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Should I be annoyed by father in law's comment?

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Mar 15, 2003
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Apologies, I could only go by the context of the OP. Does your wife talk about it in front of him a lot?

How was he acting when he said it? Joking, genuinely annoyed?

Most guys wouldn't make a comment like that in a 100% negative manner, unless he is the kind of person who usually mutters these sorts of passively aggressive comments or generally doesn't care for you, I don't think it's anything to get too worked up about. Let it go, joke about yourself, or bust him back depending on the kind of guy he is.
He was smiling, but I've always thought humor was a way to mask the truth.

I'd bust back with a "how's that foreclosure working out for you, mr. money bags? The IRS still garnishing your wages? Props to you, wish I could measure up to the standards you've set!" but I've been known to go for the jugular a bit too often ;)
 

Vette73

Lifer
Jul 5, 2000
21,505
8
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Should have reached in your wallet and said "Yea I do, its called I pay for myself and the smartass FIL pays for himself". :)
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,981
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Not bragging my ass... the story was one giant "look at how much I buy" fest with the "real" question at the end.

Sounds like he was giving you shit, that's all. Not meant to be mean, but probably doesn't know that you don't take jokes very well.
sadly qft.
 

endlessmike

Senior member
Jul 24, 2007
385
0
0
He was smiling, but I've always thought humor was a way to mask the truth.

I'd bust back with a "how's that foreclosure working out for you, mr. money bags? The IRS still garnishing your wages? Props to you, wish I could measure up to the standards you've set!" but I've been known to go for the jugular a bit too often ;)
I agree that it can be, but the truth could easily be "My son in law's a great guy, but he's goofy with those coupons and deals, I'm gonna bust on him. I kid because I love!"

And unless he's jealous, insecure, passive aggressive or just doesn't like you, that's probably the case. Even if there was a small amount of resentment or annoyance present, I don't think it was something he meant begrudgingly.
 

SR1729

Senior member
Jan 11, 2010
602
0
0
Meh... my FIL is a dick and I quit worrying about what he or any of the other heathens in my wife's family thought a long time ago. Just a few days ago, I was telling them all how I had a great experience at a barber shop having my head shaved with a straight edge. Note, I am 6' tall and have a shaved head (would be partially bald otherwise). He is 5'6" and has a carpet of hair.

This is not paraphrased at all:

Me: "Yeah, I went to a great barbershop down the street from your house - highly recommended - they even offered me a beer while they shaved my head."

Dick: "YOU went to a barbershop? You giving away twenty dollar bills these days?"

Me: "Don't worry, they have booster seats. I'm sure they'd welcome you in, at least until you insulted them."

Fight fire with fire and then forget about. A dick is a dick, and there's nothing you can do about it.
 

Kirby

Lifer
Apr 10, 2006
12,041
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He was just busting your balls, like a family member is supposed to.

Don't get your panties in a wad.
 
Sep 12, 2004
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This thread is funny to me because I have the exact opposite problem. My f-i-l (and m-i-l too) is the cheapest, tightest old bastard you'll ever meet. He can squeeze a a coin so tight that Lincoln turns blue on every penny he owns. His idea of "splurging" for an extravagant dinner is going to Red Lobster, and always with a coupon. My m-i-l's favorite place to eat is Burger King. A few years ago they bought their first ever new car, a Toyota Corrolla, basic package, of course.

My wife and I recently returned from a week's vacation. Shortly after we got home the f-i-l called. Did he ask how his daughter was doing or how her vacation was? No, of course not. He had a coupon for Tony Roma's that was about to expire and wanted to give it to her to ensure it got used. We don't even go to Tony Roma's.

The most annoying thing is that my f-i-l is a millionaire. Not just a couple million either. He has millions upon millions and the only thing that money is good for to him is to make more money. He spends his days perusing his accounts and looking for investments to squeeze another dollar from. Almost anyone can understand the joy of making money. But part of the joy is being able to spend a little bit of it on yourselves and enjoy life a bit. They never do, which is pretty sad.

