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wife wants a seperation, part II

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Originally posted by: Ronstang
What I usually mean by hidden assets are accounts that hold cash that has already passed through the marriage. Most people allow each a certain amount to spend each month on personal things and hobbies. Women go shopping, I save it. It has already been divided up. No reason for her to get ANOTHER half. There are many ways to store wealth in ways no one would even know about also. Proving hidden assets is hard, especially when they are NOT IN CASH. I currently have my friend's entire gun collection in my safe. He has put a lot of wealth into the collection and she really knows nothing about it. Smart buyers don't buy guns at stores that create a paper trail. No need to register them in my state. I have all his guns and no one can prove he even has them.....case closed. He gets his divorce and gets his guns back. He could then quite easily convert them to cash. I did this once for a friend with a nice collectible car also.
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While I like this idea a lot, would the court ever try to pursue where "Mr. Man's" $20,000 of income went to over the years? Could I buy thousand dollar bonds (in cash) and store them at a friend's house in a safe?

My parents went through a rough divorce when I was in the third grade. My dad makes didly squat and my mom makes the real bacon. Even till this day, she mentions how my dad took 'half of her retirement money' and hates him for it. To be frank, I would too. When it comes to money, I trust next to no one. I could never have a joint account and the thoughts of what to write on a prenup have passed through my mind.

I have a good friend of mine that is getting married soon. He and his girl are setting up a joint bank account and will pay all bills, his car and her car, from the one account, since everything will be 'our bills' paid from 'our account'. I told him flat out he's setting himself up for disaster, but he is playing it cool. I am fearful what will happen if a day will ever come of their separation.

This thread has some great advice. Anyone know of a great website dedicated to this sort of material?
 
OP, so sorry to hear about things are getting worse. I read your old threat and I thought things were getting better.

Some said Prenup I heard that Prenup is not 100% fool proof. The bitch can say she were not paying attention/hubby made her sign the document/blah blah blah. Any comments on that? How can a hubby or wife can get a fair Prenup that can stand up in court?

Now I am glad that I am single. Maybe I need to fly back home and get me a bride like Bennylong.

 
Originally posted by: xSauronx
ugh. i got a divorce from someone who was also evil, unimaginably so. get a dirty lawyer and make her wish she had died in a fire.

its completely worth the money
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More details please... if you don't mind
 
Originally posted by: Svnla
OP, so sorry to hear about things are getting worse. I read your old threat and I thought things were getting better.

Some said Prenup I heard that Prenup is not 100% fool proof. The bitch can say she were not paying attention/hubby made her sign the document/blah blah blah. Any comments on that? How can a hubby or wife can get a fair Prenup that can stand up in court?

Now I am glad that I am single. Maybe I need to fly back home and get me a bride like Bennylong.
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I figure you get it signed in front of a notory and attorney and you should be good. Don't forget her family members, direct boss and every teacher she's had since 6th grade.
 
Originally posted by: NFS4
Originally posted by: xSauronx
ugh. i got a divorce from someone who was also evil, unimaginably so. get a dirty lawyer and make her wish she had died in a fire.

its completely worth the money
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More details please... if you don't mind
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serious details would be a threadjack. long story short: we moved to kansas, after 2 months she filed for a PFA out of the blue to keep me away from our kids (with baseless and absurd accusations)

i got a lawyer to fight it, turned a 20 minute hearing into 2.5 hours degrading her as much as possible, got the PFA denied, filed for divorce (she managed to be shocked at this), got a divorce (kansas: 60 days, back in NC: 1 year, guess KS is good for something) and am now trying to come to a custody agreement. she doesnt want to meet me in court again after the first time, i probably still wont get the custody i want, but im certain as hell she wont either 😉

shes tried to be tough about her demands for this furniture, that money, blah blah...."no, we can take that to court as well" has solved most of it pretty quickly; shes terrified at the thought of it.


 
Sorry dude. As I said in the other thread her moves are pre-planned, with Counsel.

Get lawyer, Get PI, document every coversation and every single word. This is your ammunition to salvage your life. Do it yesterday.

-edit-
A very wise uncle of mine told me these wise words - "Once they want out, they want out and have been planning it for much longer than you ever suspected, the mind is made up and the path is set in stone, there is nothing you can do but protect yourself. You cannot reason, you cannot hope, you MUST go into protect mode."
 
Originally posted by: BigJ
Originally posted by: flashbacck
Originally posted by: Corporate Thug
Originally posted by: TehMac
Originally posted by: mugs
Originally posted by: JS80
PRENUP
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RETARD
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Hows he retarded. Its a smashingly good idea...Although a lot late in the OP's case. And I feel sorry for him. I wish I could smack women like that upside the head. Gawd, I wish women like that will burn in hell.
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I dont understand why the notion of a Prenup is retarded either...
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I hope to never have to have a prenup, but I don't think it's retarded for people to do so. I declare Mugs the retard in this discussion.
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Quick question. How do you get a prenup after you're already married and your wife wants to separate?

