YAGT: but not really bad.

Page 3 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.

BD2003

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
16,815
1
76
Do it in person for sure. As for the way to go about it, thats up to you, and has everything to do with the situation.

She wasnt leading you on by mistake. She was most likely leading you on, expecting you to do something. She might not even know it herself. But if a girl doesnt like someone, they will NOT snuggle with them. Ever. Unless theyre gay, but in that case, they probably want them cause theyre the forbidden fruit, and so, so sensitive. If she let you kiss her on the lips, and still hangs out with you, she likes you. Tickling, cuddling and spooning is all sexual tension.

For example, take my current gf. She was in one of my classes, I went out of my way to talk to her during break etc, cause she was just that much fun. I thought she liked me, but I certainly liked her. I analyzed everything, *every little thing*. And one day, god decideds to turn off the lights on the entire eastern seaboard, which thankfully left me stranded 50 miles from home without a car. I take the train to school. No juice = no trains. Had to spend the night at her place, and there was nothing to do but play board games and chat, by candlelight. First came the snuggling, then the tickling. We started talking about movies, and almost hesitating asking her out to one. As soon as I did, she said yes as if she had it cocked and ready waiting for me to ask. Fast forward to that night, tickling because kissing.

Now that we've been going out for a while, I now know that all I ever had to do was ask. I waited until a great opportunity came to me, but I would have asked her out eventually. Annnyways, the only person here who really knows the girl is you. From the sounds of it, she could like you and you didnt act on it, or she could just be a attention whore who likes to lead guys on to make herself feel better. Keep in mind girls tend to do stupid things like talk about guys that are hot to judge YOUR reaction. My favorite was when a girl that so obviously liked me told me she was going to hook me up with her friend to judge how Id react. I ended hooking myself up with her friend.

Just keep in mind, youre not asking her if she'd like to go out maybe one day. Youre asking her out on a date. Be VERY VERY clear its a date, and not a hangout. How exactly to get that across is up to you. In the end, YOURE the man now dog. You have as much control over the situation as she does. If shes just an attention whore, treat her like one. If shes a genuinely nice girl, treat her like one. But dont pine away and wonder about it. Dont be cowardly or foolhardy, just be courageous. Dont be insecure or cocky, just be confident.

Do your thing, and then get some pics, dammit.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
I know I shouldnt analyze, but she even said to me "well, I figured you knew since I was talking about other guys".

my reaction, "well $hit". Personally, I think it was miscommunication. She was probably just looking for some attention after her 5 year stint...I don't know. I will see what I can do. If I get an asnwer I don't like, buh -bye!

But I see your point...it's just that everything she has said and confirmed to me indicates something else.
 

BD2003

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
16,815
1
76
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
I know I shouldnt analyze, but she even said to me "well, I figured you knew since I was talking about other guys".

my reaction, "well $hit". Personally, I think it was miscommunication. She was probably just looking for some attention after her 5 year stint...I don't know. I will see what I can do. If I get an asnwer I don't like, buh -bye!

But I see your point...it's just that everything she has said and confirmed to me indicates something else.

Yeah from what you say, it could go either way. Girls that can last 5 years in a relationship usually arent like that, but who knows. In the end though, youll be alright, cause youre ready to head the other way when it doesnt work out. If you like her like that, you can never, ever be just friends with her. As long as youre resolved not to let her get to you, fire away.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
true. If I remain friends, I'll get hurt...period. At least this way I'll have resolution. I'd rather have resolution than butterflys 24/7, hehe.

I guess true answers will be coming this weekend. Either way I'll know what not to do in the future.

I'm thinking that she was/is interested, but the idea of pursing a ltr scared her a little. She seems to be a little more distant...there werea few times when she'd look at me a certain way...you know, that "look". guessI was wrong. :)
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
update*

last night she called around 9PM, chatting about this and that...asked if I wanted to see her cool rental car (she had been in an accident)...she drove by my house, I asked if she'd like to get some coffee. She agreed. yay! so we are having coffee, talking about this and that...I finish the coffee and ask her if she wanted to go accross the street for a real drink, she agreed.

so we are at the bar, talking about a whole lot of things, tossed, laughing, talking to other people, it was fun. The night was coming to an end and she (being the pysch major) tells me that I have some issues to work out. By this time we are sobered up...we get back to my place and I ask her to come in and stay. She agrees.

We get inside and we sit on the floor in front of the heater, flirting and such.

