- Oct 28, 1999
- 62,484
- 8,345
- 126
1) Your vehicle weighs anywhere from 2500 to 6000 pounds. It takes significantly longer to bring it to a stop when there is snow/ice/slush/frozen whatever on the roads. You're an asshole when driving in normal conditions and tailgating. Now you are a dangerous asshole. Keep your distance and plan to break much sooner than you normally would.
2) If you have a 4WD vehicle and you sit in a parking lot spinning your tires because you can't find the freaking 4WD button/switch/dial/lever please for the love of God take the thing back to the dealer, give them the keys, and tell them you are too stupid to own this vehicle.
3) If you have a light pickup truck with an ass end that slides around all over the place in the winter please spend $15 and throw 300+ pounds of sandbags in the back end you cheap bastard.
4) If you are trying to take off from a stop and your tires start spinning out, press the accellerator even harder. It helps. Really.
5) Your wallowing land barge also known as a Suburban does not corner on rails when making turns in the snow. Don't turn in front of me without slowing down enough becuase you are an impatient piece of sh!t. When you do that bad things happen...like putting the back end of your 6000 pound sled up over the curb and into some guys yard. Go you!
6) Your 350Z/BMW 330i/Mustang/Ect with the low profile summer tires work great...in the summer.
and finally..
7) When you cut me off because you are such a lazy bastard that you only took enough time to wipe away a porthole size clear spot in your windshield, don't look at me like I'm the asshole. Please for the sake of anyone that has the unfortunate luck of driving anywhere within 100 feet of you, take 30 seconds out of your miserable life and scrape the snow off your rear window and your side view mirrors.
2) If you have a 4WD vehicle and you sit in a parking lot spinning your tires because you can't find the freaking 4WD button/switch/dial/lever please for the love of God take the thing back to the dealer, give them the keys, and tell them you are too stupid to own this vehicle.
3) If you have a light pickup truck with an ass end that slides around all over the place in the winter please spend $15 and throw 300+ pounds of sandbags in the back end you cheap bastard.
4) If you are trying to take off from a stop and your tires start spinning out, press the accellerator even harder. It helps. Really.
5) Your wallowing land barge also known as a Suburban does not corner on rails when making turns in the snow. Don't turn in front of me without slowing down enough becuase you are an impatient piece of sh!t. When you do that bad things happen...like putting the back end of your 6000 pound sled up over the curb and into some guys yard. Go you!
6) Your 350Z/BMW 330i/Mustang/Ect with the low profile summer tires work great...in the summer.
and finally..
7) When you cut me off because you are such a lazy bastard that you only took enough time to wipe away a porthole size clear spot in your windshield, don't look at me like I'm the asshole. Please for the sake of anyone that has the unfortunate luck of driving anywhere within 100 feet of you, take 30 seconds out of your miserable life and scrape the snow off your rear window and your side view mirrors.