What does a parent "owe" their child?

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: Lothar
WTF?
I hope you won't be one of those parents who pays their child $30/week to wash dishes in the sink or clean the bathtub.

If you make your child do chores for money at an early age, what makes you think they will continue to do them if you stop paying them after they get a part-time job?

I believe in everything you mentioned except "spending" money and paying your own child to do household chores.

I don't think any chores should required by a child unless it's disciplinary action OR it's based around the kid cleaning up their own mess (making sure their own bedroom is clean, etc). I see a lot of kids when I'm driving through a neighborhood mowing lawns and I think "why should they have to mow someone else's lawn"?

It was a long time ago, but if I do recall correctly I did mow my dad's lawn when he broke his leg and I think a kid should be expected to help out when situations like that arrive.

So I should leave the plate that my mom used to eat in the sink for her to wash because...a) it's hers and she used it and/or b) she isn't paying me for it...How childish. :roll:

If a child isn't going to wash the pot that was used to prepare the family meal(which he ate from), then next time he's free to go to McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Not all parents feed their children that way. I don't remember when, it seems it has been for a few years, but I started not eating any meals my mother made unless it was something I liked. I just started living off peanut butter sandwiches and saltine crackers. No plates required. So I was always annoyed when I got asked to wash the dishes when it wasn't me who even ate from them. I was always willing to clean my own dishes(just run them through some water real fast, they were ALWAYS near spotless going in), but I hated cleaning the others because they made such a mess. I don't know what it is, but in our family we never did the thing where you run water over your dish as you are putting it in the sink. To clean it while it is still fresh and then finish up later time... So we would always have these really smelly/fucked up dishes on the counter/in-the-sink and it would be terrible thing to wash. Mine were easy though.

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: Lothar
WTF?
I hope you won't be one of those parents who pays their child $30/week to wash dishes in the sink or clean the bathtub.

If you make your child do chores for money at an early age, what makes you think they will continue to do them if you stop paying them after they get a part-time job?

I believe in everything you mentioned except "spending" money and paying your own child to do household chores.

I don't think any chores should required by a child unless it's disciplinary action OR it's based around the kid cleaning up their own mess (making sure their own bedroom is clean, etc). I see a lot of kids when I'm driving through a neighborhood mowing lawns and I think "why should they have to mow someone else's lawn"?

It was a long time ago, but if I do recall correctly I did mow my dad's lawn when he broke his leg and I think a kid should be expected to help out when situations like that arrive.

So I should leave the plate that my mom used to eat in the sink for her to wash because...a) it's hers and she used it and/or b) she isn't paying me for it...How childish. :roll:

If a child isn't going to wash the pot that was used to prepare the family meal(which he ate from), then next time he's free to go to McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Well I look at it like this, you shouldn't have to "assign" chores for your kids. But you should raise them in such a way that they know when they should be helping their parent with things around the house.

I did do the dishes in my house (ie load the dishwasher) without being asked, I just did them because I know I should at least do something. However if you have lazy kids perhaps you should be raising your kids to be more considerate - people complain about rude kids these days well who's raising them?

We had assigned chores at an early age (elementary/middle school years). Now we just do them regardless of assignment.

I was assigned the bathroom then and did that once a week. My younger brother was assigned the kitchen, and my older brother was pretty much everywhere else(living/dining room/downstairs).
Everybody ran from the bathroom thinking eew...shit. I saw it as a benefit in that I only had to do it once a week, unlike the other house chores which you have to vaccum every day or wash dishes 3x a day.

Giving your kids money to do house chores certainly wouldn't help raise them to be more considerate.

