 hours of my time, I do not expect it to be riveting and fantastic writing but I do expect to be taken away to a fantasy world that I enjoyed as a kid and be entertained while shit blows up. I don't take it seriously, those of you do are incredibly lame. It's a 2-hour movie, not your entire life.

no problem with simple dumb entertainment. I love that, too. plenty of movies do that well, and don't do it in such a lazy, insulting way at the same time.

Many of the jello-for-brains Bay fans simply don't have the capacity to differentiate the truly awful from what is just good dumb entertainment. That's really all there is to it.

but dang, I thought you were supposed to dissect NS1's, or even my top films into a petty Bayesque critique. what happened?

 

[blurredvision]

Sorry, wasn't refreshing this page. Fight Club is just dark shot after dark shot, nothing but pointless fighting scenes and confusing narrative, forcing you to sit through over 2 hours of the life of someone who has obvious mental issue only to find that he does, in fact, have mental issues. (Awesome god damn movie.) Dumb and Dumber is simple slap-stick comedy, perfected long before by Larry, Moe and Curly, and bringing absolutely nothing new to the table that hasn't been done before. (Awesome god damn movie as well.)

Everything else I either haven't seen or only saw once so long ago that I honestly don't remember much about it.

 

[McLovin]

Exactly. There is a movie where half the jokes are about being a cop and not being like Bad Boys 2.

Except for scene.

This is a defining moment in Cinema!

 

[Ns1]

Sorry, wasn't refreshing this page. Fight Club is just dark shot after dark shot, nothing but pointless fighting scenes and confusing narrative, forcing you to sit through over 2 hours of the life of someone who has obvious mental issue only to find that he does, in fact, have mental issues. (Awesome god damn movie.)

 

[purbeast0]

just got back from the movie, and seriously, fuck all the people ripping this movie. i thought it was FANTASTIC! it was just a very fun movie. i had a smile on my face from start to finish. i liked pretty much everything about it. michaelangelo stole the show imo, his lines were freaking hilarious.

i saw it in a sold out theater, and the whole audience applauded at the end of it, as well as one other scene in the movie (the elevator scene for those who've seen it). everyone was laughing throughout the movie and enjoying it. when i was leaving i heard multiple people talking about how good it was and their friends would be jealous that they didn't get a chance to see it tonight.

it was just a really really fun movie. i highly recommend it to people who like the turtles and are on the fence about it. i think it's a GREAT reboot and it's up there with the original imo. and holy shit the cg in the movie ... incredible. even megan fox did a fine job.

seriously, go see it if you like the turtles ... awesome movie!

EDIT:

and it was between this movie and dawn of the planet of the apes, and my wife chose this one due to the time of it cause she has to get up early tomorrow, and i'm REALLY glad she picked this one because i was kind of hesitant before seeing it. but it totally met and exceeded my expectations because i expected a mediocore movie based on what i read about it today. still can't wait to see dawn of the planet of the apes though.

 

[SandEagle]

just got back from the movie, and seriously, fuck all the people ripping this movie. i thought it was FANTASTIC! it was just a very fun movie. i had a smile on my face from start to finish. i liked pretty much everything about it. michaelangelo stole the show imo, his lines were freaking hilarious.

i saw it in a sold out theater, and the whole audience applauded at the end of it, as well as one other scene in the movie (the elevator scene for those who've seen it). everyone was laughing throughout the movie and enjoying it. when i was leaving i heard multiple people talking about how good it was and their friends would be jealous that they didn't get a chance to see it tonight.

it was just a really really fun movie. i highly recommend it to people who like the turtles and are on the fence about it. i think it's a GREAT reboot and it's up there with the original imo. and holy shit the cg in the movie ... incredible. even megan fox did a fine job.

seriously, go see it if you like the turtles ... awesome movie!


EDIT:

and it was between this movie and dawn of the planet of the apes, and my wife chose this one due to the time of it cause she has to get up early tomorrow, and i'm REALLY glad she picked this one because i was kind of hesitant before seeing it. but it totally met and exceeded my expectations because i expected a mediocore movie based on what i read about it today. still can't wait to see dawn of the planet of the apes though.

thanks man. im a tmnt fan and enjoyed all of three of the older cheesy ones. i was kind of worried about this remake, but figured wth maybe ill watch it, maybe wait for it to come to video. sounds like its worthwhile then and i may catch it tomorrow with the kids

 

[Aharami]

i have heard nothing but good reviews about this movie from my friends who saw it.

