YAGT: The "I Need Space" thread... *update 01/08*

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: DearQT

Originally posted by: BD2003
Translation: blah blah blah, I know everything, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah girls are special, we should be treated like princesses, bowed down to blah blah.

If theyve already transitioned to being engaged, albeit a long time ago, there should be no more of this "I need space". Nothing about what he said implies that he's needy, clingy or dependent. And believe me, I know that when I see it. It sounds like you shouldnt have been engaged in the first place. But most importantly, this is NOT the first time this has happened. Its been twice in less than a year. Why youre engaged for two years and not married is beyond me, but its starting to sound like maybe thats a good thing.

Its one thing if things need to be discussed, but if she doesnt want HER FIANCEE calling her at night, alarms should be going off.

I say give her her space, on your terms, not hers.

Of course, you're damn right: I believe girls and women should be treated as princesses. Heaven forbid I accept any man/boy who doesn't treat me like a princess. However, I only think he should treat me like a princess because I deserve it and proved it. I haven't said a trashy girl should be treated like a princess.

Red is the one acting desperate. My position is that she doesn't even want to be with him at the moment. She just wants him to call it off, but he won't do it. So since he's chosen to suck up to that crap, then he should at least learn to give her a breathing space if he ever wants it to work. He's the one that proposed to her, not she to him. I don't think the engagement means anything anymore, since she's indicated that she's not sure of herself. How many more ways must she put it? It's ridiculous to force someone to commit because they accepted your engagement some time ago. Things change and people change. Engagements are conditional; they aren't marriages. At the very least, give her some breathing space to come to terms with her commitment. Or if he's smart and realistic, he could call it off now. I'm sure he has good intents, but....

And men deserve to be treated with respect by the "princesses" they dote over. My baby knows better than to treat me like that. Its a two way street. You or any other girl are not some sort of special prize that us men should bow down to the gods and thank them for their undeserved gift, because we are not worthy.

Desperate? I dunno. But I'd be pretty fvcked up if my FIANCEE just up and decided one day that she wanted space. That demands a REAL explanation, and a discussion, NOT avoidance.

Avoidance = I dont want to talk about it because its uncomfortable for ME.

You really need to get over yourself, along with your entire gender. In a relationship, especially an engagement, there needs to be mutual respect. Here, there is none. This isnt a case for one sided special treatment.

Engagements are not marriages, but they are not just dating. I wouldnt put up with this sh*t from my gf and we're just dating, if we were engaged, then its just plain not going to fly in any way.

She is being selfish. She wants to ditch you, and not explain herself, while she takes her time and youre left there in the fetal position. Thats not love, thats not respect, thats not caring.

 

[Crucial]

I think she wants you to be the one to break up with her. She is a very selfish person and she doesn't want the guilt involved with breaking up with you. All the signs are there man why don't you read them. She cheats on you, breaks off an engagement, cuts off all sex, and minimizes contact. What else do you need to get the picture? She is done with you but doesn't want to feel bad about breaking your heart. Is has nothing to do with your feelings, it's all about her and always has been. Doesn't mean she's cheating now but then that wouldn't matter would it. You've already given her permission to do that the last time by taking her back.

You need to just be a man and tell her you don't want to be involved with her in any way shape or form and cut it off for good. Walk away and don't turn back. No crying about it with her or blah blah blah. Just meet her, tell her, and go away. If she comes groveling back after a couple days then you can decide if you want her back. The ball will be in your court.

 

[neilm]

I agree with what BD2003 is saying, she's being totally selfish about the whole thing. The "needing space" isn't really good enough, because it's only right ya should want to know why she is needing space so late into the engagement... and it does seem like she is hiding something. Sorry.

 

[Cobalt]

Originally posted by: y2kc
she's delaying breaking up with you until after christmas.

"space" is usually code for "i met a really hot guy when I was out drinking with my girlfriends and I want to hump him really badly but the confines of our relationship is a deterrant and i'd hate for you to catch me in flagrante delicto "

Agreed. What is with people deciding to get married so early now anyway? Don't you people want to experience life more instead of being tied down early and having kids?

 

[Thegonagle]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

It could be the fact that a girl's sex drive is heavily affected by her emotional state, and if things aren't "feeling" right to her, she's unlikely to be in the mood. (That's only a small comfort in light of the overall situation, because the overall situation is bigger than just sex, and it's this ovcerall situation which must be addressed. . . Carefully.)

