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Wow. My friend actually got married after 90 days...

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Veliko said:
No, I have every idea of what marriage is. Tell me, do you act the same now as when you were single? If you do then you aren't actually married. If you don't then that means you have given up your life to someone else.
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I have to hear this!

How do you know what a marriage is?
What are your ideas based on?
Explain please.

Trust me if I carried on the way I did when I was single ( before I met my wife ) I wouldn't be married very long. Somehow I think she would object to me bringing women home on the weekends after partying all night. Stupid question # 01 answered.

Now stupid question # 02. That is what marriage is not wanting to get too mushy but when you are married it is not about You or Her it is about US. You live and work as a unit. You give up your selfish attitude and live as one with common goals and lives. Marriage is not selfish it is a selfless. You might want to look these words up.

If you see this as giving up something, then you should never get married. That is the primary cause of divorce. If not I feel sorry for your future wifes, as I'm sure there will be more than one if that is how you truly feel.

As I stated earlier you don't have a clue.
 
pcgeek11 said:
Yes we have a son. He is a grown well adjusted adult 27 years old. The same age I was when I was married come to think of it.
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And what would you say if your son came to you and said,

"Dad, I met a girl 3 months ago. She's great and I love her. Should I ask her to marry me right now, or should I wait until we have known each other longer?"

MotionMan
 
MotionMan said:
And what would you say if your son came to you and said,

"Dad, I met a girl 3 months ago. She's great and I love her. Should I ask her to marry me right now, or should I wait until we have known each other longer?"

MotionMan
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1. Pics?
 
Being married for 27 years doesn't blow his theory out of the water. It is the equivalent of gambling in a casino, betting a huge amount of money, winning big, and then saying that it wasn't foolish. No, it was foolish, you just got lucky. Going around suggesting everyone should gamble big because you won big makes no sense. It smacks of justification.
 
That does seem a little short, but maybe they are just really good together.

My wife and I got married 10 years to the day after we started dating, so we were on the other extreme, our friends kept asking us when we would finally get married.
 
pcgeek11 said:
I have to hear this!

How do you know what a marriage is?
What are your ideas based on?
Explain please.

Trust me if I carried on the way I did when I was single ( before I met my wife ) I wouldn't be married very long. Somehow I think she would object to me bringing women home on the weekends after partying all night. Stupid question # 01 answered.

Now stupid question # 02. That is what marriage is not wanting to get too mushy but when you are married it is not about You or Her it is about US. You live and work as a unit. You give up your selfish attitude and live as one with common goals and lives. Marriage is not selfish it is a selfless. You might want to look these words up.

If you see this as giving up something, then you should never get married. That is the primary cause of divorce. If not I feel sorry for your future wifes, as I'm sure there will be more than one if that is how you truly feel.

As I stated earlier you don't have a clue.
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I do but you don't actually seem to realise that you have largely agreed with me here.

Marriage is all about the pair of you. You have to give up your selfishness. Just like you said. And, just like I said, you are giving up your life for someone else.
 
zinfamous said:
arranged marriage?

..it is possible with what you have said in this post, that there was no decision on either of your parts.

I think such short term courtship->marriage situations are only "successful" when they have been arranged.
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Sorry to pop your bubble, but I am American and do not believe or participate in arranged marriages.

I know it is unusual. However to say that it never works ( as others have said ) is just wrong. I am not advocating it either. I just think people should make their own decisions about when they are ready. We don't know them well enough to judge if it is stupid or not.
 
Veliko said:
It is impossible for me to be ready to marry someone a mere 90 days after meeting them. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of a person after such a short time.
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Now after I fixed it, this statement can be a fact.

Whether or not it's true for anyone else? Nobody knows except the persons involved and it's not our place to judge.

Blanket statement is always stupid <-- irony ftw 😎
 
cronos said:
Now after I fixed it, this statement can be a fact.

Whether or not it's true for anyone else? Nobody knows except the persons involved and it's not our place to judge.

Blanket statement is always stupid <-- irony ftw 😎
Click to expand...

No, it is a fact that you cannot know everything about a person after only 90 days of knowing them.
 
pcgeek11 said:
Sorry to pop your bubble, but I am American and do not believe or participate in arranged marriages.

I know it is unusual. However to say that it never works ( as others have said ) is just wrong. I am not advocating it either. I just think people should make their own decisions about when they are ready. We don't know them well enough to judge if it is stupid or not.
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Congrats on your happy marriage :wub: Whatever two grown-ups do with each other is pretty much their business, and it's awesome when it works out. I'll bet you have plenty of experience arguing with people who think you guys were nuts, though.
 
Veliko said:
No, it is a fact that you cannot know everything about a person after only 90 days of knowing them.
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This is true, but that's not what you said in the statement that I fixed.

What are also facts:
1. You may not know everything about a person after 5 years of knowing them.
2. You don't really need to know everything about a person to know that you want to marry them.
 
MotionMan said:
And what would you say if your son came to you and said,

"Dad, I met a girl 3 months ago. She's great and I love her. Should I ask her to marry me right now, or should I wait until we have known each other longer?"

MotionMan
Click to expand...

Too many variables to say. I would give him my feelings based on the relationship that I know and tell him he has to make his own mind up.

Example:

A year ago he had been dating a great girl for several years and was having some problems which he explained and then asked me what he should do. This is the advice I gave him:

You need to sit down and honestly answer some questions:

Do you love her enough to spend your entire life with her?

