I appreciate the advice. I needed someone who had the same perspective as her parents. That's one reason why I did the post. The other is just utter boredom. I have nothing to do anymore, and dont much care to motivate myself to do anything anymore. I do love her, I know you don't doubt that, and I want nothing more than the best for her, but I think being a part of her life is benificial to her. I help her with her homework often, keep her on the right track in her Christianity, and try to be a good accountability partner in her life. I guess her parents just dont see those things.
I pray for HER strength over mine
ME ME ME ME ME. Why do you do that? Of course you need some way to let go of this state you're holding on to. Projecting prayer for her and doing something that seems altruistic is really great at building walls around the actual problem and the fact that you have to cope with this situation. When I say things like that, most people nod their heads and say, sure right you are. Then they continue telling "me" about how pitiful they are or that they are really good people and take care of their dog even when its sick. ME ME ME. It goes into one ear and out the other. It makes sense but when I get down to it, it has absolutely no result since they just continue living in that little bubble they build up for themselves. Go deeper. And when you think you're getting somewhere important, it's only the beginning.
Cheers !
ME ME ME ME ME. Why do you do that? Of course you need some way to let go of this state you're holding on to. Projecting prayer for her and doing something that seems altruistic is really great at building walls around the actual problem and the fact that you have to cope with this situation. When I say things like that, most people nod their heads and say, sure right you are. Then they continue telling "me" about how pitiful they are or that they are really good people and take care of their dog even when its sick. ME ME ME. It goes into one ear and out the other. It makes sense but when I get down to it, it has absolutely no result since they just continue living in that little bubble they build up for themselves. Go deeper. And when you think you're getting somewhere important, it's only the beginning.
Cheers !
but I think being a part of her life is benificial to her. I help her with her homework often, keep her on the right track in her Christianity, and try to be a good accountability partner in her life. I guess her parents just dont see those things.
Of course you do. 'cause you're the best thing since sliced bread and people just don't see that warm and fuzzy you that just wants to fly free and love the world, right? Gnosce te ipsum (know thyself). Most things are beneficial if one examines them long enough, that still doesn't make them a necessary course of action. The fact that you are unmotivated right now only confirms what I said earlier. You're not ready for this.
Cheers !
Of course you do. 'cause you're the best thing since sliced bread and people just don't see that warm and fuzzy you that just wants to fly free and love the world, right? Gnosce te ipsum (know thyself). Most things are beneficial if one examines them long enough, that still doesn't make them a necessary course of action. The fact that you are unmotivated right now only confirms what I said earlier. You're not ready for this.
Cheers !
When is anyone really ready for a relationship? I am ready to marry her now. I say that with confidence. I am not ready to be a good husband yet though. I need to become much closer to God, finish college, and get a good job before I can be the husband that she deserves. But we have lots of time. I just dont think separating us during this growing time is helping. Of course we divert our attention to each other a bit here and there, but we also help each other get through the hard times and help to remind each other that God is priority number one. I need her for that, I am sure. I think she needs me too. We love each other and dont want to hurt one another, but we also want to accompany each other in this journey to whereever God takes us. Being a part of her life is important to me, even if I cant be her boyfriend.
linuxboy-
what are you getting at when you say to go deeper? Especially after saying this:
<< You have NO idea what it means to be a parent. You don't know what it is to stay awake until 3 AM waiting for your child to get home. You have no idea what it means to pray endlessly (if one is religious) to prevent any evil or calamity from occuring to your child, that treasure and gift from God (Ecclesiastes reference). You don't know what it means to be that. Look into the lives of the family with whom you are dealing. Look into your life and the life of your girl and see what it is and think that perhaps someone who has been through those experiences may know something after all. >>
Are you a parent? Have you done such things? These things sound like worries, and we are called to cast our worries upon God. We are called to trust in Him because all things work together for good for those who love God. It is a parent's job to care for their child and pray for their well being, but why pray endlessly for one's own child? What is the motiviation there? I'm not trying to imply anything here, but I just want to ask questions to make you (and others) reflect. Praying for one's own child may seem altruistic, but the deeper motivation may not be. Parents who set down rules and essentially run their child's life may think they are doing what is best, but PARENTS CAN BE WRONG TOO! Granted I'm not a parent, but I know parents can be wrong. My parents have actually admitted that decisions they made concerning my life, or advice they gave me, wasn't the best. What cellriot's GF's parents are doing may seem right or feel right, but may in fact not be the best decision.
The fact is that we are all human. We cannot divine God's will in most cases. However, God gave us brains to make decisions with. He gave us free will so that we could make mistakes. Cellriot and his GF have made a mistake. Have her parents? That remains to be seen. One thing is apparent though... that is they aren't letting go. All things work for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28). Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is only when you let go of worry and doubt that you will be a step closer to being free.
