DivideBYZero
Lifer
- May 18, 2001
- 24,117
- 2
- 0
haha no im a guy. what i really think is that if you guys are really right for each other, then you should trust in each other... i mean lets say if something funny is really going on... there's nothing you can do about it if her heart changed... would you want to marry her if she indeed is into another guy? the best thing for you to do therefore, is to give her some time.
hell who knows, maybe she's plotting a surprise (in a good way) for you. there is nothing you can do now, so just take some time off and enjoy.
good luck
lesse....22 years old...fiance needs space....
Oddly enough, when i was 22 years old me and my fiance(of 5 years) broke up because she "needed space"...sorry man, doesn't look good
Oddly enough, when i was 22 years old me and my fiance(of 5 years) broke up because she "needed space"...sorry man, doesn't look good
This sounds again like you just care way more for her than she does for you. You 're smothering her. Leave her the heck alone, let her figure out for herself what she wants. If that includes you, she'll come looking for ya. If not, then just be happy you're finding out now and not starting a "just got divorced, wife took everything" thread.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
I think you can do something without issuing an ultimatum. She wants space, and you need to allow that. Demanding to know "why" will solve nothing.
The thing for you to do is call off the engagement calmly. Maybe it will be only temporary, who knows. It makes no sense to remain engaged and not want to stay in touch. That's not saying you did anything wrong or that she did - it's just logical to end the engagement during this time.
Don't make a big scene over it as if you'll never see each other again. Just say that while things are the way they are, it's not right to remain engaged. Make it clear that you'll be glad to hear from her whenever (assuming that's the case) things have worked out on her end. Then don't call and don't email and wait to see what happens.
If she wants to end it, give her the opportunity. If she just wants to string you along, you'll know soon enough.
The thing for you to do is call off the engagement calmly. Maybe it will be only temporary, who knows. It makes no sense to remain engaged and not want to stay in touch. That's not saying you did anything wrong or that she did - it's just logical to end the engagement during this time.
Don't make a big scene over it as if you'll never see each other again. Just say that while things are the way they are, it's not right to remain engaged. Make it clear that you'll be glad to hear from her whenever (assuming that's the case) things have worked out on her end. Then don't call and don't email and wait to see what happens.
If she wants to end it, give her the opportunity. If she just wants to string you along, you'll know soon enough.
DougK62
Diamond Member
- Mar 28, 2001
- 8,035
- 6
- 81
In all seriousness, how many people was she with before you?
I've discovered a strange thing with women that age where they will REFUSE to even think about settling down unless they've kissed X amount of guys, screwed Y amount of guys, had Z relationships, etc.
It's a numbers game. Very strange to me.
I've discovered a strange thing with women that age where they will REFUSE to even think about settling down unless they've kissed X amount of guys, screwed Y amount of guys, had Z relationships, etc.
It's a numbers game. Very strange to me.
Dammit, this will be a good of time as any to bring this fact to the table:
About 3 weeks ago we "broke off" the engagement. She said she doesn't like the fact that we've been engaged for 2 years... she still wants to get married, but doesn't want to be engaged until about 1 year before getting married... so she kinda called it off about 3 weeks ago. What do you say to that?
I've had 2 girls before her. She was with about 6 or 7 guys her first year of college down at University of Kentucky back in 2000.
I know it's easier for someone without an emotional stake in the issue to see, but it's painfully obvious. You need to back off, act like she dropped off the face of the earth. Give her time to sort out in her mind what she wants. Trying to push the issue, to ask "why" etc does no good. It might prolong the relationship, but it's not going to fix anything. She needs the time and space to sort things out in her mind without you around. If she realizes you really are the right person for her, she'll be back. Otherwise, it's done and over with.
Fa Chrissakes....just throw her away like a parking ticket and move on. She doesn't know WTF she wants from life at this point, and you're only going to end up even more fscking confused and hurt if you continue to pretend that this relationship is not on life support. Be a man and deal with this the way you should instead of dicking around.
And for future reference....you might consider posting over at YAGT.org if you want serious responses about this stuff.
Yipes... I hope for your sake that was the end of her slut phase, but it sounds like she still wants to roam around a little before settling down.
Best advice here. You have to give her the opportunity to get out, as hard as that may be. Trying to keep her in a relationship she is not truely excited to be in always ends bad.
broke off engagement + wants space = you are smothering her. this is painfully obvious in the fact that she doesn't want to hold your hand and doesn't want you to call her.
