I am a marriage n00b *pic included*

[homestarmy]

Originally posted by: toekramp
Over Thanksgiving a couple of my friends (one of them XietyCom) are going to be making a 8 day trip to Europe. I, of coure, invited myself and my wife to go along since she loves Europe and I've never been. Well apparently she isn't allowed to take vacation days since she's a teacher and they get all sorts of breaks. So I said I would just go, which of course I got the response "What you'd rather spend Thanksgiving with them than me..." so i said "Well, yes it is Europe" Anyways she didn't like that...

Am I being unreasonable? Is this something I need to accept as part of married life? It's not a huge issue between us I'm just trying to adjust to this whole 'dependence' thing

cliff notes:

wife can't go to europe, i still want to
does that make me suck

edit:
me and the wife -> Justin/Hannah

You should stay, she looks too good for you already. She's one step away from running away with the milk man!

 

[slycat]

she's cute and u look like the lead singer of Coldplay...

 

[z0mb13]

Originally posted by: homestarmy

Originally posted by: toekramp
Over Thanksgiving a couple of my friends (one of them XietyCom) are going to be making a 8 day trip to Europe. I, of coure, invited myself and my wife to go along since she loves Europe and I've never been. Well apparently she isn't allowed to take vacation days since she's a teacher and they get all sorts of breaks. So I said I would just go, which of course I got the response "What you'd rather spend Thanksgiving with them than me..." so i said "Well, yes it is Europe" Anyways she didn't like that...

Am I being unreasonable? Is this something I need to accept as part of married life? It's not a huge issue between us I'm just trying to adjust to this whole 'dependence' thing

cliff notes:

wife can't go to europe, i still want to
does that make me suck

edit:
me and the wife -> Justin/Hannah

You should stay, she looks too good for you already. She's one step away from running away with the milk man!

that was just cruel!

 

[z0mb13]

Originally posted by: WhiteKnight
Is this guy going to Europe too? If not, maybe he and your wife will get together for some stuffed turkey.

ROFL!

her taste in guys is kind of suspect

 

[brigden]

Fvck it, mate. Go for it.

 

[Tates]

Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

 

[z0mb13]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

 

[Atomicus]

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

:thumbsup:

why would you want to go to Europe without her? *looks at the pic* Convince her to go with you to the nude beaches!

 

[z0mb13]

Originally posted by: Atomicus

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

:thumbsup:

why would you want to go to Europe without her? *looks at the pic* Convince her to go with you to the nude beaches!

If I have a hot wife I wont take her to a nude beach... I can look at her nekkid all day, why would I want other people to gawk at her??

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

It is high everywhere, not only in the US, what do you want, happiness or marriage? If you can have both, then fine, if you can have only one, which would you choose?

What people don't realize is that nothing magically changes because you get married, it is still the same and if a man can't have fun a man won't be fun to live with either, let him have his fun and let her have her fun and let them then share what is important together, a trip to Europe isn't that important, being able to help eachother through the everyday life, sharing both happiness and pain, being able to spend ever other night with eachother IS.

You don't need to do everything together, those who try that will loose all of their friends and end up bored with eachother.

As i said, it is a nice romantic dream to have to share everything, but in reality it just means you get bored with eachother.

 

[Geekbabe]

My SO is off in another state with a male friend of ours tonight.I'll be going up late tomorrow afternoon.Guys need time to just be with other guys once in awhile.

I've been to Europe and if the chance came up for my SO to and I couldn't come along,yeah I'd be sad and jealous if I had to stay home and go to work but I think I could be reasonable enough to admit that,talk about it and still put him on the plane with a a glad heart that was happy that he was being able to have this great opportunity. I think that stance yields more benefits to a couple's relationship.

Ask her which she'd rather have, a husband who returns from Europe having had a great time but thrilled to see her and appreciative of her or a morse,sullen person sitting at the Thanksgiving Day table only because she put a lot of pressure on him. We're talking about going to Europe here,to be together with a group of friends in a way that won't be possible just a few short years down the road as babies and house notes take priority.

