wife wants a seperation

[joecool]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
The OP has admitted to fits of anger and rage,screaming,profanties,name calling,irriational jealousy.... keep in mind that these are only the things he's admitting to here.His post implies that it's her job to keep him on his meds or she'll suffer the consequences.

Sorry but I worked in mental health for 15 yrs and will tell you that what the OP is admitting to is probably just the tip of the iceberg here,it's not her job to manage his illness or suffer the consequences of uncontrolled mania.. it's his job!

Anybody here ever actually experience the rage of a person who's an inch away from hitting you or breaking objects? Well take that experience and imagine it happening regularly,imagine yourself being 5 and listening to/being exposed to it.

hey, i appreciate your input here, but honestly, you're being kind of hard on me. i've admitted to everything i can think of here, so this isn't the tip of the iceberg - this is the iceberg! and i'm def. not saying it's her job to keep me on the meds or else ... i'm just saying a little help, a little empathy for the frustration of this illness, would be nice. i'm a busy dad and sole supporter of our family with a lot of responsibilities; sometimes i just forget (as i said, the meds seem to be causing memory problems). would it be so bad for her to help me remember?

as far as the rage goes, all i can do at this point is apologize for it, and work on getting better, which i am doing. it's been a long time since i went off the deep end, tho i do still get mad ... and when i do, i leave the room to calm down. what else can i do? at some point there needs to be forgiveness on her side, and understanding that some of these things are beyond my control. before my diagnosis, before my meds, i didn't know what was going on. don't i deserve some empathy and understanding and forgiveness for that?

edit:
to respond to your last post, i do see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, i have been thru several types of meds with varying success (one last fall really screwed me up!), the one i'm on now helps but doesn't seem to be a 100% solution. one thing that is really frustrating is that i feel like an f***ing gineau pig, he just keeps trying sh*t out on me to see what will work.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
The OP has admitted to fits of anger and rage,screaming,profanties,name calling,irriational jealousy.... keep in mind that these are only the things he's admitting to here.His post implies that it's her job to keep him on his meds or she'll suffer the consequences.

Sorry but I worked in mental health for 15 yrs and will tell you that what the OP is admitting to is probably just the tip of the iceberg here,it's not her job to manage his illness or suffer the consequences of uncontrolled mania.. it's his job!

Anybody here ever actually experience the rage of a person who's an inch away from hitting you or breaking objects? Well take that experience and imagine it happening regularly,imagine yourself being 5 and listening to/being exposed to it.

hey, i appreciate your input here, but honestly, you're being kind of hard on me. i've admitted to everything i can think of here, so this isn't the tip of the iceberg - this is the iceberg! and i'm def. not saying it's her job to keep me on the meds or else ... i'm just saying a little help, a little empathy for the frustration of this illness, would be nice. i'm a busy dad and sole supporter of our family with a lot of responsibilities; sometimes i just forget (as i said, the meds seem to be causing memory problems). would it be so bad for her to help me remember?

as far as the rage goes, all i can do at this point is apologize for it, and work on getting better, which i am doing. it's been a long time since i went off the deep end, tho i do still get mad ... and when i do, i leave the room to calm down. what else can i do? at some point there needs to be forgiveness on her side, and understanding that some of these things are beyond my control. before my diagnosis, before my meds, i didn't know what was going on. don't i deserve some empathy and understanding and forgiveness for that?

Again,you're rationalizing/minimizing. You didn't ask to be ill and it's not your fault that you've been struck with a biologically based illness that causes such severe problems.
However,it is your responsibilty to seek help and to follow thru with it.

Facts are these,You have an illness that causes you to partially lose control,to become irrationally jealous,to have screaming angry fits complete with profanties and name calling,you've also learned as a secondary gain here that just the implication that you might go off gets you results.Expecting your family to manage your care or suffer the consequences is NOT reasonable.

You need to keep the thought in mind that if ever anybody calls the police or the local crisis team when you're going off,you might well find yourself pink papered to a locked unit for evaluation as any state licensed clincian has an obligation to detain anyone who presents a significant risk of harm to themselves or others.

The people I feel sorry for here are your kids.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: ultimatebob
And people wonder why I remain single. Most women are :evil:

Yeah, it's true. But most men think they can't live without somewhere to put it, and good ol' Rosie gets boring pretty quick. So you can cope, or you can compensate. Your choice.

That has got to be one of the dumbest generalizations I have ever hear.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

"honey,uou're screaming at me again,are you taking your meds?"

