cheating`

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AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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Originally posted by: Jzero
Say the woman is an "open" marriage and you were single? What would you do then? You would not hit that despite the fact that neither of you really has any problem? Marriage is an agreement between 2 people, and if those 2 people agree that it's ok to boink other people here and there, then I could say that it's you who is not respecting the marriage, the woman who has needs, and the guy who generously shares his wife. ;)

If that's the way that both couples feel, then go have fun.... whatever. I really can't imagine walking in on my wife with another man and being like "Oh, sorry honey. Is that Jack? Hey buddy! You two have fun, bye!". If you really want to do the "open" marriage thing, then that's between you and your wife. But when you go out and screw some woman who is not in an "open" marriage, then there are problems.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,185
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
The biggest problems with cheating is that the cheater seldom allows their spouse the same opportunity,the cheater also generally never gives the less than pleasant parts of themselves to their parmoures,no the cheated upon spouse gets to deal with the cheater's bills,moods and everything else that equates to the grunt work of the marriage,minus any kind of love or anything good.

 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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Originally posted by: alkemyst

Those two statement contradict each other. However the forum can hear the fear you have it's clear that you are not so confident in that possibilty never happening and perhaps you have doubts it hasn't already.

However if the guy weasels his way into your apartment with your girl, I somehow think his view is going to be the same as yours ;)

No, these are not contradictory statements. This:

The problem comes when some other guy is trying to pick up my fiancee when she's walking down the street. Maybe we just had a fight or maybe she's upset or whatever, and maybe the guy weasels his way into her apartment... that is where my views and his views collide.

Is Hypothetical. This:

Now, this isn't going to happen, because I know my girl and I take care of her. But the point is that there are people out there that have no respect for our relationship or our commitment. They are basically relationship vultures, and that sucks

Is the reality of the situation. I was merely trying to apply the context of our argument to the reality of my life. If you really want to think I'm "afraid", go ahead. The fact is that I know my situation and I know my fiancee much better then you ever will.
 

Jzero

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
18,834
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If that's the way that both couples feel, then go have fun.... whatever. I really can't imagine walking in on my wife with another man and being like "Oh, sorry honey. Is that Jack? Hey buddy! You two have fun, bye!". If you really want to do the "open" marriage thing, then that's between you and your wife. But when you go out and screw some woman who is not in an "open" marriage, then there are problems.

I can't imagine that either, but I know people who are like this. I had a coworker who told me I was welcome to sleep with his wife if she wanted to sleep with me.

If someone who is in a traditional marriage is looking for a snog-on-the-side, they are going to get that action. Whether it's with you, or the next guy she comes after. You're not being chivalrous, you're not saving their marriage, you're not going to shock her into fidelity by rejecting her.

You're passing up nookie - nothing more, nothing less.

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,185
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: Jzero
If that's the way that both couples feel, then go have fun.... whatever. I really can't imagine walking in on my wife with another man and being like "Oh, sorry honey. Is that Jack? Hey buddy! You two have fun, bye!". If you really want to do the "open" marriage thing, then that's between you and your wife. But when you go out and screw some woman who is not in an "open" marriage, then there are problems.

I can't imagine that either, but I know people who are like this. I had a coworker who told me I was welcome to sleep with his wife if she wanted to sleep with me.

If someone who is in a traditional marriage is looking for a snog-on-the-side, they are going to get that action. Whether it's with you, or the next guy she comes after. You're not being chivalrous, you're not saving their marriage, you're not going to shock her into fidelity by rejecting her.

You're passing up nookie - nothing more, nothing less.

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.


When I was single if I found out a dude was married/living with somebody he got dropped like a hot potato.Moral considerations aside,who in hell wants to risk confrontation,embarrasing scenes and possible physical injury/death by getting involved with a married person? There's too many other fish in the sea imho to put oneself at such risk.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
19
81
The two partners watching each other with other's is far more rare than the open marriage where you do your thing as you need to and I will do mine.

Most couples don't like seeing their partners with others even if it's happening. It's a don't ask, don't tell thing mainly.

 

isaacmacdonald

Platinum Member
Jun 7, 2002
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Originally posted by: alkemyst
One thing I wanted to add....many people do equate sex and love as mutually exclusive. There are couples that share in thinking this way, even if one does not partake in it.

For most when a partner has has sex with ex's in the past it creates a huge problem esp when they are inexperienced.

Once you have been with several women and think about all it really is, it becomes just part of it all like kissing, etc.

