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Should I be annoyed by father in law's comment?

Mar 15, 2003
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Firstly, I'm a thrifty person but not cheap - by that I mean that I'm a big slick dealer, but never restrict myself or my family of anything. I spend money freely, but would like to spend as little as possible on whatever I buy, and research to make sure the product fits our needs. In other words, if my wife wants a handbag or a new pair of shoes, my only hesitation would be "make sure you check 6pm.com first!" not "you don't need another handbag!" In fact, my own side of the family knows me as generous to a fault, and my mom constantly tells me to be more conscious of money, though I feel that I am.

For example - Christmas gifts I gave:
My parents - Media center PC with blu ray player
my wife - $400 bag, zune hd

In just the past two weeks I've spent disproportionately more on other people, and always do. My wife dropped her laptop and I bought her a better one than the one she broke.. Got her a nook because she reads quite a bit, and even opted for the more expensive 3g version for her convenience.. Noticed my dad's sandals were a getting worn the last time I visited so I ordered him a new pair of birkinstocks, without him mentioning anything. Heck, bought my wife's cousin a new iron after she complained that her iron's auto shut off stopped working and that she almost burned down her house. No one asks, I just buy things for people if I can afford to.

I also own a car (yes, a small thrifty car since gas mileage was very important to me [not impressing anyone], but no one in NYC has a car) and a two family house, things that I feel are major accomplishments for 28 year olds in NYC where everyone rents or even lives with roommates.

Anyways, this thread isn't meant to brag but I keep very quiet about my thriftiness. My wife, on the other hand, brags a bit but because she's proud - for example, our 50" plasma TV's msrp was $1,200 but I got a great deal on a refurb that works perfectly for $400. She gets a kick out of mentioning my deal getting abilities and tells her parents all the time ("guess how much we paid for this?), but I think it's sending the wrong message.

I visited my f-i-l for Father's Day and he took us all out to lunch. After lunch we all went to a movie and I offered to pay. My f-i-l quipped "got a coupon for that?" And I didn't quite lknow what to say.. I'm still upset by that - am I over reacting? I've never been cheap to him or his daughter, and actually spoil her quite a bit.
 

nerp

Diamond Member
Dec 31, 2005
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I think you're overreacting. You could have replied with a funny joke. Self-effacing humor scores points, especially with father-in-laws.
 

Jeeebus

Diamond Member
Aug 29, 2006
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That was a hell of a lot of context for what could have been said in three lines of text.
 

NuclearNed

Raconteur
May 18, 2001
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Just roll with it... he probably didn't mean anything malicious by it.

And then remind him that you will probably have a say in which nursing home he ends up in.
 

Beev

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2006
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If he said it with a smile then just let it go. If he had a sarcastic, fed up tone in his voice, then maybe he was being serious.
 
Mar 15, 2003
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That was a hell of a lot of context for what could have been said in three lines of text.
hahah.. because it could be very possible that I'm cheap, especially to his daughter, and his quip (while passive aggressive) can have some context. I think my thriftiness leads to me buying more, vs. less for us. And I've always been generous to people around me, the opposite of cheap.
 

dwell

pics?
Oct 9, 1999
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I visited my f-i-l for Father's Day and he took us all out to lunch. After lunch we all went to a movie and I offered to pay. My f-i-l quipped "got a coupon for that?" And I didn't quite lknow what to say.. I'm still upset by that - am I over reacting? I've never been cheap to him or his daughter, and actually spoil her quite a bit.
Stop being a bitch and grow a pair of balls. If a little comment like that throws you into a tissy enough to post a wall of text on ATOT, you got issues son.

I'm only being a dick to you because you have a car in NYC, I'm seriously jealous.
 
Mar 15, 2003
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how did you score a $1200 plasma for $400? Even for a refurb, it's cheap.
uecweb, though they've lost their luster. It was a 720p Hitachi set, which is fine for me. You just have to watch their site like a hawk - since it is (was?) a clearinghouse, they premiere an item at 70% off MSRP then gradually lower the price until inventory is gone.

