The things my customers say...

[Azuma Hazuki]

Oh, oh, even better, when they go "Okay sweetie now can I talk to the technician?" Buddy, I am the technician, I've been elbow deep in computers since third grade in the early Clinton years, and you do not "sweetie" a six-foot woman in steel-toed boots.

 

[mikeymikec]

Oh, oh, even better, when they go "Okay sweetie now can I talk to the technician?" Buddy, I am the technician, I've been elbow deep in computers since third grade in the early Clinton years, and you do not "sweetie" a six-foot woman in steel-toed boots.

Outrageous clip-on moustache? When someone asks that question, totally dead-pan them and don't break eye contact while you reach over for it and put it on?

 

[Ichinisan]

The usual one I hear is people calling the computer case "the hard drive".

"Hard drive"
"CPU"
"Modem"

I've heard it all.

 

[Sonikku]

Have you heard it called "The porn box"?

 

[mikeymikec]

Have you heard it called "The porn box"?

Nope Either very few of my customers partake, or such customers are not that upfront about it. I've maybe had 3 (absolute max) customers admit they browse porn.

 

[Sonikku]

They all do it though.

 

[Linux23]

we all do it

 

[highland145]

2 fer Customer is having septic tank problems and it's too expensive to have a pro come dig it up. I told her to let her adult son do it. "He can't. He cracked his anus bone so we're going to rent a small escalator."

 

[Charmonium]

I'm guessing she meant coccyx for anus bone.

 

[lxskllr]

2 fer Customer is having septic tank problems and it's too expensive to have a pro come dig it up. I told her to let her adult son do it. "He can't. He cracked his anus bone so we're going to rent a small escalator."

Sounds like they're getting a raise. You might be losing a customer.

 

[LPCTech]

Working Tech support for a major PC manufacturer with 2 initials.

Woman calls in yelling, hysterical. "MY BUCKET IS FULL!!! I need help!! MY Bucket Is FULL!!! I dont know what to do and the PC wont tell me?!!!"

Me: "Um. What? Your bucket? What do you mean?"

Her: "The bucket!! In the corner is full! Ive never seen this before. Do I have a virus?"

Me: "Let me connect to your PC to determine the issue."
I connect.

are you ready?

Her recycling bin is full.
She doesn't know how to empty it.

I empty it.
She goes on for about 5 min about how its too hard to figure out how to do it and PC should be sold with instruction manuals.


There was also the time a woman called in asking me to change her google logo back to what it was, she doesn't want the hackers to keep changing it. The google logo on google.com. hehe

 

[IronWing]

She goes on for about 5 min about how ... and PC should be sold with instruction manuals.

I agree with her on this. PCs used to come with manuals. Then they came with manuals on disk. Then the manuals were available online. Now one googles until one finds something somebody somewhere figured out to make the damn thing work.

 

[lxskllr]

I agree with her on this.

I sort of agree. More for software than computers though. At this point, there isn't much learn about computer operation. That's a lot of trees, and fuel to ship them for the 1% of the population that would get value out of it. For that woman particularly, If she had trouble understanding the trash can, a thick instruction book would have had her in tears.

 

[LPCTech]

Pretty sure the manual would be a phone book that would be out of date on day of sale. tho.

Google.com = better

 

[nutxo]

Print shop

Customer picking up business cards. " I wrote the number wrong, Can we get that changed? "

Boss " Sure, How many do you want to order?"

Customer " Can't we just change the number on the cards that are already printed?"

 

[highland145]

I'm guessing she meant coccyx for anus bone.

I'm guessing too.

I also suggested that he get it fixed but he/she were concerned about him being paralyzed.

Sounds like they're getting a raise. You might be losing a customer.

shit

Print shop

Customer picking up business cards. " I wrote the number wrong, Can we get that changed? "

Boss " Sure, How many do you want to order?"

Customer " Can't we just change the number on the cards that are already printed?"

"Sure. $4.99 for an ink pen. Thanks."

 

[Red Squirrel]

It's hilarious when people use the completely wrong terminology. My favourite was when the IT manager freaked out on me for enabling hyperthreading on the RSA appliance. It took me so long to figure out WTF he was talking about. We were setting up a new VPN environment and doing our best to replicate the old one in terms of functionality and one thing I had overlooked was split tunneling, so I enabled it because it was enabled in the existing environment, and that's what he was mad about. Because apparently doing a change to something that's not even prod yet was still considered making a change to a production environment. Ugh I don't miss the politics of that place.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

On a breakfast buffet.
Customer "can I have some fresh bacon?"
Take the pan in the kitchen and flip the bacon upside down.
"Here you go ma'am "
Customer "thank you much!"

 

[Exterous]

Outrageous clip-on moustache? When someone asks that question, totally dead-pan them and don't break eye contact while you reach over for it and put it on?

Many years ago I worked for Circuit City during their liquidation. It was shocking how vicious customers got in their scramble for what they thought were bargains and they treated the customer service people like shit. We figured we were all out of jobs anyway so it was time to be dicks back. Months before we had gotten a different store's name badge order so I selected some choice name badges. It wasn't long before a customer started being a huge a-hole. I tried to defuse the situation but he escalated and demanded to speak to a manager. I told him "Sure, no problem." and fished around in my pocket until I found a name badge that said "Steve - Department Manager". Right in front of him I put it on and deadpanned "Hello, my name is Steve. How can I help you today?" He did not seem amused. "I demand to speak to the store manager!" I held up my finger for him to hold on for a second. Then I got out a a store managers name tag and put it on. "Hello, I'm Dan the Store Manager. How can I help you today?"

 

[slag]

Lots of people do, unfortunately. I went to an "introduction to microcomputers" class where that terminology was taught.

They technically aren't wrong. The case that houses the processor/motherboard/memory/disks/etc is generally called the CPU or central processing unit. There are individual pieces that make up the CPU, and over time, CPU has come to be synonymous with processor, but years ago, there was a CPU, a monitor, and keyboard/mouse. Those were they parts of a computer.

 

[highland145]

Customer wants a zero turn mower with a conjugated steel deck. I didn't ask for an explanation.

 

[IronWing]

Customer wants a zero turn mower with a conjugated steel deck. I didn't ask for an explanation.

He wants <to mow mowing mowed were to mow having mowed will mow> his lawn.

 

[highland145]

He wants <to mow mowing mowed were to mow having mowed will mow> his lawn.

lolol

 

[highland145]

Customer comes in, said he had emergency surgery for an incarcerated hernia. I kind of smirked inside.



And there is such a thing.

 

[boomerang]

Customer comes in, said he had emergency surgery for an incarcerated hernia. I kind of smirked inside.



And there is such a thing.

I guess I've learned my new thing for today.