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Should I be annoyed by father in law's comment?

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Mar 15, 2003
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I'm the same way and I've gotten crap about it before. I like to research any major purchase extensively. I consider getting a good deal on something a bit of a hobby of mine. I think people mistake it for being cheap because I don't just buy things on the spot without thinking about it. My ex called me cheap all the time even though I spend way more money than her. Just embrace it, screw what anyone else thinks.

An example would be my TV. I knew I wanted a TV but it would be a while before I could afford it or had a place of my own for it. So I spent about 6 months researching TVs and watching deals. I could have picked up a decent Samsung LCD or Costco Vizio for a good deal like my girlfriend would have, but I didn't. Instead I waited for the perfect time and picked up a Pioneer KRP-500m for $2000 shipped with a stand. So in the end I spent way more money than most would have, but I feel I got a better deal.
I'm exactly the same way, and I'm pretty proud that I have pretty plush surroundings and not a single credit card. My wife has a macy's card but I don't even have a store card, because I just wait for a good deal that I can afford out of pocket. And, like you, I pay more for quality when needed... It's maddening that that's seen as cheap, it's just smart.
 
Mar 15, 2003
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In a thread asking if you should be annoyed by you father in law's comment, you spent < 1&#37; on the context of his comment and > 99% of it talking about your slickdealing, thrifty yet generous ways.

If your real life conversation with him mirrors this post in any way, I have no idea why he'd say something like that...

Not saying you shouldn't be happy about the things you're able to do, but maybe he's just tired of hearing about it all the time?
I *never* speak about it with anyone buy my mom and my wife - my mom's just like me in this regard and taught me how to stack coupons ;) I don't care about physical items. In fact, they care more about the opposite - they're huge into brand names and stupid, stupid fads...
 
Mar 15, 2003
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extremely thinly veiled brag thread?
not at all - I wish I could afford to just buy shit locally at MSRP - it's much easier! I'm not bragging at all, to me there's a big difference between finding the best price possible vs telling my wife that she doesn't need any more god damn shoes. If I was of the "use sandwhich bags for shoes" variety then I think his comment woudl be justified
 

jlee

Lifer
Sep 12, 2001
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I wouldn't be surprised if someone asked me that either :p I wouldn't take offense unless it was obviously intended to be a negative comment...everyone knows I end up buying stuff for cheap. Nothing wrong with that! :D
 

Sea Moose

Diamond Member
May 12, 2009
6,936
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hard to judge on words alone.

What was his body language telling you? Did he have a cheeeky smile or did he have a dirty look.
 

Sluggo

Lifer
Jun 12, 2000
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My Pop has a line he uses on occasion when accused of being excessively thrifty.

He say, " Keep an eye on the dollars, and the millions will take care of themselves."
 
Mar 15, 2003
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My Pop has a line he uses on occasion when accused of being excessively thrifty.

He say, " Keep an eye on the dollars, and the millions will take care of themselves."
Words to live by... I think I need to revel in it, vs. being ashamed of it. It doesn't bother me when people spend more than they have to on something, but it bothers me that they judge me for not making the same mistake..
 

CraigRT

Lifer
Jun 16, 2000
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I think you're over-reacting.

But beware... I've been on the other end of things dealing with people such as yourself and its not always something I find pleasant. A lot of people take offense to someone who decides to take it upon themelves to replace something for someone else when it wasn't apparent they cared in the first place. Some people see it that you view them as being broke or cheap or something. Some people also do not like change.

I wear shoes that look old and worn out, but I love them... I don't want new shoes.
 
Mar 15, 2003
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I think you're over-reacting.

But beware... I've been on the other end of things dealing with people such as yourself and its not always something I find pleasant. A lot of people take offense to someone who decides to take it upon themelves to replace something for someone else when it wasn't apparent they cared in the first place. Some people see it that you view them as being broke or cheap or something. Some people also do not like change.

I wear shoes that look old and worn out, but I love them... I don't want new shoes.
Oh - this instance with my wife's cousin. She is having a difficult time and, when telling us that she nearly burned down her house, I suggested the obvious "you need to get a new iron!" She implied that she had other financial priorities. I wasn't an ass about it or in her face about it - I ordered it from amazon quietly, shipped it to her with a note "Happy Birthday!" since we missed her recent birthday.

My dad - well, he's in his mid 70s, retired and on a limited budget. He also has plantar fasciitis and really needed new sandals, and I did it in the least in your face way possible - again ordered amazon to his house and called him letting him know to expect a package after the fact. I never embarrass people or buy them things to be arrogant. My grand dad was a minister (a non hypocritical one) and my mom is simply the most generous person alive, so it feels like a duty to me not a ways to embarrass anyone.
 