When we get to bed she asks if she can take off her pants, I agree. So we are laying there, tickling, goofing, same stuff as before. I then start talking to her...told her that I was going to kiss her, the cheek comes up, and I say "no"... she then replies, "oh, the mouth?" "ok" with a giggle.

Suffice it to say things got interesting from there... I put a stop to it before it got too far. Too soon too fast. but I was happy. Then at some point she says "I'm not looking to date" again! I simply reply "ok". Something about mutual agreement...I did, however, asked to take her out one on one...she agreed.

So, I have a theory...she tells me about other guys to rile me up...if not subconciously so on her part. She thinks she's putting up a defense, but it's not working. I think she wants me to pursue her and that she knows it could be great...she's just nervous. ah well, I'll just play it by ear at this point.


 

Kaiser__Sose

Golden Member
Oct 14, 1999
1,660
0
0
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
update*

last night she called around 9PM, chatting about this and that...asked if I wanted to see her cool rental car (she had been in an accident)...she drove by my house, I asked if she'd like to get some coffee. She agreed. yay! so we are having coffee, talking about this and that...I finish the coffee and ask her if she wanted to go accross the street for a real drink, she agreed.

so we are at the bar, talking about a whole lot of things, tossed, laughing, talking to other people, it was fun. The night was coming to an end and she (being the pysch major) tells me that I have some issues to work out. By this time we are sobered up...we get back to my place and I ask her to come in and stay. She agrees.

We get inside and we sit on the floor in front of the heater, flirting and such.

When we get to bed she asks if she can take off her pants, I agree. So we are laying there, tickling, goofing, same stuff as before. I then start talking to her...told her that I was going to kiss her, the cheek comes up, and I say "no"... she then replies, "oh, the mouth?" "ok" with a giggle.

Suffice it to say things got interesting from there... I put a stop to it before it got too far. Too soon too fast. but I was happy. Then at some point she says "I'm not looking to date" again! I simply reply "ok". Something about mutual agreement...I did, however, asked to take her out one on one...she agreed.

So, I have a theory...she tells me about other guys to rile me up...if not subconciously so on her part. She thinks she's putting up a defense, but it's not working. I think she wants me to pursue her and that she knows it could be great...she's just nervous. ah well, I'll just play it by ear at this point.

I have a theory.. the fact that she "is not looking to date" means that she just wants to freak.. so get your rocks off and then bouce.. you should have handled your biz when you had d chance last time.. gyals don't want a wimpy "too fast too soon" guy... especially if they are bout it..

lol
 

nan0bug

Banned
Apr 22, 2003
3,142
0
0
Originally posted by: Kaiser__Sose
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
update*

last night she called around 9PM, chatting about this and that...asked if I wanted to see her cool rental car (she had been in an accident)...she drove by my house, I asked if she'd like to get some coffee. She agreed. yay! so we are having coffee, talking about this and that...I finish the coffee and ask her if she wanted to go accross the street for a real drink, she agreed.

so we are at the bar, talking about a whole lot of things, tossed, laughing, talking to other people, it was fun. The night was coming to an end and she (being the pysch major) tells me that I have some issues to work out. By this time we are sobered up...we get back to my place and I ask her to come in and stay. She agrees.

We get inside and we sit on the floor in front of the heater, flirting and such.

When we get to bed she asks if she can take off her pants, I agree. So we are laying there, tickling, goofing, same stuff as before. I then start talking to her...told her that I was going to kiss her, the cheek comes up, and I say "no"... she then replies, "oh, the mouth?" "ok" with a giggle.

Suffice it to say things got interesting from there... I put a stop to it before it got too far. Too soon too fast. but I was happy. Then at some point she says "I'm not looking to date" again! I simply reply "ok". Something about mutual agreement...I did, however, asked to take her out one on one...she agreed.

So, I have a theory...she tells me about other guys to rile me up...if not subconciously so on her part. She thinks she's putting up a defense, but it's not working. I think she wants me to pursue her and that she knows it could be great...she's just nervous. ah well, I'll just play it by ear at this point.

I have a theory.. the fact that she "is not looking to date" means that she just wants to freak.. so get your rocks off and then bouce.. you should have handled your biz when you had d chance last time.. gyals don't want a wimpy "too fast too soon" guy... especially if they are bout it..

lol


This man speaks the truth. Theres a small window for girls like that and if you wait too long you get stuck in the friend zone. Take some mad dog 20/20 over there and see what happens.
 