What I find funny is all these people that think marriage is this baggage and then find out the reason their sweet beautiful woman they met in church is not married is because from 18 to 25 she travelled in a touring S&M show, or did in/outcall escorting, or lived in a commune (sexual). You'd be surprized the skeletons people can collect other than a marriage.

The problem is most guys think women do not go out looking for sex or instigate it, that women are always passive and loving...this may be true when they are around you in their 'real worlds', but many like the men in mid-life crisises, go out and have fling or two in a world where their alter-ego lives....most women I have had the craziest sex or even everything just leading up to that have been from out of town and have said right up front what the rules were and what their status was (married/engaged/living with someone/etc).

Now I was single then, so they were fair game. I don't play the father-figure ever in a relationship, telling them 'you shouldn't cheat on your husband', 'you shouldn't party so much', etc. Women know right and wrong and don't need a boyfriend/toy giving them sage advice, they have friends and family for that.

I missed this earlier, but I wanted to note that I agree completely. People remain people (married or not), sex is not love, but "Cheating" is still a hurtful enterprise. Again I would distinguish extra marital sex from cheating based on whether or not your spouse knows and has agreed.
 

Kenji4861

Banned
Jan 28, 2001
2,821
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0
Discussing if you cheated or not on your wife is a waste of time.

We think/know
- You are married with 2 lil girls.
- You cheated on your wife recently

So now what.. let's move forward. What are you looking for? Someone in the same shoes as you? I'm a 22 yr old guy, but from reading Men's Health and watching TV, it makes you think cheating happens very oftenly in the US. There was one article even discussing the expenses of cheating.
 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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Originally posted by: Jzero

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.

To me, it really comes down to an issue of respect. Sure, if she wants it she will find it somewhere... but that's not the point. The point is that the guy who goes into the situation knowing that the woman is married is disrespecting the husband, in one of the biggest ways you can show disrespect.
 

isaacmacdonald

Platinum Member
Jun 7, 2002
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Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage
Originally posted by: Jzero

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.

To me, it really comes down to an issue of respect. Sure, if she wants it she will find it somewhere... but that's not the point. The point is that the guy who goes into the situation knowing that the woman is married is disrespecting the husband, in one of the biggest ways you can show disrespect.

I don't agree. Unless you're declining a threesome with the husband and wife, the husband has nothing to do with the situation. The woman may be married, but it's her onus to figure out how she should behave. It's not like taking somebody's car for a drive. Women are people, not property.
 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage
Originally posted by: Jzero

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.

To me, it really comes down to an issue of respect. Sure, if she wants it she will find it somewhere... but that's not the point. The point is that the guy who goes into the situation knowing that the woman is married is disrespecting the husband, in one of the biggest ways you can show disrespect.

I don't agree. Unless you're declining a threesome with the husband and wife, the husband has nothing to do with the situation. The woman may be married, but it's her onus to figure out how she should behave. It's not like taking somebody's car for a drive. Women are people, not property.

Geez, I'm sorry I gave the impression that I think women are "property". I don't own my fiancee, and I don't try to control her in any way. I'm just saying that if some married woman wanted to fool around with me (and I were single), I would say no. I respect marriage (my interpretation of it anyway), I respect the woman, and I respect the husband enough not to screw with his woman. I expect the same from other men. I know that is not realistic, and there are going to be men who take advantage of the situation, but that does not change my opinion.
 

OutHouse

Lifer
Jun 5, 2000
36,413
616
126
Originally posted by: Jzero
Really, I feel sorry for you that you have such a low opinion of marriage. I feel even more sorry for your wife. Sex may not be love, but it should be exclusive... if you think it can't be, you shouldn't be married. At its core, sex is just a physical act... but it ends up having emotional implications. That is why it is nearly impossible to have "friends with benefits" without the relationship becoming wierd.

You need to realize that not everyone shares your views on sex and marriage, and while I happen to agree with your feelings, they are not absolute.

I agree. all the swinger couples that i know are far happier than most of the monogamist couples that i know.
 

OutHouse

Lifer
Jun 5, 2000
36,413
616
126
I don't agree. Unless you're declining a threesome with the husband and wife, the husband has nothing to do with the situation. The woman may be married, but it's her onus to figure out how she should behave. It's not like taking somebody's car for a drive. Women are people, not property.

And that ladies and gentlemen is exactly how to get a divorce.

The husband has EVERYTHING to do with the situation.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
19
81
Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage
Originally posted by: Jzero

If you pass up the opportunity, bully for you and your self-control, but it's a bit presumptuous to frown on someone who answers the door when opportunity knocks.