 

[dannybatesu9387]

Everything that man touches turns to rubbish. Can't wait until he retires.

 

[motsm]

Haven't seen the movie, but the turtles have an absolutely repulsive screen presence in the trailer. The urban dialogue coming out of these grotesque monsters makes it even more disturbing, it is oddly fascinating to watch however, in a freak show kind of way.

Can't say I'm concerned though, haven't really enjoyed any comic book movies I can think of.

 

[Aikouka]

just got back from the movie, and seriously, fuck all the people ripping this movie. i thought it was FANTASTIC!

Pssh... I'll keep this in mind in regard to your future movie opinions!

Honestly, I'm surprised. I wasn't "ripping" on the movie; I seriously thought it was terrible. Like I mentioned, it doesn't help that every action scene except

Spoiler

for most of the sewer action scene

was in the trailers. It felt more like I was watching the movie for the second time, and it wasn't one of those movies that I'd watch more than once.

Unlike your experience, there were so few laughs during my showing. So, hearing that your theater was laughing all the time is rather surprising. I actually picked out one scene that I would've liked to have seen changed slightly to make it more amusing. When

Spoiler

they're going to that one dude... the CEO guy whose job was to reveal the plan like a goddamn moron... Raph pokes his head up to get Verne to get going. Rather than hearing Raph call him a nerd, I would've liked him to comment on his constant striking out. I think that would've worked a lot better.

If I'm going to think of a "dumb comic movie with lots of action", I'd rather go with Guardians of the Galaxy. It wasn't perfect either, but it was still enjoyable.

 

[BudAshes]

just got back from the movie, and seriously, fuck all the people ripping this movie. i thought it was FANTASTIC! it was just a very fun movie. i had a smile on my face from start to finish. i liked pretty much everything about it. michaelangelo stole the show imo, his lines were freaking hilarious.

i saw it in a sold out theater, and the whole audience applauded at the end of it, as well as one other scene in the movie (the elevator scene for those who've seen it). everyone was laughing throughout the movie and enjoying it. when i was leaving i heard multiple people talking about how good it was and their friends would be jealous that they didn't get a chance to see it tonight.

it was just a really really fun movie. i highly recommend it to people who like the turtles and are on the fence about it. i think it's a GREAT reboot and it's up there with the original imo. and holy shit the cg in the movie ... incredible. even megan fox did a fine job.

seriously, go see it if you like the turtles ... awesome movie!

I thought you were going to end this with a "NOT", 90's style.

 

[MentalIlness]

I don't think the Turtles look bad, but it is odd that they got rid of Splinter and turned Shredder into a scrawny white businessman. With the removal of Splinter, Shredder doesn't really need to be Japanese, but that guy doesn't look like he'd be tough for those huge, bulky Turtles to beat. Unless they're going to make him more like Silver Samurai from the X-Men (or really the Wolverine movie) and have the suit be cybernetic.

EDIT:



Cowabunga, dude! You should order some New-York-style pizza and watch the first movie! The second movie is okay until you meet Razor and Lockjaw. You even get Kino, the Short Round of the movie ... except not as annoying! The third is in feudal Japan!

FTFY

Tokka and Rahzar

 

[purbeast0]

It's funny reading Aikouka old post about shredder and splinter because he was wrong about both of those. But most people who are bashing the movie haven't seen it. And yes I know he now has seen it.

Pssh... I'll keep this in mind in regard to your future movie opinions!

Honestly, I'm surprised. I wasn't "ripping" on the movie; I seriously thought it was terrible. Like I mentioned, it doesn't help that every action scene except

Spoiler

for most of the sewer action scene

was in the trailers. It felt more like I was watching the movie for the second time, and it wasn't one of those movies that I'd watch more than once.

Unlike your experience, there were so few laughs during my showing. So, hearing that your theater was laughing all the time is rather surprising. I actually picked out one scene that I would've liked to have seen changed slightly to make it more amusing. When

Spoiler

they're going to that one dude... the CEO guy whose job was to reveal the plan like a goddamn moron... Raph pokes his head up to get Verne to get going. Rather than hearing Raph call him a nerd, I would've liked him to comment on his constant striking out. I think that would've worked a lot better.

