How do I get my teenage son to shave?

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: Amused
I rather show my teens examples of other people's mistekes and not have them make the kind of mistakes that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Spending their teen years looking like an unkept hippy/hobo WILL do just that.

Spending their teen years smoking crack will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Trying to grow a half-assed beard when you're 15 will only haunt you insofar as when you look at those old faded pictures 20 years later and your wife makes fun of you.

Unless you were chastized for it for 5 years straight and now you're a closet axe-murderer and your wife happens to be made out of stuffing and sheepskin, and you play with barbies everynight after coming home from your factory job!

You know entirely too much about me, Skoorb. Can I come over for......dinner? Don't bother preparing any food; I'll take care of that

 

[Mnementh]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

don't think somebody should be categorised just because of what they wear and how they conduct their lives.

So, why do goths dress differently? That seems to be exactly what they're going for - so people will judge them different than the norm

This could go around in circles for ever

Who's to say they aren't the norm etc etc etc

I agree with you a lot of goths are very low on confidence and go down that route to attempt to hide/make up for it, there's also just as many who go down the goth route because they believe they shouldn't have to conform to other peoples ideals and picture of what is "normal", these people are not losers they have made a life choice that is their decision to make.

I don't want to argue and apologise to badmouse for hijacking the thread, lets just agree to disagree on this matter and get back to the Gandalf at hand

Mnementh

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: wkabel23

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: badmouse

Originally posted by: Amused
Tell him to shave, and mean it.

I swear, it pains me to see parents be such pussies these days.

You're not a parent, are you ? I have a lot of things I tell him and I mean it. The whole reason I'm asking this question here is that I personally don't care whether he has a beard or not, and I want to see if I need to expend my leet parenting skills on this matter, or if I can let it slide - looking for other people's opinions.

I didn't have a beard when I was fourteen, because I'm his mom. So I don't know whether it affects his whole teenage social life, or if it's unimportant. And I don't know what the "guy" thoughts are, okay? So, I'm asking.

While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

The problem is, teens cannot do this. I would also be weary of allowing my teen the ability to look that much older.

At any rate, I've never seen a teen with a decent beard. They either grow in too shaggy, or they don;t take proper care of it, or both. Either way, it will make him look like a dirty, unkept hippy/hobo. NOT an image a teen needs to be projecting if they ever want to do something with their life.

Are you being serious? Did you go to Christian Prep Academy Private School or are you just stupid?

Nope. I speak from experience.

Thanks for the mindless insult, though.

I should have known better than to get into a discussion like this on a board full of teens.

 

[biostud]

Damn, I'm 24 and can only grow a square inch of beard, which I'm trying atm.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Amused
The problem is, teens cannot do this. I would also be weary of allowing my teen the ability to look that much older.

At any rate, I've never seen a teen with a decent beard. They either grow in too shaggy, or they don;t take proper care of it, or both. Either way, it will make him look like a dirty, unkept hippy/hobo. NOT an image a teen needs to be projecting if they ever want to do something with their life.

I'll agree with you that most teens cannot grow a decent beard, but there are definately a few who can. The two I referred to in my earlier post who grew a beard at 14 did have a full man's beard, and I did as well at age 16. Not scraggly; a full beard that grows in the same today as it did then.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy

Originally posted by: jjones
While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

To me, the real issue is your son wanting to look like Gandalf. I would have a long talk about why a fantasy world seems to be more appealing to him than the real world. Fantasy is okay, but when you start to arrange your real life into some depiction of a fantasy world, that's not healthy.

As for kids in general growing a beard at that age, I knew a couple of guys when I was that age that could grow a full beard and did. Nothing socially wrong with it; it's just the Gandalf thing that's going to cause problems. I grew a full beard while still in high school at age 16 and had a mustache since age 14.

What the hell kind of drugs are you on?

What in my post leads you to think I'm on drugs?

 

[Saulbadguy]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: wkabel23

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: badmouse

Originally posted by: Amused
Tell him to shave, and mean it.

I swear, it pains me to see parents be such pussies these days.

You're not a parent, are you ? I have a lot of things I tell him and I mean it. The whole reason I'm asking this question here is that I personally don't care whether he has a beard or not, and I want to see if I need to expend my leet parenting skills on this matter, or if I can let it slide - looking for other people's opinions.

I didn't have a beard when I was fourteen, because I'm his mom. So I don't know whether it affects his whole teenage social life, or if it's unimportant. And I don't know what the "guy" thoughts are, okay? So, I'm asking.

While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

The problem is, teens cannot do this. I would also be weary of allowing my teen the ability to look that much older.