BD2003

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
16,815
1
76
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
update*

last night she called around 9PM, chatting about this and that...asked if I wanted to see her cool rental car (she had been in an accident)...she drove by my house, I asked if she'd like to get some coffee. She agreed. yay! so we are having coffee, talking about this and that...I finish the coffee and ask her if she wanted to go accross the street for a real drink, she agreed.

so we are at the bar, talking about a whole lot of things, tossed, laughing, talking to other people, it was fun. The night was coming to an end and she (being the pysch major) tells me that I have some issues to work out. By this time we are sobered up...we get back to my place and I ask her to come in and stay. She agrees.

We get inside and we sit on the floor in front of the heater, flirting and such.

When we get to bed she asks if she can take off her pants, I agree. So we are laying there, tickling, goofing, same stuff as before. I then start talking to her...told her that I was going to kiss her, the cheek comes up, and I say "no"... she then replies, "oh, the mouth?" "ok" with a giggle.

Suffice it to say things got interesting from there... I put a stop to it before it got too far. Too soon too fast. but I was happy. Then at some point she says "I'm not looking to date" again! I simply reply "ok". Something about mutual agreement...I did, however, asked to take her out one on one...she agreed.

So, I have a theory...she tells me about other guys to rile me up...if not subconciously so on her part. She thinks she's putting up a defense, but it's not working. I think she wants me to pursue her and that she knows it could be great...she's just nervous. ah well, I'll just play it by ear at this point.


Yeaaah! GO you! Finally someone has the balls to follow through. Im truely proud. This has to be like an AT first.

Im a psych major too, and one of the first things we learn is that people are not always conscious of the reasons behind their actions. Her rational side may be telling her too soon, but SHE TOOK HER PANTS OFF.

Maybe she just wants some nookie. Maybe it is exactly what you say it is. But if youre right for her, and she's right for you, theres no such thing as "too soon." Thats an excuse, like "its not you, its me." For the right person, its never too soon.

That being said, you will get her however you want her, if you follow through and let her know how its gonna go down. Remember, its not about being a pushy dick that doesnt take no for an answer, its about confidence. You know it will be great between the two of you, so it doesnt matter if she knows it yet or not.

The reason why so many men say girls just toy around with them, because they LET them do so. Dont be that guy. Theres no need to rush into things, but keep on pursuing, but remember, you call the shots as much as she does. Dont let her make all the decisions. If she crosses the line, let it be known, stand your ground, and she will be chasing YOU. Theres a thin line between patience and cowardice, and Im glad to see youre on the right side of it.

:beer: :beer:
 

TranceNation

Platinum Member
Jan 6, 2001
2,041
0
0


too fast too soon? this isn't sunday school son. Hit it as many times possible should be your model from now on.
 

VictorLazlo

Senior member
Jul 23, 2003
996
0
0
Holy crap! She's in your bed, making out half naked. She is EXPECTING YOU TO GO ALL THE WAY and says: "I'm not looking to date."

Doesn't that mean: Friends with benefits?!?! I sure hope it does!
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
well, I had no rubbers...:) I wasn't planning that. I will see what I can do. You don't think I'm planning to freak this weekend? haha...if the opportunity rises, and it will...

Friends with benefits is nice, but I'll be damned if it stays that way for long! this girl is a keeper! ;)
 

BD2003

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
16,815
1
76
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
well, I had no rubbers...:) I wasn't planning that. I will see what I can do. You don't think I'm planning to freak this weekend? haha...if the opportunity rises, and it will...

Friends with benefits is nice, but I'll be damned if it stays that way for long! this girl is a keeper! ;)

I will tell you right now, that while it is an option, that you will absolutely, unmistakably, I would bet my life savings on it, get hurt far far more by trying to make this a friends with benefits. It rarely rarely works because feeling usually crop up and get in the way. I can guarantee here that wouldnt work because feelings are ALREADY in the way.

Yes, you could absolutely hit it at this point. If you want it that way, its yours. But you dont want it that way, so *DONT HIT IT*. If you can keep your dick in your pants now, she will take him out of them more than often enough in the future.

The vast majority of people on this board are

1) Sex starved nerds who are so frustrated that theyd have sex with anything, and have no foresight, and no idea what theyre talking about.
2) 15-19 year old hormonal beserkers who honestly couldnt think about anything else if they tried.
3) Pussies.

You know how few men will actually refuse sex when its in front of them? So very very few. Hell, I can barely do it myself. Girls are well aware of this. If shes got her pants off in your bed, she wants it BAD. If you refuse it, not because you dont want it at all, but because you dont want it on those terms, she will most likely want it even worse. That alone will set you apart from every other dork out there. If you dont want to be friends with benefits, dont allow it to happen. Having sex early with a girl is not the way to get her to be your girlfriend.
 