If I'm going to think of a "dumb comic movie with lots of action", I'd rather go with Guardians of the Galaxy. It wasn't perfect either, but it was still enjoyable.

why would you be surprised? it's got a 6.4 on imdb and 65% audience like rating on rottentomatos. that is the majority. you are in the minority thinking it's an awful movie.

and i have no clue what you mean by the trailer spoiling "everything" and you felt like you were watching the movie a second time. the trailer is like 90 seconds if that. you're just seem like you are trying really hard to convince people that they shouldn't see this movie because you didnt like it.

and i don't really care what you do with my opinion in future movies. i probably like A LOT more movies than you do (including a lot of movies you like) because i don't expect every movie to be winning awards.

 

[Vapid Cabal]

In the last two weeks I have seen Guardians of the Galaxy and TMNT.

One of these movies does the cheesy-comic-cartoon type thing well, one does not.

The "Bay touched" film was unbalanced to me.

 

[SP33Demon]

It's funny reading Aikouka old post about shredder and splinter because he was wrong about both of those. But most people who are bashing the movie haven't seen it. And yes I know he now has seen it.



why would you be surprised? it's got a 6.4 on imdb and 65% audience like rating on rottentomatos. that is the majority. you are in the minority thinking it's an awful movie.

and i have no clue what you mean by the trailer spoiling "everything" and you felt like you were watching the movie a second time. the trailer is like 90 seconds if that. you're just seem like you are trying really hard to convince people that they shouldn't see this movie because you didnt like it.

and i don't really care what you do with my opinion in future movies. i probably like A LOT more movies than you do (including a lot of movies you like) because i don't expect every movie to be winning awards.

Come on man, how much were you paid?
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/
20% rotten w/ 10% Top Critics? hahahaha. Reserving [T h i s s p a c e] for something about how rottentomatoes is BS, or it sucks b/c of [i n s e r t h e r e].

Also:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is goofy and exciting enough to appeal to young ones, but its halfhearted and mindless action leaves a lot to be desired for a more sophisticated mind.
August 8, 2014 Full Review Source: Examiner.com
Chris Sawin

I guess "young" could be subjective, eh purbeast?

I like some of the other reviews.

'Teenage Mutant Ninja Transformers' is a hollow shell of a movie.

A non-essential children's film about anthropomorphic animals, where there is no other agenda than to jumpstart a dormant franchise and reestablish a global brand. No second meaning for adults. No complications. It meets the minimum requirements.

A mishmash of action setpieces so fast and furious you can't tell what's happening, skipping over logistics when they're inconvenient.

2/5 stars
Remember those dreaded sequels to "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? Well I am very sad to admit that this remake is almost worse than that. With almost no devotion to any characters throughout this film, and focusing more on the humans than the turtles, there is really not much to latch onto or care about here. Megan Fox is horribly casted as April O'Neil and almost every line of dialogue she delivers made me chuckle, not only due to the terrible acting, but due to the fact that it has one of the worst screenplays of the year. This version of the Ninja Turtles is so laughably bad that I had a blast watching it in the theatre. Everyone in this film is typecast because of their looks and the plot steals from every blockbuster out there (namely The Amazing Spider-Man). I felt like I was watching a film that a ten year old kid made who loves special effects. In the end, the turtles are fine in the scenes where they are solo, one of the action scenes is pretty fun, but the script, directing, and acting are so atrocious that it almost insults the intelligence of the previous films. Think about that for a second. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)" is one of the worst films of 2014. Stay away, curiosity will do you no good here.

Critics absolutely skewered this POS. WOW

41% Metacritic as well. http://www.metacritic.com/movie/tmnt

 

[purbeast0]

i'm not sure what point you are trying to make. it has a 6.4 right now on imdb and an audience liking of 65% on rottentomatoes. so i'm not sure what your critic reviews has to do with what i said. critics don't mean anything to me. they get paid to watch movies and write reviews. i prefer to look at what people who go to watch movies for entertainment purposes have to say about movies, becaus that is what i watch them for, not for my job.

go read the user reviews submitted on imdb. the majority of them are positive, and the ones that are negative are pretty much crying that the story didn't mimic the original 1:1 and they are mad about that, or they are just hating on megan fox or michael bay. if i wanted to watch the original story, i'd watch TMNT1 on bluray in my basement.

