Jane told me the guy she's seeing is the type to just use the girl and leave. I've seen his brother and the way he treats Mary is horrible. Yet mary stays with him. go figure right?!?!?! anyways, sooner or later he'll leave and she'll come running back to me.
Yep, she will, you can bet on it.
"What about me?!" Thats all I hear from her?! What about me who has to deal with school, finding a job, stress at home. Does that count for anything?
I poured more into this one relationship than most people will cumulatively put into 10 relationships. I am spent - drained - emotionally. I don't know, I guess I had this naive view that you will get back what you put in. HAHAHAH! What a crock of sh-t.
I shouldn't be so crass. It is true that you'll get back what you put in, with one caveat: UNLESS YOUR GF IS A CRAZY B-TCH! Then no, you won't get back what you put in. ;-)
It took me a long time to get to a point where I am taking it far less personally than I once did, the anguish and bitterness. She didn't "do this to me" because she's 'evil' or 'bad'. She's a mixed-up girl who has a pretty warped view of how relationships are supposed to be and what LOVE is. That is in no small part due to her not having the best childhood.
Her father was an alcoholic and her mother was a classic codependent in her father's alcoholism, and her insecurities and emotional issues are very typical of women who are raised in that environment.
Something I have to figure out. I think if it were me, I would ask her for forgiveness. I can see how it's a mistake on her part becuz of me, but....
I kept thinking this had something to do with me, I was somehow failing my end of the relationship. I was somehow failing her or that I wasn't giving her what she needed. WRONG WRONG WRONG! This had nothing to do with me at all, it was completely about her, her unresolved insecurities and emotional issues. It took me a long time to understand that.
I suppose it could be reasoned that I was 'failing' to live-up to her expectations, but the rub here is that her expectations were disfunctional and unworkable. I could not give her what she wanted because what she TRULY wanted, I was not and could never be. What she wanted was someone like her father; a boozer who was at the bar three times a week until 1am or 2am in the morning, ran around on her mother, then blamed his alcoholism and philandering on her mother because she 'was a bad wife who didn't make a good home for him and that drove him to drink'.
See a pattern here? "I did what I did because you did what you did. If you wouldn't do that, I wouldn't do this." DON'T get sucked into that, because it is like a black hole that has an affinity for good hearted fools. It will suck you in, chew you up, and spit you out the rear, leaving you a broken shell.
lol It's difficult... also realizing that she was emotionally abusive and manipulative. It's difficult to break off a relationship like that... but well worth it in the end.
hehe, manipulative. I went to see the psychologist that my ex-GF had went to for about a year, because I wanted to understand a little better what made her tick. Her psychologist was the daughter of an alcoholic father herself, who went through half her adult life with many of the same insecurities, before she got counseling and turned her life around.
This woman specializes in female victims of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse during childhood, or were raised in alcoholic families. Her exact words to me, after several hours of conversation, were "I have been doing this for 25 years, I have counseled and helped over 400 very troubled women, and I can say without a doubt that [your GF] is the most deceptive and accomplished manipulator I've ever known. She had me completely fooled for nearly a year. The reason she doesn't come here anymore is because she knows I finally saw through her and cannot manipulate me anymore."
And she gave me the same advice I'm giving "lilcam": run, don't walk, run away from this girl as fast as you can.
I was like...YIKES!