Ryan
what are you getting at when you say to go deeper? Especially after saying this:
<< You have NO idea what it means to be a parent. You don't know what it is to stay awake until 3 AM waiting for your child to get home. You have no idea what it means to pray endlessly (if one is religious) to prevent any evil or calamity from occuring to your child, that treasure and gift from God (Ecclesiastes reference). You don't know what it means to be that. Look into the lives of the family with whom you are dealing. Look into your life and the life of your girl and see what it is and think that perhaps someone who has been through those experiences may know something after all. >>
Are you a parent? Have you done such things? These things sound like worries, and we are called to cast our worries upon God. We are called to trust in Him because all things work together for good for those who love God. It is a parent's job to care for their child and pray for their well being, but why pray endlessly for one's own child? What is the motiviation there? I'm not trying to imply anything here, but I just want to ask questions to make you (and others) reflect. Praying for one's own child may seem altruistic, but the deeper motivation may not be. Parents who set down rules and essentially run their child's life may think they are doing what is best, but PARENTS CAN BE WRONG TOO! Granted I'm not a parent, but I know parents can be wrong. My parents have actually admitted that decisions they made concerning my life, or advice they gave me, wasn't the best. What cellriot's GF's parents are doing may seem right or feel right, but may in fact not be the best decision.
The fact is that we are all human. We cannot divine God's will in most cases. However, God gave us brains to make decisions with. He gave us free will so that we could make mistakes. Cellriot and his GF have made a mistake. Have her parents? That remains to be seen. One thing is apparent though... that is they aren't letting go. All things work for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28). Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is only when you let go of worry and doubt that you will be a step closer to being free.
Ryan
Cellriot-
Since you have said that you aren't ready to be a good husband yet, maybe you two shouldn't be dating. I agree with you that severing contact with your GF isn't a good idea. Iron sharpens iron. Christian friends are good for each other. Especially Christian friends that connect on a deeper level than most. However, there is a difference between being friends and being each other's crutches. I've been in both situations. I'm not saying that you are her crutch or vice versa, but be sure that you have OTHER Christian friends to rely upon.
Also, do your best to keep her in your life in some capacity.
Ryan
Since you have said that you aren't ready to be a good husband yet, maybe you two shouldn't be dating. I agree with you that severing contact with your GF isn't a good idea. Iron sharpens iron. Christian friends are good for each other. Especially Christian friends that connect on a deeper level than most. However, there is a difference between being friends and being each other's crutches. I've been in both situations. I'm not saying that you are her crutch or vice versa, but be sure that you have OTHER Christian friends to rely upon.
Also, do your best to keep her in your life in some capacity.
Ryan
<Cellriot and his GF have made a mistake. Have her parents? That remains to be seen. One thing is apparent though... that is they aren't letting go. All things work for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28). Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. >
This sounds like something my Mom would say, and I agree totally. Just hearing that from you has given me some peace. I really do need to strengthen my relationship with the Lord, because sometimes I lose track of the greater scheme of things. Looking at my reaction to her parents' decision, you can see my case in point. I will continue to pray, and trust in Jesus, for he is the son of man and God's will will be done, even if that is to keep us apart. I must have peace, and I will find that only in the Lord. I believe I may just have my girlfriend read this thread, it has been very beneficial to me.
This sounds like something my Mom would say, and I agree totally. Just hearing that from you has given me some peace. I really do need to strengthen my relationship with the Lord, because sometimes I lose track of the greater scheme of things. Looking at my reaction to her parents' decision, you can see my case in point. I will continue to pray, and trust in Jesus, for he is the son of man and God's will will be done, even if that is to keep us apart. I must have peace, and I will find that only in the Lord. I believe I may just have my girlfriend read this thread, it has been very beneficial to me.
Linux23
Lifer
- Apr 9, 2000
- 11,374
- 741
- 126
i haven't read the whole thread yet (will do so tomorrow), but am I the only one who thinks her parents are right to protect their 16 year old daughter? i mean, for christ sake, i wish that wasn't my daughter because you would be beaten into a bloody pulp just for looking at her.
but that's just me, and i hope i never have any daughters in the future.
but that's just me, and i hope i never have any daughters in the future.
I'm glad you can find these things helpful. One thing I get from my relationship with God is a sense of security. I can look into my future and not worry (too much, I am human) about what will happen.
Ryan
Ryan
Another tidbit of information you might all like is that her Dad, I have been told from multiple sources, doesnt like me. He doesnt like any guys that come around his daughters. Who can blame him? But I started out with three strikes with him, and made more than three more strikes as time went on. Also, we started the relationship as "non-dating" and friendly, but it kind of escelated until we decided that we both kind of agreed on not dating other people, but not exactly dating ourselves. Due to the term "dating" being a no no, I wanted to court her, but couldnt do so because I had to get permission from her Dad. This wasnt happening due to our disobedience. So we were basically dating, except not. I love her. I miss her a lot, and I have to give this to God, no matter how much pain I feel. But do you all think I should visit her at school to say my goodbyes for however long it will be before I see or hear from her again?
Also, do you think me talking to her church Pastor would be a good idea, and have him possibly meet with all of us to have some sort of forum for discussion? Or should I leave this alone and pray that they change their mind, because I cannot be content with completely severing our relationship.
