Sounds like you're more co-dependent on one another rather than in-love with one another.
You think you should, your parents think you should, your friends think you should. The only thing that's keeping you two together is your dependency on one another... which is not good.
You think you should, your parents think you should, your friends think you should. The only thing that's keeping you two together is your dependency on one another... which is not good.
zachtos,
Please take to heart the well meant intentions of everyone here. No man will truly understand a woman, they are mentally unstable from the get go. This "woman" is either manipulating you through guilt and fear on purpose or just by sheer use of woman logic.
She realizes that you feel obligation towards her and uses that to make you feel guilty.
You are playing into her hands every time. I have been married for 21.5 years. I understand these qualities in a woman (mind you I am happy and 95% of the time I do not have any regrets). It is tough living with the same woman for many years even when you are happy and still love said woman. From your comments, there is NO LOVE in this relationship, there is only selfishness (obviously I am assuming you have been 100% honest with all of this). You cannot build a successful relationship out of the train wreck that you are in. It is damaged now and will only get worse. You have no real obligations toward this woman, you are not married, hopefully she is not pregnant, and you are not living together. You are free to do as you wish. Just remember to treat her as a human being in breaking up with her. Do it tactifully and respect her feelings, even if she doesn't respect yours. If she does something drastic, that is her choice, not yours. You need to take the responsibility to truly end a relationship that has already died. Take heart, you will feel loneliness for a short time, that is natural. You will find other fish in the ocean,
but for now just fish, get a bite, throw it back into the ocean. You will find the prize catch for yourself when you least expect it. But above all, be a man and treat women like you are in charge of yourself and you will have no trouble meeting other women.
Please take to heart the well meant intentions of everyone here. No man will truly understand a woman, they are mentally unstable from the get go. This "woman" is either manipulating you through guilt and fear on purpose or just by sheer use of woman logic.
She realizes that you feel obligation towards her and uses that to make you feel guilty.
You are playing into her hands every time. I have been married for 21.5 years. I understand these qualities in a woman (mind you I am happy and 95% of the time I do not have any regrets). It is tough living with the same woman for many years even when you are happy and still love said woman. From your comments, there is NO LOVE in this relationship, there is only selfishness (obviously I am assuming you have been 100% honest with all of this). You cannot build a successful relationship out of the train wreck that you are in. It is damaged now and will only get worse. You have no real obligations toward this woman, you are not married, hopefully she is not pregnant, and you are not living together. You are free to do as you wish. Just remember to treat her as a human being in breaking up with her. Do it tactifully and respect her feelings, even if she doesn't respect yours. If she does something drastic, that is her choice, not yours. You need to take the responsibility to truly end a relationship that has already died. Take heart, you will feel loneliness for a short time, that is natural. You will find other fish in the ocean,
but for now just fish, get a bite, throw it back into the ocean. You will find the prize catch for yourself when you least expect it. But above all, be a man and treat women like you are in charge of yourself and you will have no trouble meeting other women.
I think this sounds very true. I really haven't been able to define it till now. I think I will have another discussion with her this weekend. I'm sure she will ruin the weekend with some fight as usual anyways.
I was actually thinking about what it would be like to be single on the drive home today... and I actually started to feel happy...
I need to figure out how to keep her ok after I leave. I'm worried about what she may or may not do. to me or otherwise.
You've GOT to be kidding me.
See, that would never work with me...when people push me on serious things that I'm not sure about, I plant my feet like a mule until they give up and let me make my OWN decision
There is no way to keep her ok after you leave. If you don't come to terms with that, you'll never leave. One of you is going to be miserable... you by staying, or her by you leaving. The only difference is that if you leave, she'll get better eventually, and if you stay you'll regret it until the day you finally do leave.
either stick with it for the rest of your life, or break it off slowly. I think with you guys being together so long a break would be nice.
Have you ever tried taping a face pic of a hottie you want to bone over her face while you bang her?
Sorry for sounding crude... it worked for me once.
Sorry for sounding crude... it worked for me once.
what if I told her that I needed time apart. and maybe two weeks later we broke up? would that be harder on her or easier on her?
it really sounds like you're not happy at all, and it's been that way for a long time. you've more than given this relationship a chance to work, and it hasn't. definetely time to let it go. it will be a little tough and you might get lonely, but you're still young and have plenty of time to catch yourself a new lady, so no rush on that. if you break up and decide you really do love her, i suggest you guys get a MFT to work with together, because it's clear it won't work without help. other than that, enjoy your newfound freedom.
probably harder on her. the actually break up will still hurt as bad, plus two weeks of "not knowning," which is the worst.
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
- Mar 4, 2000
- 3,496
- 9
- 81
I'm you age. When I was in college, I had a gf and we were together for almost 5 years. We got engaged and was about a year away from getting married. Up until the last 6 months before I graduated from college, she started acting weird--getting mad at every little thing.
I found out she was seeing another guy. It broke my heart. What's worse is I screwed myself so bad without even knowing. She lives in New Zealand and I live in California. The plan was once I graduate, I would move there to be with her and get a job to support us while she finished school.
Before all this happened, Intel offered me a job (I'm an electrical engineer), but since I had already decided to move upon graduation, I turned down the job. Now I can't get squat from them!
I gave up everything for that girl. I loved her so deeply and she broke my heart without giving it a second thought. And this is the girl that everyone says is the sweetest in the world who would never do such a thing.
My advice to you would be to end it with her and cut off all ties/forms of communication.