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: Brainonska511
Parents owe:
-a basic education - both academically (schooling through HS) and socially (don't raise a creep; ie: opportunities to participate in sports/clubs, etc)
-nutritious food
-shelter (and a fairly clean, but not necessarily sterile, environment)
-a basic set of clothes
-health

Should provide if possible:
-A car (not new) when the kid gets his license, but only on the condition that the kid pays for the insurance, gas, and maintenance of the car
-A college education and/or some monetary support throughout school
-Minor spending money in exchange for performing chores around the house until the child is old enough to get a part-time job. Chores should still be done at that point, but no longer for money.

WTF?
I hope you won't be one of those parents who pays their child $30/week to wash dishes in the sink or clean the bathtub.

If you make your child do chores for money at an early age, what makes you think they will continue to do them if you stop paying them after they get a part-time job?

I believe in everything you mentioned except "spending" money and paying your own child to do household chores.

I believe in spending money, just not weekly allowance kind. "Hey dad, can I go out and see a movie with my friends?"

"Sure, son, here is some money for the movie, is it enough?"

"Yep, thanks!"

I have no problem with that situation.
I have a problem with giving weekly/monthly allowance money and also giving money to do chores that should be regular house work.

 

[Brainonska511]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: Brainonska511
Parents owe:
-a basic education - both academically (schooling through HS) and socially (don't raise a creep; ie: opportunities to participate in sports/clubs, etc)
-nutritious food
-shelter (and a fairly clean, but not necessarily sterile, environment)
-a basic set of clothes
-health

Should provide if possible:
-A car (not new) when the kid gets his license, but only on the condition that the kid pays for the insurance, gas, and maintenance of the car
-A college education and/or some monetary support throughout school
-Minor spending money in exchange for performing chores around the house until the child is old enough to get a part-time job. Chores should still be done at that point, but no longer for money.

WTF?
I hope you won't be one of those parents who pays their child $30/week to wash dishes in the sink or clean the bathtub.

If you make your child do chores for money at an early age, what makes you think they will continue to do them if you stop paying them after they get a part-time job?

I believe in everything you mentioned except "spending" money and paying your own child to do household chores.

No way. More like something scales up to a max of something like $10/week (for all chores). I didn't quite mean it as a money for chores, more of a do chores makes everyone happy (many hands make light work); if everything gets done, give a little reward for doing everything. A small allowance can easily turn into a long-term lesson on money management. Also, it's just that its hard for a kid to get a job <14.

They'll continue to do some chores later on just because it's part of the whole "good will in the bank" concept and just understanding that part of living in a house means helping out. If they didn't get that point and refuse to do chores, you raised your kids wrong.

I don't know if I described what I'm thinking of accurately, it seems hard to describe what I'd be trying to achieve with my original statement.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: alkemyst
hard to be coherent telling your story. Out of all the things you say your parents owed you what did you 'win' and what's their net worth now?

What do you mean, what did I "win"?

I am curious as all I see is posts full of loss.

I will say that it's 100's of times easier if your parents have a place for you on their team/company. Even more so if they are footing the bills.

However; in today's world esp. if one is a minority, if you bust ass in high school (which in hindsight for everyone is easy) you can get a scholarship to some pretty decent schools. It's not grades alone, so join a team/cause or two and be active.

My parents did well, but they weren't the kind that could drop $20-30k a semester on me (esp with my brother two years behind me)...I couldn't qualify for much free money either as they made too much. My grades weren't the best, but I showed my teachers I knew my shit and with that they actually wrote letters for me to various recruiters.

My dad was able to get me a job in a bank when I was very young. By the time I was 15, I was making a butt load of money compared to my friends. When I was able to drive I picked up a delivery job three to four nights a week...many of my friends did and none of them were hurting. It paid off though, by the time I was ready for college I had a nice savings account. I didn't have to borrow much (about $1k a year) and I didn't have to work during the semester (I did work summers though).

When I got out at 23 I was able to buy a nice house back in my home town (Wellington). 3/2/2 on a canal...about a 1/2 acre. $120k in 1995....

I was in a much better financial situation then than I am now.