At any rate, I've never seen a teen with a decent beard. They either grow in too shaggy, or they don;t take proper care of it, or both. Either way, it will make him look like a dirty, unkept hippy/hobo. NOT an image a teen needs to be projecting if they ever want to do something with their life.

Are you being serious? Did you go to Christian Prep Academy Private School or are you just stupid?

Nope. I speak from experience.

Thanks for the mindless insult, though.

I should have known better than to get into a discussion like this on a board full of teens.

Actually, you should consult with those who were teens not too long ago, IE..many of the members on this board. I'm assuming times have changed since you were a teen, when having a beard was quite unacceptable. Now its only a bit socially deviant, but not a big deal. You argue having a shaggy unkept beard turns you in to a hobo..well, that is simply not true. Its more of a form of self expression, that will likely pass after he gets older.

 

[StageLeft]

I agree with you a lot of goths are very low on confidence and go down that route to attempt to hide/make up for it, there's also just as many who go down the goth route because they believe they shouldn't have to conform to other peoples ideals and picture of what is "normal", these people are not losers they have made a life choice that is their decision to make.

I don't want to argue and apologise to badmouse for hijacking the thread, lets just agree to disagree on this matter and get back to the Gandalf at hand

Show me pics of your anna K friend and I'll call it quits

 

[badmouse]

Originally posted by: OrganizedChaos
check out the link in her profile, it seems she makes pop-ups for a living

Ouch, I forgot about that link!! It's a bad parody site I did for a client - I got rid of the link, thanks for the reminder.

 

[Saulbadguy]

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy

Originally posted by: jjones
While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

To me, the real issue is your son wanting to look like Gandalf. I would have a long talk about why a fantasy world seems to be more appealing to him than the real world. Fantasy is okay, but when you start to arrange your real life into some depiction of a fantasy world, that's not healthy.

As for kids in general growing a beard at that age, I knew a couple of guys when I was that age that could grow a full beard and did. Nothing socially wrong with it; it's just the Gandalf thing that's going to cause problems. I grew a full beard while still in high school at age 16 and had a mustache since age 14.

What the hell kind of drugs are you on?

What in my post leads you to think I'm on drugs?

Pretty much all of it. Do you seriously think this kid has an altered sense of reality?

 

[blakeatwork]

Originally posted by: badmouse
My son is trying to grow a gandalf beard. Do I need to tell you that he's 14?! He has dark, thick facial hair, but I doubt he'll succeed at that gandalf look any time soon. His beard gets bushier and bushier - put a pair of overalls on him and he'd be a perfect Mennonite farmer - my father's family is Mennonite so he comes by it honestly, tho it's not a hot look here in the expensive suburbs.

Do I ignore it and wait until he gets a serious girlfriend who'll set him straight (his current girlfried likes his look)?

Are there statistics somewhere telling what kind of people can grow that kind of beard? Google was no help.

Do I take away his computer & video games unless he's cleanshaven? I personally think that facial hair plus acne is a ridiculous look, but what do I know?

Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Please, teenage and former teenage beard growers, tell me how you feel.

LOL.... tell him you'll get the cat to lick the dirt off his chin...

Seriously though... who cares what facial hair he has... if at 14 he can already sport a full, thick healthy beard, take it as a complement to your genes. Unless you're bald, in which case he might be growing it to have a "homegrown" toupee look when he's older..

I started growing a beard a 15, but always kept it to the goatee look. Of course, looking back on those pictures, I probably should have dyed it or something, as it was fairly light coloured, in comparison to the rest of my body hair. I got frief, and kept it mainly because I was told I wasn't allowed. I would just suggest some grooming tips. When I saw Kill Bill Vol 2, I immediately wanted to grow Ping's beard, just so i could do the arrogant flick with it...

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

I grew a full beard while still in high school at age 16 and had a mustache since age 14.

Oh no! I remember the guys who used to have mustaches, but they were so young that it would be really thin and just "creepy"

Not me. I've had full facial hair since a young age.

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: Amused
Nope. I speak from experience.

Thanks for the mindless insult, though.

I should have known better than to get into a discussion like this on a board full of teens.

Is that actual parenting experience, or did you know someone in high school who was a straight-A student with Ivy League aspirations who grew a beard and suddenly turned into a moron with no ambitions?

This isn't as simple as you make it out to be. Facial hair isn't some kind of make-or-break aspect of a kid's development. If a kid is letting himself go to sh!t, it's not because he tried to grow a beard.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: jjones
To me, the real issue is your son wanting to look like Gandalf. I would have a long talk about why a fantasy world seems to be more appealing to him than the real world. Fantasy is okay, but when you start to arrange your real life into some depiction of a fantasy world, that's not healthy.

