Parenting styles: Authoritative Parenting is best?

[clamum]

My parents bounced back and forth between authoritarian and authoritative.

Same here. If I ever have kids, that's what I'll do as well. Kids need discipline and that's one of the things parents should instill. You're not their fuckin friend, you're their parent. I think I'll be more emotionally available and expressive than my parents were, though, especially my dad. But overall, I couldn't ask for better parents. I frequently remind myself how f'ing lucky I am to have been born to them.

 

[BurnItDwn]

My parents were very permissive.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

Both my wife and I are between authoritarian and authoritative. We make the rules, my daughter breaks them, she gets punished. But we talk about why she got in trouble instead of sending her on time-out or to the corner. Very rarely do we actually send her somewhere to sit and marinate. As she's getting older (turning 6 in Oct.) though, she's starting to throw little tantrums. Kicking her feet or stomping them etc. That really pisses us off and we're starting to yell at her a lot more. I feel like lately we're yelling more and more at her (my wife especially). She's starting to feel more entitled and act spoiled too. She thinks that everytime we go to the store she's going to walk out with a toy. Gotta nip that in the butt asap.

 

[ultimatebob]

My parents were very permissive.

My dad was a friggin dictator and my mom was much more permissive. I basically ended up being afraid of my Dad growing up. It sucks growing up that way, because 30 years later even now I have trouble talking to him.

 

[poofyhairguy]

But your kids can take care of you in old life!

So can other people's kids. That is the point of Social Security.

 

[vi edit]

Unfortunately, the trend seems to be continuing with Gen X families, and now with older Gen Y having kids. Seems everywhere I go it's filled with screaming, misbehaving kids and their parents just standing there looking stunned. Hell half the adults can barely behave as such.

Go to a park or indoor playground and all you'll see is a bunch of adult heads buried in a cell phone oblivious to the happenings around them. My wife and I took our kids to a chic-fil-a a few weeks back and my 3 year old (a boy) pushed another kid and then kicked him while on the playground area. We were at a table outside the place and saw it happen. I went in, and my son was up in inside one of the slides. I set my voice to "Dad Voice" and yelled for my kid to get down "NOW". The room of 15 kids cleared out. My kid came down I grabbed his shoes, threw him over my shoulder and hauled him out.

It's not even that people are oblivious. It's that kids aren't even used to being called out on their shit.

 

[BurnItDwn]

My dad was a friggin dictator and my mom was much more permissive. I basically ended up being afraid of my Dad growing up. It sucks growing up that way, because 30 years later even now I have trouble talking to him.

I don't talk much to my father because he abused my mother. Thankfully he was never abusive to the three of us (myself, little sis, or little bro.) In my teenage years our relationship was very heated and tenuous, in my 20s we made amends, then after that I found out dirty laundry/details It would have been better to not know. So, now, in my 30s , I'm back to not talking to my father.

 

[Aikouka]

I. Hate. Mealtimes.

I think we need to get you into some kickboxing classes or something to work off this frustration.

My wife is 100% German. I'm 100% Irish. I think that makes our children 200% stubborn and pains in the asses.

Oddly enough, I'm just about half-Irish and half-German, but I was rather quiet and sedated.

 

[vi edit]

I think we need to get you into some kickboxing classes or something to work off this frustration.



Oddly enough, I'm just about half-Irish and half-German, but I was rather quiet and sedated.

Me too. Must be the German influence of my wife.

As for anger issues, I put on the foam hulk hands and pummel my kids. They laugh. I think that's good.

 

[isucktoes]

Too many of you are too pussy to be parents. Just yell at the little shits who gives a shit what other people think they're not their kids so fuck them. Quit trying to let people try to tell you how to raise them and just find a way that best suits you and your kids. Damn

 

[vi edit]

Too many of you are too pussy to be parents. Just yell at the little shits who gives a shit what other people think they're not their kids so fuck them. Quit trying to let people try to tell you how to raise them and just find a way that best suits you and your kids. Damn

Wow. An account for 4.5 years and this is your first post.

It's my thread...I claim you as my lurker!