Six, that doesn't work in real life,what does work is if the bipolar person assembles a "treatment team" this team usually consists of the doctor and therapist,possibly the minister, and at least one other person who the patient knows and trusts and who's opipion the patient will accept even when they're ill.. this person is generally a close friend or a extended family member.. not the spouse,not a child. Parentifying one's spouse or children isn't helpful to any patient.Having a team of people picked by the patient themselves as folks who the patient respects and trusts does help.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

By your warped logic anyone who's prescribed medication is reposnsible for remembering to take pills regardless of their condition? That's the dumbest drivel ever. I can imagine a conversation at the hospital:

Nurse 1: "Did you give Mr Johnson his pills?"
Nurse 2: "It HIS pills, HIS responsiblity!"
Nurse 1: "But he's senile and doesn't always remember!"
Nurse 2: "What part of HIS pills did you not understand"?

 

[Miramonti]

Why specifically does she want to separate? Why not just a divorce?

What I mean is what would she want to accomplish during separation...ie what does she need to experience to be encouraged towards sticking with the relationship and trying to make it work. Has she pulled the 'separation card' before and perhaps you've ignored it, or is this all out of the blue? What is it that she hasn't been experiencing in the relationship that she would like too/hope too, and is it possible to address them with tangible goals to work towards together. Not meaning to drill you, just to try and tie some of the unknowns together.

Personally I wouldn't go the separation route regardless...they rarely work and often simply drive a nail in the coffin that often didn't have to be there in the first place. Nor would I offer to move out, period.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

By your warped logic anyone who's prescribed medication is reposnsible for remembering to take pills regardless of their condition? That's the dumbest drivel ever. I can imagine a conversation at the hospital:

Nurse 1: "Did you give Mr Johnson his pills?"
Nurse 2: "It HIS pills, HIS responsiblity!"
Nurse 1: "But he's senile and doesn't always remember!"
Nurse 2: "What part of HIS pills did you not understand"?

Drivel? in the example you give you are using professional paid caregivers and a senile person. The OP's wife is not a psych nurse and the OP is not a person who's been deemed legally incompetant to manage his own affairs.

Again, it is in the OP's best interests to manage his medical affairs and to seek the advice of people he trusts who have nothing to gain or lose from his condition.This protects not only the family but also the OP because many an underhanded spouse/family member has forced meds on a patient to further their own agendas,

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

:thumbsdown:

Seriously, give up now cos you've lost the plot.

She's the one giving up on him, and as she understands the consequences of him not being medicated properly, that's tantamount to trying to provoke him into causing trouble for himself to be used as future evidence.

She made a commitment to him and now she's the one giving up on it. If the roles were reversed, with a husband refusing to help medicate his wife, I'm sure you'd be up in arms, yet it's okay for a wife to drop her commitment to her husband

I wouldn't try to lecture him on what being bipolar means either, I'm sure he's fully aware.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: jjsole
Why specifically does she want to separate? Why not just a divorce?

What I mean is what would she want to accomplish during separation...ie what does she need to experience to be encouraged towards sticking with the relationship and trying to make it work. Has she pulled the 'separation card' before and perhaps you've ignored it, or is this all out of the blue? What is it that she hasn't been experiencing in the relationship that she would like too/hope too, and is it possible to address them with tangible goals to work towards together. Not meaning to drill you, just to try and tie some of the unknowns together.

Personally I wouldn't go the separation route regardless...they rarely work and often simply drive a nail in the coffin that often didn't have to be there in the first place. Nor would I offer to move out, period.

As already mentioned she's probably already gotten counsel and been advised to see if she can get the OP out of the house. That way she can take everything.

He needs to get a lawyer and a private investigator TODAY and not delay. Document every single thing, action, converstation, phone call, etc.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

"honey,uou're screaming at me again,are you taking your meds?"

Six, that doesn't work in real life,what does work is if the bipolar person assembles a "treatment team" this team usually consists of the doctor and therapist,possibly the minister, and at least one other person who the patient knows and trusts and who's opipion the patient will accept even when they're ill.. this person is generally a close friend or a extended family member.. not the spouse,not a child. Parentifying one's spouse or children isn't helpful to any patient.Having a team of people picked by the patient themselves as folks who the patient respects and trusts does help.

I don't think we're talking about the same thing here. I'm saying it's the OP's responsibility to be sure he's taking his meds. Since that has such a huge effect on almost all of the other aspects of his life, it can't be "one more damn thing to keep track of". It has to be the first thing.