 

[WhiteKnight]

Dude, isn't this the same "I need space" crap she pulled back when she got it on with Sancho or wtf his name was?

 

[Patt]

When I was in a committed relationship, i.e. 2+ years, my gf came to me one day and told me she needed space. She was confused, unsure of the relationship, unsure of herself etc. Several things she said, and the way she acted made me sure she was trying to come up with a way to say it was over.

I left her alone for a few days, went out with the boys, went on a ski trip, missed her, but respected her need for privacy, and dealt with my own issues. She was messed up, missed work, worried herself sick etc.

When she finally called me, and asked how I'd been doing, I let her know what I'd been up to, and how I was enjoying myself as per usual, but not maliciously. I told her that I missed her, but that I had my own life.

In the fallout from this conversation, she brought up the fact that she thought I was a bit overbearing etc, and that I seemed like I couldn't live without her. So when she heard about my time alone, and realized she wasn't my entire world (though an important part), she became more comfortable. She also worked through issues of her own about the direction her life was headed during the time apart, and we became a strong couple because of our time apart.

If you're feeling dodgy about things, then by all means act following your instincts. Regardless if she may be being selfish, if you can respect your partner's need for space, and realize it might do you a world of good as well, it might be worth it to wait it out. Worst case scenario, you've learned something about the other person, and best case scenario could turn out like me ... now happily married for more than 3 years, and neither of us can imagine life without the other.

Good luck man.

 

[rsd]

What is the over under for how long their relationship lasts? I give it 2 years, just because Red is still waiting for his balls to drop.

Seriously though, I think you need to spend some time to examine your situation. Don't you think that some MAJOR alarms and warnings are going off given this situation and your past history with her? I would actually say I'm a very "love will conquer" all type person, but you have to be freaking blind to not see the handwriting on the wall.

I think you give her an ultimatum frankly--she is your freaking financee not just some girlfriend. It may hurt if you break up, but you would be better off long term.

 

[bleeb]

Originally posted by: flamingelephant
A fiancee shouldn't be needing space.... you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together..... its a very bad sign. If she wants to spend more time with her friends then tell her she should, but that doesnt mean she should stop seeing you or hold your hand or stuff like that....... i'd do a quick check on your relationship-ejection-seat if things go downhill

 

[rsd]

Oh and I hope you kept receipts for xmas presents..

 

[timswim78]

Originally posted by: y2kc
she's delaying breaking up with you until after christmas.

"space" is usually code for "i met a really hot guy when I was out drinking with my girlfriends and I want to hump him really badly but the confines of our relationship is a deterrant and i'd hate for you to catch me in flagrante delicto "

Ouch! That is pretty brutal.

 

[xirtam]

If she catches you cheating on her, just tell her you needed space.

 

[FredFredrickson]

Originally posted by: DP
whatever happens, good luck.

sometimes you just miss having friends around, ive been there befor with my gf and so has she.

I agree, and at 22 years old, she is probably having some second thoughts about being tied down for the rest of her life, regardless of the fact that she will not stray to another.

I mean, she probably doesnt intend to leave you, or hook up with some other guy... but think about that. At 22 years old, she is going to be linked to someone else supposedly for the rest of her life. I think that kind of a commitment is hard to conceive of at 22, and she's just dealing with that.

For your sake, I would say postpone any marriage arrangements for a few years... see how things turn out!! If she's getting like this now, just wait and see what happens when you've been hitched for ten years!

 

[xirtam]

Oh, and I bet she'd be pissed if she found out you posted your personal correspondence so a thousand geeks could comment on whether or not it would help you get any.

 

[FredFredrickson]

Originally posted by: xirtam
Oh, and I bet she'd be pissed if she found out you posted your personal correspondence so a thousand geeks could comment on whether or not it would help you get any.

Ha ha ha ha... with almost 3 thousand posts on AT, she probably thinks he has an online gf!

And I just caught myself up with the rest of the thread... be GLAD your engagement ended!!!!! You lucked out!

 

[Crucial]

Originally posted by: Patt
When I was in a committed relationship, i.e. 2+ years, my gf came to me one day and told me she needed space. She was confused, unsure of the relationship, unsure of herself etc. Several things she said, and the way she acted made me sure she was trying to come up with a way to say it was over.

I left her alone for a few days, went out with the boys, went on a ski trip, missed her, but respected her need for privacy, and dealt with my own issues. She was messed up, missed work, worried herself sick etc.

