What is the most annoying corporate phrase?

[nord1899]

"Maximizing share holder value"

I hear that a lot from the CEO of the company I work for. Seems to be the only things that matters in the business world these days.

Screw the customers, screw the employees (well those not in upper-management), but be sure to increase the stock price.

 

[kranky]

I could list dozens!

"Let's throw together a task force so we can tie in with our joint venture partner. They don't want to bring anything to the party, so we might have to play hardball. Going forward, there will be some rough spots, but we'll have a Plan B if needed. I'm late for my ten o'clock, so firm up the plan and shoot me an email with your talking points. Our core competencies should backstop any downside and give us a level playing field."

 

[iamme]

Actually, the most annoying thing in my dept (non-computer related) was, "We NEED a webpage".

When asked why, no one really had a good reason....

 

[HermitGuy]

"Quality is Job One"

Hey no fair your Corporation stole my Corporation's slogan.

Unless you work for Siemens.

 

[propellerhead]

One that hits close to home... "Market-based compensation".

Bla bla bla... Human Resources people trying to convince you that your salary is "at par" with the market.

 

[ScottyB]

Originally posted by: Tominator
"And we are glad YOU are a member of the XXXX family!"

They said that when I went to the transfer student orientation at Michigan State University. I was like "I'm not part of your damn family. I'm just here to get a piece of paper."

 

[silverpig]

<<i hate the whole 'team' concept: Team leader, Team meeting, Teammates

that and mission statements. Mission statements are the lamest thing ever.>>

What he said. Except you have to add vision statement to that as well (what's the difference anyways?).

Oh, and I also agree with proactive being another thing. Anyone see that Dilbert when the boss was using all these terms? "We have to be more proactive."

Dilbert then said something like: "Aren't words like proactive just used by management to make themselves sound like they know what they're doing?"

 

[vi edit]

"We want to weigh all of our options"

I hear this several times a day. Ahhhhhh!!!!!

 

[GasX]

"Learnings" - Let's review the learnings from today's meeting

(No, let's review your failure to learn the English language!)

 

[Vadatajs]

Originally posted by: kranky
I could list dozens!

"Let's throw together a task force so we can tie in with our joint venture partner. They don't want to bring anything to the party, so we might have to play hardball. Going forward, there will be some rough spots, but we'll have a Plan B if needed. I'm late for my ten o'clock, so firm up the plan and shoot me an email with your talking points. Our core competencies should backstop any downside and give us a level playing field."

LoL

what he said.

 

[Pliablemoose]

I was reading a report on the pay system for my dept & they made reference to the "Salary Bandwidth" & I almost fell out of my chair...

 

[microAmp]

Originally posted by: pyonir
i hate the whole 'team' concept: Team leader, Team meeting, Teammates

that and mission statements. Mission statements are the lamest thing ever.

*ugh* Team this, Team that.....

 

[JellyBaby]

Another: "press the flesh". Can you use it in a sentence? Yes I can. "I must fly first-class to Chicago to press the flesh and close the deal."

 

[Platypus]

"Where do you want to go today?"


*Shudders*

 

[iamme]

I was thinking, for IT guys, the most annoying thing is probably, "I forgot my password..."

 

[Raiden256]

If I hear my PMI-certified Manager say anything about "managing expectations" one more time, I may actually explode...

 

[NutBucket]

Anything that ever came out of Toyota advertising. I can't stand ANY of their advertising. Its sooooo F@cking annoying.

 

[ShadowDJ]

Originally posted by: motoamd

Originally posted by: pyonir
i hate the whole 'team' concept: Team leader, Team meeting, Teammates

that and mission statements. Mission statements are the lamest thing ever.

*ugh* Team this, Team that.....

YES! amen brother

 

[FrustratedUser]

I hate project leaders (or similar) that says 'We need to do blah blah blah and with the new planning I made we can blah blah blah...'.
He then leaves the meeting for coffe and donuts.

 

[bozo1]

Oh gawd, at my last company my boss (and of course everyone else after him) in a meeting and he wants you to follow up with him afterwards on something or follow up with someone else said "Ping me on that later" or "Well, ping him on that and let me know." That annoyed the shyt out of me.

 

[NeoV]

pro-active used to be a particular favorite of mine...

"lets step back and look at the big picture"

"lets not lose sight of the goal"

"it is the right direction for the company"

"in my former life" - referring to a prior job

anything with the word "synergy" or "paradigm"

 

[rival]

"You're fired"

 

[DanFungus]

Originally posted by: sheselectric
I HATE BOTH OF THESE: the term "network" used as a verb, as in "network with the execs"

and "touch base" as in "touch base with me on the status of those reports"

I *hate* both of those as well, and my DAD USES THEM ALL THE TIME! AHHH...along with module (comsci teacher overuses it WAY TOO MUCH) and brain storm...and, many others, but those are the top most hated by me

 

[StattlichPassat]

Originally posted by: JellyBaby
Now that you mention it, "Quality is Job One" somewhat bothers me.

Me too. Because there, it's not.

 

[phatcow]

Originally posted by: bozo1
Oh gawd, at my last company my boss (and of course everyone else after him) in a meeting and he wants you to follow up with him afterwards on something or follow up with someone else said "Ping me on that later" or "Well, ping him on that and let me know." That annoyed the shyt out of me.

oh god... theres like five people here that uses the term ping.. "why dont you ping him on his nextel" "ping his extension"

omg stfu