I don't think it's irrational at all to think that these explanations are way over the top. If this was a court of law, your case would get thrown out immediately. I know this isn't a court of law, and it's all based on faith. Fine. I can understand if the answers to my questions occasionally depends on your interpretation, but every single thing in question has some far-fetched version of what it's supposed to mean.
I see what you're saying. I see your explanations of the questions I have. I just think that if these explanations require you to come up with an interpretation that bends the words so much, then you have to seriously start wondering why that is. Don't you ever wonder why these interpretations are rarely what your initial reaction is after you read it? I only listed 3 verses from the Bible, but I could probably go on and on with verses that just make me say "wtf!?"
I didn't start this thread by asking rhetorical questions, but it did confirm what I suspected. I suspected there was no simple answer for why the Bible says what it says, other than it is what is. Now, I guess I shouldn't rely on an internet forum to reinforce my beliefs, but I figured someone would have chipped in by now with an answer that many of us would read and think "yeah, that DOES make sense."