My God. Someone is taking things a little too seriously. Bad roommates are not fun, but let's not talk about guns here (Live in Arlington, TX). I have three roommates, only one of which I picked, and sometimes they do things that upset me. But, they are just roommates, and they will be gone at the end of the summer, just like your guy.
It sucks when someone disrespects you and takes advantage of your stuff. But you have to realize a few things. When you're a freshman, you've probably never lived out of your parents home. At your parents home (if you remember) everything is free to take. Parents don't care if you take anything you want from the fridge or pantry, use fifteen kleenex boxes an hour, but they do get upset if you have friends over till 8 in the morning.
As a freshman, you are, for the first time, on your own without anyone telling you what to do. So, when you tell him what to do (that's how he sees it), he thinks you are trying to replace his parents, who he probably still resents for being controlling. Your first year or so in college, for most people, is a rush to be free, and having people over at all times and making a fool out of yourself is not only usual, it probably is a good thing. Gets it out of your system and shows you that responsibility can be a good thing.
I know this doesn't help you very much and you're probably thinking "who the hell is this guy?" I'm just someone who was somewhat like your roommate and now could be like you with my freshman roommates who don't respect some of my things, but I take a laidback (passive like someone said) attitude and was willing to realize that, in the grand scheme of things, $20 isn't that big of a deal, and problems can be solved without writing a speech or calling the authorities.
I'm not sure what the perfect solution is to your problem, but it would definetly involve taking a step back and looking at what is going on and how your behavior is escalating beyond what is associated with being just upset. It's hard to talk to people who initially don't respect you, but I promise if you catch him in the right mood, he'll talk to you and maybe you can get some concessions from him (late night guests only on weekends or something. It's all about compromise. He wants freedom no matter what and you want silence no matter what, but that's just not going to happen this time. Try your best to find some common ground, forget about the threatening letters (freshman can be dumb most of the time) and work it out. It can happen.
If all else fails, it will only suck for another month.
Maybe I'm a pacifist, but I think looking back a few years from now you will say to yourself "why did I get worked up over that so much?"
Just my humble opinion, feel free to ignore it.
It sucks when someone disrespects you and takes advantage of your stuff. But you have to realize a few things. When you're a freshman, you've probably never lived out of your parents home. At your parents home (if you remember) everything is free to take. Parents don't care if you take anything you want from the fridge or pantry, use fifteen kleenex boxes an hour, but they do get upset if you have friends over till 8 in the morning.
As a freshman, you are, for the first time, on your own without anyone telling you what to do. So, when you tell him what to do (that's how he sees it), he thinks you are trying to replace his parents, who he probably still resents for being controlling. Your first year or so in college, for most people, is a rush to be free, and having people over at all times and making a fool out of yourself is not only usual, it probably is a good thing. Gets it out of your system and shows you that responsibility can be a good thing.
I know this doesn't help you very much and you're probably thinking "who the hell is this guy?" I'm just someone who was somewhat like your roommate and now could be like you with my freshman roommates who don't respect some of my things, but I take a laidback (passive like someone said) attitude and was willing to realize that, in the grand scheme of things, $20 isn't that big of a deal, and problems can be solved without writing a speech or calling the authorities.
I'm not sure what the perfect solution is to your problem, but it would definetly involve taking a step back and looking at what is going on and how your behavior is escalating beyond what is associated with being just upset. It's hard to talk to people who initially don't respect you, but I promise if you catch him in the right mood, he'll talk to you and maybe you can get some concessions from him (late night guests only on weekends or something. It's all about compromise. He wants freedom no matter what and you want silence no matter what, but that's just not going to happen this time. Try your best to find some common ground, forget about the threatening letters (freshman can be dumb most of the time) and work it out. It can happen.
If all else fails, it will only suck for another month.
Maybe I'm a pacifist, but I think looking back a few years from now you will say to yourself "why did I get worked up over that so much?"
Just my humble opinion, feel free to ignore it.
No excuse for the first 3 paragraphs- when I was a fish (and for as long as I can remember), I asked permission come hell or high water.
EDIT: And welcome to AnandTech
EDIT: And welcome to AnandTech
I think you should cut him some slack regarding his "hacking" problem. He may have Chronic Sinusitis, which is a really unfortunate problem, and I'm sure he feels awful about it. So just because it went on for > 2 weeks doesn't mean he's just doing it to be annoying.
Yeah, I admit that part was a little too far- I can't and won't tell him to stop doing something natural, but I'll make a note of saying that it is annoying and gross.
Why do you need to point that out? I don't think he's doing it purposely to annoy you (like the other guy said), so making such a low comment like that is not cool at all.
HomeBrewerDude
Lifer
- Jan 18, 2001
- 14,465
- 1
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Someone goes out of their way to type a serious reply guided by both experience and fairness and all you can say is "No excuse..."? I guess you don't want to hear any opinions that are at odds with your own. If so, you better stop reading now.
As a senior (and as a Texan), you should be guiding this young man rather than confronting him. All you need is a way to talk to him and then you two can be buddies. Fix this roommate relationship instead of throwing it away and you'll teach yourself something too.