 

[mmntech]

I was a huge Turtles fan as a kid but I have zero interest in seeing this after watching the trailer. Not that the original TMNT cartoon was high art either, but at least that has a nostalgia factor. This just looks... painful. Both of which are a far cry from the comics.

I never go by the audience ratings on RT because they're the same rubes that made Transformers one of the highest grossing franchises of all time.

 

[SandEagle]

just got back from watching it with the kids and....
..we all LOVED IT.

-ignore all the critic reviews. its an action flick with little substance, but its tmnt what do u expect
-it deviates from the story from the 90s, but its not too bad. the early 90s movies were ok, and this one retains the feel of a tmnt movie with a modern day makeover
-the cgi works very well. liked the action sequence in the snow
-cant hate Michael Bay for trying. hope he makes a sequel;this reboot was a great effort

if you're a turtles fan from the 80s/90s, do yourself a favor and go watch it

 

[Aikouka]

It's funny reading Aikouka old post about shredder and splinter because he was wrong about both of those. But most people who are bashing the movie haven't seen it. And yes I know he now has seen it.

Yes, because forgetting the names of the worst part of the sequel is really a bad thing. It's quite obvious you and everyone else knew exactly who I meant, so why be an ass over it?

it's got a 6.4 on imdb

I'm pretty sure you were one of the people that I've seen post about how IMDB ratings tend to be inflated. If it wasn't you, then it was someone else on here. Movies also tend to be greatly inflated near the beginning of their release.

that is the majority of the people that have voted on Rotten Tomatoes. you are not in the minority thinking it's an awful movie because you never voted.

Fixed. How can I be in something that I've never taken part in?

and i have no clue what you mean by the trailer spoiling "everything" and you felt like you were watching the movie a second time. the trailer is like 90 seconds if that.

Go watch both trailers again, and I want you to keep in mind all the action scenes from the movie. Now, mentally check off how many of them were in the trailers. The only one that wasn't in the trailer was the sewer fight scene, and you could argue that it technically was

Spoiler

as the scene with Donny straining to lift the gate after Splinter closed it was in the trailer, but I don't count that.

Now, I don't mean that the entire fight scene was in the trailer (obviously...). Although, a good bit of the action from the fight scenes were.

you're just seem like you are trying really hard to convince people that they shouldn't see this movie because you didnt like it.

I resurrected this thread, because I thought the movie was flippin' terrible, and I'm generally not hard to please when it comes to movies. Go back and look at my comments on prior releases. I saw movies like Godzilla, and while I wasn't all-around enthused, I didn't mind it. I thought it was "okay".

and i don't really care what you do with my opinion in future movies. i probably like A LOT more movies than you do (including a lot of movies you like) because i don't expect every movie to be winning awards.

...and now we come to the ad hominem attacks! You attempt to discredit my opinion by calling me some artsy fartsy guy that only watches indie films. Fuck, dude... have you seen the movies that I watch!? I mostly watch action, sci-fi and comedy movies, and I stray away from those crazy, indie films because they end up boring me. Honestly, I expected this movie to be right up my alley, because I wouldn't think of it as some award-winning movie, but I still think Guardians of the Galaxy is a better example of that.

Although, at this point, I'm kind of sick and tired of watching live-action movies that are 99% CGI to the point where I might go see Expendables 3 just to "cleanse the pallet" -- even though I know that movie will probably suck. The second one wasn't that good either. :\

EDIT:

Actually, Expendables 3 has terrible reviews. I probably won't waste my time with it. My boss did tell me that he was disappointed in me for never seeing The Sting. So, maybe I ought to watch that at some point. I also need to finally watch The Heat after people on here recommended it, and I bought it on sale at Amazon.

 

[KlokWyze]

The amount of adults I hear talking about this (including me) shows we care about the dumbest shit imaginable.

TBH, from the trailer, this looks like it will be horrendous.

 

[KlokWyze]

just got back from watching it with the kids and....
..we all LOVED IT.

-ignore all the critic reviews. its an action flick with little substance, but its tmnt what do u expect
-it deviates from the story from the 90s, but its not too bad. the early 90s movies were ok, and this one retains the feel of a tmnt movie with a modern day makeover
-the cgi works very well. liked the action sequence in the snow
-cant hate Michael Bay for trying. hope he makes a sequel;this reboot was a great effort

if you're a turtles fan from the 80s/90s, do yourself a favor and go watch it

oh shit you liked it. confirmed flop.