YAGT: The "I Need Space" thread... *update 01/08*

[fatkorean]

His mind seems already made up. He only really responds to the answers that he wants to hear. He can't seem to face the fact that the relationship is probably over.

He should just forget about her and give her her space and live his life. If she calls, then she calls, but dont talk to her about the relationship. Just treat her like a friend and move on. Your stress level will go down and you will start to enjoy your life.

-fk
been there done that, realized she made a mistake and wants back but i already moved on and am happier now

 

[gutharius]

Perhaps it is simply that she is not sure whe wants to make a lifelong commitment to have a person in her life before she has even had a chance to live her own life. 22 is awfully young to start making serious committments that will suck your entire life away. I can certainly relate to this. I am ok with having a significant other but the issue with me is that there is just too much of my own life to live before I "tie the knot" and make a lifelong committment.

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: gutharius
Perhaps it is simply that she is not sure whe wants to make a lifelong commitment to have a person in her life before she has even had a chance to live her own life. 22 is awfully young to start making serious committments that will suck your entire life away. I can certainly relate to this. I am ok with having a significant other but the issue with me is that there is just too much of my own life to live before I "tie the knot" and make a lifelong committment.

If you read my update, that is exactly what she is going through...

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: gutharius
Perhaps it is simply that she is not sure whe wants to make a lifelong commitment to have a person in her life before she has even had a chance to live her own life. 22 is awfully young to start making serious committments that will suck your entire life away. I can certainly relate to this. I am ok with having a significant other but the issue with me is that there is just too much of my own life to live before I "tie the knot" and make a lifelong committment.

If you read my update, that is exactly what she is going through...

And you really want to marry somebody that changes their mind about their current relationship with the way the wind blows?

She is either incredibly wishy-washy or playing you like a violin.

Let me guess, she is the only person you have ever been with...gf meet curb, curb gf. Kick her to the curb before she breaks your heart yet again.

 

[Stark]

that's right... you used to be jimjbullock (or something like that) with the gf who messed around on you in texas

you should have given her all the space she wanted back then. Hope you didn't spend too much on her for Xmas.

 

[Red]

And you really want to marry somebody that changes their mind about their current relationship with the way the wind blows?

She is either incredibly wishy-washy or playing you like a violin.

Let me guess, she is the only person you have ever been with...gf meet curb, curb gf. Kick her to the curb before she breaks your heart yet again.

Definitely not the first person I've been with, but this is my longest relationship / love.

 

[Monkey muppet]

Same thing happened with my (now-ex) gf:

Wanted space - I gave her lots of space (no phone calls, etc for two weeks) at the end of it, we both realised that it was too hard to be apart, so we got back together,. This was when thr relationship was the best (affectionate, sharing, caring from both persons).

...............two months later I kicked her to the curb, when she said it again

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: tagej

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: sniperruff
she said she needs space, so don't email her, call her or see her for a while until she contacts you again.

she said everything is alright... are you guys engaged or not? don't you trust her? just give her some time away and you should enjoy some time on your own.

You sound exactly like her... is that you Megan?

In all seriousness, she is telling me she just needs space, but it's very difficult when you spend so much time with your fiancee to all of a sudden cut communication. Especially with so much snow around here, I'm worried... wanna call, but then she'll get pissed that I'm not giving her space. Grr.

This sounds again like you just care way more for her than she does for you. You 're smothering her. Leave her the heck alone, let her figure out for herself what she wants. If that includes you, she'll come looking for ya. If not, then just be happy you're finding out now and not starting a "just got divorced, wife took everything" thread.

Yeah, I like that idea. Just back off...if she wants you "back" she'll come.

 

[mikebb]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: gutharius
Perhaps it is simply that she is not sure whe wants to make a lifelong commitment to have a person in her life before she has even had a chance to live her own life. 22 is awfully young to start making serious committments that will suck your entire life away. I can certainly relate to this. I am ok with having a significant other but the issue with me is that there is just too much of my own life to live before I "tie the knot" and make a lifelong committment.

If you read my update, that is exactly what she is going through...

It's fine to acknowledge that this is what she is going through, but you need to start thinking about what's best for YOU, because she doesn't seem to be. Don't sit around waiting for her to "live life before settling down" or whatever it is that she claims she wants to do.