Lol,she could collect billions of valuable wife bonus points for this one

As for me, back to painting my toenails,watching a chic flick(I love handling the remote) sitting in his reclining chair and eating peanut butter fudge cookies

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
My SO is off in another state with a male friend of ours tonight.I'll be going up late tomorrow afternoon.Guys need time to just be with other guys once in awhile.

I've been to Europe and if the chance came up for my SO to and I couldn't come along,yeah I'd be sad and jealous if I had to stay home and go to work but I think I could be reasonable enough to admit that,talk about it and still put him on the plane with a a glad heart that was happy that he was being able to have this great opportunity. I think that stance yields more benefits to a couple's relationship.

Ask her which she'd rather have, a husband who returns from Europe having had a great time but thrilled to see her and appreciative of her or a morse,sullen person sitting at the Thanksgiving Day table only because she put a lot of pressure on him.

This woman speaks the truth.

Your SO is a very lucky guy.

 

[z0mb13]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

It is high everywhere, not only in the US, what do you want, happiness or marriage? If you can have both, then fine, if you can have only one, which would you choose?

What people don't realize is that nothing magically changes because you get married, it is still the same and if a man can't have fun a man won't be fun to live with either, let him have his fun and let her have her fun and let them then share what is important together, a trip to Europe isn't that important, being able to help eachother through the everyday life, sharing both happiness and pain, being able to spend ever other night with eachother IS.

You don't need to do everything together, those who try that will loose all of their friends and end up bored with eachother.

As i said, it is a nice romantic dream to have to share everything, but in reality it just means you get bored with eachother.

I thought marriage is all about sacrifices??

If you INTEND not to change when u get married, why get married at all?? is it just like, let me try this marriage thing, if I dont like it then I will get a divorce...

I heard marriage is a lot of work, maybe you will not be happy, but hopefully you will be happier than if you are alone, IMO that is what marriage is about

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
My SO is off in another state with a male friend of ours tonight.I'll be going up late tomorrow afternoon.Guys need time to just be with other guys once in awhile.

I've been to Europe and if the chance came up for my SO to and I couldn't come along,yeah I'd be sad and jealous if I had to stay home and go to work but I think I could be reasonable enough to admit that,talk about it and still put him on the plane with a a glad heart that was happy that he was being able to have this great opportunity. I think that stance yields more benefits to a couple's relationship.

Ask her which she'd rather have, a husband who returns from Europe having had a great time but thrilled to see her and appreciative of her or a morse,sullen person sitting at the Thanksgiving Day table only because she put a lot of pressure on him.

This woman speaks the truth.

Your SO is a very lucky guy.

Obviously nobody wants to be put in second place when it comes to making plans/spending time together and if it happened all the time or if he gave her reason to doubt his commitment to her I'd understand how she felt but this is a big opportunity for him.Isn't one of the goals of a decent marriage is to grow, both together and as individuals?

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: z0mb13

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

IMO the reason why the divorce rate is so high here in the US is because of extreme individualism of each person in a couple. For example, I have my own money, you have yours, I want to take a vacation with my friends, etc. If this is the case, why would he be married in the first place? Granted that spending time alone is ok, but IMO its only ok if BOTH couples are OK..

It is high everywhere, not only in the US, what do you want, happiness or marriage? If you can have both, then fine, if you can have only one, which would you choose?

What people don't realize is that nothing magically changes because you get married, it is still the same and if a man can't have fun a man won't be fun to live with either, let him have his fun and let her have her fun and let them then share what is important together, a trip to Europe isn't that important, being able to help eachother through the everyday life, sharing both happiness and pain, being able to spend ever other night with eachother IS.

You don't need to do everything together, those who try that will loose all of their friends and end up bored with eachother.

As i said, it is a nice romantic dream to have to share everything, but in reality it just means you get bored with eachother.

I thought marriage is all about sacrifices??

If you INTEND not to change when u get married, why get married at all?? is it just like, let me try this marriage thing, if I dont like it then I will get a divorce...