In a thread like this, simply stating "Prenup" is useless. Yes, he realizes now he should've gotten one.
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He can try to get a postnuptial agreement. Essentially done the same way as a prenup. A lot of the times when couples decide to divorce, they enter into a postnup to solve property issues easily and efficiently. I'm not saying its going to happen here, but its a possibility.
 
Originally posted by: jpeyton
She wants more than just a separation. She wants your home, your children, half your assets, and half your salary from now until the day you die.
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I don't ever want to get married.
 
Originally posted by: Ronstang
What I usually mean by hidden assets are accounts that hold cash that has already passed through the marriage. Most people allow each a certain amount to spend each month on personal things and hobbies. Women go shopping, I save it. It has already been divided up. No reason for her to get ANOTHER half. There are many ways to store wealth in ways no one would even know about also. Proving hidden assets is hard, especially when they are NOT IN CASH. I currently have my friend's entire gun collection in my safe. He has put a lot of wealth into the collection and she really knows nothing about it. Smart buyers don't buy guns at stores that create a paper trail. No need to register them in my state. I have all his guns and no one can prove he even has them.....case closed. He gets his divorce and gets his guns back. He could then quite easily convert them to cash. I did this once for a friend with a nice collectible car also.
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lol, time to hoard gold bullion
 
Also man, with bi-polar disorder you absolutely need to find a very good friend, or counselor. This can throw you into such a deep depression that you won't want to crawl back out of it. Don't drown it in beer, or liquor, just listen to your doc or counselor. Also the fact that you are seeking help will rob her of one arguement she may have against you in court.
 
OP, i'm very sorry to hear your news, when my 1st marriage broke down, I was lucky and my ex and I had an amicable break up of everything. Luckily, we dont do alimony in England or NZ, so at least when its done, its done. I dont understand why anyone should be made to support and ex partner especially when they instigated the divorce?.

I'm all for the PI and lawyer, who knows, if she has been planning this for awhile, she may already be sneaking around with another.

I remember one time when younger, my mother warned me, 'beware the woman, who knows what she wants', and you know what, there is nothing as bad a woman scorned (okay she wasnt scorned, but she mind up her mind a long time ago for sure) and has had time to prepare.

Start hording or selling stuff quick behind her back, she has to prove prior ownership, and without reciepts, this could be deffercult..

Good luck to you, DONT get depressed, get MAD!
 
thanks for all the input, guys. i talked to a friend last night who went through this years ago and got the name of his lawyer. i'm going to call him today. i'm still in a state of shock, tho. i thought things were going better. what a dope i was. i can't believe i'm going to loose half of what i've worked so hard to earn, while she stayed at home watching oprah, plus have to give her god knows how much of my salary for how long. sure wish i lived in england without such insane laws. look out, guys, all this crap about womens lib and equal rights is just that - crap. it's us guys who should be fighting for equal rights. women are in the drivers seat and they know it. it's all just a big fat snowjob to keep us stupid, gullible men in the dark!
 
Originally posted by: joecool
thanks for all the input, guys. i talked to a friend last night who went through this years ago and got the name of his lawyer. i'm going to call him today. i'm still in a state of shock, tho. i thought things were going better. what a dope i was. i can't believe i'm going to loose half of what i've worked so hard to earn, while she stayed at home watching oprah, plus have to give her god knows how much of my salary for how long. sure wish i lived in england without such insane laws. look out, guys, all this crap about womens lib and equal rights is just that - crap. it's us guys who should be fighting for equal rights. women are in the drivers seat and they know it. it's all just a big fat snowjob to keep us stupid, gullible men in the dark!
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Well whatever you do, control your temper. The minute you go crazy on her for doing whatever, you are gone. It's over. She takes your house, your kids, your car, and your money. You live in a ratty ass apartment and drink your nights away after slaving day after day to pay alimony and child support.

 
I know this sounds sick, but you need to get a buddy of yours to give a sample in a condom and then plant it in your bedroom and "find it" Call a PI and tell them you want it tested and proven it's not yours.
 
Originally posted by: JeffreyLebowski
I know this sounds sick, but you need to get a buddy of yours to give a sample in a condom and then plant it in your bedroom and "find it" Call a PI and tell them you want it tested and proven it's not yours.
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:thumbsdown: bad move.

the truth always finds a way of coming out.
 
Originally posted by: joecool
However, tonight I learned that she had seen a lawyer about our "situation" and she told me flat out she could force me to leave. Right now I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. Here I've been, stupid, trusting, believe-in-the-best me, thinking she'd never do that, and I didn't need to either. What an f***ing idiot! In the last thread a bunch of guys said, "get a lawyer, fast!" I didn't think I needed to. I thought I could trust my wife. Now it turns out she's already working on how to get rid of me, and how to screw me over as hard as she can.

