I am a marriage n00b *pic included*

[djheater]

Originally posted by: bigalt

Originally posted by: djheater
Happily married six years with two kids and one on the way </quals>

You no longer in an emotional, legal or spiritual sense qualify as an individual.

If you would consider leaving your heart and lungs at home for the same trip, I say go for it.

if you need some nudging in the other direction, I will provide.

I've been happily married for seven years with only one kid, and still consider myself very much an individual. I leave my heart and lungs at home two nights a week to go play sports, and 3-4 times a year to visit family/friends. I also stay at home a couple times a week while my heart and lungs go to meet her friends for coffee, or for a concert. my parents have been globetrotting independently for about 40 years.

just because you're married doesn't necessarily mean that you can't fly solo. it depends entirely on how much posturing your wife is doing (i.e. how much she really means what she's saying) and on how much you like sex.

Ah... you misunderstand, granted I was not clear in my post.
You as a couple have decided on what freedoms are allowed you as individuals and are both OK with it. The OP has not gone through this yet. He's assuming she should be OK with it because he is and that's incorrect as has been proven by her reaction. I did not mean to imply that a marriage should bind one in terms of physical proximity to ones partner, but it is and should be an emotionally binding relationship, else what's the point? He has not reasoned it out with her and needs to, that's a more simple, less sarcastic way of saying it.

 

[DT4K]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

You're not married are you.

OP, yes, you are being an ass for wanting to leave her alone for 8 days over a holiday.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: DT4K

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

You're not married are you.

Why'd you go and bring that up!? *sniff* :brokenheart:

So aloooooooooone!!!!!








Heh.

 

[DT4K]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: DT4K

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

You're not married are you.

Why'd you go and bring that up!? *sniff* :brokenheart:

So aloooooooooone!!!!!








Heh.

You have much to learn young grasshopper.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: DT4K

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: DT4K

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Also, part of marriage invovles the game of "give/take".

You want a $2,000 bigscreen TV? Fine. She'll take a $2,000 set of bedroom furniture.

You want a week with your buds in Europe? Fine. She'll take a week with her girls on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Will you be as forgiving when she wants to go somewhere for a week without you?

:roll: You're missing a key fact - she ISN'T forgiving. She's adamently AGAINST his going.

However your logic DOES work when applied correctly. When SHE wants to go somewhere with HER friends that's TOO DAMN BAD because she was whining and moaning when he wanted to go somewhere with HIS.

Or does everyone think that a relationship should be chock full of double-standards in favor of the wife?

You're not married are you.

Why'd you go and bring that up!? *sniff* :brokenheart:

So aloooooooooone!!!!!








Heh.

You have much to learn young grasshopper.

Boing. Boing.




Boing. *puke black stuff*


Boing boing.

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: weezergirl
I think it really depends on the people involved. For myself, holidays are a big deal AND i always spend it with family. If my SO left me to hang with his friends...yes...it would bother me. A lot of the people in this thread act like there's no possible way he can go any other time...a trip to Europe isn't exactly a once in a lifetime opportunity or something. Just wait til your wife can go (in the summertime perhaps?) or plan a trip with some of your other friends another time.

So yes, I do think you're being selfish if it bothers her.

Just to clarify, if it was any other time...I wouldn't mind letting my SO go to europe with his friends.

Another thing to point out is that your wife is pretty hot looking and I'm guessing she's a great girl. A lot of guys would give up anything to be with her. If you don't treat her right, it'd be so easy for her to find another guy who will.

If that is what it comes down to she's not worth the effort anyway.

If she can't take him going on an 8 day trip with his friends then i don't care HOW good looking or great she is otherwise, if that means she will find another man, then she would have anyway, all she waited for was an excuse.

Let me tell you that the most common reason people break up is because they DON'T do things on their own, this "together all the time" BS is just that, BS, you are STILL two individuals living together, you don't become siamese twins who needs to spend ALL time together just because you are married.

If he WANTS to go he should go, end of story, if that makes her break up, then good riddance.

EXACTLY.... Klixxer... if I hadn't already rated you a 10... I would rate you a 10 now...

-Max

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: Tates

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Tates
Why would you consider something major like visiting Europe without your life partner?

A major memory source and you would not share it with her. Friends come and go....

Get over it, you're no longer single.

