Sexless marriages

[classy]

A good healthy marriage can't survive without a good sexual relationship. Maybe during the years of old age, but not during years of sexual activity.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: classy
A good healthy marriage can't survive without a good sexual relationship. Maybe during the years of old age, but not during years of sexual activity.

So far as I know libido does not decrease with age. 80+ are just as randy as the rest of us.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ummm....pretty much ALL marriages are sexless after children

Not mine.

I have three kids and she's still pretty horny.

It's not about being horny, it's about the kids storming into the bedroom at all hours of the night because they're sick/scared/had a bad dream/can't sleep/need a drink/hungry/want a different blanket/blah blah blah. My neighbor said he gets some once every two months if he's lucky (he has a 4-6- and 8 yr old).

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Interesting and thoughtful question. It really depends on why the other person has no interest in sexual activity. If there's an imbalance, where one partner wants it and the other does not, some accomodation must be reached, or the marriage is destined to be either horribly unhappy (which children would notice), or it must break apart. A third alternative is the partner who does not want sexual activity recognizes the need for the other to have it, and seeks/allows the partner to fulfill that in other ways.

If I were in the situation, I cannot say what I would do until I'm actually faced with it.

I thought it was a good question myself, my post was inspired by the cheating wife who got 40 million in her divorce settlement thread.

I believe that after money struggles, sexual issues are a biggie in the causes of divorce.What constitutes major sexual incompatability ? for how long and how severe should the problem be before a person contemplates divorce ?

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: classy
A good healthy marriage can't survive without a good sexual relationship. Maybe during the years of old age, but not during years of sexual activity.

So far as I know libido does not decrease with age. 80+ are just as randy as the rest of us.

Oh, but when your that old, once or twice a month and your the talk at the old gray fox meetings. Unlike some of us in our prime studs who are on a 4 day on 3 day off schedule . That doesn't include overtime .

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ummm....pretty much ALL marriages are sexless after children

Not mine.

I have three kids and she's still pretty horny.

It's not about being horny, it's about the kids storming into the bedroom at all hours of the night because they're sick/scared/had a bad dream/can't sleep/need a drink/hungry/want a different blanket/blah blah blah. My neighbor said he gets some once every two months if he's lucky (he has a 4-6- and 8 yr old).

I have a 4 month, 3.5 year and 7 year old. The older two sleep in their beds until at least 11p the baby gets put in a car seat on the floor till we're done. It doesn't always work out and we both have to make the effort but we still manage to have sex three or four times a week.
I realize we're not the standard, but we make the effort because we take comfort in each other and that comfort makes us gentler parents.

 

[edmundoab]

I don't think its a complete marriage without sex.
Somehow something is going to be missing in that relationship.

how long would I stay with a person with no interest to sleep with me?
i think it depends on how long the LOVE last.

would I cheat? well, if im married. Its 99% a no. Just that 1% for uncertainty in lust levels

Don't think that matters for now, in terms of assets.. I got nothing. LOL

sooner or later, a conclusion has to come by. I know I can't stay an indefinate amount of time without sex.
would probably crumble in the end.. in terms of marriage

 

[HannibalX]

If one side isn't putting out they can't get angry if the other side finds what they need somewhere else. We are only human after all.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Nope, if my wife weren't interested I would seriously discuss divorce.

Fortunately, that's not a problem!!!

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Interesting and thoughtful question. It really depends on why the other person has no interest in sexual activity. If there's an imbalance, where one partner wants it and the other does not, some accomodation must be reached, or the marriage is destined to be either horribly unhappy (which children would notice), or it must break apart. A third alternative is the partner who does not want sexual activity recognizes the need for the other to have it, and seeks/allows the partner to fulfill that in other ways.

If I were in the situation, I cannot say what I would do until I'm actually faced with it.

I thought it was a good question myself, my post was inspired by the cheating wife who got 40 million in her divorce settlement thread.

I believe that after money struggles, sexual issues are a biggie in the causes of divorce.What constitutes major sexual incompatability ? for how long and how severe should the problem be before a person contemplates divorce ?

There's no one thing that constitutes it. Here are a few:

Lack of communication, so that one partner does not know what the other one likes/wants/needs.
Some kind of turnoff, like being overweight, out of shape, ugly, etc.
Social issue, like actual or percieved cheating.
Kids, and the various issues that they cause just by being around (I do not have kids, so can't really comment on this).
Professional life or other outside influences that can affect the relationship dynamic.

Communication and willingness to compromise, I believe, can go a long way. However, for many many people, both are incredibly difficult to do.

A person should, in my opinion, contemplate divorce if the problem is considered to be a "dealbreaker", and some form of accomodation cannot be reached. Personally, I believe marriage is important, but happy and successful interpersonal relationships are more important.

When it comes down to it, "marriage" is arbitrary.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ummm....pretty much ALL marriages are sexless after children

Not mine.

I have three kids and she's still pretty horny.

It's not about being horny, it's about the kids storming into the bedroom at all hours of the night because they're sick/scared/had a bad dream/can't sleep/need a drink/hungry/want a different blanket/blah blah blah. My neighbor said he gets some once every two months if he's lucky (he has a 4-6- and 8 yr old).

I have a 4 month, 3.5 year and 7 year old. The older two sleep in their beds until at least 11p the baby gets put in a car seat on the floor till we're done. It doesn't always work out and we both have to make the effort but we still manage to have sex three or four times a week.
I realize we're not the standard, but we make the effort because we take comfort in each other and that comfort makes us gentler parents.

