OK, so my replacement Wii arrived Friday, but I sorta sold it to a friend at-cost just before it broke on day 1 (expecting to get another the next day or so). Because we still couldn't find another in stores in the meantime, he realized that my generosity was still his fastest way to a Wii so he held me to it. That didn't do me much good.
I took my ass and $104 in Best Buy Bucks to Best Buy this morning and... and... sent my brother off to work with our new Wii while I myself went to work for 12hrs (still here).

To this day, my total time spent playing Wii was a few Excitetruck tutorials at the EB kiosk (Wednesday) just before they closed despite owning one since launch!
Anyway, during the week, I may have inadvertantly found another clue to the dead-Wii puzzle. I went through the sysytem menus to set up wireless connectivity and found myself in the Wii Shop. I thought it was surprising, considering that none of the channels would work without locking the Wii on a black screen. When I got to the part about linking your My Nintendo account, all I could do was move the insertion point between the two fields or deselect them both. There was no way to input text. I thought there must simply be some unintuitive way to bring up the onscreen keyboard (OSK), but I later found that it should have appeared when selecting it. When I stopped messing around and went to the main screen, I noticed that it was showing a GCN disc I had left in there! This was surprising, becase inserting any disc would cause it to give a read error and lock up whether you tried to launch it or not. I successfully launched the game (Zelda Wind Waker) and then realized that I needed a GC memory card. I poped it in and loaded a file at which point the software errored while loading and the Wii started acting broken as it had all week. In retrospect, I discovered that the Wii Sop was a channel (it appeared as one after I had accessed it another way) and so the Wii was actually functioning before while I was in the Wii Shop. This means that a FUNCTIONAL Wii had an OSK problem in the Wii Shop. I'm sure that if my friend had tried the Wii Shop during the first functional 9hrs of this Wiis life, he would have seen the same thing. Is this an indicator of future bad Wii consoles? Did you OSK work when asked to link your My Nintendo account? Is buggy Opera software to blame for bad Wiis?