VictorLazlo

Senior member
Jul 23, 2003
996
0
0
Originally posted by: BD2003
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
well, I had no rubbers...:) I wasn't planning that. I will see what I can do. You don't think I'm planning to freak this weekend? haha...if the opportunity rises, and it will...

Friends with benefits is nice, but I'll be damned if it stays that way for long! this girl is a keeper! ;)

I will tell you right now, that while it is an option, that you will absolutely, unmistakably, I would bet my life savings on it, get hurt far far more by trying to make this a friends with benefits. It rarely rarely works because feeling usually crop up and get in the way. I can guarantee here that wouldnt work because feelings are ALREADY in the way.

Yes, you could absolutely hit it at this point. If you want it that way, its yours. But you dont want it that way, so *DONT HIT IT*. If you can keep your dick in your pants now, she will take him out of them more than often enough in the future.

The vast majority of people on this board are

1) Sex starved nerds who are so frustrated that theyd have sex with anything, and have no foresight, and no idea what theyre talking about.
2) 15-19 year old hormonal beserkers who honestly couldnt think about anything else if they tried.
3) Pussies.

You know how few men will actually refuse sex when its in front of them? So very very few. Hell, I can barely do it myself. Girls are well aware of this. If shes got her pants off in your bed, she wants it BAD. If you refuse it, not because you dont want it at all, but because you dont want it on those terms, she will most likely want it even worse. That alone will set you apart from every other dork out there. If you dont want to be friends with benefits, dont allow it to happen. Having sex early with a girl is not the way to get her to be your girlfriend.

You have a valid point, however we were all concerned BEFORE the update that he was moving too slow. So now that Gulzakar has gotten another chance, I don't want to see him move too slowly again and have the same problem all over again.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
that is my fear too...I will play it by ear. Moving slow is no longer an option. we are past the "friend" stage. So at least I have that luxury. This is sort of a plateau...but it's good, it lets things settle down and adjust. I'm sure that even though she doesn't want to date that subconciously shes thinking about it... who knows. This weekend will tell more. I hope to see her tonight. I will play it by ear.

When you are lying in bed and a girl just randomly says "I like" you...it truly conflicts with her actual intent. Fooling herself maybe the only way she can do this...maybe she really isn't ready...the bottom line is that I have made my mark, shown her my intentions...I cannot force her into anything she doesn't want, I can only entice her. She does like me, but I think she is still al ittle scarred from her 5 year relationship that only ended about 6 months ago (or so). she has already had one rebound guy and that didnt last. This is different, I've known her for a couple years...off and on. Her BF was an ass, a jerk, a cheater.
 

BD2003

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
16,815
1
76
But just because he was moving too slow before, doesnt mean he should dive headfirst in now without thinking. Turning a girl who wants FWF into a girlfriend is a matter that requires delicacy, and hitting it is not delicacy.

Sure, he'll get some tang if he does it, but itll hurt him far more in the end, because he already has feelings for her like that. He'd be better off not hitting it at all, because the regret that will consume him over it is just not worth just to get some.

If her bf was a dick, nows your chance to prove that youre not a dick, that youre not all just about getting some. Show her that, and she WILL want you. The reason she doesnt want to date is because there are guys out there like that. She wont pass up a good opportunity if she sees it. Right now, shes not convinced.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
or afraid...

I guess when your're not sure what to do, getting love anyway possible seems logical...fwb is really a poor substitute for the real thing. I just think she needs to spend some time worrying about herself an nobody else...she needs to apply for grad school, take the gre's...I won't get in her way of course. I would like to help her anyway possible.
 

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
or afraid...

I guess when your're not sure what to do, getting love anyway possible seems logical...fwb is really a poor substitute for the real thing. I just think she needs to spend some time worrying about herself an nobody else...she needs to apply for grad school, take the gre's...I won't get in her way of course. I would like to help her anyway possible.

So get to sexin. Remember...girls like it too.

you're not falling in love or anything like that. Love comes later and shouldn't even be on your mind. Right now get to sexin and treat her well but don't hound her all the time....that comes later too.

:)
 

Cal166

Diamond Member
May 6, 2000
5,081
8
81
Originally posted by: spidey07
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
or afraid...

I guess when your're not sure what to do, getting love anyway possible seems logical...fwb is really a poor substitute for the real thing. I just think she needs to spend some time worrying about herself an nobody else...she needs to apply for grad school, take the gre's...I won't get in her way of course. I would like to help her anyway possible.