Well, the whole thing about her dad not liking you because you are dating his daughter is unreasonable. In fact, it is just plain dumb, and there may be nothing you can do about that. It is an irrational sort of feeling, not Biblically based, and is the worst sort to deal with. Try to appease him, and try to open the lines of communication up. Talking is the best thing you can do right now.
Also, seeking advice from an older Christian can't hurt. Talk to a Pastor or a church elder if you can. Get their advice.
Good night man. Feel free to e-mail/PM me if you want. Keep us up to date.
Ryan
Also, seeking advice from an older Christian can't hurt. Talk to a Pastor or a church elder if you can. Get their advice.
Good night man. Feel free to e-mail/PM me if you want. Keep us up to date.
Ryan
Im off to bed also, I will let you know what happens. I will continue to pray for us and thanks for all of your prayers. Good night ATOTers!
I don't blame her parents. I'm too young to comment on how to raise a daughter/son(24yr), but I'd definitely want her to experience the world, become an independent human, etc(grow up, basically). I think getting so seriously involved with a young man at her age can't possibly help that because this is something she'd have to do on her own.
I know I'll get flamed for this, and I don't want to make this into a religious debate thread, but;
Christians are fvck1ng weird!
Sorry, but I can't even respond you're so completely different from me. I'd like to say things, to offer advice or at least my sympathy...but I can't EVEN BEGIN to slightly relate to the situation because of the prominence of God in all this. It's like you all are speaking a foreign language (one that I don't understand that is).
Like I said, not trying to insult anyone, but I just don't think I'm ever going to understand religious people. *sigh*
Christians are fvck1ng weird!
Sorry, but I can't even respond you're so completely different from me. I'd like to say things, to offer advice or at least my sympathy...but I can't EVEN BEGIN to slightly relate to the situation because of the prominence of God in all this. It's like you all are speaking a foreign language (one that I don't understand that is).
Like I said, not trying to insult anyone, but I just don't think I'm ever going to understand religious people. *sigh*
Plain and simple; they don't want you to have sex. that's it. The things that bothered them were you being in her room, and her being at your house. granted, i believe you respect her and your religious beliefs and aren't planning to have sex now, and of course if you wanted to you could go other places, but they're being overprotective. They can't control her, but they try to limit the temptation. I am only 22, and my gf is 3 yrs younger. those 3 yrs can be huge, specially from 16 to 19, and 19 to 22. they don't trust you enough, especially with her being 16 and you being older and out on your own. and it may be her they're punishing, not you. you didn't bring her to your place, she came there. you are older, and being on your own, older in other ways, you need to be in control. you must force her to follow her parents wishes, do what is right, and trust that in time it'll be easier. you may know you want to be with her, but at 16, how can she know? if you truly love her, be with her but let her be 16 too. after another 6 months and another 6, things will be easier, you just have to be patient, and respect her parents, knowing that they are in charge, and can indeed keep you 2 apart. of course that's stupid of them, since it will only drive her to you. anyway, there's a few different issues there, but it's basically this: if i had a 16 yr old daughter, no way in hell i'd want her at her 19 yr old boyfriends place alone. i wouldn't take their steps, but they responded in this way.
good luck,
-----Krugger
good luck,
-----Krugger
her parents are overprotective and want their kids to rebel. if they wouldn't be so damn controlling and think of their daughter as a sentient being, they'd become better parents. my parents never set boundaries for me, but i know where they would be if the set them, so i follow them out of respect. my parents have always treated me as an equal. if they didn't and they were controlling like the aforementioned parents, i wouldn' t be so nice, either. just the simple facts. oppression builds rebellion
What a pile of trash. Her parents are idiots. Dumb, blinded fanatics who obviously have no idea what good parents are supposed to be like. Trust me, i know what you're talking about, i've been there. Your girlfriend isn't really going along with that, is she? She isn't 10, she has the right to choose who she can be with. What are her parents going to do to her? No, really. They already took away her car, phone and modem. Are they going to stop feeding her? Are they going to throw her out of the house? They will do no such thing. They've love her and they're not going to want to lose her because of some guy. Every parent eventually goes through this - defeat. They will cry, whine and then cry some more. Point is, if you want to be together, you can.
<< And I respect her parents fully, and I will follow their request not to see her anymore, but I do think this decision was a bit harsh. And as far as me "moving on," well, true love doesn't leave that easilly, and I will wait for her as long as I have to. >>
You know what, bud? You are a loser. You don't deserve her. Forget about her and leave her to someone who has some guts. That's right, just accept it. Just sit at home and cry about it. Whine a little on the forums, that will certainly help the situation. You make me sick, man! You're just going to stop seeing her because someone told you to? Get a life!
chibchakan
Platinum Member
- Oct 30, 2001
- 2,349
- 0
- 76
Are there any specific reasons why her parents don't trust you and/or her? Because this isn't a boyfriend issue, a God issue or a sex issue...it's a "we have no trust in our daughter" issue. Just wondering if there was a reason for this.
It would be harsh if she weren't so young. You broke their rules (and their trust), what do you expect?
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