should I leave my g/f of 8 years?

[astrocase]

Originally posted by: pclstyle
i almost cried after reading your post. that may very well be the saddest thing i've ever heard.

Here's a tissue and a rainbow flag for you to put on your car :laugh:

 

[CPA]

You both need to pick up a couple of books by Albert Ellis and realize your lives mean much more than this relationship.

 

[moshquerade]

grow some balls and leave

 

[brandonbull]

Originally posted by: ghost recon88
If I can get it in before some posts, you're not gonna get any good advice on this here forum.

You mean "Hit it and quit it" is not good advice?:Q

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Papagayo
It might be easier, if you do things that will make her get sick of you.

Be lazy, be late all the time, be inconsiderate, be mean, be a looker front of her, be terrible in bed, look at porn..

Do these things and she will be distant, upset, and will start hating you, which should make it easier for break up.

If you are not happy now, you probably will never be happy with her.

Remember, Men wants they GF/Wife to be the same as they met first time. Women always wants to change you to their liking.

No, no, no. Don't be one of those passive-aggressive people. That's not how adults act.

 

[AgentEL]

Originally posted by: zachtos

Originally posted by: Papagayo
Be lazy, be late all the time, be inconsiderate, be mean, be a looker front of her, be terrible in bed, look at porn..

Do these things and she will be distant, upset, and will start hating you, which should make it easier for break up.

I think alot of problems started happening after I got out of college... i thought I would be less stressed out. But then I started getting pressure to get a job so we could live together. She bought her own engagement ring and forced me to proposed.

wow, I already have been doing that stuff for a long time now... maybe because I'm unhappy? (but the terrible in bed thing I'm hoping has been mental?)

this is too crazy to be true.

 

[LtPage1]

Originally posted by: zachtos
I'm bored of her or hate her truly...

Why didn't it end here? Get out, stay strong, and don't look back.

edit:

Originally posted by: zachtos
I think alot of problems started happening after I got out of college... i thought I would be less stressed out. But then I started getting pressure to get a job so we could live together. She bought her own engagement ring and forced me to proposed.

wow, I already have been doing that stuff for a long time now... maybe because I'm unhappy? (but the terrible in bed thing I'm hoping has been mental?)

Oh my god! You should have broken up with her RIGHT THERE. That's perversely psychotic.

 

[Nebor]

Originally posted by: zachtos

Originally posted by: Papagayo
Be lazy, be late all the time, be inconsiderate, be mean, be a looker front of her, be terrible in bed, look at porn..

Do these things and she will be distant, upset, and will start hating you, which should make it easier for break up.

I think alot of problems started happening after I got out of college... i thought I would be less stressed out. But then I started getting pressure to get a job so we could live together. She bought her own engagement ring and forced me to proposed.

wow, I already have been doing that stuff for a long time now... maybe because I'm unhappy? (but the terrible in bed thing I'm hoping has been mental?)

WTF. That bitch is crazy. Get out while you can.

 

[Papagayo]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
grow some balls and leave

I don't think it's about having balls to leave a person.

OP is nice enough to think about his GF's feelings on breakup. He know how she might react if he breaks up. You don't want to give her depression or even think about suicide. You want to make her feel that she might have a better time or life after the breakup.

 

[DannyLove]

lol @ 25... do you even know what the concept of dating is, obviously you don't. You wasted a good portion of your fun life for some broad. I don't understand why everyone is so damn inclined to be in relationships in such a young age. I'm advice? get rid of her and start enjoying your life.

 

[pontifex]

man, i wish i could get into a relationship. not like this, but for fvck's sake, where the hell are the decent, single women at?

i know several nice women, but they're married!

 

[astrocase]

Based on your revised post.....

You need to get out now. You need to cut off all contact with her immediately. Don't talk to her every again or at the very least for many years. Trust me, this makes it much easier.

I would mentally prepare myself now. You can make this a lot easier on yourself if you find a new apt now and don't tell her about it. Just move on a day she's working or at her parents. Then, in person, break up with her in the most civil and nice loving way possible. Do not have sex. Do not have physical contact while breaking up with her. Do it at a table, rather than on a couch. Do not promise her anything. Tell her this is final and you're moving on and can't have contact with her until you have moved on. Then leave.

If you're smart you'll make sure she has everything that belongs to her back. You don't want her calling you for a CD. If you owe her money, give it to her. If you owe her parents money, settle it now.