So get to sexin. Remember...girls like it too.

you're not falling in love or anything like that. Love comes later and shouldn't even be on your mind. Right now get to sexin and treat her well but don't hound her all the time....that comes later too.

:)

Spidey is right, dont think you're in love with her and dont hound her all the time, it will just ruin the relationship. Make things interesting, let her know your intentions but dont let her know that your deeply inlove with her.

From my past experiences in relationships I did all that, pour my heart & soul to make the relationship work out and eventually they all
just get bored and want to be with their friends and have fun.

You have plenty of time later in life to show her what she means to you.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
0
0
MORE UPDATES!

ok, so...I came home from worka nd received a text... "so tired". I offered for her to come over and relax, she replied with "too busy, blah blah blah, sounds good blah (I'm a little tired), we were bad last night". I then get another text saying "I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship".

:confused:

I don't really know what to say. She had a good time, but she mentioned something about having guy friends in the past where things got weird. I told her that I understood and things were ok. I didn't push the matter. Not sure...

so where are my Obi-Wans? hehe

 

Koing

Elite Member <br> Super Moderator<br> Health and F
Oct 11, 2000
17,090
2
0
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
MORE UPDATES!

ok, so...I came home from worka nd received a text... "so tired". I offered for her to come over and relax, she replied with "too busy, blah blah blah, sounds good blah (I'm a little tired), we were bad last night". I then get another text saying "I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship".

:confused:

I don't really know what to say. She had a good time, but she mentioned something about having guy friends in the past where things got weird. I told her that I understood and things were ok. I didn't push the matter. Not sure...

so where are my Obi-Wans? hehe

You were too slow. You are too drawn out for her. You spent several nights in THE SAME bed as her. The last time you basically had her but did not go through with it. She either thinks your weak or have no balls. She wants a guy that can take her and suprise her. Hell that should be apprent by now! So I think you may have lost out or not...?

I once shared a room with a girl after we went out clubbing. The room was planned as going back home was not an option late! I was 'very' tired I made no effort to mack any moves (oh why not?!). I 'fooled' myself in to thinking I was tired. I was but still man it was lame.

From that moment onwards I promised myself that if I was in a room alone with a girl I'd sure as hell at least be kissing and get freaky. And see how far that would go. Well I had another chance with that same girl and I did exactly that. I was a bit nervous but I made the 1st move. DO NOT ASK to KISS HER! That shows NO CONFIDENCE what so ever. JUST DO IT. Hell if she is in a room alone with you she'll half be expecting it imo.

I learnt another lesson that night. KEEP CONDOMS in your wallet at all times! Now I keep 2 on me all the time.

Btw you didn't have to go for full sex in that time. Just have fun and be more intimate th encuddling and tickling each other.

Other way good luck! 18 months on I'm still with that girl:D

Koing
 

mattlear

Senior member
Jun 2, 2000
349
0
76
Originally posted by: Gulzakar
MORE UPDATES!

ok, so...I came home from worka nd received a text... "so tired". I offered for her to come over and relax, she replied with "too busy, blah blah blah, sounds good blah (I'm a little tired), we were bad last night". I then get another text saying "I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship".

:confused:

I don't really know what to say. She had a good time, but she mentioned something about having guy friends in the past where things got weird. I told her that I understood and things were ok. I didn't push the matter. Not sure...

so where are my Obi-Wans? hehe

Ok, I usually don't post in these threads, and I'm by no means a cassanova or a Machiavellian, but I'd like to offer an opinion here:

This girl is looking at you as a safe guy / backup.

You can't make people feel a certain way, no matter what anyone says. The fact that she is talking about other guys and having "screwed up friendships before" should be a warning flag.

It sounds to me like she's using you man. I'm sure you view her as a good match, and you have a lot in common, but ask yourself this: If you were into someone, would you talk sh*t about other girls you met and then string her along by being "just out of reach"?

Hell no. You'd be all over that like white on rice.

I think it's noble that you offer to do stuff with her, like go look at rental cars, help her out, etc. However, ingratiating yourself is a sure way to wind up in no-man's land. (also known as "friendville - population zeroes)

It sounds like you are a decent guy... but you really have to say "yeah, she's got a lot going for her, but if she can't see that I'm a catch too, than maybe there is something not right here". I doubt she's been treated better by other dudes.

If you are looking for a quick lay/romp in the sack, then turn up the heat and push the envelope.

If you are looking for a longterm relationship with her, she doesn't sound like the type (unfortunately).

All in all, I hope things work out for you.

Good luck!

-Matt