If he's slipping, there's no one closer to him than his wife, no one he trusts more (I would hope). She's right there, in their home, and will start to see the signs before anyone else. You don't have to be a parent to say, "Honey, I'm worried about you." Wives are supposed to do that, too.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: sixone
If he's slipping, there's no one closer to him than his wife, no one he trusts more (I would hope). She's right there, in their home, and will start to see the signs before anyone else. You don't have to be a parent to say, "Honey, I'm worried about you." Wives are supposed to do that, too.

DING DING DING, someone with a clue!

 

[AkumaX]

kids are f*cked in a divorce

 

[f1sh3r]

my sister and brother-in-law are going through the same thing. almost exactly. hes been diagnosed bipolar as well.

he accused her of cheating, and she told him to leave and changed the locks on him. he showed up one night and i got a phone call from my other sister "he's trying to take the kids! hes crazy!" theyre his kids too! its his house! let him in! he called the cops. now hes back in the house and shes at the parents with 4 kids. they tried counseling before this and everything, but shes not interested in getting back together. they both want custody of the kids.

as much as i feel i should side with my sister, women have this sense of entitlement thats just ridiculous. my brother-in-law works full time, comes home and takes care of the kids, and cleans the house. hes got more of a right than she does IMO. my wife and i are the only ones in my family that will talk to the guy, and everyone keeps calling us telling us hes crazy, and he wants to kill everyone... relationships with mortgages and children never end well.

i feel sorry for guys. i hope i never have to go through this.

keep the house. fight for the kids. get a lawyer. dont use violent words ever. hopefully youll end up with at least a computer and high speed internet...

 

[joecool]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Again,you're rationalizing/minimizing. You didn't ask to be ill and it's not your fault that you've been struck with a biologically based illness that causes such severe problems.
However,it is your responsibilty to seek help and to follow thru with it.

Facts are these,You have an illness that causes you to partially lose control,to become irrationally jealous,to have screaming angry fits complete with profanties and name calling,you've also learned as a secondary gain here that just the implication that you might go off gets you results.Expecting your family to manage your care or suffer the consequences is NOT reasonable.

You need to keep the thought in mind that if ever anybody calls the police or the local crisis team when you're going off,you might well find yourself pink papered to a locked unit for evaluation as any state licensed clincian has an obligation to detain anyone who presents a significant risk of harm to themselves or others.

The people I feel sorry for here are your kids.

well, i have to say you are jumping to some conclusions here that aren't right. i don't kow that i've ever had a "screaming angry fit". i have gotten mad, and yelled (usually my wife is yelling too!), and said things i sincerely wish i hadn't. i've never been a threat, and nobody has ever called the police (and i don't believe my wife has considered doing so). so i guess i have to say i'm not quite the raving maniac you depict.

if by "secondary gain" you're implying that i manipulate the situation by threatening to get mad to get my way, you are wrong. getting mad has never gotten me anything, to the contrary, it's always been very counter productive with lasting negative affects on my relationship with my wife. i am working on dealing with the anger, both thru the meds and thru talk therapy. and i think i'm getting better, albeit slowly, as it is a long and difficult row to hoe.

as far as my boys go, i'm sure you're right that it's been hard on them, and i feel horrible about that. all i can do is to try to get better, and express my remorse for past mistakes. given that i am improving i feel that staying around as a full time dad will be better for them (and for me) than the alternative.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

:thumbsdown:

Seriously, give up now cos you've lost the plot.

She's the one giving up on him, and as she understands the consequences of him not being medicated properly, that's tantamount to trying to provoke him into causing trouble for himself to be used as future evidence.

She made a commitment to him and now she's the one giving up on it. If the roles were reversed, with a husband refusing to help medicate his wife, I'm sure you'd be up in arms, yet it's okay for a wife to drop her commitment to her husband

I wouldn't try to lecture him on what being bipolar means either, I'm sure he's fully aware.

Ok,we're going to try to explain this yet again.

1.expecting a spouse who's experiened episodes of screaming,irrational fits that were inches away from physical violence to oversee the medication of regime of a patient is not only unrealistic,it is courting disaster.When he's screaming at her that she's screwing the mailmail waving his meds at him might likely get her hurt.

2.Patients with mental illness have civil rights,many of them and those rights must be safe guarded. A person is deemed competant to manage their own affairs,including the right to refuse medications and treatment unless/until a court deems otherwise and that court appoints a guardian. Courts usually appoint a guardian to manage the day to day affairs and another to manage the estate.'


She can encorage him to follow thru with therapy, she can be verbally supportive of his seeking/following his doctor's advice regarding meds,if she's following him around counting meds in pill bottles the relationship is seriously screwed up.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

By your warped logic anyone who's prescribed medication is reposnsible for remembering to take pills regardless of their condition? That's the dumbest drivel ever. I can imagine a conversation at the hospital:

Nurse 1: "Did you give Mr Johnson his pills?"
Nurse 2: "It HIS pills, HIS responsiblity!"
Nurse 1: "But he's senile and doesn't always remember!"
Nurse 2: "What part of HIS pills did you not understand"?