LOL...in a car seat!!! Do you say "Strap in Jr...daddy's going for a ride!" before you put him in there? heheheheeh

You're really trying hard if you're going 3-4 times a week. Most of us don't have the energy for that many attempts

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ummm....pretty much ALL marriages are sexless after children

That is completely untrue. My wife and I have a child and we had sex a couple times this week (with each other of course)!

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: quakefiend420

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: EyeMWing

Originally posted by: PunDogg
That would be really tough, I would prob. try to work it out, and if that didn;t work. Then get a divorce. Depending if you have small kids, i would try to stay together. On the question would you cheat, no i wouldn't do that, marriage is a contract that both people have to live up too. But in a sexless marriage i would stay and try to work it out, and if that didn;t happen then divorce, cuz you can;t keep on going like that, cuz you will eventually cheat

Dogg

ANY kids under 18 are a serious consideration there. Even if they aren't little kids, if you divorce the woman because you ain't gettin' no puss, you're basically telling the kid "Sex is all that matters, kthx"

Which is a dangerous thing to be telling a 12-18 year old.

But you can argue that act of sex is an show of affection for your significant other. By not having sex, you are basically telling the other person, "I don't love you enough to want to sleep with you".

thats exactly how i would take it

Yep. I dated a girl in high school who believed that sex didn't have to be part of a healthy marriage and that it shouldn't be an expectation. Needless to say, we broke up.

 

[DrPizza]

wouldn't leave.
wouldn't cheat.
sex isn't that important.

Now, if it goes beyond just no interest in sex and gets to the point of no emotional attachment, etc. Then, my answer may change depending on the reason - if the reason is psychological then, I'd stay and hope for treatment to help.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Ummm....pretty much ALL marriages are sexless after children

Not mine.

I have three kids and she's still pretty horny.

It's not about being horny, it's about the kids storming into the bedroom at all hours of the night because they're sick/scared/had a bad dream/can't sleep/need a drink/hungry/want a different blanket/blah blah blah. My neighbor said he gets some once every two months if he's lucky (he has a 4-6- and 8 yr old).

I have a 4 month, 3.5 year and 7 year old. The older two sleep in their beds until at least 11p the baby gets put in a car seat on the floor till we're done. It doesn't always work out and we both have to make the effort but we still manage to have sex three or four times a week.
I realize we're not the standard, but we make the effort because we take comfort in each other and that comfort makes us gentler parents.

LOL...in a car seat!!! Do you say "Strap in Jr...daddy's going for a ride!" before you put him in there? heheheheeh

You're really trying hard if you're going 3-4 times a week. Most of us don't have the energy for that many attempts

We're in our late twenties....
It's likely that in the course of our seven year marriage the average is not 3-4 a week... on consideration. We've been prety good recently... spring fever maybe, and that skews my perspective.

Different people have different sexual needs. Different couples have different sexual needs. I just want to dispute the 'no sex after children' cliche.

 

[shilala]

Time for sex does become a challenge after children. It seems the quality goes up as the frequency goes down. "Quickies" have been all but removed from our act, but when the right time comes, it's amazing every time. I'm looking forward to paying my kids back for all the sex they've made me lose. When they come of age, I plan to do everything within my power to screw up any opportunity they ever have.

 

[rickn]

just buy a real doll

 

[Brutuskend]

Don't tell me RED is, well, have PROBLEMS!!!!??!?!?

 

[Miramonti]

depends on the symptoms that may be causing the problem.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: rickn
just buy a real doll

okay.. on a related note, what effect, if any do you all believe that the ever increasing use of sex to sell products in movies, on tv, in magazines has on the average couple's sexual expectations ? Do you believe that the easily availabilty of a variety of sexual imagery from the media as well as on the web makes regular sex with a spouse seem dull and not worth pursuing and if problems arise, make it easier to throw in the towel ?

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Don't tell me RED is, well, have PROBLEMS!!!!??!?!?

scroll up, I explained my reason for pursuing this topic of conversation.

 

[quizzelsnatch]

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: AnyMal
There has to be a REASON why your mate won't sleep with you any longer. I'd try to find that reason first and see if it can be remedied. Regardless, I would not cheat.

What if she said your wang was too small?

No such thing. If you don't know how to satisfy a woman, a 12" schlong will not do you any good. Size, is the last thing you should worry about.

this one guy, on loveline, had a 1/2 penis. i do believe that is too small.

EDIT: oh, and his lady friend thought so too.

 

[Cheval]

I don't know, but I wouldn't be married in the first place....

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: quizzelsnatch

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: AnyMal
There has to be a REASON why your mate won't sleep with you any longer. I'd try to find that reason first and see if it can be remedied. Regardless, I would not cheat.

What if she said your wang was too small?

No such thing. If you don't know how to satisfy a woman, a 12" schlong will not do you any good. Size, is the last thing you should worry about.

this one guy, on loveline, had a 1/2 penis. i do believe that is too small.

EDIT: oh, and his lady friend thought so too.

Like a 0.5" penis? Damn.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: rickn
just buy a real doll

okay.. on a related note, what effect, if any do you all believe that the ever increasing use of sex to sell products in movies, on tv, in magazines has on the average couple's sexual expectations ? Do you believe that the easily availabilty of a variety of sexual imagery from the media as well as on the web makes regular sex with a spouse seem dull and not worth pursuing and if problems arise, make it easier to throw in the towel ?

And what of the myth of "The One" that is perpetuated by Hollywood (movies like "Bed of Roses" and any romantic comedy), 1-800-FLOWERS, DeBeers, et all? And what of the promotions of abstinence and virginity? Wouldn't all that have some affect on people's ideas regarding how sex is "supposed" to be?

To look at your question differently, take a look at Islamic culture, where sexual imagery is not readily available. Look at how sexuality is treated there...