You need to go out there and experience other women. While this break up will hurt you, you will need to occupy yourself. I highly recommend being occupied with self-improvement projects (get toned/buff by going to the gym, learn salsa/ballroom dancing, take kung fu, do volunteer work, get an extra job for $$, buy a new wardrobe, improve hair/skin if necessary).
You need to do this because it looks like there is nothing left to salvage in the relationship. If you keep at this, you will hate and resent her, but even more worse--yourself.
Learn from my mistakes!
Edit: I forgot to mention that when I wanted to break up with the girl many times before she cheated on me, she said she'd kill herself if I ever left her. She's still alive and breathing.
I found out she was seeing another guy. It broke my heart. What's worse is I screwed myself so bad without even knowing. She lives in New Zealand and I live in California. The plan was once I graduate, I would move there to be with her and get a job to support us while she finished school.
Before all this happened, Intel offered me a job (I'm an electrical engineer), but since I had already decided to move upon graduation, I turned down the job. Now I can't get squat from them!
I gave up everything for that girl. I loved her so deeply and she broke my heart without giving it a second thought. And this is the girl that everyone says is the sweetest in the world who would never do such a thing.
My advice to you would be to end it with her and cut off all ties/forms of communication.
You need to go out there and experience other women. While this break up will hurt you, you will need to occupy yourself. I highly recommend being occupied with self-improvement projects (get toned/buff by going to the gym, learn salsa/ballroom dancing, take kung fu, do volunteer work, get an extra job for $$, buy a new wardrobe, improve hair/skin if necessary).
You need to do this because it looks like there is nothing left to salvage in the relationship. If you keep at this, you will hate and resent her, but even more worse--yourself.
Learn from my mistakes!
Edit: I forgot to mention that when I wanted to break up with the girl many times before she cheated on me, she said she'd kill herself if I ever left her. She's still alive and breathing.
have you tried being disgusting? Shower only a couple times a week, fart all the time (especially in bed), walk around the house in your underwear, don't flush after you poop, etc.
they will leave
they will leave
tell her your gay, which may end up not being a total lie if you don't GET OUT NOW!!!
50lbs is way too much.
50lbs is way too much.
I try that with mine and it doesnt effect her after a year. She actually tells me im a puss when i rip a weak one.
start telling her she needs to lose weight and needs plastic surgery and see a shrink that way its a win win situation. either she will actually do it or shell think ur an asshole.
ps tell her not to big and not to small, just right and perky with the nips facing up
PowerEngineer
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2001
- 3,607
- 787
- 136
It seems from your description that this is the only girl you've really had any kind of serious relationship with. You really owe it to yourself to see how green the other grass really is. I believe you will be more comfortable making decisions about long-term relationships and/or marriage after you have experienced what other women are like. I'm not making light of your situation, but would you ever consider purchasing a car after test driving just one?
Good luck!
its time to move on. if you dont move on then you really have noone to blame for your misery but yourself and thats just not worth it.
you WILL find someone else, you WILL be a happier person overall.
don't doubt yourself, you managed to nab her and thought that was great, it will happen again.
you WILL find someone else, you WILL be a happier person overall.
don't doubt yourself, you managed to nab her and thought that was great, it will happen again.
sixone
Lifer
- May 3, 2004
- 25,030
- 5
- 61
You deserve a better relationship than this, and so does she.
If you can't just walk away, then seek some professional counseling. Just be sure that you're getting someone who understands that you're seeking help to save the relationship, and is willing to help you reach that goal.
If you can't just walk away, then seek some professional counseling. Just be sure that you're getting someone who understands that you're seeking help to save the relationship, and is willing to help you reach that goal.
Interesting order you choose, It was the worst idea ever yet you want a party OR it was the best idea ever but you want to hill your self, hmmm.
Seriously dude, break up with her. I know that feeling of the unknown, about never finding another like her, but that's why that have that old saying: "There's plenty of fish in the sea."
It's obvious that you two aren't happy, and it's only going to get worse, especially with one who is clingy/obsessed like that. First realize that you have to take care of number 1 (yourself) above all. Then dump her; let her deal with her "killing herself" - you can't be accountable for choosing the life that you want without her. She's the one that has issues.
I'm not an older man, and I haven't been in many relationships, but it seems that the next logical step is for you to venture into the unknown. Cause you know how it is in a relationship with her. It's like that Matrix quote, "Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be." You're just having attachment issues (just like she is), especially being with someone that long and that's why your second guessing leaving her even though your gut is telling you that you have to leave.
It's obvious that you two aren't happy, and it's only going to get worse, especially with one who is clingy/obsessed like that. First realize that you have to take care of number 1 (yourself) above all. Then dump her; let her deal with her "killing herself" - you can't be accountable for choosing the life that you want without her. She's the one that has issues.
I'm not an older man, and I haven't been in many relationships, but it seems that the next logical step is for you to venture into the unknown. Cause you know how it is in a relationship with her. It's like that Matrix quote, "Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be." You're just having attachment issues (just like she is), especially being with someone that long and that's why your second guessing leaving her even though your gut is telling you that you have to leave.
TRENDING THREADS
-
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)- Started by DisEnchantment
- Replies: 25K
-
Discussion Intel Meteor, Arrow, Lunar & Panther Lakes + WCL Discussion Threads
- Started by Tigerick
- Replies: 23K
-
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread- Started by TheF34RChannel
- Replies: 23K
-
-
Facebook
Twitter