Originally posted by: JJWalker
Originally posted by: Shanti
JJ, You have the most creative ways of describing your, ummm, digestive health.
My worst bowel movement ever was, well, let me entertain you: Back when I was 20-21, I got into this pepper eating habit. I would eat jalapenos and banana peppers whenever I could. Tasty little guys, and the hotter the better. Anyway, one night before going out, my friends pull out a small jar from fridge that contained habaneras. I'd heard of them but had never actually eaten one. I was quite intrigued. They offered me one which I bit down and swallowed. Mighty tasty. Seemed more tangy than hot. I asked for couple more and their eyes got as big as saucers as they looked at each other and said, "Yeah, sure!" I grab two more and ate them. Apparently the first one that I ate was a dud because this time it was instant pain. Wow! Those are some goddamned hot-assed peppers. Water, water, water, and milk still didn't cool it down. Finally, after about 30 minutes my eyes stopped watering and I was fine. Or so I thought. We went to a club and around 2AM my stomach began making some really strange noises. I played it off, went home, and went to bed. Around 6AM, I woke up with that "I GOTTA CRAP!!!!" alert. I got up and hot footed to the bathroom. First turd, slick as could be, scooted out of my ass and I screamed. SCREAMED! As in, I woke up my roommate sleeping downstairs. My ass felt like it was on frigging fire, and more needed to come out. You want to talk about turds of dread, well, here it is, right front and center. Excruciating pepper fire, shooting from my ass. I tried to put the fire out by dabbing at it with toilet paper and at the same time, I desperately tried to fill the tub next to the can full of cold water to help. No go. Anyway, an hour and a half later, it was finally over. Moral: no matter how much you like peppers, don't eat habaneras.
Thanks for making me laugh. 
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