Change your phone number and e-mail. Give her a hotmail account to reach you at for emergencies and tell her you won't be checking it very often. Check it in a few days, just to be nice, and then don't check it for a month.

 

[ultimatebob]

Wow, I wish this guy would have added a poll... Judging from these comments, I'd bet that the "Yes!" votes would be over 90%.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: zachtos
I have dated the same girl for going on 9 years now. I am 25, we started dating at 16, neither of us have been with another person. Over the last 4 years I have been having major problems going deeper into the relationship. I don't want to marry her because I am too unsure. she has lied to me ALOT in the past, but she was young. We have broken up several times over the last few years, because I'm mostly unhappy dealing with all of her "how do you feel about me etc?" questions.

I'm worried that I suffer from "grass is greener" on the other side complex. I constanlty find myself wanting to be with other girls physically. It's so hard for me to want to stay. I feel so shallow because I want a younger, prettier girl or one that has some sort of future. I hate her family and she hates nearly everything that is funny to me. I feel stressful around her but can't leave because I'm afraid to be alone. I have stayed with her too long and feel like I can never find another now. All of our friends and families on both sides tell us to split up because they can see we are not happy... I'm just so worried that I will not be able to find another girl better then her. She really is obsessed with me and I'm afraid she will kill herself if I leave. She has said this in the past and I believe her. I really just want a break to see other people and possibly return in the future. She said this is cruel and she could not handle it. To top it off, I'm 25 years old and have problems getting erections with her already... I think it's because she gained 50 pounds and I'm bored of her or hate her truly...

In her defense:
she is very sweet and innocent
she would be good with children
she is fairly pretty, chubby, not really fat

more background:
my parents and her parents was us to break up and so do all of eachothers friends
she hates all of my friends
neither of us are really active or do much outside of dinner,movies occasional vacation
neither of our hobbies coincide, but not many girls like pc games/marine life and boring techincal ******, nor do men really enjoy crafts and shopping online
we do like alot of the same movies
we argue about finances AND WE DONT EVEN LIVE TOGETHER by the way.
I dont really know if I love her.

Past breakups: immediate feelings
no crying from me, I actually usually felt relieved
around 2 weeks of being alone, I start to flip out, get drunk and get incredibly horny and call her... this results in it starting all over again.

How do you even break up with someone after this long?
What if I broke up, dated other girls and realized that I really did love her?

I need advice, preferably from older men with longterm relationship experience.

At least become a senior member before you throw this poncho on us.

 

[zachtos]

this is depressing... I have another weekend to spend with her. I'm going to try posting on relationship sites for help. I dont know if I can "fix" how I feel. I really can't shake the feeling that I need to be with another woman.

 

[LtPage1]

Originally posted by: astrocase
Based on your revised post.....

You need to get out now. You need to cut off all contact with her immediately. Don't talk to her every again or at the very least for many years. Trust me, this makes it much easier.

I would mentally prepare myself now. You can make this a lot easier on yourself if you find a new apt now and don't tell her about it. Just move on a day she's working or at her parents. Then, in person, break up with her in the most civil and nice loving way possible. Do not have sex. Do not have physical contact while breaking up with her. Do it at a table, rather than on a couch. Do not promise her anything. Tell her this is final and you're moving on and can't have contact with her until you have moved on. Then leave.

If you're smart you'll make sure she has everything that belongs to her back. You don't want her calling you for a CD. If you owe her money, give it to her. If you owe her parents money, settle it now.

Change your phone number and e-mail. Give her a hotmail account to reach you at for emergencies and tell her you won't be checking it very often. Check it in a few days, just to be nice, and then don't check it for a month.

Take this advice, immediately and to the letter. Good luck, man. :beer:

edit:

Originally posted by: zachtos
this is depressing... I have another weekend to spend with her. I'm going to try posting on relationship sites for help. I dont know if I can "fix" how I feel. I really can't shake the feeling that I need to be with another woman.

You have to. You have to force yourself to move on. It's been way too long for you in this relationship- you don't really need to be with anyone. You're strong enough on your own. When you're ready, you'll find someone again.

 

[RagingBITCH]

You're only still together because you're both afraid of being alone, and being with each other is all you're used to. Believe me, I've been there and back. Break it off for good, jump up and down, let your balls drop, and move on.