So, all you saps thinking about getting married - don't!!! You'll only get screwed in the end, I promise you. And all you guys who warned me, you were right. I sure wish I'd listened. Now I'm going to get to enjoy the prospect of getting bent over and loosing half of everything I've worked so hard to earn.
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First off, you said it had only been a few weeks that you had been working at it after you threw yourself at her feet. After only a few weeks, she has nothing really to go on but your performance for the last few weeks vs. the amount of time your disorder controlled your life and marriage. You don't know that she went to a lawyer to force you to leave and you didn't give us enough information regarding what made her bring up the fact she could force you to leave...were you two arguing, was it said in anger, was your disorder flaring up...there are a host of questions. You two need counseling if you want the marriage to work. Everyone screaming about "GET A LAWYER AND REAM HER GOOD BEFORE SHE REAMS YOU!!!!" are giving bad advice and you could be making a mistake that affects your entire life. Trust me...I went through very much the same situation and me and my wife have come out of it stronger and more together than ever before. And by the way...she said very much the same things you say your wife has said about forcing to leave and mine even went so far as to retain a lawyer in case things didn't work out and a separation was something that was decided upon. I was bummed about her seeing a lawyer too but we talked many hours about the whys, hows, etc of her decision. Yes, she saw the lawyer and discovered her options. Through our communication it was discovered that those options weren't as appealing as a stronger and better marriage. Seek a lawyer but do it in the context of preparation...not revenge. Let her know that if she decides she must seek counsel that you may have to as well but not in revenge. Just my $.02 worth from someone who went through much the same situation...
 
Going back to my original advice for this contingency.

Commence canceling all joint credit card accounts, open lines of credit such as HELOCs, etc, and put a freeze on your credit. Have paperwork to change your paycheck to auto-deposit to an account with only your name on it and move any money you have access to, to this account. Forward all mail to a PO box.

http://financialplan.about.com/cs/divorceandmoney/a/DealWithDivorce.htm

Basically lessen her ability to screw you over, and put as much stress on her as possible by depriving her of information and any easy access to money. Secure all paperwork you have in your household as well. Make her work for your money.

Get a lawyer now!

Make sure any types of monies she receives are tax deductible. There are legal loopholes where your lawyer can set up "child support" and "alimony" into vehicles that are tax deductible. Ask for full custody of the kids, so she has to fight more in court.

Do not under any circumstances move out of your residence unless ordered by a judge to do so.

If you already have a joint HELOC, pull all equity in your home out now.
 
Originally posted by: TheFamilyMan
Originally posted by: joecool
However, tonight I learned that she had seen a lawyer about our "situation" and she told me flat out she could force me to leave. Right now I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. Here I've been, stupid, trusting, believe-in-the-best me, thinking she'd never do that, and I didn't need to either. What an f***ing idiot! In the last thread a bunch of guys said, "get a lawyer, fast!" I didn't think I needed to. I thought I could trust my wife. Now it turns out she's already working on how to get rid of me, and how to screw me over as hard as she can.

So, all you saps thinking about getting married - don't!!! You'll only get screwed in the end, I promise you. And all you guys who warned me, you were right. I sure wish I'd listened. Now I'm going to get to enjoy the prospect of getting bent over and loosing half of everything I've worked so hard to earn.
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First off, you said it had only been a few weeks that you had been working at it after you threw yourself at her feet. After only a few weeks, she has nothing really to go on but your performance for the last few weeks vs. the amount of time your disorder controlled your life and marriage. You don't know that she went to a lawyer to force you to leave and you didn't give us enough information regarding what made her bring up the fact she could force you to leave...were you two arguing, was it said in anger, was your disorder flaring up...there are a host of questions. You two need counseling if you want the marriage to work. Everyone screaming about "GET A LAWYER AND REAM HER GOOD BEFORE SHE REAMS YOU!!!!" are giving bad advice and you could be making a mistake that affects your entire life. Trust me...I went through very much the same situation and me and my wife have come out of it stronger and more together than ever before. And by the way...she said very much the same things you say your wife has said about forcing to leave and mine even went so far as to retain a lawyer in case things didn't work out and a separation was something that was decided upon. I was bummed about her seeing a lawyer too but we talked many hours about the whys, hows, etc of her decision. Yes, she saw the lawyer and discovered her options. Through our communication it was discovered that those options weren't as appealing as a stronger and better marriage. Seek a lawyer but do it in the context of preparation...not revenge. Let her know that if she decides she must seek counsel that you may have to as well but not in revenge. Just my $.02 worth from someone who went through much the same situation...
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Sorry, once the threat of forced removal is made it's game on.
 
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