Regardless, I still get along well with the old codger. He did give his daughter to me, although I suspect he was secretly happy to rid himself of the financial burden.
 

Krazy4Real

Lifer
Oct 3, 2003
12,217
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Wow... way to blow this all out of proportion. You could have said something witty in exchange, but you failed.... hard.
 

SR1729

Senior member
Jan 11, 2010
602
0
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Regardless, I still get along well with the old codger. He did give his daughter to me, although I suspect he was secretly happy to rid himself of the financial burden.
LMFAO!

Same with my father in law and stepmother. In her parents' divorce, he was to pay for her education. We married young and she started her education a little late, and the stepmother was all too delighted to have me foot the bill so they could procure a cabin, pontoon boat, a third vehicle, and up their annual vacation count to four (4).
 

AlienCraft

Lifer
Nov 23, 2002
10,539
0
0
My Pop has a line he uses on occasion when accused of being excessively thrifty.

He say, " Keep an eye on the dollars, and the millions will take care of themselves."
Your father is ripping off William Loundes,
The line is "Mind the pennies, and the Pounds take care of themselves."

Actually an Old English proverb.
 

CountZero

Golden Member
Jul 10, 2001
1,797
36
86
He was smiling, but I've always thought humor was a way to mask the truth.

I'd bust back with a "how's that foreclosure working out for you, mr. money bags? The IRS still garnishing your wages? Props to you, wish I could measure up to the standards you've set!" but I've been known to go for the jugular a bit too often ;)
You are overreacting. You are completely defensive of your 'bargin hunting' and any comment made towards it makes you cringe, probably because you are Indian and there is that whole cheap Indian stereotype.

The truth is you are a baring hunting, coupon using kind of person. What he said sounds spot on, if you could've used a coupon you would've.

In some people's eyes that makes you cheap and you need to just accept that. There are a myriad of things much much worse than being cheap and IMO it isn't something to be upset about.
 

Bryophyte

Lifer
Apr 25, 2001
13,430
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Aren't you the same guy that posted a thread recently about being unemployed and broke and not wanting to buy a bed for your guest room for your mother in law to sleep in?
 

Gooberlx2

Lifer
May 4, 2001
15,383
5
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Just roll with it... he probably didn't mean anything malicious by it.

And then remind him that you will probably have a say in which nursing home he ends up in.
Exactly. It was a joke, you should have replied in kind. Banter about nursing homes is always gold.
 

Gigantopithecus

Diamond Member
Dec 14, 2004
7,665
0
71
Maybe your FIL was insulting you, but your wife clearly appreciates your frugality. So, your thread is titled with the wrong question. Are you having sex with your wife or her dad?
 

AVAFREAK182

Banned
Jun 25, 2007
3,544
0
0
Maybe its just me, but I enjoy saving money. I would have 1.) told him to fuck off, or 2.) ignored it.

I'm only 18 and I cut costs wherever I can (yes, even at dinner with my gf, etc).

Saving money gets me hard.
 
Jun 19, 2004
10,861
1
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You joke back with "I hear there's a senior citizen discount". Quit being so serious. It will cause your f-i-l to hate you.
 

Patranus

Diamond Member
Apr 15, 2007
9,284
0
0
You joke back with "I hear there's a senior citizen discount". Quit being so serious. It will cause your f-i-l to hate you.
Exactly, he was probably trying to give you a hard time and not trying to insult you.
(based off the information you gave)
 

Kanalua

Diamond Member
Jun 14, 2001
4,860
1
0
I think you're overreacting. You could have replied with a funny joke. Self-effacing humor scores points, especially with father-in-laws.
Probably overreacting. For his birthday give him movie vouchers or something like that...
 