 

[DannyLove]

Originally posted by: zachtos
this is depressing... I have another weekend to spend with her. I'm going to try posting on relationship sites for help. I dont know if I can "fix" how I feel. I really can't shake the feeling that I need to be with another woman.

are you for real? posting on relationships for help?
Do what is best for YOU. you are still young, you're barely 25... heck i'm 25, and you have a lot of learn through dating. WHY would you waste your time dealing with BS drama all those years? What is really sad is, most of the people that post YAGT's don't change at all. You are requesting opinions and help but you've already made the decision 99.9% of the time. You need to grow some balls, realize your dream and deal with YOUR life. Why someone allows themself to change for a woman is simply beyond me.

Leykis 101 ftw, good f'ing luck

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: zachtos

Originally posted by: Papagayo
Be lazy, be late all the time, be inconsiderate, be mean, be a looker front of her, be terrible in bed, look at porn..

Do these things and she will be distant, upset, and will start hating you, which should make it easier for break up.

I think alot of problems started happening after I got out of college... i thought I would be less stressed out. But then I started getting pressure to get a job so we could live together. She bought her own engagement ring and forced me to proposed.

wow, I already have been doing that stuff for a long time now... maybe because I'm unhappy? (but the terrible in bed thing I'm hoping has been mental?)

Bought her own ring? Run Forrest, Run.

 

[kthroyer]

Originally posted by: astrocase
Based on your revised post.....

You need to get out now. You need to cut off all contact with her immediately. Don't talk to her every again or at the very least for many years. Trust me, this makes it much easier.

I would mentally prepare myself now. You can make this a lot easier on yourself if you find a new apt now and don't tell her about it. Just move on a day she's working or at her parents. Then, in person, break up with her in the most civil and nice loving way possible. Do not have sex. Do not have physical contact while breaking up with her. Do it at a table, rather than on a couch. Do not promise her anything. Tell her this is final and you're moving on and can't have contact with her until you have moved on. Then leave.

If you're smart you'll make sure she has everything that belongs to her back. You don't want her calling you for a CD. If you owe her money, give it to her. If you owe her parents money, settle it now.

Change your phone number and e-mail. Give her a hotmail account to reach you at for emergencies and tell her you won't be checking it very often. Check it in a few days, just to be nice, and then don't check it for a month.

This is very good advice. I would also add the following things:

After breakup. Try not to hear any news about what she is up to. If she gets a new boyfriend, it will affect how you feel about her, and you might start to want her back. Especially if you haven't started dating anyone in the meantime. Keep busy. Go out as much as you can.

Have fun, and know that you are making the right decision.

 

[Pepsei]

here's an advice, there is a very good chance you won't get another girl for awhile. unless you get a lucky break of course, like the first time. you have to make the choice youself.

 

[astrocase]

zachtos the sooner you realize that what you are about to do, and have to do, is going to be one of the worst things you've ever done, the closer you'll be to experiencing some of the best times in your life.

It's gonna suck. No getting around that. If you're in a position to get a new job or relocate I would do that too.

Another thing I forgot to mention that is REALLY important. You have to get everything that the two of you shared together either put in storage or thrown away. No pictures, no postcards, no letters, nothing! Buy new sheets if you have to, go clothes shopping, get a haircut, buy some nice shades, detail your car, and move on with life.

They say that you shouldn't avoid places that you enjoy just because it will remind you of your ex. Supposedly you'll make new memories there but I personally haven't had very much luck with that. Either way you might want to try it for yourself.

 

[Britboy]

If you let the fear of the unknown rule your life you will be miserable and it will be your own fault. Sounds like you need to move on with your life, you're still a young guy too.

 

[zachtos]

Originally posted by: DannyLove

are you for real? posting on relationships for help?

Leykis 101 ftw, good f'ing luck

I honestly just need outside people to look in... Everyone else around us is biased one way or another, but most of them say leave. The only ones that say stay are ones that regret leaving someone.

I really just want to see other people... but I'm worried that down the road I would want to come back... that's a big problem. I don't want to make empty promises or hurt her more. I think I'm emotionally dead inside. The last time I broke up w/ her a few weeks ago, she threw herself in the driveway and sobbed hysterically when I tried to leave... It made me feel sad that I didn't feel sad... what is wrong with me?

 

[astrocase]

Nothing is wrong with you. The relationship is over. It's been over for a long time.