Drivel? in the example you give you are using professional paid caregivers and a senile person. The OP's wife is not a psych nurse and the OP is not a person who's been deemed legally incompetant to manage his own affairs.

Again, it is in the OP's best interests to manage his medical affairs and to seek the advice of people he trusts who have nothing to gain or lose from his condition.This protects not only the family but also the OP because many an underhanded spouse/family member has forced meds on a patient to further their own agendas,

He IS managing his condition by recognising a problem and asking for assistance. How is it unreasanable for him to ask his wife, who vowed to love him "in sickness and in health", to remind him to take medication? By your logic, if you ever get ill (I'm not wishing you that) he's free to drop you off at the hospital/nursing home and let others worry about you? How's that logical?

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: jjsole
Why specifically does she want to separate? Why not just a divorce?

What I mean is what would she want to accomplish during separation...ie what does she need to experience to be encouraged towards sticking with the relationship and trying to make it work. Has she pulled the 'separation card' before and perhaps you've ignored it, or is this all out of the blue? What is it that she hasn't been experiencing in the relationship that she would like too/hope too, and is it possible to address them with tangible goals to work towards together. Not meaning to drill you, just to try and tie some of the unknowns together.

Personally I wouldn't go the separation route regardless...they rarely work and often simply drive a nail in the coffin that often didn't have to be there in the first place. Nor would I offer to move out, period.

As already mentioned she's probably already gotten counsel and been advised to see if she can get the OP out of the house. That way she can take everything.

He needs to get a lawyer and a private investigator TODAY and not delay. Document every single thing, action, converstation, phone call, etc.

Sure that's a possibility but its hardly worth assuming that's what's in her head without knowing. Whether or not the OP has psych issues or not, its mute without trying to know exactly where she is coming from as much as possible.

As for taking precautions, sure, but regarding a private investigator and recording everything right now because she says she wants a separation, I'd leave that to the paranoid schizophrenics at this point.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

"honey,uou're screaming at me again,are you taking your meds?"

Six, that doesn't work in real life,what does work is if the bipolar person assembles a "treatment team" this team usually consists of the doctor and therapist,possibly the minister, and at least one other person who the patient knows and trusts and who's opipion the patient will accept even when they're ill.. this person is generally a close friend or a extended family member.. not the spouse,not a child. Parentifying one's spouse or children isn't helpful to any patient.Having a team of people picked by the patient themselves as folks who the patient respects and trusts does help.

I don't think we're talking about the same thing here. I'm saying it's the OP's responsibility to be sure he's taking his meds. Since that has such a huge effect on almost all of the other aspects of his life, it can't be "one more damn thing to keep track of". It has to be the first thing.

If he's slipping, there's no one closer to him than his wife, no one he trusts more (I would hope). She's right there, in their home, and will start to see the signs before anyone else. You don't have to be a parent to say, "Honey, I'm worried about you." Wives are supposed to do that, too.

Part of the problem with bipolar illness is denial.. her telling him she's worried about him might well result in yet another explosive,screaming scene.

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

Taking your meds needs to be a priority for you, since so many other things are hanging on whether you're as healthy as you can possibly be. If other things have to slide, so be it. It's your responsibility to do every single thing you can to make sure you're taking your pills.

At the same time, if memory loss is a side effect, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask your wife to help out. It's not like you can help that, after all, and married people are supposed to step up and fill the breach. If she thinks you're letting it slide, it becomes easier for her to let it slide, and then you have one really viscious circle.

By your warped logic anyone who's prescribed medication is reposnsible for remembering to take pills regardless of their condition? That's the dumbest drivel ever. I can imagine a conversation at the hospital:

Nurse 1: "Did you give Mr Johnson his pills?"
Nurse 2: "It HIS pills, HIS responsiblity!"
Nurse 1: "But he's senile and doesn't always remember!"
Nurse 2: "What part of HIS pills did you not understand"?

Drivel? in the example you give you are using professional paid caregivers and a senile person. The OP's wife is not a psych nurse and the OP is not a person who's been deemed legally incompetant to manage his own affairs.

