wife wants a seperation, part II

[joecool]

Originally posted by: TheFamilyMan

Originally posted by: joecool
However, tonight I learned that she had seen a lawyer about our "situation" and she told me flat out she could force me to leave. Right now I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. Here I've been, stupid, trusting, believe-in-the-best me, thinking she'd never do that, and I didn't need to either. What an f***ing idiot! In the last thread a bunch of guys said, "get a lawyer, fast!" I didn't think I needed to. I thought I could trust my wife. Now it turns out she's already working on how to get rid of me, and how to screw me over as hard as she can.

So, all you saps thinking about getting married - don't!!! You'll only get screwed in the end, I promise you. And all you guys who warned me, you were right. I sure wish I'd listened. Now I'm going to get to enjoy the prospect of getting bent over and loosing half of everything I've worked so hard to earn.

First off, you said it had only been a few weeks that you had been working at it after you threw yourself at her feet. After only a few weeks, she has nothing really to go on but your performance for the last few weeks vs. the amount of time your disorder controlled your life and marriage. You don't know that she went to a lawyer to force you to leave and you didn't give us enough information regarding what made her bring up the fact she could force you to leave...were you two arguing, was it said in anger, was your disorder flaring up...there are a host of questions. You two need counseling if you want the marriage to work. Everyone screaming about "GET A LAWYER AND REAM HER GOOD BEFORE SHE REAMS YOU!!!!" are giving bad advice and you could be making a mistake that affects your entire life. Trust me...I went through very much the same situation and me and my wife have come out of it stronger and more together than ever before. And by the way...she said very much the same things you say your wife has said about forcing to leave and mine even went so far as to retain a lawyer in case things didn't work out and a separation was something that was decided upon. I was bummed about her seeing a lawyer too but we talked many hours about the whys, hows, etc of her decision. Yes, she saw the lawyer and discovered her options. Through our communication it was discovered that those options weren't as appealing as a stronger and better marriage. Seek a lawyer but do it in the context of preparation...not revenge. Let her know that if she decides she must seek counsel that you may have to as well but not in revenge. Just my $.02 worth from someone who went through much the same situation...

to answer your question, we were having an argument, pretty much our first in two or three weeks, and she once again threw out the "maybe you need some time off" card. when i reiterated that i have no intention of leaving she responded that she could force me out. she seems so sure that i started to wonder, so i asked her if she'd seen a lawyer. to my shock and dismay the answer was yes. at that point i walked out of the house and went for a drive - i was so upset i was shaking, and i can't even describe how i felt. not good, i can tell you. after a while i returned home and went to my office - couldn't really be around her at the time. she eventually came in to talk to me. it wasn't a great conversation. she refuses to understand how upset i am, and that i feel she has really broken my trust and the bond of marriage.

i have no interest in revenge or screwing her over. i also don't know if i can trust her, and i feel like i need to know my options to protect myself and my financial and parental rights. at this point it seems like i have to see a lawyer just to do that.

amoung other things, something that really sucks is that we had a 3-day family weekend planned. got an expensive house rented in the mountains, i was really looking forward to it. now i don't even want to go.

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: TheFamilyMan

Originally posted by: joecool
However, tonight I learned that she had seen a lawyer about our "situation" and she told me flat out she could force me to leave. Right now I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. Here I've been, stupid, trusting, believe-in-the-best me, thinking she'd never do that, and I didn't need to either. What an f***ing idiot! In the last thread a bunch of guys said, "get a lawyer, fast!" I didn't think I needed to. I thought I could trust my wife. Now it turns out she's already working on how to get rid of me, and how to screw me over as hard as she can.

So, all you saps thinking about getting married - don't!!! You'll only get screwed in the end, I promise you. And all you guys who warned me, you were right. I sure wish I'd listened. Now I'm going to get to enjoy the prospect of getting bent over and loosing half of everything I've worked so hard to earn.

First off, you said it had only been a few weeks that you had been working at it after you threw yourself at her feet. After only a few weeks, she has nothing really to go on but your performance for the last few weeks vs. the amount of time your disorder controlled your life and marriage. You don't know that she went to a lawyer to force you to leave and you didn't give us enough information regarding what made her bring up the fact she could force you to leave...were you two arguing, was it said in anger, was your disorder flaring up...there are a host of questions. You two need counseling if you want the marriage to work. Everyone screaming about "GET A LAWYER AND REAM HER GOOD BEFORE SHE REAMS YOU!!!!" are giving bad advice and you could be making a mistake that affects your entire life. Trust me...I went through very much the same situation and me and my wife have come out of it stronger and more together than ever before. And by the way...she said very much the same things you say your wife has said about forcing to leave and mine even went so far as to retain a lawyer in case things didn't work out and a separation was something that was decided upon. I was bummed about her seeing a lawyer too but we talked many hours about the whys, hows, etc of her decision. Yes, she saw the lawyer and discovered her options. Through our communication it was discovered that those options weren't as appealing as a stronger and better marriage. Seek a lawyer but do it in the context of preparation...not revenge. Let her know that if she decides she must seek counsel that you may have to as well but not in revenge. Just my $.02 worth from someone who went through much the same situation...

