meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
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- 81
Nik
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2006
- 16,101
- 3
- 56
I will debate your last point until the end of time. Marriage is just a piece of paper and a few rings. There is no difference between marriage and just existing together as far as level of commitment, level of love, blah blah blah, unless you have mental issues. There's no magical higher level of love unlocked when you sign a piece of paper.
Originally posted by: Nik
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You have mental issues, kid
In other news, the sky is blue
But really, Froggie, you believe it does?
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 25,918
- 4,508
- 126
I'm too late to a long thread. I didn't read a thing in it. But, I'll give the main reasons in no particular order. These aren't important to everyone. So pick and choose which are important to you.
1) Feeling of true commitment. Living together with someone who won't commit to signing a piece of paper may sound just fine at first, but eventually it does eat at many people. It might not eat at you, but it may eat at your significant other. Why harm him/her needlessly? Studies show that couples living together on average are less happy and have less sex than married couples. It isn't just a rare idea that it might eat at someone - studies show it eats at lots of people.
2) Legal benefits. You can legally visit the other in the hospital or talk to doctors regarding a medical issue. You can legally apply as married on many different types of forms (which is usually a good thing). You can legally make decisions for the other person if they are sick or dead without the need of court battles with the significant other's family. You can legally transfer wealth back and fourth without consequences.
3) Acceptance by society. Many youths don't care about this now, but they may in the future. Having society accept you and your choices makes life smoother and easier. It could be your neighbor, your coworker, your church, your family, your friends, etc, someone will attempt to put you down for living together. It might be nothing more than a disapproving look. But, it might be someone choosing to make your life a living hell.
4) Monetary benefits. Wedding gifts can easilly pay for the wedding and far more if you are frugal with the wedding. Pensions, social security, etc. will pay the spouse as well meaing more money to you or your significant other. Tax benefits, insurance benefits, etc almost always make it cheaper to be married.
5) There are many other benefits, but most of these can also be had by living together, so I won't bring them up. The items above are generally exclusive to married people.
Then lets flip the question around. Why not get married? All it takes is a piece of paper for many emotional, logical, spiritual, societal, and financial benefits. In the worst case scenario, you get divorced and a judge splits up your assets. But that same thing happens if you live together and break up, someone can always sue the other and a judge splits your assets.
1) Feeling of true commitment. Living together with someone who won't commit to signing a piece of paper may sound just fine at first, but eventually it does eat at many people. It might not eat at you, but it may eat at your significant other. Why harm him/her needlessly? Studies show that couples living together on average are less happy and have less sex than married couples. It isn't just a rare idea that it might eat at someone - studies show it eats at lots of people.
2) Legal benefits. You can legally visit the other in the hospital or talk to doctors regarding a medical issue. You can legally apply as married on many different types of forms (which is usually a good thing). You can legally make decisions for the other person if they are sick or dead without the need of court battles with the significant other's family. You can legally transfer wealth back and fourth without consequences.
3) Acceptance by society. Many youths don't care about this now, but they may in the future. Having society accept you and your choices makes life smoother and easier. It could be your neighbor, your coworker, your church, your family, your friends, etc, someone will attempt to put you down for living together. It might be nothing more than a disapproving look. But, it might be someone choosing to make your life a living hell.
4) Monetary benefits. Wedding gifts can easilly pay for the wedding and far more if you are frugal with the wedding. Pensions, social security, etc. will pay the spouse as well meaing more money to you or your significant other. Tax benefits, insurance benefits, etc almost always make it cheaper to be married.
5) There are many other benefits, but most of these can also be had by living together, so I won't bring them up. The items above are generally exclusive to married people.
Then lets flip the question around. Why not get married? All it takes is a piece of paper for many emotional, logical, spiritual, societal, and financial benefits. In the worst case scenario, you get divorced and a judge splits up your assets. But that same thing happens if you live together and break up, someone can always sue the other and a judge splits your assets.
nakedfrog
No Lifer
- Apr 3, 2001
- 61,826
- 17,540
- 136
Originally posted by: Nik
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You have mental issues, kid
In other news, the sky is blue
But really, Froggie, you believe it does?
Minus the hyperbole, yes, I think a couple that's made a promise to each other to stay together is more committed to each other than they were before they made the promise, or if they hadn't at all.
Nik
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2006
- 16,101
- 3
- 56
Originally posted by: ducci
Originally posted by: Nik
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You have mental issues, kid
In other news, the sky is blue
But really, Froggie, you believe it does?
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?
I'm not shallow enough to think a legal contract changes how I feel about them or how dedicated I am to them.
Nik
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2006
- 16,101
- 3
- 56
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Originally posted by: Nik
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You have mental issues, kid
In other news, the sky is blue
But really, Froggie, you believe it does?
Minus the hyperbole, yes, I think a couple that's made a promise to each other to stay together is more committed to each other than they were before they made the promise, or if they hadn't at all.
We're going round and round and round. This argument's already been argued out. I agree that making a promise to your SO is better than not. However, you don't need to sign a little piece of paper and exchange inanimate objects to make the promise, which is the whole point of this thread.
dainthomas
Lifer
- Dec 7, 2004
- 14,900
- 3,864
- 136
If I got ordained online, I would not suddenly possess the magical ability to make people more committed. The people who got married did so because they already WERE committed. It's not like before they thought "meh, you're OK I guess" and then after the magical ceremony they thought "OMG, you're the best evar!!!".
In summary, neither a wedding ceremony nor signing a piece of paper makes someone more committed. It's an EFFECT of commitment, not a CAUSE.
hanoverphist
Diamond Member
- Dec 7, 2006
- 9,867
- 23
- 76
for me it was #'s 2, 6 and 7 as well as i really enjoyed her company. apparently she didnt feel the same. but, i still have the family (kids live with me) and the financial stability (good job) so im ok with it i guess. i do feel like i lost part of my soul tho. 3 years and i still dont really care about looking to replace that.
Fritzo
Lifer
- Jan 3, 2001
- 41,920
- 2,161
- 126
Originally posted by: Nik
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Lol, YOU feel there are only 4 valid reasons for marriage, not everybody feels that way.
In the end, the only people it matters to are the two people involved, if they feel happy and content
living together great, if they would feel happier and more content being legally married, that's great too.
I can't say your reasons for avoiding marriage aren't valid for YOU, I don't get to decide that for you
or for anybody else for that matter. Beautiful thing about living in a free society, we get to decide about our
intimate relationships.. unless we have the misfortune of being gay and wanting to get married
I wouldn't marry for any of the 4 reasons I accept for being valid reasons to get married.
I "win." Again.
Will you two get a room already?
And Nik, you wouldn't marry because nobody would say yes.
I think I win now?
nakedfrog
No Lifer
- Apr 3, 2001
- 61,826
- 17,540
- 136
If you say so, but it's still got no bearing at all on anything I said.
I didn't say you become imbued with power by becoming ordained online. I didn't say there was magic, nor any ceremony involved. I didn't say they weren't committed before. I didn't say it made them go from "meh, you're OK I guess" to "OMG, you're the best evar!!!". I didn't say it was a cause of commitment.
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 25,918
- 4,508
- 126
In one aspect, you are correct. Marriage isn't required for a commitment. For many people marriage enhances their commitment feelings, but for many like you it might not. But what if your significant other DOES think it is required? Would you do it for him/her?
PricklyPete
Lifer
- Sep 17, 2002
- 14,582
- 162
- 106
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