Can you put up with these issues that she doesn't seem willing to bend on without being miserable yourself?

If there is anything about her that you will not be able to tolerate and she is not willing to give a little. Can you be happy living like that?

It is not my place to tell you what to do. You have to determine the answers yourself. That is what being an adult is about.

The same holds true for the question you asked about getting married.
 
phreaqe said:
i am glad you were able to get married so quickly and have it work out, but i dont think it blow his theory out of the water. there are exceptions to every rule and i think in the majority of cases your experience would not be what happens for 99% of people. i am married btw and i know that at 90 days there is not way i was sure i was going to marry her.
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Actually the majority of all marriages that have ever taken place around the world have had less of a courtship time. Especially when considering all marriages ever taken place. People a 100 years ago used to live much shorter lives and did things like getting married much sooner.

Also that vast majority of marriages across the world are arranged marriages. Which means almost zero courtship is involved. Many don't even get to see their partner until their wedding day. The fun fact remains that most of those people stay married the entire lives.

The main difference is American society has completely different attitudes and standards compared with the rest of the world. Women in particular. We have one of the highest divorce rates in the world because of it. Over 90% of all divorces are instigated by women as well. Take that for good or bad it is just a statistic as I'm not trying to infer anything with that.

Still it is better to get to know someone a bit more before jumping into marriage in my opinion. Which is a major reason I haven't been married yet. This is because most people always put their best foot forward early on in a relationship and rarely do you get to see the "real" person that may have deal breakers you can't put up with. Do they fart in their sleep? Are they into some real kinky stuff that turns you off? Do they have a problem with finances? Are they major slobs? Some of these things you can't find out until you've been with someone long enough for them to let their guard down and divulge that info.
 
shadow9d9 said:
Being married for 27 years doesn't blow his theory out of the water. It is the equivalent of gambling in a casino, betting a huge amount of money, winning big, and then saying that it wasn't foolish. No, it was foolish, you just got lucky. Going around suggesting everyone should gamble big because you won big makes no sense. It smacks of justification.
Click to expand...

I didn't suggest that anyone do anything. I just said it worked for me.

Getting married even after knowing someone for years is also a big gamble. Sometimes you are lucky sometimes you are not.
 
princess ida said:
Congrats on your happy marriage :wub: Whatever two grown-ups do with each other is pretty much their business, and it's awesome when it works out. I'll bet you have plenty of experience arguing with people who think you guys were nuts, though.
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Thank you! It has been a great 28 years, they simply flew by though.

Yes I have spend many years it seems with my family that never accepted it. But her family more than made up for it. Her mom became mine.
 
pcgeek11 said:
Thank you! It has been a great 28 years, they simply flew by though.

Yes I have spend many years it seems with my family that never accepted it. But her family more than made up for it. Her mom became mine.
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You got married after 90 days.
You have been married ~28 years.
You have a ~27 year old son.

Shotgun wedding?

MotionMan
 
pcgeek11 said:
OK then that is you. I wouldn't begin to tell you how or when you should get married. But when you make a blanket statement that Nobody can or should you are quite wrong. Since you have never been married, you have No Concept of what it takes to be married. Having a girlfriend isn't the same thing. Living with a girl is close, but it still isn't the same.



Assume Much? Trying to beat on me with insults do not help your futile cause. " Low self esteem " " foolishly rush into a marriage ". How would you know anything about my self esteem? or if my marriage was foolish in any way? I think 28 years speaks volumes more than your child like assumptions and insults.

My life experience proves your Blanket statement " It doesn't matter - the simple fact is that 90 days isn't enough of a time for two people to know enough about each other in order to get married." is wrong.

Why can't you admit it. Plus I didn't give anyone any advise in this thread. I only posted my opinion on the matter.
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Insults not found.
 
pcgeek11 said:
Sorry to pop your bubble, but I am American and do not believe or participate in arranged marriages.

I know it is unusual. However to say that it never works ( as others have said ) is just wrong. I am not advocating it either. I just think people should make their own decisions about when they are ready. We don't know them well enough to judge if it is stupid or not.
Click to expand...

Oh, I always thought you were Indian. haha. Seemed to make sense to me.
 
shadow9d9 said:
Being married for 27 years doesn't blow his theory out of the water. It is the equivalent of gambling in a casino, betting a huge amount of money, winning big, and then saying that it wasn't foolish. No, it was foolish, you just got lucky. Going around suggesting everyone should gamble big because you won big makes no sense. It smacks of justification.
Click to expand...

This post I agree with. The success of pcgeek's marriage is definitely the exception and not the rule.
 
pcgeek11 said:
I didn't suggest that anyone do anything. I just said it worked for me.

Getting married even after knowing someone for years is also a big gamble. Sometimes you are lucky sometimes you are not.
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Oh, it's a gamble but after getting to know a person for a longer period of time, it's much less of a gamble than say marrying after 3 months. Nothing in life is usually certain but that doesn't mean everything is a complete gamble as well as long as you use common sense.
 
I've got a friend who did something like this, one day his facebook status was updated with something about finding the love of his life, 2 weeks later they were married after dating 2 and a half weeks. This marriage lasted about 10 months, what she didn't tell him was that she was bi-polar. He's now alone taking care of a infant and she is long gone.

While it works well for some people, I've always thought that the more time you date, the more stuff like this is avoidable.
 
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