NightFlyer, I've been reading your posts every so often and I have to agree with unicron80. Although I'm personally not in your situation, I've been in similar ones. I know it seems bad..real bad..but you're gonna look back on this and see that it wasn't as big a deal as you made of it. But I'm glad you're talking to ATOT about this...good place to vent...instead of you know...gettin a gun or drinkin or whatever it is texans do.
I've lived with someone who hacks and gags and coughs up an f'in horse in the shower every morning and when you have to wake up to that every morning it can REALLY get on your nerves. Sorry..it's just human nature...
I've lived with someone who hacks and gags and coughs up an f'in horse in the shower every morning and when you have to wake up to that every morning it can REALLY get on your nerves. Sorry..it's just human nature...
Sorry; I probably should have said more, but I was on my way out the door (no rhyme intended). I intend on guiding him if he will let me (and if he sticks around for that long), but he certainly will be confronted about these issues first. If you don't confront and implement negative reinforcement, the immature/clueless/developing person will just walk all over you- you think I'm going to let him get away with 90% of this? Fat chance. Not that I'm trying to be one, but isn't this what good parents do?
Please keep the opinions coming- I am reading and thinking about them all. Also, Mike hasn't shown up all day- it's been nearly 24 hours since the initial confrontation last night, when I last saw him. He might come home tonight, and he might not. But I won't try to confront him tonight as I've got a lot of studying to do, and the meeting on Friday that he, I, my R.A. and the campus apartment director will probably solve this. I'm thinking I may not even try to talk to him or reason with him until 'the meeting'.
Heh, thanks for your post. It is probably true that it's not as big of a deal as it really is. I'm good at blowing things out of proportion at times, but this really isn't one of them. While your point certainly has validity, it still must be delt with in a serious manner. I will tone down my list of 'beef' with him before 'the meeting' though, as I know the hacking part was a little too far.
oh yeah...I have some beef you you actually... how the hell do you get packages of cookies and goldfish for a dollar?!?! I can sometimes get TV dinners on sale and with a coupon for $2 but dayemn... you guys have some cheap stuff there in Texas. Food costs so much at school for me in Chicago
Haha, well the Goldfish and cookie packages are just little snack sized things that you can get as a 'dessert' on a meal plan credit here at my school (1 meal plan credit; $4.00; entre, drink, dessert = 1 meal). The Goldfish bag is like those little Dorito chip bags that kids throw in for school lunches. I haven't seen them for sale that cheap in grocery stores, ever. I buy the normal big stuff when I go shopping (which, ounce for ounce, is cheaper).
EDIT: To tie it all in and make sense, I just guestimated the cost for it that he will pay me back at. Seems about right to me.
EDIT: To tie it all in and make sense, I just guestimated the cost for it that he will pay me back at. Seems about right to me.
Daaammnnnn..I'm gonna be a freshman this fall and I'll be rooming with 5 other guys; reading this is making me worried about getting a roommate like yours (and to a lesser extent, a roommate like you; admit, you are being a bit anal, but I still agree with you for the most part).
I'm only being 'anal' because I waiting too long to tell him off and built up my anger to capitalize on every little thing he does to a 'T'. I should have confronted him a lot sooner, and I probably wouldn't be worried about toilet paper consumption...
12:25a CDT and he's still not home- I'm going to bed, as I'm waking up at 5:30 to study for my test again. Just can't seem to bring myself to do so tonight.
12:25a CDT and he's still not home- I'm going to bed, as I'm waking up at 5:30 to study for my test again. Just can't seem to bring myself to do so tonight.
a little off topic but good luck on your exam tomorrow 
I have one coming up on Friday that I need to get studying for. Yay for 5 week summer sessions!
I have one coming up on Friday that I need to get studying for. Yay for 5 week summer sessions!That's kind of the problem. Most freshman resent their parents because they have so much freedom that first year, so any kind of attempt to replace that parent will be met with hostility (man I sound like a junior psych major). Try to seem like a mentoring senior and you will get much better results. Saying things like "we need to talk" and the like will get you nowhere.
Also, letting little things build up can be hazardous. There are a million things that could build up and annoy me about my roommates, but I know in a week I won't remember exactly what they were. If something bothers you so much you can't sleep for a week, or he steals your DVD player or something, that's one thing. But a freshman taking a few snacks here and there is quite a normal thing, while it shouldn't be condoned, don't let it build up.
Don't sweat the small stuff, I always say.
And thanks for the welcome. Been reading for years, hardly ever post. I'm trying to become more vocal (hence the posts a mile long)
bUnMaNGo: Thanks! I missed class from staying up so late a couple nights ago from the initial confrontation that I just couldn't get up. I didn't find out until I got there today that the test had been moved to Tuesday- rock on! :Q Best of luck on yours too, and enjoy your break!
GMachine: Dude you sound like my roommate. I'll call you Bitch roommate wannabe. STFU and step off.
Unicron80: Thanks for all the good advice! Unlike Bitch roommate wannabe, you need to post more often!
GMachine: Dude you sound like my roommate. I'll call you Bitch roommate wannabe. STFU and step off.
Unicron80: Thanks for all the good advice! Unlike Bitch roommate wannabe, you need to post more often!
my real reply is comming when im done reading all the posts... but i just had to say something to this..
who the hell needs so many guns... even in Texas??? jheezus....
same here cept i dont know with how many ppl yet...
neways, NightFlyer gl with the meetings tomorrow and keep us updated!!
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