Kids today expect everything to be handed to them and no work needed, even in retail stores they are driving the places into the ground. We were at Dillard's a couple days ago and were told totally straight-faced by an employee that after 7pm company policy prohibits them from helping customers and they must focus on their own work!?!?!

Well a manager fixed that pretty quick...this is typical though.

Get off your asses and do some work....watch it pay off.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

That must be troublesome.

Wish my parents enabled me.

WTF you are 18 and picking out their appliances online in other threads?

 

[taltamir]

parents don't OWE their children anything... But parents SHOULD provide for their children if they want them to succeed. Every person will eventually die, but their genes live on through their children. By providing for your children as best as you can you ensure your legacy outlives you...
That and those same genes program us to wish to provide for out children...

BTW, I laughed a the "his own room" and "a car"

 

[judasmachine]

A car is a bit excessive, but I think that certain things like a computer are a must. It doesn't have to belong to the kid, but have one in the house, so they don't grow up comp illiterate, as the classes they receive in HS suck and don't teach them anything beyond turning the thing on. College education is a two way street. If you want your kiddo to do better than you did, then it's wise to invest as much as you can into them at least receiving an AA. But the kid needs to help out and get good grades so he can earn some form of scholarship, or get a freaking job. The car? Screw the kid, he can go get a job.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

That must be troublesome.

Wish my parents enabled me.

WTF you are 18 and picking out their appliances online in other threads?

I do the research for them.

 

[JMapleton]

alkemyst, I still have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[BrownTown]

Originally posted by: taltamir
parents don't OWE their children anything... But parents SHOULD provide for their children if they want them to succeed. Every person will eventually die, but their genes live on through their children. By providing for your children as best as you can you ensure your legacy outlives you...
That and those same genes program us to wish to provide for out children...

BTW, I laughed a the "his own room" and "a car"

I laughed at those too I guess, I never had my own room or my own car, my parents wouldn't even let me borrow their car until I was 18. That said, my parents never made me do chores, and paid for me to go to private school from pre-K to graduating college, that was something like 150,000$ even with financial aid. I consider education to be bar far the number 1 thing a parent owes their child, it is what will take them threw the rest of life. The only big failing my parents had was that I wasn't allowed to have friends for all intents and purposes. I wasn't allowed to go to a friends house, or on a date or anything like that until 16 which socially stunted me to a point that was impossible to recover. consequently I have never had a girlfriend or even a real good friend in my entire life. Social education is PART of the education process, not something that should be given up to focus more on book learning! Also, all guys schools suck .

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: BrownTown

Originally posted by: taltamir
parents don't OWE their children anything... But parents SHOULD provide for their children if they want them to succeed. Every person will eventually die, but their genes live on through their children. By providing for your children as best as you can you ensure your legacy outlives you...
That and those same genes program us to wish to provide for out children...

BTW, I laughed a the "his own room" and "a car"

I laughed at those too I guess, I never had my own room or my own car, my parents wouldn't even let me borrow their car until I was 18. That said, my parents never made me do chores, and paid for me to go to private school from pre-K to graduating college, that was something like 150,000$ even with financial aid. I consider education to be bar far the number 1 thing a parent owes their child, it is what will take them threw the rest of life. The only big failing my parents had was that I wasn't allowed to have friends for all intents and purposes. I wasn't allowed to go to a friends house, or on a date or anything like that until 16 which socially stunted me to a point that was impossible to recover. consequently I have never had a girlfriend or even a real good friend in my entire life. Social education is PART of the education process, not something that should be given up to focus more on book learning! Also, all guys schools suck .

what the fuck...

Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

Well, if it was a nice one, it would have been much better than the school I went to. I went to a school of <400 people and many budget cuts. We only went 4 days a week and I was unhappy with that. I always wanted a better education, but couldn't get it at that school. Very few classes to choose from. They had to even stop doing the metals classes, and we never had "auto shop" or whatever other schools had... We had next to nothing.