 

[LegendKiller]

I bounce between authoritative and authoritarian depending on the situation. If I feel like they are receptive I will reason with them until it is clear that they aren't listening, then I get louder as they ignore. I also ratchet up punishment the more I have to repeat or that they don't act immediately.

Dinner time is hard for our 4yr old, sounds about the same as your situation. I probably need to do more about that.

When my 4yr old does stuff like that at the playground I do exactly the same thing.

Part of his problem is that he is big. He's 4 and is as tall as an 8yr old but thin. Other parents, and kids, think he is older so they get mad when he doesn't act like an 8yr old, or they judge him. This has led to a lot of older kids, who he physically identifies with, rejecting him because he hasn't developed mentally or emotionally enough yet. He them gets mad at them and acts out.

Some kids were playing cricket. He wanted to play but they ignored him. So he took their ball and ran. Naturally I got mad since he cat do that regardless of their actions so I yelled at first just to snap him out of his behavior, then I explained why they did what they did. He got it a bit, but it is a work in progress.

 

[eng2d2]

Lets say there are 2 kids growing up in different environment but the style of upbringing is the same.
One kid turn up to be a succesful person
The other one turn up to be lying but not horribly kid. Just mediocre kid with some problem.

What went wrong? Is the success of a kid genetic or the way they are raised.

 

[TheGardener]

Wow. An account for 4.5 years and this is your first post.

It's my thread...I claim you as my lurker!

Your 3 year old can beat up the toe sucker.

 

[Mai72]

Lets say there are 2 kids growing up in different environment but the style of upbringing is the same.
One kid turn up to be a succesful person
The other one turn up to be lying but not horribly kid. Just mediocre kid with some problem.

What went wrong? Is the success of a kid genetic or the way they are raised.

What about 2 children who grow up in the same house, in the same environment and with the same parents.

Now, imagine the father is in jail and has been a drug user for most of his life.

1) The first child says "I will never be like my loser father." He works his ass off in college and lands a nice job. He has a family, house, car, etc...

2) The second son states "I had no role model. I messed up in life because of my father." He blames everyone for his issues. Parents, school, environment, etc.. He ends up just like dad. In jail.

It comes down to our decisions in life. Our decisions make or breaks our destiny. Does our environment count? Yes! But, it's not the determining factor. There are plenty of people who have risen from a bad environment to become successful later in life. There are also people who had money and a loving family. Yet, they got involved in drugs and overdosed. Bobbi Houston and Andy Reid's son comes to mind.

 

[lxskllr]

Permissive as long as they're being reasonable. My girl got treated like an adult as long as she acted like an adult. I have zero tolerance for bullshit though, and can just as easily be the biggest asshole in the world. I seldom had to go that route.

 

[MongGrel]

Too many of you are too pussy to be parents. Just yell at the little shits who gives a shit what other people think they're not their kids so fuck them. Quit trying to let people try to tell you how to raise them and just find a way that best suits you and your kids. Damn

 

[CoPhotoGuy]

My parents were authoritarian and I'm leaning more that way myself. There has been no social issues and I was always very successful academically and have done well in my career. I don't think it caused any problems.

 

[bbhaag]

My 7 year old is almost off the charts ADHD with an advanced specialization in the "hyperactivity" part of that acronym. I hate screaming at my kids...I feel like total white trash...but screaming is the only thing I find that cuts through whatever fog of chaos is bouncing around in her head.

I ask politely. Nothing. Ask a bit louder. Nothing. Tap her hand. Nothing. Raise my voice a bit more. Nothing. SCREAM IN DAD VOICE. Response acknowledged.

Uhg. Hate it. When she's on her meds we can reason through things and she's a great kid. But breakfasts and dinner times are a fucking nightmare most nights.

Your oldest and my youngest would be a match made in hell haha. The part about breakfast and dinner really hits home though. Most times it's a fidgety mess with me ending up in "dad voice mode". uhg...I hate it too man.

You mentioned some meds. You care if I pm you about that? He's on some too and it's nice talking to other parents going through similar situations.

