What is the most annoying corporate phrase?

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: guyver01

Originally posted by: PSYWVic
"... just want to make sure that everyone is on the same page... "

Ugh... i hate that..... hell... most of the time we're not reading the same book! how can we be on the same page!!!

and the worst has to be...

"Lets be proactive when it comes to network outages "

WTF?? You want me to predict when there's gonna be an unforseen outage, and prevent it??? I'm freaking Dionne Warwick now?? is this the damn psychic friends network???

gimme a break.

That means you need Redundancy, Fault Tolerance, and Disaster Recovery.

"proactive for network outages" = have a plan implemented beforehand to reduce the possibility of a down network or increase response time to a down network.

 

[guyver01]

Originally posted by: spidey07
good networks don't have outages.

no such thing as "no outages" when you're talking networks. ALL networks have outages.

Jeffs Law... SOMETHING is bound to get f&&$& up!

 

[ggavinmoss]

Originally posted by: MaxDepth
"Let's take that offline."

Boy I wanna bitch slap everyone who says that in my meetings.

Yup, this is the one. I can handle everything except "take it offline" and "synergy."

Those two make me start swinging my fists.

-geoff

 

[guyver01]

Originally posted by: SagaLore
have a plan implemented beforehand to reduce the possibility of a down network or increase response time to a down network.

again.. you want me to be psychic and predict WHAT will break, so i can have a plan in place for when it breaks???

I'd have to have ten million plans!!! :disgust:

 

[SagaLore]

Mine, is "Do you know why *something* isn't working?"

1. How the heck would I know if you didn't already tell me
2. How the heck would I know if I haven't looked at it yet
3. Why do you stop me in the middle of the hall, while I'm doing something else instead of formally addressing the problem to me

I don't know if it's just the way some people talk but it's annoying. Very common in the areas I work at... it's not so much a corporate phrase but it's still annoying...

Happened recently with a network printer. PIC of the office walks past my room, asks "Do you know why I can't print to the Xerox" ... it wouldn't be so frustrating except for the fact there is no appropriate answer ... all I can say is "no..." and then get up and take a look at it right then and there. The frustrating part is he doesn't say "I can't print, can you take a look at it?" but he only implies that he wants help and makes a comment that assumes I'm psychic.

grrrrr

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: guyver01

Originally posted by: SagaLore
have a plan implemented beforehand to reduce the possibility of a down network or increase response time to a down network.

again.. you want me to be psychic and predict WHAT will break, so i can have a plan in place for when it breaks???

I'd have to have ten million plans!!! :disgust:

Do you have a company cell phone, where you can be reached? A list of contact phone numbers to accelerate a trouble ticket? A method of tracking the network status? An inventory of items and their warranties? A list of backup people when you can't be reached? A partial plan for areas most likely to break is still better than nothing.

 

[spidey07]

no such thing as "no outages" when you're talking networks. ALL networks have outages

With full redudancy you can say no outages. I've built them. but true I guess, there can still a sub-minute outage.

Next phase then
"why is our network down"

answer - "remember that proposal I sent you last year outlining our failure points and the capital required to beef up our redundancy? well that point just broke and johnny backhoe dug up some fiber. You might want to take a look at my proposal 'cause I sent it the VP of operations. You should be getting a call er *reaming* here soon.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

"you're fired"

 

[ZaneNBK]

"Low-hanging fruit." (the acronym LHF was also used, shudder)
"At the end of the day."

I had a boss that used both of those all the freaking time. I swear it had to have been at least 5 times each per meeting with several thrown out for good measure during the day.

 

[MaxDepth]

Originally posted by: ZaneNBK
"Low-hanging fruit." (the acronym LHF was also used, shudder)

I thought that was to mean a drag queen sort of, uhm , well, you know, had his "package" fall out.

sometimes my neffness surprises me.

 

[Tallgeese]

Most hated = Work smarter, not harder
Next most hated = any phrase where words have had "e-" tacked on the front to show that a company is all over "that Internet thing"

 

[brtspears2]

Lets see...

"Eat your own dog food"

And of course, anything that goes "B2B, P2P" Tacky I say.

 

[Kev]

"value-added"

 

[DeafeningSilence]

My 2nd least-favorite: "Grow our business." -- The word "grow" sounds so awkward there!

My least-favorite: "Welcome aboard." -- I'm a new employee, and it is so freaky that Every Single employee welcomes me with that phrase!


On a related note: You guys have to check out this HILARIOUS Onion Article!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kev]

almost forgot...

"why don't you shoot me an email"

 

[SUOrangeman]

Taken from a flyer posted near the microwave here at work, ...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings? Here's some tho change all of that.

BULLSH!T BINGO

How to play: Simply tick off 5 words in one meeting and shout BINGO!
It's that easy

{imagine a 10 by 4 grid with the following phrases}

synergy
take that offline
strategic fit
by the end of the day
gap analysis best practice
the bottom line
core business
lessons learnt
touch base
revisit
game plan
bandwidth
hardball
out of the loop
go the extra mile
benchmark
the big picture
value-added
movers and shakers
ball park
proactive, no reactive win-win situation
think outside the box
fast track
result-driven
empower employees
no blame
stretch the envelope
knowledge base
total quality
slippery slide
ticks in boxes
mindset
knock-on effect
put this to bed
client-focused
quality-driven
on your plate

TESTIMONIALS FROM OTHER PLAYERS:
"I had only been in the meeting for five minutes when I yelled BINGO."

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."

"It's a wheeze, meetings will never be the same for me after my first outright win."

"The atmosphere was ense at the last process workshop as 32 of us listeneded intently for the elusive 5th."

"The facilitator was gobsmacked as we all screamed BINGO for the 3rd time in 2 hours."

"I feel that the game has enhanced the overall quality of meetings per se on a quid pro quo basis."

"People are now even listening to mumblers, thanks to Bullsh!t Bingo."

"Bonza! You could have cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump as we waited for the 5th delivery."

I can scan this in and post it for your pleasure.

-SUO

 

[hoihtah]

i donno if this is a corporate phrase...


but...


can you hear me now?

good.

can you hear me now?
...

 

[Rainsford]

"Do more with less."

WTF? Wouldn't you think if we could do more per dollar we'd be doing it already? Are we burning money or what? I could understand, "Spend your money more efficiently", but "Do more with less" is stupid. Bosses seem to think that be saying this they will get an improved department by taking away money. Yeah, that's how it works

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: SUOrangeman
Taken from a flyer posted near the microwave here at work, ...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings? Here's some tho change all of that.

BULLSH!T BINGO

How to play: Simply tick off 5 words in one meeting and shout BINGO!
It's that easy

{imagine a 10 by 4 grid with the following phrases}

synergy...

...I can scan this in and post it for your pleasure.

-SUO

That's friggin hilarious. That should be mandatory at every corporation in America.....

BTW, a scan would be great

 

[SendTrash]

The box, the BOX , the BOX!!!!!!!!!

"Think outside the BOX"

ugh.....

 

[jimmyhaha]

die AOL...

"so easy to use, no wonder it's #1"

 

[Martin]

Could this be a new pradigm shift in the way our supply model works?



*shuder*

 

[Glock30]

"go ahead"

My co-worker who has Napoleon syndrome likes to say the friggin' phrase like hundreds of times every day...

"I'm gonna have to go ahead and ask you to work late today..."

"I want you to go ahead and do this and that... blah... blah..."

 

[JC]

What about 'mitigate'?

 

[SUOrangeman]

I've got the scan. PM me with your e-mail, I'll be sending them from Hotmail.

-SUO