Whats the best comeback / putdown / insult you've heard?

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Toasthead

Toasthead

Diamond Member
Aug 27, 2001
6,621
0
0
My buddies and I were hanging out one night at a poolhall place in town and this girl was obviously breaking up with this guy. he wanted to know what her problem was and in the laundry list of complaints she said:

'and your d!ck is like 3 inches long'

to which the guy replied almost instantly

'yeah....if you fold it 18 times'

We all started cracking up and have been using that as a comeback for just about everything since.
 
B

Byte

Platinum Member
Mar 8, 2000
2,877
6
81
Originally posted by: bapace
I was at the bar with a buddy one night and the cops showed up. My friend said "Hey man, the cops are here, what did you do"

Me: "Oh sh!t"

Him: "What's wrong man?"

Me: "They saw me fvcking your mom in public and now they want me for animal cruelty"

He didn't even attempt a comeback, just said...

Him: "D@mn, that was nice....."

EDIT:::Fixed something.
Click to expand...

That was sweet. Here is one from House:

"I'm going home"

"To what?"

"...nice"
 
silverpig

silverpig

Lifer
Jul 29, 2001
27,703
12
81
1. There goes a load his mom should have swallowed.
2. 100 million sperm and that's the one that got through.
3. What a proud day for you and your family.
 
M

Mucho

Guest
Oct 20, 2001
8,231
2
0
I once ask a girl why are women such liers she said "why don't you go ask your mother"
 
PingSpike

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,764
614
126
Originally posted by: Mucho
I once ask a girl why are women such liers she said "why don't you go ask your mother"
Click to expand...

You should have been like, "I can't. She's dead."
 
A

AStar617

Diamond Member
Sep 29, 2002
4,983
0
0
Any variance of "X called, they want Y back" might cause me to actually reach out and slap you physically. Or just point and laugh. Those are super-tired. :thumbsdown:

To call somebody a jerk is probably the least potent insult you could throw at someone... anyone who would actually consider the "jerkstore" bit probably got beat up daily on the playground. Why don't you just bust out "sticks and stones" while you're at it? No no, wait, "I'm rubber and you're glue"...

:laugh:
 
PingSpike

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,764
614
126
In 2nd grade in bathroom with my friend, older kid comes in and says to me: "You're heads to big for your body" (I didn't really grow into my head until much later)

Without missing a beat, my friend says "Yeah, well your butts to big for your pants!" Older kid just left. Pwned by a second grader.
 
M

MainFramed

Diamond Member
May 29, 2002
5,981
1
0
i've always love this one;

"If i wanted my ((come)) back i would have wiped it off your face"
 
K

kef7

Diamond Member
May 11, 2001
4,090
0
76
Here's a couple supposedly from Winston Churchill:

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If I was your wife, I would put poison in your tea."

Winston Churchill in reply to Lady Astor: "And if I was your husband, I would drink it."

and

After an evening of boozing it up with the buddies, Winston was walking out to his carriage when a woman said, "Sir Winston, you're drunk!"

He looked at her and said, "Ma'dame, Yes I am drunk, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly."

 
silverpig

silverpig

Lifer
Jul 29, 2001
27,703
12
81
Originally posted by: kef7
Here's a couple supposedly from Winston Churchill:

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If I was your wife, I would put poison in your tea."

Winston Churchill in reply to Lady Astor: "And if I was your husband, I would drink it."

and

After an evening of boozing it up with the buddies, Winston was walking out to his carriage when a woman said, "Sir Winston, you're drunk!"

He looked at her and said, "Ma'dame, Yes I am drunk, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly."
Click to expand...

Dammit. When I wrote my original reply to this thread these were the ones I had in mind, but forgot them. I just remembered and came back to post them.

Anyways, Churchill sure was a quick witted fellow.
 
B

bapace

Senior member
Jul 7, 2004
720
1
0
Originally posted by: NatePo717
Alright let's get off the mom jokes cause I just got off your's.
Click to expand...

Hey, Leave my mom out of this, and I'll leave THIS (Grabs crotch) out of your mom.
 
G

Gand1

Golden Member
Nov 17, 1999
1,026
0
76
Guy drives by with his Ford F350 dulie pickup all tricked out with obviously no intention for using it for work.

My employee then says, "dude, sorry about your small penis!"
 
D

DurocShark

Lifer
Apr 18, 2001
15,708
5
56
This actually happened.

Background: Partying after work. Manager's daughter is in her 20's and pretty hot. She was there. Said manager was not.

Girl: talks smack
Me: Shut up and go away
Girl: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Me: I don't give a fvck WHO you are. I don't work for your mom.
Girl: But my reach is deep.

My friend (Blade0 on this board), overhearing this, turns, grabs his right arm above the elbow with his left hand, and says, "Yeah. THIS deep!"

Bwahahahahahahahahahaah
 
C

chuckywang

Lifer
Jan 12, 2004
20,133
1
0
Originally posted by: DurocShark
This actually happened.

Background: Partying after work. Manager's daughter is in her 20's and pretty hot. She was there. Said manager was not.

Girl: talks smack
Me: Shut up and go away
Girl: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Me: I don't give a fvck WHO you are. I don't work for your mom.
Girl: But my reach is deep.

My friend (Blade0 on this board), overhearing this, turns, grabs his right arm above the elbow with his left hand, and says, "Yeah. THIS deep!"

Bwahahahahahahahahahaah
Click to expand...

What was she talking smack about? Pics?
 
D

DurocShark

Lifer
Apr 18, 2001
15,708
5
56
Originally posted by: chuckywang
Originally posted by: DurocShark
This actually happened.

Background: Partying after work. Manager's daughter is in her 20's and pretty hot. She was there. Said manager was not.

Girl: talks smack
Me: Shut up and go away
Girl: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Me: I don't give a fvck WHO you are. I don't work for your mom.
Girl: But my reach is deep.

My friend (Blade0 on this board), overhearing this, turns, grabs his right arm above the elbow with his left hand, and says, "Yeah. THIS deep!"

Bwahahahahahahahahahaah
Click to expand...

What was she talking smack about? Pics?
Click to expand...
Honestly I don't remember. It wasn't important when compared to Blade0's response. :)

No pics. Never interested enough...
 
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