You need to stand up here and be the man. I know it's hard, but tell her that you're okay with giving her space; HOWEVER, with "space" unlike with an engagement, there are no rules. No "Red, I called you last night and you didn't answer, where the hell were you." No "I don't want you hanging out with that hot girl you're friends with from work." Or any other guilt crap from her, she wouldn't take it from you at this point. You need to put your foot down, and stop letting her set all the rules of your relationship.

Use this opportunity to step back from the situation and ask yourself "Is she really the one I want to spend my life with?" Instead of sitting there and just waiting for her to make her decision about if she wants to be with you. You may (eventually) find yourself wondering...

 

[Buck Armstrong]

I'm sure its small consolation, but I look back at my early-mid 20s and feel LUCKY I didn't make the mistake of marrying anybody I dated then. Trust me, who you are now and who you'll be at 30 are two different guys. You CANNOT decide who you want to spend the rest of your adult life with when you're barely even a fvcking adult! 22 is way too young to pick a lifelong mate...no offense, but at that age, you have no idea who you're going to be and what you'll want out of life.

You think its bad now? Wait until you're wondering where your wife is at 3 am. You're lucky you didn't marry her...she'd be divorcing you right now, taking your house and half your other stuff! And if you'd had kids, she'd be stealing them from you and letting some other bastard abuse them while you paid for the whole mess for the next 18 years.

So just accept that your experience with this girl has taught you a bit more about what kind of girl you should eventually marry...but its certainly not this adulteress-in-training. And at this point, the more you cling to this slut, the less she'll respect you.

 

Red, in case you missed my post elsewhere, I demand (hint sarcasm) an explanation of your inconsistent statements. :| Why did you lie to us? Maybe your update isn't even true. :/

Posted December 21, 2004:

Originally posted by: Red
This is an old letter, my fiance and I are doing ok now. I just found it in an old e-mail and posted it. I was shaking my head because you and others constantly poke fun at me.

Posted December 23, 2004:

Originally posted by: Red
I sent her this letter through e-mail a couple days ago: Click here

Ah, I see! Not only were you in denial; not only did you disrespect your SO and your relationship by posting this letter publicly, but you were also dishonest with us. I can't believe it! The only possible explanation is that you sent her the same letter twice, and on different dates. In which case, we could safely say that you're uninteresting if you send a letter of this grade--not only once but twice. However, I don't believe that you sent it twice. Therefore, I'm utterly disappointed that you would engage in lies to members from whom you expect genuine opinions. Or perhaps you were trying to save your face by changing your story--due to the harsh posts from other members. But I still think that's no excuse. You should have the guts to defend decisions you make and positions you take. I am no longer fond of you, Red. I'm not sure I could trust anything you said anymore. Is this whole request for advice a trick after all, so as to see who catches on (the inconsistent) early? I'm disappointed in your behavior....

 

[Hammer]

Originally posted by: DearQT
Red, in case you missed my post elsewhere, I demand (hint sarcasm) an explanation of your inconsistent statements. :| Why did you lie to us? Maybe your update isn't even true. :/

Posted December 21, 2004:

Originally posted by: Red
This is an old letter, my fiance and I are doing ok now. I just found it in an old e-mail and posted it. I was shaking my head because you and others constantly poke fun at me.

Posted December 23, 2004:

Originally posted by: Red
I sent her this letter through e-mail a couple days ago: Click here

Ah, I see! Not only were you in denial; not only did you disrespect your SO and your relationship by posting this letter publicly, but you were also dishonest with us. I can't believe it! The only possible explanation is that you sent her the same letter twice, and on different dates. In which case, we could safely say that you're uninteresting if you send a letter of this grade--not only once but twice. However, I don't believe that you sent it twice. Therefore, I'm utterly disappointed that you would engage in lies to members from whom you expect genuine opinions. Or perhaps you were trying to save your face by changing your story--due to the harsh posts from other members. But I still think that's no excuse. You should have the guts to defend decisions you make and positions you take. I am no longer fond of you, Red. I'm not sure I could trust anything you said anymore. Is this whole request for advice a trick after all, so as to see who catches on (the inconsistent) early? I'm disappointed in your behavior....

lol. seriously luvly, you should apply at the fbi :laugh:

 

[thereaderrabbit]

Red-

Some advice from someone who has been around the block- you're handling things well at the moment. It's easy to want your space, but its hard to be the one offering it. It's hard not to feel hurt when someone asks for it. It's hard not to feel threatened by the new situation, but it can make your relationship stronger.