To me, it really comes down to an issue of respect. Sure, if she wants it she will find it somewhere... but that's not the point. The point is that the guy who goes into the situation knowing that the woman is married is disrespecting the husband, in one of the biggest ways you can show disrespect.

WTF do I owe her husband respect? I don't owe anyone respect anymore than they owe me it.

You earn respect.

Jesus, is this chick your first 'all the way' babe or something?
 

kazamobah

Senior member
Aug 4, 2001
325
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WTF do I owe her husband respect? I don't owe anyone respect anymore than they owe me it.

You earn respect.

Jesus, is this chick your first 'all the way' babe or something?


A lot of things in life fall into a gray area. They are not illegal but it is questionable whether they are "right" or "wrong". When a this type of situation arises I ask myself, "How would I feel if I was in the other person's position and this was done to me?"
 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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A lot of things in life fall into a gray area. They are not illegal but it is questionable whether they are "right" or "wrong". When a this type of situation arises I ask myself, "How would I feel if I was in the other person's position and this was done to me?"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

WTF do I owe her husband respect? I don't owe anyone respect anymore than they owe me it.

You earn respect.

Maybe its just me, but I respect everyone until they do something that forces me not to respect them. I don't go around screwing other men's wives out of respect just the same as I don't break into thier houses or steal thier wallet.

Jesus, is this chick your first 'all the way' babe or something?

No, and I don't see how this has any bearing. Just because I think fidelity is an important quality in a relationship is no reflection on my "number".
 

isaacmacdonald

Platinum Member
Jun 7, 2002
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Maybe its just me, but I respect everyone until they do something that forces me not to respect them. I don't go around screwing other men's wives out of respect just the same as I don't break into thier houses or steal thier wallet.

it sounds vaguely like you're comparing a man's wife to a man's house, hdtv, or wallet. if you are, it's a flawed comparision. wives are people, not possessions. An hdtv doesn't have any choice in the matter, but unless we're talking about rape or kidnapping, spouses have free will and so exercise a capacity for self determination.
 

loup garou

Lifer
Feb 17, 2000
35,132
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Can you guys stop bickering and get back to the real point of this thread, which is ripping on CT2TXtech? :p
 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
Maybe its just me, but I respect everyone until they do something that forces me not to respect them. I don't go around screwing other men's wives out of respect just the same as I don't break into thier houses or steal thier wallet.

it sounds vaguely like you're comparing a man's wife to a man's house, hdtv, or wallet. if you are, it's a flawed comparision. wives are people, not possessions. An hdtv doesn't have any choice in the matter, but unless we're talking about rape or kidnapping, spouses have free will and so exercise a capacity for self determination.

As I said before, I do not think women are property... I'm just trying to illustrate a point here. I trust my fiancee completely, and I do not attempt to control her life in any way. I don't own her.

The point of the wife/property/wallet thing was to say: "Treat others as you want to be treated"... and I don't want to have some guy screwing my wife. Therefore, I respect other people and the relationships they have chosen. I also respect other people's property and expect the same treatment in return. I havn't ever cheated with any of my previous girlfriends, and I will never cheat on my future wife.
 

isaacmacdonald

Platinum Member
Jun 7, 2002
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Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage
Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
Maybe its just me, but I respect everyone until they do something that forces me not to respect them. I don't go around screwing other men's wives out of respect just the same as I don't break into thier houses or steal thier wallet.

it sounds vaguely like you're comparing a man's wife to a man's house, hdtv, or wallet. if you are, it's a flawed comparision. wives are people, not possessions. An hdtv doesn't have any choice in the matter, but unless we're talking about rape or kidnapping, spouses have free will and so exercise a capacity for self determination.

As I said before, I do not think women are property... I'm just trying to illustrate a point here. I trust my fiancee completely, and I do not attempt to control her life in any way. I don't own her.

The point of the wife/property/wallet thing was to say: "Treat others as you want to be treated"... and I don't want to have some guy screwing my wife. Therefore, I respect other people and the relationships they have chosen. I also respect other people's property and expect the same treatment in return. I havn't ever cheated with any of my previous girlfriends, and I will never cheat on my future wife.

golf clap?
 

y2kc

Platinum Member
Sep 2, 2000
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Originally posted by: werk
Can you guys stop bickering and get back to the real point of this thread, which is ripping on CT2TXtech? :p

agreed. thread officially ruined.
 

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
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golf clap?
...
rolleye.gif