No, he is no longer single, but does that mean that he is no longer allowed to have a life of his own?

*sigh* and people wonder why more than half of all marriages end with a divorce, when the younger generation becomes my age that will be more like 75%.

IF you are planning to stay married you will have to accept that you are both individuals and have a separate individual life and one life with eachother.

If a man can't have his time alone with his friends then the relationship is doomed from the start, same goes the other way around of course.

If your friends come and go, then you have no friends.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Including Me.

Friends do come and go. That is a fact of life.

I happen to have a wonderful relationship with my wife. She is my best friend and lover. It would be a sacrifice to go to Europe without her.

If I were in a similiar situation, my wife would probably say "it's OK, go". I would choose not to go without my wife, and would tell my friends the same. If they were my friends, they would understand.

I spend all the time I want to with friends without my wife being present. She, in turn, does things without me. For the majority of us, going to Europe is not the same as going out for drinks.

You clearly don't have very good friends... Your entire life revolves around your wife. Is this your first marriage?... furthermore, is this your first serious relationship... and how long have you been married?

It just seems incredibly juvenile to me, to assume that upon marriage, that ring magically transforms you from 2 bodies into 1 single interdependent body. In my mind a marriage is when TWO people who love each other, decide that they want to become partners in this voyage called life. It doesn't mean you give up all your independence, it means you work together to build a life, and raise a family.

That is why I think there are so many divorces today... everyone thinks marriage is about love, romance, and magic. Marriage is about two people who love, and respect each other forming a partnership, because each life is enhanced by the other. It means that even when the magic isn't pumping full steam, you are still partners, and you have the dedication to stay the course and continue building your lives. When all the emphasis is on the magic... you're doomed to fail.

If the marriage can't handle 8 days and a missed thanksgiving, for a once in a lifetime voyage with close friends, then the marriage is doomed to failure. If he doesn't go, and he never gets the chance to do that trip with his friends, it WILL breed resentment... Everytime his friends remenisce about the trip to europe, he will be left out. And he will remember WHY he was left out. This type of thing if it occurs a few times will absolutely positively destroy their love for each other.

-Max

 

[StageLeft]

Your wife's hot.

 

[JayHo74]

eh, dude, it is extremely important for you to be completely honest with her for a few reasons, you need to have an open, stable, best friend to best friend relationship for your marriage to really be a run -away succses,

without this openess and willingnes to tell all and do almost all, your heading for trouble. (Hypothetically, lets say you had gay sex in the woods when you were 14 with another boy-- YOU MUST BE ABLE TO TELL HER THESE THINGS)

if you act phony/politically correct, and she does also, a trainwreck is acommin.. cause eventually, you 2 will no longer be able to let Ly all those things left unsaid, and they will spill over into a major marraige-threatining argument. (could happen tommorow, could happen when one of you is on your deathbead, but rest assured, it will happen)

your general quality of life will go way up also as you two throw away your inhibitions and start reading the Kama Sutra:beer: .. .this is further down the road but will only happen if you continue to be honest with her

just tell her, you dont want a phony marrage or life any more, by saying "baby, we need to have a long Heart to heart about where we are, where we need to go, and what's going to get us there. I love you more than life itself, more than europe, more than computers, more than *beefy legged women(that's my preff, add your own, sorry) and chocolate Chip Cookie Doh. My love for you will be in my heart forever , for all the Thanks Givings, Christmas's and any other holiday you can think of, even Qanza Babay, i will take my love for you to the ground with me, where for hundreds of years afterward, all who stand near my grave will feel this warmth in my heart that i feel for you. I will make it up to you in whatever way you want me to. *** end this with w/e you think the moment calls for, with all the appropriate human emotions and facial expressions, also be careful to start out with a sincere slow calculated voice, do not brake eye contact, midway through, place arm on her, or just try and get progressively closer, till when you utter with heartfelt effection, those last few lines, you are embracing her/staring deeply into her eyes.

well Good luck with that, i gave the best advice i could Just keep in mind----- Emotion--EyeContact-- Cyncerity--and a touch of logic = you cracked into her heart and penetrated her obsessive impulse to imprint herself onto you like a baby Zebra.

can i get a welcome to the boards plz? "it brings warm feelings to my heart"-- Yoda