She can get to know you as the person others see you as. Something that is often missed after time. This is the chance to do your own thing, use the time to follow up on your dreams... she's not holding you back! The danger is that if she asks for space and you sulk- she's not coming back for good reason. Be the guy who has a life, enjoys his life and she would be lucky to have!

Good luck!

-Reader

 

[thereaderrabbit]

Originally posted by: Buck Armstrong
I'm sure its small consolation, but I look back at my early-mid 20s and feel LUCKY I didn't make the mistake of marrying anybody I dated then. Trust me, who you are now and who you'll be at 30 are two different guys. You CANNOT decide who you want to spend the rest of your adult life with when you're barely even a fvcking adult! 22 is way too young to pick a lifelong mate...no offense, but at that age, you have no idea who you're going to be and what you'll want out of life.

You think its bad now? Wait until you're wondering where your wife is at 3 am. You're lucky you didn't marry her...she'd be divorcing you right now, taking your house and half your other stuff! And if you'd had kids, she'd be stealing them from you and letting some other bastard abuse them while you paid for the whole mess for the next 18 years.

So just accept that your experience with this girl has taught you a bit more about what kind of girl you should eventually marry...but its certainly not this adulteress-in-training. And at this point, the more you cling to this slut, the less she'll respect you.

Yea, getting married before 30 would seem foolish in retrospect, but I sure passed up some excellent women while taking the time to get to know myself better.

-Reader

 

[Red]

Ah, I see! Not only were you in denial; not only did you disrespect your SO and your relationship by posting this letter publicly, but you were also dishonest with us. I can't believe it! The only possible explanation is that you sent her the same letter twice, and on different dates. In which case, we could safely say that you're uninteresting if you send a letter of this grade--not only once but twice. However, I don't believe that you sent it twice. Therefore, I'm utterly disappointed that you would engage in lies to members from whom you expect genuine opinions. Or perhaps you were trying to save your face by changing your story--due to the harsh posts from other members. But I still think that's no excuse. You should have the guts to defend decisions you make and positions you take. I am no longer fond of you, Red. I'm not sure I could trust anything you said anymore. Is this whole request for advice a trick after all, so as to see who catches on (the inconsistent) early? I'm disappointed in your behavior....

I didn't want to post about this situation on the 21st, tha's when I said it was old... that's why my original thread title was "I didn't want to post another YAGT, but here it is" ... I abandoned that other YAGT, I was simply "feeling out" the responses from the letter. The last thing I ever want to be a is a liar, trust me this thread and situation is true. I appreciate your advice... really. I DID send her this e-mail a couple days ago, once... disregard my YAGT on Dec.21st... once again, I didn't want the flamers to start stuff when they were demanding it's originality/authenticity. Sorry :/

 

[Philippine Mango]

I see your picture of your girl and sadly I think she is banging another guy, she looks like the kind of girl (NO OFFENSE) that if she got drunk, would flash her self kind of like Girls gone wild type crap..

 

[dfi]

Well, look on the bright side: she's cute and you got to sleep with her.

Let us know when she dumps you. And don't forget to get your ring back. You're so emasculated right now that it's not even worth the effort to state the obvious. Although I'd love for you to prove me wrong.

dfi

 

[Crucial]

It's been 5 days since the last update, she kicked you to the curb yet?

 

Come on, where's the update, Ostrich! :|

 

[Cable God]

come on Red, pull your head outta the sand and give us an update.

 

[shopbruin]

Originally posted by: Philippine Mango
I see your picture of your girl and sadly I think she is banging another guy, she looks like the kind of girl (NO OFFENSE) that if she got drunk, would flash her self kind of like Girls gone wild type crap..

she did that in texas.

 

[Toastedlightly]

Syringered.

 

[Cable God]

Originally posted by: Toastedlightly
Syringered.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: freesia39

Originally posted by: Philippine Mango
I see your picture of your girl and sadly I think she is banging another guy, she looks like the kind of girl (NO OFFENSE) that if she got drunk, would flash her self kind of like Girls gone wild type crap..

she did that in texas.

I thought all she did was suck off Paco

 

[Red]

bump, update