When she finally called me, and asked how I'd been doing, I let her know what I'd been up to, and how I was enjoying myself as per usual, but not maliciously. I told her that I missed her, but that I had my own life.

In the fallout from this conversation, she brought up the fact that she thought I was a bit overbearing etc, and that I seemed like I couldn't live without her. So when she heard about my time alone, and realized she wasn't my entire world (though an important part), she became more comfortable. She also worked through issues of her own about the direction her life was headed during the time apart, and we became a strong couple because of our time apart.

If you're feeling dodgy about things, then by all means act following your instincts. Regardless if she may be being selfish, if you can respect your partner's need for space, and realize it might do you a world of good as well, it might be worth it to wait it out. Worst case scenario, you've learned something about the other person, and best case scenario could turn out like me ... now happily married for more than 3 years, and neither of us can imagine life without the other.

Good luck man.

But did she screw around with Juan Sanchez 6 months before all that?

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: Crucial

Originally posted by: Patt
When I was in a committed relationship, i.e. 2+ years, my gf came to me one day and told me she needed space. She was confused, unsure of the relationship, unsure of herself etc. Several things she said, and the way she acted made me sure she was trying to come up with a way to say it was over.

I left her alone for a few days, went out with the boys, went on a ski trip, missed her, but respected her need for privacy, and dealt with my own issues. She was messed up, missed work, worried herself sick etc.

When she finally called me, and asked how I'd been doing, I let her know what I'd been up to, and how I was enjoying myself as per usual, but not maliciously. I told her that I missed her, but that I had my own life.

In the fallout from this conversation, she brought up the fact that she thought I was a bit overbearing etc, and that I seemed like I couldn't live without her. So when she heard about my time alone, and realized she wasn't my entire world (though an important part), she became more comfortable. She also worked through issues of her own about the direction her life was headed during the time apart, and we became a strong couple because of our time apart.

If you're feeling dodgy about things, then by all means act following your instincts. Regardless if she may be being selfish, if you can respect your partner's need for space, and realize it might do you a world of good as well, it might be worth it to wait it out. Worst case scenario, you've learned something about the other person, and best case scenario could turn out like me ... now happily married for more than 3 years, and neither of us can imagine life without the other.

Good luck man.

But did she screw around with Juan Sanchez 6 months before all that?

Not that I know of ... :Q

:laugh:

 

[KarenMarie]

Tell her that you will not call her at night anymore... that you will not call her at all anymore, until she decides what the he!! she wants and sticks to it.

Personally, it seems really fishy... and I would demand the truth, or drop her altogether. And as far as the gift... take it back now, and if she decides that she is wrong here, let her pick out another gift herself.

 

[shopbruin]

i read only the first page of responses... but.

i don't think either of you are ready to get married. she CERTAINLY is not. you need to reassess if you want to be with a girl who has done so many things to you.

a lot of it has to do with both of your ages, and her behavior. she certainly does not act mature enough to get married, but acts as mature as a college freshman, which is pretty much how long you guys have been engaged and her "social development" could have possibly been stunted from.

if you met her five years from now... and you knew about all the things she's done in the past, i.e the cheating and so on, would you still want to marry her.

 

[myusername]

The only thing left in the air about this story is how hard you will have to fight to get the ring back.

 

[EyeMWing]

I didn't read the whole thread, but... Do yourself a favor and bail out... NOW.

Nothing good can come of this - continuing now would be the equivalent of attempting a no-gear carrier landing in a plane with the avionics computer out in zero visibility.

 

[User1001]

Is this the same girl who cheated on you before? link

 

[rsd]

Originally posted by: User1001
Is this the same girl who cheated on you before? link

Yeah.

I can't wait for the "We're divorced" YAGT from him, shortly followed up with the "I forgive her (again), afterall she only participated in a midget gangbang"

 

[User1001]

Originally posted by: rsd

Originally posted by: User1001
Is this the same girl who cheated on you before? link

Yeah.

I can't wait for the "We're divorced" YAGT from him, shortly followed up with the "I forgive her (again), afterall she only participated in a midget gangbang"

I wasn't flaming him I was just wondering if it was the same girl.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: User1001

Originally posted by: rsd

Originally posted by: User1001
Is this the same girl who cheated on you before? link

Yeah.

I can't wait for the "We're divorced" YAGT from him, shortly followed up with the "I forgive her (again), afterall she only participated in a midget gangbang"

I wasn't flaming him I was just wondering if it was the same girl.

Yep, same girl.