STOP MAKING CONTACT WITH HER.
it's tough and i'm sorry that it's come to this but she feels like she is too young to have something decided for the rest of her life. she is right. these are prime youth years.
if you are meant to be then you'll eventually get back together.
anything you do involving contacting her will just push her away.
STOP MAKING CONTACT WITH HER.
it's tough and i'm sorry that it's come to this but she feels like she is too young to have something decided for the rest of her life. she is right. these are prime youth years.
if you are meant to be then you'll eventually get back together.
anything you do involving contacting her will just push her away.
dude she has no respect for you at all. tell her your done with the relationship but do it calmly. more than likely the only reaction she will have is relief, and if thats the case your doing the right thing. if she actualy cares about your relationship then she'll bring it up. but i wouldn't count on that.
Ok, not sure if this will help you any, but I broke up with my FI almost a year and a half ago. I was 21 at the time. I had not been in a serious relationship before, he had been in 2. We dated for three years and were engaged almost a year. I basically could not see myself being happy with him for the rest of my life. It's weird to say this, but I still cared about him and was in love and all that stuff, but we just weren't right for each other (I won't go into details, but there were just way too many things that were incompatible). It wasn't necessarily due to me being young, in fact I think I was acting more mature by breaking up with him since I knew that getting married would not make things better, it would really only exacerbate the problems we already had.
I know my situation was different from yours, but from a female perspective, if she's not happy now I would not expect that to change. Think about it - these are the years of a relationship where it's supposed to be the most fun and exciting, and while it's not new anymore, you have only been together a short time compared to the time you will be together if you get married. What if she flakes out on you like this in 10 or so years when you have kids? Could you picture her doing that? I can't stress enough, that if you have problems now, marriage will not make them any better. You sound like a really nice guy, and you deserve someone who will appreciate your outlook on relationships. This girl does not seem like she does.
I know my situation was different from yours, but from a female perspective, if she's not happy now I would not expect that to change. Think about it - these are the years of a relationship where it's supposed to be the most fun and exciting, and while it's not new anymore, you have only been together a short time compared to the time you will be together if you get married. What if she flakes out on you like this in 10 or so years when you have kids? Could you picture her doing that? I can't stress enough, that if you have problems now, marriage will not make them any better. You sound like a really nice guy, and you deserve someone who will appreciate your outlook on relationships. This girl does not seem like she does.
she may want the following:
1) leave her alone - to give her the space she needs
2) set a marriage date - to show her you are serious
Either of which shows balls, which my guess is according to her you havn't shown in regards to this relationship yet. I'll never understand why people get engaged without setting a date. So, maybe you should tell her that you want to set a date, and make it like a year away, not 3 years down the road or something like that. I think she may want a show of force and balls from you, maybe you should step up
1) leave her alone - to give her the space she needs
2) set a marriage date - to show her you are serious
Either of which shows balls, which my guess is according to her you havn't shown in regards to this relationship yet. I'll never understand why people get engaged without setting a date. So, maybe you should tell her that you want to set a date, and make it like a year away, not 3 years down the road or something like that. I think she may want a show of force and balls from you, maybe you should step up
Here is the reailty.
You guys are never getting married, if you do, you will end up divorced within a year. You guys will not end up together. The cutesy little bubble of teenage love will pop and reality will come rushing in.
Stop wasting your time.
You guys are never getting married, if you do, you will end up divorced within a year. You guys will not end up together. The cutesy little bubble of teenage love will pop and reality will come rushing in.
Stop wasting your time.
I'm normally the last person to be the harbinger of doom in these threads, but as soon as I saw YAGT and your name, I could have probably spouted out your entire thread verbatim using my imagination. Its obvious a mile away. And my ex-gf waited until after xmas to dump me.
Some people want to roam around, some people want to settle down. It isnt going to work unless both of you are on the same page.
The only thing you can do at this point is to be a man about it. Tell her youre not up for playing games. If she needs space its one thing, if she doesnt want to <SUPER BOLD>*****HOLD YOUR HAND WHILE YOURE FREAKING ENGAGED*******</SUPER BOLD> then you have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!! That is not I need space. That is I'm already done with you.
Some people want to roam around, some people want to settle down. It isnt going to work unless both of you are on the same page.
The only thing you can do at this point is to be a man about it. Tell her youre not up for playing games. If she needs space its one thing, if she doesnt want to <SUPER BOLD>*****HOLD YOUR HAND WHILE YOURE FREAKING ENGAGED*******</SUPER BOLD> then you have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!! That is not I need space. That is I'm already done with you.
DougK62
Diamond Member
- Mar 28, 2001
- 8,035
- 6
- 81
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
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