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: JayHo74
eh, dude, it is extremely important for you to be completely honest with her for a few reasons, you need to have an open, stable, best friend to best friend relationship for your marriage to really be a run -away succses,

without this openess and willingnes to tell all and do almost all, your heading for trouble. (Hypothetically, lets say you had gay sex in the woods when you were 14 with another boy-- YOU MUST BE ABLE TO TELL HER THESE THINGS)

if you act phony/politically correct, and she does also, a trainwreck is acommin.. cause eventually, you 2 will no longer be able to let Ly all those things left unsaid, and they will spill over into a major marraige-threatining argument. (could happen tommorow, could happen when one of you is on your deathbead, but rest assured, it will happen)

your general quality of life will go way up also as you two throw away your inhibitions and start reading the Kama Sutra:beer: .. .this is further down the road but will only happen if you continue to be honest with her

just tell her, you dont want a phony marrage or life any more, by saying "baby, we need to have a long Heart to heart about where we are, where we need to go, and what's going to get us there. I love you more than life itself, more than europe, more than computers, more than *beefy legged women(that's my preff, add your own, sorry) and chocolate Chip Cookie Doh. My love for you will be in my heart forever , for all the Thanks Givings, Christmas's and any other holiday you can think of, even Qanza Babay, i will take my love for you to the ground with me, where for hundreds of years afterward, all who stand near my grave will feel this warmth in my heart that i feel for you. I will make it up to you in whatever way you want me to. *** end this with w/e you think the moment calls for, with all the appropriate human emotions and facial expressions, also be careful to start out with a sincere slow calculated voice, do not brake eye contact, midway through, place arm on her, or just try and get progressively closer, till when you utter with heartfelt effection, those last few lines, you are embracing her/staring deeply into her eyes.

well Good luck with that, i gave the best advice i could Just keep in mind----- Emotion--EyeContact-- Cyncerity--and a touch of logic = you cracked into her heart and penetrated her obsessive impulse to imprint herself onto you like a baby Zebra.

can i get a welcome to the boards plz? "it brings warm feelings to my heart"-- Yoda

Welcome to ATOT... Morrowind is good shite... but I've pretty much played it to death...

EDIT: OMGHI2U!

-Max

 

[Geekbabe]

If your wife is real smart and wants to turn this situation into a real win,win all around not only will she send you off to Europe with a smile, she'll also decide to step up and volunteer to do extra duty at her job,foregoing days off so that perhaps somebody else who has children can have time off over the holidays.

She'll net a happy husband, a co-worker or two who owes her future favors, extra pay and she'll keep herself busy.

 

[JayHo74]

thanx mr. Doboji, will i face Radical English purist Discrimination REPD, or get "ripped" for my lack of concern as far as grammer and spelling go?

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If your wife is real smart and wants to turn this situation into a real win,win all around not only will she send you off to Europe with a smile, she'll also decide to step up and volunteer to do extra duty at her job,foregoing days off so that perhaps somebody else who has children can have time off over the holidays.

She'll net a happy husband, a co-worker or two who owes her future favors, extra pay and she'll keep herself busy.

Thats kinda what I'm doing now... my GF is down in Atlanta for the month doing one of her Med School Rotations... so I told my boss, you need work done, I'm your man... 24/7 keep me busy... I've pulled 30 hours of OT this week alone.... I get extra money in the bank... I'm supportive of my girlfriend thus winning BF points, my co-workers looooove me more and more with each nasty shift I take. Win-win all around.

-Max

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: JayHo74
thanx mr. Doboji, will i face Radical English purist Discrimination REPD, or get "ripped" for my lack of concern as far as grammer and spelling go?

as a n00b, it is your duty to get ripped for that and anything else that may serve as a viable excuse to rip ya...

cheers

-Max

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Doboji

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If your wife is real smart and wants to turn this situation into a real win,win all around not only will she send you off to Europe with a smile, she'll also decide to step up and volunteer to do extra duty at her job,foregoing days off so that perhaps somebody else who has children can have time off over the holidays.

She'll net a happy husband, a co-worker or two who owes her future favors, extra pay and she'll keep herself busy.

