Well, I think that it depends on what "the rulebook says." If the little scenario that you have to click on through HR training calls it sexual harassment, then it is. That's the rule. It doesn't have to make sense to you or me because the only way to apply a general rule is to make a general rule. And obviously for this situation, there needs to be a rule. It isn't going to be a perfect fit everywhere, but that isn't the point. I asked my mom about this other day and her comment was that "Those shoes look nice!" or "look nice on you!" is fine. But "Those shoes really make your legs look great!" is harassment. The explanation is that the second statement is directly objectifying the person. (i.e.: she--hell, or he--is a pair of legs more than they are a person). Again, it's better to take this up with HR.
No HR rulebook is going to be that explicit. HR rules are more general because its understood that each situation is different. Blindly following rules also leads to stupid situations where little boys get suspended for chewing a poptart into a triangle and the administration says its a gun.
As for objectifying a person, everyone does it and its almost never bad. For example, "Becky is math wiz". Becky has been reduced to her being a math wiz and all the other details of Becky are ignored. Another, "Tom is super tall, it must be nice". Tom has been objectified too. So, in your example what harm has been done by objectifying her legs?
Not exactly; I'm arguing that while the person who is offended has the greater stake and say over what they consider offensive, what ultimately matters is what the rules dictate in the environment where the offense occurs. This means that even if the person isn't offended, the comment/advance could certainly be construed as harassment because the rules establish it as such, and this is by necessity. I actually believe it is reasonable for other people to bring the incident to light, even if the the individual does not want to accuse the offender. Rules really only work when they are equally enforced. I know this sounds unfair, but while it does make me uncomfortable, I think it is the only way to properly enforce these boundaries.
You are falling back on, if its a rule then you must follow it. Rules are not usually made to be followed blindly. They are typically understood to be interpreted, which is why you often her "spirit" when rules are talked about. Rules are made to protect, and if they are not protecting then what are they doing?
You have logically defended following rules such as Jim Crow. The way we were able to argue to repeal those was by saying that logically they were not helping and that those offended by equality were wrong. Had we followed the rules then no progress would have been made. That will seem hyperbolic but I think you understand my point.
I don't think fault should be entirely dependent upon the offendee's feelings, but obviously this would be where the greatest weight is placed. I think it only fair to weigh the specifics of the situation, at the time, and how it was handled then and later. Honestly, I don't want to begin to establish where the ultimate burden of proof lies, because this does make it difficult for the accused in a situation where a consensual situation can ultimately be turned around against them, and indefensible due to lack of evidence. Likewise, it is not circumstantially the accuser's responsibility to report harassment or assault at the instance that it occurs due to established and well-documented power dynamics that are often at play in these situations. ...responsibility may be the wrong word. What I mean is that it is perfectly understandable that someone wouldn't immediately report and this should never be held against them. And of course, we already know that in many of these cases, these women aren't really waiting to come out well after the fact. Their complaints have simply fallen on deaf ears for a very long time. Accusing them of doing such, in light of the known history of their abuse is rather shameful, imo. (likewise the repugnant slut shaming that I've seen here, particularly from the left, wrg to Franken's initial accuser)
Fault should be irrelevant of offendee's feelings. 100%. Again, going back to racists during Jim Crow, those racists were deeply offended when minorities were treated equally but that did not ultimately matter at all. It did for some time, but end the end we as a society said oh well, we are not going to protect your feelings at the expense of others.
We are a society built upon proof and logic. For the same reason we do not listen to a guy on the corner that says the world is ending, we do not listen to someone that said they have been raped without using proof and or logic. People can be shitty and rape, and they can also lie about rape. They can lie about sexual harassment too. A society that blindly accepts accusations is a broken society.