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

Well, if it was a nice one, it would have been much better than the school I went to. I went to a school of <400 people and many budget cuts. We only went 4 days a week and I was unhappy with that. I always wanted a better education, but couldn't get it at that school. Very few classes to choose from. They had to even stop doing the metals classes, and we never had "auto shop" or whatever other schools had... We had next to nothing.

Who cares about "metal shop", I never had that at my overfunded public school.

All that matters is how many AP classes are available which can help transition you into college.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

Well, if it was a nice one, it would have been much better than the school I went to. I went to a school of <400 people and many budget cuts. We only went 4 days a week and I was unhappy with that. I always wanted a better education, but couldn't get it at that school. Very few classes to choose from. They had to even stop doing the metals classes, and we never had "auto shop" or whatever other schools had... We had next to nothing.

Who cares about "metal shop", I never had that at my overfunded public school.

All that matters is how many AP classes are available which can help transition you into college.

There were four college classes available at the high school which gave credit. I only got credit for calculus. They started giving credit for pre-calc/something before Calc I after I had taken the class. :| I didn't get to take the CC Literature or CC Composition classes. My English III teacher didn't want me in there, so I didn't get in. >_< Which makes no sense since I was far better than many of the people who were in the class... He just had a personal grudge against me.

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

Well, if it was a nice one, it would have been much better than the school I went to. I went to a school of <400 people and many budget cuts. We only went 4 days a week and I was unhappy with that. I always wanted a better education, but couldn't get it at that school. Very few classes to choose from. They had to even stop doing the metals classes, and we never had "auto shop" or whatever other schools had... We had next to nothing.

Who cares about "metal shop", I never had that at my overfunded public school.

All that matters is how many AP classes are available which can help transition you into college.

There were four college classes available at the high school which gave credit. I only got credit for calculus. They started giving credit for pre-calc/something before Calc I after I had taken the class. :| I didn't get to take the CC Literature or CC Composition classes. My English III teacher didn't want me in there, so I didn't get in. >_< Which makes no sense since I was far better than many of the people who were in the class... He just had a personal grudge against me.

Shocker

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Mo0o

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

Well, if it was a nice one, it would have been much better than the school I went to. I went to a school of <400 people and many budget cuts. We only went 4 days a week and I was unhappy with that. I always wanted a better education, but couldn't get it at that school. Very few classes to choose from. They had to even stop doing the metals classes, and we never had "auto shop" or whatever other schools had... We had next to nothing.

Who cares about "metal shop", I never had that at my overfunded public school.

All that matters is how many AP classes are available which can help transition you into college.

There were four college classes available at the high school which gave credit. I only got credit for calculus. They started giving credit for pre-calc/something before Calc I after I had taken the class. :| I didn't get to take the CC Literature or CC Composition classes. My English III teacher didn't want me in there, so I didn't get in. >_< Which makes no sense since I was far better than many of the people who were in the class... He just had a personal grudge against me.

Shocker

:-/ Surprise surprise, most people hate me. Been that way all my life. Why do you think I have no friends? Because everyone hates me, for different reasons.

 

[BrownTown]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

if you lived in the same city I did you would understand. The valedictorians of the public schools went to worse colleges then the 50 percentile kids at my high school. For example the Valedictorian at the public high school I would have gone to my year only had a 1200 something on the SAT, I had a 1530 and that's after I retook it because I got made fun of for my 1430 I got the first time (when the hottest girl and the all girls school was in front of me and I was distracted ) I am the laziest piece of crap and yet am making 80,000$/yr straight out of college and that is 100% a factor of my parents spending 150,000$ on my education, if I had gone to public school I would probably be making 30,000$/yr. This thread is about what you owe your kids, and maybe you don't owe them a giant head start on life, but if you can afford it you can make their lives FAAAAAR easier.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: BrownTown

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

if you lived in the same city I did you would understand. The valedictorians of the public schools went to worse colleges then the 50 percentile kids at my high school. For example the Valedictorian at the public high school I would have gone to my year only had a 1200 something on the SAT, I had a 1530 and that's after I retook it because I got made fun of for my 1430 I got the first time (when the hottest girl and the all girls school was in front of me and I was distracted ) I am the laziest piece of crap and yet am making 80,000$/yr straight out of college and that is 100% a factor of my parents spending 150,000$ on my education, if I had gone to public school I would probably be making 30,000$/yr.