It all depends on what he said/how he said it.
If he's got a robe and wizard hat (no pun intended), that's unhealthy.
If he's just trying to grow a beard similar to one he saw in a movie, that's not too bad.

Yeah, I agree with that completely.

 

[Mnementh]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

I agree with you a lot of goths are very low on confidence and go down that route to attempt to hide/make up for it, there's also just as many who go down the goth route because they believe they shouldn't have to conform to other peoples ideals and picture of what is "normal", these people are not losers they have made a life choice that is their decision to make.

I don't want to argue and apologise to badmouse for hijacking the thread, lets just agree to disagree on this matter and get back to the Gandalf at hand

Show me pics of your anna K friend and I'll call it quits

LOL you'll have to wait till I get home from work and can scan some in

I've got a great one of her with Pink hair and green snakeskin skintight trousers heh, very fetching...

Mnementh

 

[biostud]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: Amused
I rather show my teens examples of other people's mistekes and not have them make the kind of mistakes that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Spending their teen years looking like an unkept hippy/hobo WILL do just that.

Spending their teen years smoking crack will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Trying to grow a half-assed beard when you're 15 will only haunt you insofar as when you look at those old faded pictures 20 years later and your wife makes fun of you.

Going around looking like a unkept hippy/hobo will attract the WRONG kind of friends and vice-versa. How you project yourself socially, ESPECIALLY in your teen years, will have a huge impact on how your social life will turn out.

Naaaah, as long as he has friends and take care of his school a funny looking beard wont hurt. Don't force him to remove it just give him some hints that might give him the idea that shaving it off would be good. Tell him how much better he looks without, and you're pretty sure the girls would like him better without

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy

Originally posted by: jjones
While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

To me, the real issue is your son wanting to look like Gandalf. I would have a long talk about why a fantasy world seems to be more appealing to him than the real world. Fantasy is okay, but when you start to arrange your real life into some depiction of a fantasy world, that's not healthy.

As for kids in general growing a beard at that age, I knew a couple of guys when I was that age that could grow a full beard and did. Nothing socially wrong with it; it's just the Gandalf thing that's going to cause problems. I grew a full beard while still in high school at age 16 and had a mustache since age 14.

What the hell kind of drugs are you on?

What in my post leads you to think I'm on drugs?

Pretty much all of it. Do you seriously think this kid has an altered sense of reality?

Can't say from the info. It's possible and it might be entirely out of the question. If my kid said he wanted to look like Gandalf, as a parent, I'd sure delve a little deeper into his reasoning.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: Amused
Nope. I speak from experience.

Thanks for the mindless insult, though.

I should have known better than to get into a discussion like this on a board full of teens.

Is that actual parenting experience, or did you know someone in high school who was a straight-A student with Ivy League aspirations who grew a beard and suddenly turned into a moron with no ambitions?

This isn't as simple as you make it out to be. Facial hair isn't some kind of make-or-break aspect of a kid's development. If a kid is letting himself go to sh!t, it's not because he tried to grow a beard.

No, it's not that simple. But the downslide ALWAYS starts somewhere.

The root of this is, if his mom does not like the beard, she should be able to tell him to shave and not have any trouble with that. Parents cannot afford to lose these little control issues. If they do, it turns into a slippery slope, fast.

 

[yukichigai]

FYI, your kid is probably growing the beard out and not trimming it because he is one of the lucky few at his age that have that amount of facial hair. When you can finally grow facial hair your first instinct is to not shave it, not even touch it lest it fall off.

If he really wants to grow a Gandalf beard it's going to take years, certainly more than four. In fact it likely won't get anywhere near a length that could be considered "long" until he's about 25. If you point that out he may change his mind. Not immediately, but after three months with a total of less than an inch in growth things may be different.

Oh yeah, no matter what get him to shave the "Scarf" area on his neck. That's where facial hair appears first but also the last place it fills in completely. I've never seen anyone who can grow hair there and look good. The last time it was considered remotely fashionable was during the Civil War, and that's because it functioned as a scarf, keeping the neck warm. If you have to, offer him $10 if after a week of shaving the Scarf people don't think he looks better.

 

[yukichigai]

Originally posted by: Amused
No, it's not that simple. But the downslide ALWAYS starts somewhere.

The root of this is, if his mom does not like the beard, she should be able to tell him to shave and not have any trouble with that. Parents cannot afford to lose these little control issues. If they do, it turns into a slippery slope, fast.

Welcome to having a teenaged child.