I heard marriage is a lot of work, maybe you will not be happy, but hopefully you will be happier than if you are alone, IMO that is what marriage is about

You think that a ceremony is going to magically change your relationship? Think again.

It is no different than to be committed to your SO, it is not a requirement, just a tradition, a religious tradition.

ANY relationship, married or not takes a lot of work, if you want to stay happy, then you need to give eachother enough freedom to feel happy, you do not need to be toghether at all times, it is better that you are happy than together at all times.

The problem is, if you are not happy in a relationship, you are twice as miserable as you would be if you weren't happy and single.

I know a bit about this since i have gone through a divorce and know what *we* did wrong in our marriage. I can tell you that i am much happier alone than i was with her.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
My SO is off in another state with a male friend of ours tonight.I'll be going up late tomorrow afternoon.Guys need time to just be with other guys once in awhile.

I've been to Europe and if the chance came up for my SO to and I couldn't come along,yeah I'd be sad and jealous if I had to stay home and go to work but I think I could be reasonable enough to admit that,talk about it and still put him on the plane with a a glad heart that was happy that he was being able to have this great opportunity. I think that stance yields more benefits to a couple's relationship.

Ask her which she'd rather have, a husband who returns from Europe having had a great time but thrilled to see her and appreciative of her or a morse,sullen person sitting at the Thanksgiving Day table only because she put a lot of pressure on him.

This woman speaks the truth.

Your SO is a very lucky guy.

Obviously nobody wants to be put in second place when it comes to making plans/spending time together and if it happened all the time or if he gave her reason to doubt his commitment to her I'd understand how she felt but this is a big opportunity for him.Isn't one of the goals of a decent marriage is to grow, both together and as individuals?

Indeed it is, it is two individuals, both need to be happy to be able to be happy together.

 

[Tates]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Including Me.

Friends do come and go. That is a fact of life.

I happen to have a wonderful relationship with my wife. She is my best friend and lover. It would be a sacrifice to go to Europe without her.

If I were in a similiar situation, my wife would probably say "it's OK, go". I would choose not to go without my wife, and would tell my friends the same. If they were my friends, they would understand.

I spend all the time I want to with friends without my wife being present. She, in turn, does things without me. For the majority of us, going to Europe is not the same as going out for drinks.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: Bumrush99
The more I read posts like these and the more I read the responses the less I want to get married

so your mom still does your laundry?

 

[jtusa]

Originally posted by: Iron Woode
Show her this:

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/IronWoode/good_wife.jpg

That is...a work of art!

 

[TheToOTaLL]

Dood, dont fvck around with your wife during the holidays - you'll pay for it dearly over the next year

If this is the person you're spending the rest of your life with, you'll have another opportunity down the road to go to Europe and enjoy it with the person you love.

 

[silverpig]

Say you won't go, then just go anyways. Don't answer any of her attempts to contact you. Then come home like you just went to the store for 5 minutes. Bring a video camera with you when you come home, and post the aftermath on the net

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

IMO you're an idiot for even thinking about it. take your wife during the summer.

 

[djheater]

Happily married six years with two kids and one on the way </quals>

You no longer in an emotional, legal or spiritual sense qualify as an individual.

If you would consider leaving your heart and lungs at home for the same trip, I say go for it.

 

[bigalt]

Originally posted by: djheater
Happily married six years with two kids and one on the way </quals>

You no longer in an emotional, legal or spiritual sense qualify as an individual.

If you would consider leaving your heart and lungs at home for the same trip, I say go for it.

if you need some nudging in the other direction, I will provide.

I've been happily married for seven years with only one kid, and still consider myself very much an individual. I leave my heart and lungs at home two nights a week to go play sports, and 3-4 times a year to visit family/friends. I also stay at home a couple times a week while my heart and lungs go to meet her friends for coffee, or for a concert. my parents have been globetrotting independently for about 40 years.

just because you're married doesn't necessarily mean that you can't fly solo. it depends entirely on how much posturing your wife is doing (i.e. how much she really means what she's saying) and on how much you like sex.