That would be my reason...

 

[taltamir]

Originally posted by: BrownTown

Originally posted by: taltamir
parents don't OWE their children anything... But parents SHOULD provide for their children if they want them to succeed. Every person will eventually die, but their genes live on through their children. By providing for your children as best as you can you ensure your legacy outlives you...
That and those same genes program us to wish to provide for out children...

BTW, I laughed a the "his own room" and "a car"

I laughed at those too I guess, I never had my own room or my own car, my parents wouldn't even let me borrow their car until I was 18. That said, my parents never made me do chores, and paid for me to go to private school from pre-K to graduating college, that was something like 150,000$ even with financial aid. I consider education to be bar far the number 1 thing a parent owes their child, it is what will take them threw the rest of life. The only big failing my parents had was that I wasn't allowed to have friends for all intents and purposes. I wasn't allowed to go to a friends house, or on a date or anything like that until 16 which socially stunted me to a point that was impossible to recover. consequently I have never had a girlfriend or even a real good friend in my entire life. Social education is PART of the education process, not something that should be given up to focus more on book learning! Also, all guys schools suck .

I would say social education is the most important kind of education. Ultimately success in life in all its forms flows not from your talent or knowledge, but from your desire for success, understanding people and events, capability at acquiring the knowledge you need, etc. Ultimately its your personality and people's skills that matter the most.
That being said, that is some impressive monetary investment in your education there.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: BrownTown

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Wow.. Wish my parents sent me to a nice private school.. We didn't have any where we lived though. There were very few schools, and any that were considered private were religious.

Why would you want to go to a private school?

if you lived in the same city I did you would understand. The valedictorians of the public schools went to worse colleges then the 50 percentile kids at my high school. For example the Valedictorian at the public high school I would have gone to my year only had a 1200 something on the SAT, I had a 1530 and that's after I retook it because I got made fun of for my 1430 I got the first time (when the hottest girl and the all girls school was in front of me and I was distracted ) I am the laziest piece of crap and yet am making 80,000$/yr straight out of college and that is 100% a factor of my parents spending 150,000$ on my education, if I had gone to public school I would probably be making 30,000$/yr. This thread is about what you owe your kids, and maybe you don't owe them a giant head start on life, but if you can afford it you can make their lives FAAAAAR easier.

seriously...what school are you talking about? I am sure your class has it's share of failures.

I will say public schools in the ghetto do not scale as good as those in upper middle to upper class suburbs.

 

[taltamir]

I will say public schools in the ghetto do not scale as good as those in upper middle to upper class suburbs.

... that doesn't make any sense.. nobody in the ghetto can pay 150k for private school. If they could they would not be living in the ghetto!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: taltamir

I will say public schools in the ghetto do not scale as good as those in upper middle to upper class suburbs.

... that doesn't make any sense.. nobody in the ghetto can pay 150k for private school. If they could they would not be living in the ghetto!

maybe you went to one?

public schools are free. People say schools are equal, but I can guarantee 9 times out of 10 the better neighborhood's public school will have better teachers. It's not all the 'areas' faults though, my classmates attempted to go back and teach at our alma mater which became a shit hole 10 years later (we were all bused in while our own high school was being built). They were greeted by being mugged, fondled, etc. Why teach in a slum when you can teach in a nicer / SAFER place.

The poor are their own worst enemies.

 

[taltamir]

went to one what?

The poor are their own worst enemies.

always been, always will be.