Again, it is in the OP's best interests to manage his medical affairs and to seek the advice of people he trusts who have nothing to gain or lose from his condition.This protects not only the family but also the OP because many an underhanded spouse/family member has forced meds on a patient to further their own agendas,

He IS managing his condition by recognising a problem and asking for assistance. How is it unreasanable for him to ask his wife, who vowed to love him "in sickness and in health", to remind him to take medication? By your logic, if you ever get ill (I'm not wishing you that) he's free to drop you off at the hospital/nursing home and let others worry about you? How's that logical?

You're confusing 'assisting' with 'taking responsibility for' like what happens in a hospital. Geekbabe already suggested she could assist/remind him, but as for responsibility, he is still 100% responsible for doing what it takes to make sure he takes his meds when he should. When he does everything he can, then he can say, 'honey I need more help because I am incapable of doing any better.'

That is far from the case here tho.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: jjsole
Sure that's a possibility but its hardly worth assuming that's what's in her head without knowing. Whether or not the OP has psych issues or not, its mute without trying to know exactly where she is coming from as much as possible.

As for taking precautions, sure, but regarding a private investigator and recording everything right now because she says she wants a separation, I'd leave that to the paranoid schizophrenics at this point.

A whole lot of friends have been through a divorce. They never saw it coming. Turns out the woman was planning it for over a year in most cases, plotting, planning, some of them even running out and buying a new car on credit card and parking it at a friends house (husband has to pay this as well).

So you bet he should start preparing.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper

Originally posted by: sixone
If he's slipping, there's no one closer to him than his wife, no one he trusts more (I would hope). She's right there, in their home, and will start to see the signs before anyone else. You don't have to be a parent to say, "Honey, I'm worried about you." Wives are supposed to do that, too.

DING DING DING, someone with a clue!

What makes any of you think the OP's wife hasn't been saying/doing that,probably for a very long time.

The OP says his wife wants a separation,not a divorce, she might well wish to see if the OP is going to follow thru and remain stable.

People are forgetting here that the OP is admitting to screaming fits,profanities,cruel name calling and irrational fits of jealousy, I'm guessing here that things weren't pretty probably for a very long time and that most likely people might well be afraid of appraoching the OP with concerns about his mental stabilty.

Btw, as a sidenote, women are likely to stay hang in there longer with a mentally ill or drug addicted/alcoholic men than a man is to stay with a similarly impaired woman.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Ok,we're going to try to explain this yet again.

And still you fail.

1.expecting a spouse who's experiened episodes of screaming,irrational fits that were inches away from physical violence to oversee the medication of regime of a patient is not only unrealistic,it is courting disaster.When he's screaming at her that she's screwing the mailmail waving his meds at him might likely get her hurt.

Here's an idea, maybe the medication would play a part in preventing those episodes - DUN DUN DUH! If he's admitted he has a problem remembering to take his medication or is asking her to double-check that he has, who has she got to blame if she doesn't and things start to escalate? The guy needs help, not mind games.

2.Patients with mental illness have civil rights,many of them and those rights must be safe guarded. A person is deemed competant to manage their own affairs,including the right to refuse medications and treatment unless/until a court deems otherwise and that court appoints a guardian. Courts usually appoint a guardian to manage the day to day affairs and another to manage the estate.'

Not sure how this has any relevance whatsoever. The OP isn't refusing treatment, he's asking for help to ensure he doesn't neglect his treatment due to his condition.

She can encorage him to follow thru with therapy, she can be verbally supportive of his seeking/following his doctor's advice regarding meds,if she's following him around counting meds in pill bottles the relationship is seriously screwed up.

No, your view of it is seriously screwed up.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
What makes any of you think the OP's wife hasn't been saying/doing that,probably for a very long time.

Originally posted by: joecool
and as far as the meds go, i've actually asked her many times to help me remember them, but she's refused to do so. that's particularly frustrating as it feels like she doesn't fully appreciate the nature of the illness and it's sometimes perverse consequences

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
The OP says his wife wants a separation,not a divorce, she might well wish to see if the OP is going to follow thru and remain stable.

Yeah right, she's just too gutless to tell him what she really wants. If she can get him to leave the house, she's quids in.

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
...I'm guessing here that things weren't pretty probably for a very long time and that most likely people might well be afraid of appraoching the OP with concerns about his mental stabilty.

Yeah, it's much easier to say "Hey, let's get a separation!" than "Yes, I will help you remember to take your meds" or "If we clear up these issues, we can move forward".

 

[Ausm]

My last Divorce cost me 15,000 in Lawyer fees,My House ,My credit and my Ex refuses to allow me to see my step child even tho I have a court order to do so. Oh I forgot that I had to sue her five times, once because she failed to pay the mortgage and I had to legally force her out of the residence before it got foreclosed.


Ausm


Cliff notes : Fvck Marriage