Seriously, age 14-17 is where kids try to do their own thing. And if you try to get in the way of that they tend to rebel. Sometimes it's the right thing to do to get in the way -- like telling your kid huffing paint is a bad thing -- but when it's something as trivial and harmless as scragly facial hair the kid will just resent you and likely rebel even more. Besides, if it's really a problem you, the parent, won't be the only one pointing it out.

Remember Parenting 101: "because I said so" is never a valid reason. That's called bad parenting.

 

[blakeatwork]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: wkabel23

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: badmouse

Originally posted by: Amused
Tell him to shave, and mean it.

I swear, it pains me to see parents be such pussies these days.

You're not a parent, are you ? I have a lot of things I tell him and I mean it. The whole reason I'm asking this question here is that I personally don't care whether he has a beard or not, and I want to see if I need to expend my leet parenting skills on this matter, or if I can let it slide - looking for other people's opinions.

I didn't have a beard when I was fourteen, because I'm his mom. So I don't know whether it affects his whole teenage social life, or if it's unimportant. And I don't know what the "guy" thoughts are, okay? So, I'm asking.

While I agree with Amused in principle, I don't agree in this particular case. I would let my child grow a beard if that's what they want to do and can do it without it looking like some half-grown hobo appearance.

The problem is, teens cannot do this. I would also be weary of allowing my teen the ability to look that much older.

At any rate, I've never seen a teen with a decent beard. They either grow in too shaggy, or they don;t take proper care of it, or both. Either way, it will make him look like a dirty, unkept hippy/hobo. NOT an image a teen needs to be projecting if they ever want to do something with their life.

Are you being serious? Did you go to Christian Prep Academy Private School or are you just stupid?

Nope. I speak from experience.

Thanks for the mindless insult, though.

I should have known better than to get into a discussion like this on a board full of teens.

?? Because not everyone agress with you, or because of the weak "insult"?

Sorry, but i don't agree with your position. in the grand scheme of things, a kid having a beard is not one of those mind-altering, gonna make him a homocidal freak when he's 30 and still living at home type of deals. Again, I started when i was 15, and I turned out quite well thank you very much. Unless you consider a medieval style wedding to be "odd", in which case, i would say, meh, who cares about your opinion on something that doesn't affect you?

Just to reiterate to the OP, what bothers you more, the fact he has the beard, or the fact he said he wants to look like Gandalf? If he said he wanted a beard similar to what Ian MacKellan wore in LOTR, would it be as big a deal? If not, then the issue lies with you, not him.

But, as I don't have children of my own, I cannot see the problem from your perspective.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: yukichigai

Originally posted by: Amused
No, it's not that simple. But the downslide ALWAYS starts somewhere.

The root of this is, if his mom does not like the beard, she should be able to tell him to shave and not have any trouble with that. Parents cannot afford to lose these little control issues. If they do, it turns into a slippery slope, fast.

Welcome to having a teenaged child.

Seriously, age 14-17 is where kids try to do their own thing. And if you try to get in the way of that they tend to rebel. Sometimes it's the right thing to do to get in the way -- like telling your kid huffing paint is a bad thing -- but when it's something as trivial and harmless as scragly facial hair the kid will just resent you and likely rebel even more. Besides, if it's really a problem you, the parent, won't be the only one pointing it out.

Remember Parenting 101: "because I said so" is never a valid reason. That's called bad parenting.

I never said she had to say "because I said so." She can show him all the reasons why having what looks like roadkill on a kid's face is a negative, and that's why she wants him to shave it.

 

[biostud]

Gandalf is not the worst teenage icon. He's a wise old man, not some drug deprived I'm-gonna-kill-myself psycho.

 

[ohtwell]

I think I would let him grow it out if he wanted. Eventually he'll probably lose interest in the idea and shave it on his own. As long as he keeps the hair clean, why not let him have it that way.


: ) Amanda

 

[slag]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
There's only one way to solve this. Can't grow a beard without a head. *giggles*

Really though, just tell him to shave it. If he doesn't listen, find out what is important to him, and take it away.

No, if he doesn't listen, kick his insolent ass and shave him yourself.

If you cannot control this, you have lost all control and might as well give up.

WTF?? Because he isn't sporting the look you want??

You and I both know that's wrong.

Bullsh!t. Until he is 18 his ass belongs to his parents. End of story.

No, not the end of the story. His "ass" doesn't belong to anyone. His parents have legal guardianship over him and their role is to shape him into a productive member of society. There is no "owning" at all. Your kind of idiotic thinking really baffles me. Its so counter-productive and ridiculous that I don't know if I should believe that you mean it.