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,813
44
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not at all - I wish I could afford to just buy shit locally at MSRP - it's much easier! I'm not bragging at all, to me there's a big difference between finding the best price possible vs telling my wife that she doesn't need any more god damn shoes. If I was of the "use sandwhich bags for shoes" variety then I think his comment woudl be justified
huh? in the OP you told us all about the stuff you have and how good you are at finding deals. I said you were bragging about that...

i don't see how wearing sandwich bags for shoes would apply to a "you're bragging" comment...
 

Modelworks

Lifer
Feb 22, 2007
16,243
5
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"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt"

There is something called cognitive behavior therapy that should be taught in school as early as possible. It really could change the world. Basically it relies on the idea that nobody can make you feel anything, it is what we tell ourselves about what occurs that causes the emotion. So if you follow the steps you can stop getting annoyed, angry, sad about what people do.

It breaks up into :
Activating Event - Person tells you 'got a coupon for that?'
Irrational Belief - I'm doing something nice for him and he must appreciate it
Emotional Consequences - anger , annoyance
Disputing - Does him not appreciating what I did mean I didn't do something nice?
Effective new thinking - I did something good for him and regardless of what he thinks it was still a good thing to do, I may want to have been appreciated for what I did, but there is no law that people have to thank me for doing something nice , that is a condition I placed on myself.
New Feeling - disappointed in him, but not triggering emotions of anger or annoyance in myself.




I didn't learn about it till late in life but once I did and started learning how to do it nothing and I mean nothing upsets me anymore. My family says its like I'm on a constant IV drip of Valium or as if I joined some sort of monastery and learned inner peace.
 
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Apple Of Sodom

Golden Member
Oct 7, 2007
1,808
0
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I think we can all relate with similar problems. I think it comes down to people being intrusive and everyone should keep money related matters to themselves.

My example is that I make disproportionately more than my family does and get shit for spending it. No, this isn't another brag thread on the thread. I make sacrifices to work hard.

I work 60 hours a week (on average) and have hired someone for two hours a week to clean my share of the house (the wife doesn't like doing floors or bathrooms, so they are my duty and I outsourced it.) For some reason my family refers to her as "the maid." She isn't. But when I can make 3-4 times per hour what I pay her, wouldn't it be a bad decision to do the housework instead of real work?

I hired someone to help me cut my very long lawn one time. They are now referred to as my gardener.

I find myself trying to justify how we spend money because people always make smartass comments about how "it must be nice..." It is nice to have a good career and stable income. It isn't nice to constantly be pointed at and say "LOOK WHAT THEY BOUGHT!" New cars? Spoiled. Vacations? Spoiled. Anything we do we are spoiled, despite the fact that we worked very hard for what we have.
 
Mar 15, 2003
12,532
37
91
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt"

There is something called cognitive behavior therapy that should be taught in school as early as possible. It really could change the world. Basically it relies on the idea that nobody can make you feel anything, it is what we tell ourselves about what occurs that causes the emotion. So if you follow the steps you can stop getting annoyed, angry, sad about what people do.

It breaks up into :
Activating Event - Person tells you 'got a coupon for that?'
Irrational Belief - I'm doing something nice for him and he must appreciate it
Emotional Consequences - anger , annoyance
Disputing - Does him not appreciating what I did mean I didn't do something nice?
Effective new thinking - I did something good for him and regardless of what he thinks it was still a good thing to do, I may want to have been appreciated for what I did, but there is no law that people have to thank me for doing something nice , that is a condition I placed on myself.
New Feeling - disappointed in him, but not triggering emotions of anger or annoyance in myself.




I didn't learn about it till late in life but once I did and started learning how to do it nothing and I mean nothing upsets me anymore. My family says its like I'm on a constant IV drip of Valium or as if I joined some sort of monastery and learned inner peace.
That's actually excellent advice. I admit to taking things way too personally, and being too sensitive about the actions of others onto myself. Great post, and thank you
 

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