In fact, the tv cost me only $200 out of pocket - my previous tv from them was a 42" 720 plasma (quite beautiful, actually) that I sold for $200 on craigslist after 2 years of use, then immediately bought the 50" for $400 with free shipping and no tax.
 
Jul 19, 2006
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The proper answer was "Why yes sir, I do. We'll save 50% of the price and still see the same movie."

Your whole long diatribe was about finding deals; why would you be offended if your FIL asked if you found a deal??
 
Mar 15, 2003
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Stop being a bitch and grow a pair of balls. If a little comment like that throws you into a tissy enough to post a wall of text on ATOT, you got issues son.

I'm only being a dick to you because you have a car in NYC, I'm seriously jealous.
HAH, it's a shitty nissan versa - 35 mpg but absolutely nothing else worth bragging about.. feels like a glorified golf cart
 
Mar 15, 2003
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did you have a coupon for it?
Nah, I was in Omaha and the chains there are weird ass chains that only play movies that appeal to children...

Actually, what started up this tempest in my brain was me getting my Entertainment book yesterday, that I got on clearance for $8 shipped yet is full of coupons for $7 movies (movies are normally $12-15 in nyc.). And I have a discount card for free movies every Tuesday, which has turned into a fun weekday dinner/movie night. Argh, maybe I am cheap?
 

L1FE

Senior member
Dec 23, 2003
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Considering how awesome you are at finding deals, shouldn't you revel in the fact that you save money while living the same lifestyle as other people who pay full price? If you're proclaiming yourself to be its poster child, why be surprised or offended when you are recognized for being a smart shopper? It seems to me like you haven't reconciled your own negative images of being thrifty with your very thrifty actions...
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
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Sounds like you need to tell your wife to shut the fvck up. Nothing irritates me more than people bragging about how much they "saved" on a purchase. What do you want...a cookie?
 

Riverhound777

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2003
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I'm the same way and I've gotten crap about it before. I like to research any major purchase extensively. I consider getting a good deal on something a bit of a hobby of mine. I think people mistake it for being cheap because I don't just buy things on the spot without thinking about it. My ex called me cheap all the time even though I spend way more money than her. Just embrace it, screw what anyone else thinks.

An example would be my TV. I knew I wanted a TV but it would be a while before I could afford it or had a place of my own for it. So I spent about 6 months researching TVs and watching deals. I could have picked up a decent Samsung LCD or Costco Vizio for a good deal like my girlfriend would have, but I didn't. Instead I waited for the perfect time and picked up a Pioneer KRP-500m for $2000 shipped with a stand. So in the end I spent way more money than most would have, but I feel I got a better deal.
 
Mar 15, 2003
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Considering how awesome you are at finding deals, shouldn't you revel in the fact that you save money while living the same lifestyle as other people who pay full price? If you're proclaiming yourself to be its poster child, why be surprised or offended when you are recognized for being a smart shopper? It seems to me like you haven't reconciled your own negative images of being thrifty with your very thrifty actions...
Well, I'm indian by heritage and [in my family] being cheap is something to be frowned upon. My immediately family knows the distinction, and knows that I'm smart with my purchases but not cheap - heck, we have family members we make fun of who sit in dark rooms and don't flush the toilet to save money. I mean, I don't make fun of them but being cheap is frowned upon...

I guess I have some of that stigma, and feel that implying that I'm cheap means that they don't feel that I'm providing for their daughter adequately, while that's always been my #1 concern in life. I never want her to be without anything she needs, even if that means I have to sacrifice something.. So it rubs me the very wrong way
 

endlessmike

Senior member
Jul 24, 2007
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In a thread asking if you should be annoyed by you father in law's comment, you spent < 1&#37; on the context of his comment and > 99% of it talking about your slickdealing, thrifty yet generous ways.

If your real life conversation with him mirrors this post in any way, I have no idea why he'd say something like that...

Not saying you shouldn't be happy about the things you're able to do, but maybe he's just tired of hearing about it all the time?
 

NoCreativity

Golden Member
Feb 28, 2008
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I would just ask your wife to stop bragging about your thriftiness to her parents since it seems to annoy your f-i-l.
 

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