Perknose

Forum Director & Omnipotent Overlord
Forum Director
Oct 9, 1999
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OP, it's entirely possible you are overreacting. His daughter's constant bragging has put this idea in his mind, obviously. He most likely didn't mean anything harsh about it. I believe even you recognize your won hypersensitivity around the issue.

IF this is going to continue to bother you, and IF your relationship with him is otherwise decent and you feel comfortable enough doing so, do the needful :), broach the subject with your FIL.

Couch it in terms of his daughter always bragging about your deal prowess, and how you wouldn't want him to get the wrong impression about you.

DON'T be overly defensive (ie, as you were in the OP) by recounting your many generous acts to him, approach the whole thing with him in a light, breezy manner as though you were clearing up a possible minor misconception with him . . . even though it is clearly not minor to you!

I suspect your REAL battle here is with yourself, and, imho, on this issue at least, you're fine!
 

allisolm

Elite Member
Administrator
Jan 2, 2001
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As others have said, take it as a compliment.

One Christmas a few years back, one of my children opened a gift from me, looked it over very carefully, clutched it to their chest and said "I feel so special - the UPC hasn't been removed." We all laughed - a lot.

That same thrifty attitude you show allowed me to provide advanced degrees for my children with no debt for them or me when they were through. We paid cash for all of our cars, owned homes, had no debt, put money into savings - all done on a one salary household - and that one salary was a military one, so you know we weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination.

I say keep up the good work!
 

endlessmike

Senior member
Jul 24, 2007
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I *never* speak about it with anyone buy my mom and my wife - my mom's just like me in this regard and taught me how to stack coupons ;) I don't care about physical items. In fact, they care more about the opposite - they're huge into brand names and stupid, stupid fads...
Apologies, I could only go by the context of the OP. Does your wife talk about it in front of him a lot?

How was he acting when he said it? Joking, genuinely annoyed?

Most guys wouldn't make a comment like that in a 100&#37; negative manner, unless he is the kind of person who usually mutters these sorts of passively aggressive comments or generally doesn't care for you, I don't think it's anything to get too worked up about. Let it go, joke about yourself, or bust him back depending on the kind of guy he is.
 
Last edited:
Mar 15, 2003
12,532
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OP, it's entirely possible you are overreacting. His daughter's constant bragging has put this idea in his mind, obviously. He most likely didn't mean anything harsh about it. I believe even you recognize your won hypersensitivity around the issue.

IF this is going to continue to bother you, and IF your relationship with him is otherwise decent and you feel comfortable enough doing so, do the needful :), broach the subject with your FIL.

Couch it in terms of his daughter always bragging about your deal prowess, and how you wouldn't want him to get the wrong impression about you.

DON'T be overly defensive (ie, as you were in the OP) by recounting your many generous acts to him, approach the whole thing with him in a light, breezy manner as though you were clearing up a possible minor misconception with him . . . even though it is clearly not minor to you!

I suspect your REAL battle here is with yourself, and, imho, on this issue at least, you're fine!
Thanks for your post, you're right - I have to accept my thrift and return any comments with humor..
 

Pacfanweb

Lifer
Jan 2, 2000
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You're overreacting. My wife is the same way, and people kid her about coupons and such all the time.

You're just thinking this because it's your FIL.
 

D1gger

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
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Although it is a good idea to buy cheap, the way you wrote the OP and the comment from the FIL suggest that it has become too important in your life.

If every buying decision becomes a chore to ensure you are getting the "best deal" it can take the fun out of spontaneous purchases, and definitely will give the impression to those around you that you are cheap.
 

Koing

Elite Member <br> Super Moderator<br> Health and F
Oct 11, 2000
17,093
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I'm fairly thrifty myself :)

Just tell your wife to calm down on telling people to guess how much you got stuff for.

Also tell the FIL that your railing his daughter :D, he should take it in good humour also :D lol. You got to loosen up a bit mate. Just be happy with the stuff you have and your savings.

Koing
 

dpodblood

Diamond Member
May 20, 2010
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As others have said the intent of the comment is weighted heavily on his body language. At the end of the day it shouldn't matter as long as you realize you are spending money on others to make their lives better, and not just for the recognition.
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
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Not bragging my ass... the story was one giant "look at how much I buy" fest with the "real" question at the end.

Sounds like he was giving you shit, that's all. Not meant to be mean, but probably doesn't know that you don't take jokes very well.
 

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