to answer your question, we were having an argument, pretty much our first in two or three weeks, and she once again threw out the "maybe you need some time off" card. when i reiterated that i have no intention of leaving she responded that she could force me out. she seems so sure that i started to wonder, so i asked her if she'd seen a lawyer. to my shock and dismay the answer was yes. at that point i walked out of the house and went for a drive - i was so upset i was shaking, and i can't even describe how i felt. not good, i can tell you. after a while i returned home and went to my office - couldn't really be around her at the time. she eventually came in to talk to me. it wasn't a great conversation. she refuses to understand how upset i am, and that i feel she has really broken my trust and the bond of marriage.

i have no interest in revenge or screwing her over. i also don't know if i can trust her, and i feel like i need to know my options to protect myself and my financial and parental rights. at this point it seems like i have to see a lawyer just to do that.

amoung other things, something that really sucks is that we had a 3-day family weekend planned. got an expensive house rented in the mountains, i was really looking forward to it. now i don't even want to go.

Don't be soft. You need to go for her throat, if you don't you'll only be bent over and reamed without lube.

 

[Czar]

she wants to end it.. she moves out.. thats how it should be

 

[altonb1]

You need to talk to a lawyer just to get your options. My wife and I split for about 8 months a few years ago. The day after she left, i was at an attorney. I didn't want to see an attorney and I didn't want to even consider a divorce, but my sister advised I HAD to get a consultation in order to protect myself. I opened my own checking account and closed the joint account, etc.

At this point, protecting YOURSELF is the most important thing you can do. Everything that you do to protect yourself can be reversed if you reconcile. What you DON'Twant, nor can you AFFORD to allow happen, is that you sit around and wait--the longer you wait, the worse your outcome will be. Protect yourself 1st--you can try to save the marriage in the process, but do not wait to begin protecting yourself. If you don't take action now, and the marriage is not saved, you will be trying to play catch-up--in the end, the outcome will be far worse. Not only will you be crushed emotionally, you will get bent over financially, too--which makes for a far worse scenario; ESPECIALLY with Bi-Polar.

 

[child of wonder]

I agree with others here. Get your own butt protected first, then work on saving the marriage.

She has thrown down the gauntlet. In this situation, playing nice and fair will only leave you stuck holding the bag.

 

[FallenHero]

Originally posted by: Ronstang

Originally posted by: LookingGlass
She can file a court order to have you thrown out, just depends on what she wants to spend.

Then he needs to hide as many assets as he can as quickly as he can, unless the bitch has already grabbed it all, and stop making the house payment or rent. Force here to spend money on lawyers to get him to do anything then. It is very important these days to have a private account the minute you get married. Preferably with your spouse having no knowledge of it and then you can sock money away for events just like this.

One of my family friends has one. He calls it the "fvck you account".

 

[purepolly]

Originally posted by: joecool
thanks for all the input, guys. i talked to a friend last night who went through this years ago and got the name of his lawyer. i'm going to call him today. i'm still in a state of shock, tho. i thought things were going better. what a dope i was. i can't believe i'm going to loose half of what i've worked so hard to earn, while she stayed at home watching oprah, plus have to give her god knows how much of my salary for how long. sure wish i lived in england without such insane laws. look out, guys, all this crap about womens lib and equal rights is just that - crap. it's us guys who should be fighting for equal rights. women are in the drivers seat and they know it. it's all just a big fat snowjob to keep us stupid, gullible men in the dark!

Get off your pity pot. Wahhh wahhh wahhh. YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS IS DRIVING A WEDGE IN YOUR FAMILY. Do something about it.

All discussions of separation or divorce are secondary issues.

 

[5150Joker]

I bet she's cheating on you and the bipolar thing is just an excuse to get rid of you. Like others said, get a private investigator!

 

[altonb1]

Originally posted by: purepolly

Get off your pity pot. Wahhh wahhh wahhh. YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS IS DRIVING A WEDGE IN YOUR FAMILY. Do something about it.

All discussions of separation or divorce are secondary issues.

You are a tool. While the OP's mental illness may not be helping the issue, the marriage vows were taken "in sickness and in health," as well as "for better or for worse," etc. While Bi-Polar may be used as an excuse, it is not really a good reason for his wife to end the marriage. Also, his original message indicates that he was working with his doctor to get him on the right meds with proper dosages, so he was trying to "do something about it."

But go ahead...kick sand in his face some more--I'm sure it is extremely helpful to him at this time.