Thats kinda what I'm doing now... my GF is down in Atlanta for the month doing one of her Med School Rotations... so I told my boss, you need work done, I'm your man... 24/7 keep me busy... I've pulled 30 hours of OT this week alone.... I get extra money in the bank... I'm supportive of my girlfriend thus winning BF points, my co-workers looooove me more and more with each nasty shift I take. Win-win all around.

-Max

Having people owe you favors at the job is like having money in the bank.

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: JayHo74
eh, dude, it is extremely important for you to be completely honest with her for a few reasons, you need to have an open, stable, best friend to best friend relationship for your marriage to really be a run -away succses,

without this openess and willingnes to tell all and do almost all, your heading for trouble. (Hypothetically, lets say you had gay sex in the woods when you were 14 with another boy-- YOU MUST BE ABLE TO TELL HER THESE THINGS)

if you act phony/politically correct, and she does also, a trainwreck is acommin.. cause eventually, you 2 will no longer be able to let Ly all those things left unsaid, and they will spill over into a major marraige-threatining argument. (could happen tommorow, could happen when one of you is on your deathbead, but rest assured, it will happen)

your general quality of life will go way up also as you two throw away your inhibitions and start reading the Kama Sutra:beer: .. .this is further down the road but will only happen if you continue to be honest with her

just tell her, you dont want a phony marrage or life any more, by saying "baby, we need to have a long Heart to heart about where we are, where we need to go, and what's going to get us there. I love you more than life itself, more than europe, more than computers, more than *beefy legged women(that's my preff, add your own, sorry) and chocolate Chip Cookie Doh. My love for you will be in my heart forever , for all the Thanks Givings, Christmas's and any other holiday you can think of, even Qanza Babay, i will take my love for you to the ground with me, where for hundreds of years afterward, all who stand near my grave will feel this warmth in my heart that i feel for you. I will make it up to you in whatever way you want me to. *** end this with w/e you think the moment calls for, with all the appropriate human emotions and facial expressions, also be careful to start out with a sincere slow calculated voice, do not brake eye contact, midway through, place arm on her, or just try and get progressively closer, till when you utter with heartfelt effection, those last few lines, you are embracing her/staring deeply into her eyes.

well Good luck with that, i gave the best advice i could Just keep in mind----- Emotion--EyeContact-- Cyncerity--and a touch of logic = you cracked into her heart and penetrated her obsessive impulse to imprint herself onto you like a baby Zebra.

can i get a welcome to the boards plz? "it brings warm feelings to my heart"-- Yoda

well put man! thanks for the advice

 

[toekramp]

thanks to everyone from both view points. i think this thread has been not only important to me, but has made a lot of people think about the parternship involved in marriage. you guys rock

 

[bobbybe01]

Originally posted by: toekramp
thanks to everyone from both view points. i think this thread has been not only important to me, but has made a lot of people think about the parternship involved in marriage. you guys rock

:beer:

Best wishes.

 

[JayHo74]

toekramp "well put man! thanks for the advice"

i say thx, and gl

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: toekramp
thanks to everyone from both view points. i think this thread has been not only important to me, but has made a lot of people think about the parternship involved in marriage. you guys rock

so umm... *kicking imaginary rock*... so yeah... ummm you uhh... are you gonna tell us what the final verdict is... are you going? Will you tell, or are you going to syringer us?

-Max

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: Doboji

Originally posted by: toekramp
thanks to everyone from both view points. i think this thread has been not only important to me, but has made a lot of people think about the parternship involved in marriage. you guys rock

so umm... *kicking imaginary rock*... so yeah... ummm you uhh... are you gonna tell us what the final verdict is... are you going? Will you tell, or are you going to syringer us?

-Max

heh, i'll let you know how it develops, i'm sure i'll know by the end of this upcoming week
i'll keep ya'll posted

 

[jjmIII]

I'll stay home with her!

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: jjmIII
I'll stay home with her!

i'll let her know, she'll probably want a resume/pics/crime record...

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: toekramp

Originally posted by: jjmIII
I'll stay home with her!

i'll let her know, she'll probably want a resume/pics/crime record...

You know what the really smart compromise is?... Get her a ticket to fly out for the weekend... meet her in venice or something... bring diamonds... accomplish freedom, friends, and romance all at the same time....

-Max

 

[Caladin2]

Originally posted by: Iron Woode
Show her this:

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/IronWoode/good_wife.jpg

Hell Ya I love that!