 

[eng2d2]

What about 2 children who grow up in the same house, in the same environment and with the same parents.

Now, imagine the father is in jail and has been a drug user for most of his life.

1) The first child says "I will never be like my loser father." He works his ass off in college and lands a nice job. He has a family, house, car, etc...

2) The second son states "I had no role model. I messed up in life because of my father." He blames everyone for his issues. Parents, school, environment, etc.. He ends up just like dad. In jail.

It comes down to our decisions in life. Our decisions make or breaks our destiny. Does our environment count? Yes! But, it's not the determining factor. There are plenty of people who have risen from a bad environment to become successful later in life. There are also people who had money and a loving family. Yet, they got involved in drugs and overdosed. Bobbi Houston and Andy Reid's son comes to mind.

I get your point but is it genetics or learned behavior that determines their success?

 

[Spungo]

A friend of mine with kids was telling me that you aren't supposed to yell back at kids when they yell because it teaches them escalation or something. So I asked what was the obvious question to me "well how do you get them to stop screaming then?" Because every time I talk to him on the phone I hear some kid screaming in the background.

A real leader doesn't need to yell.

8. 40 minutes later I'm doing lucky if there is more food in them than there is on the floor.

/forces kids to eat when they're not hungry
"I don't understand why America has an obesity epidemic. Who is teaching people to eat even when they're not hungry??"

I remember my grandma being a wise and beautiful woman about food. She was so angry when I only ate a little bit of food she made. My mom had to deal with that bullshit as a kid, so she immediately jumped to my defense and verbally destroyed grandma. It was never a problem after that. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry.

 

[LegendKiller]

A real leader doesn't need to yell.



/forces kids to eat when they're not hungry
"I don't understand why America has an obesity epidemic. Who is teaching people to eat even when they're not hungry??"

I remember my grandma being a wise and beautiful woman about food. She was so angry when I only ate a little bit of food she made. My mom had to deal with that bullshit as a kid, so she immediately jumped to my defense and verbally destroyed grandma. It was never a problem after that. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry.

Perhaps your grandmother remembered the great depression. Mine did.

Kids not eating is a power trip no more.

 

[vi edit]

A real leader doesn't need to yell.



/forces kids to eat when they're not hungry
"I don't understand why America has an obesity epidemic. Who is teaching people to eat even when they're not hungry??"

I remember my grandma being a wise and beautiful woman about food. She was so angry when I only ate a little bit of food she made. My mom had to deal with that bullshit as a kid, so she immediately jumped to my defense and verbally destroyed grandma. It was never a problem after that. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry.

My 7 year old barely registers on the growth chart for her age and is completely regressing in that area. ADHD meds are basically meth and supress appetite. The meds allow her to thrive mentally and succeed in the classroom but it's at the expense of physical health. It's a miserable balance to try and hold as a parent.

 

[MarkXIX]

My 7 year old is almost off the charts ADHD with an advanced specialization in the "hyperactivity" part of that acronym. I hate screaming at my kids...I feel like total white trash...but screaming is the only thing I find that cuts through whatever fog of chaos is bouncing around in her head.

I ask politely. Nothing. Ask a bit louder. Nothing. Tap her hand. Nothing. Raise my voice a bit more. Nothing. SCREAM IN DAD VOICE. Response acknowledged.

Uhg. Hate it. When she's on her meds we can reason through things and she's a great kid. But breakfasts and dinner times are a fucking nightmare most nights.

I feel for you brother, I have an almost 16 year old that hasn't chanced since she was diagnosed. In fact, we just had a long discussion tonight about her piss poor decision making.

 

[Spungo]

Perhaps your grandmother remembered the great depression. Mine did.

Kids not eating is a power trip no more.

Then put it in the fridge. Are old people retarded?

My 7 year old barely registers on the growth chart for her age and is completely regressing in that area. ADHD meds are basically meth and supress appetite.

Does she actually have ADHD? The test for ADHD is quite simple. When a person has ADHD, they can't pay attention even when they want to. They'll be super excited to read a book about dinosaurs, but their thoughts are so scattered that they literally can't read. I ask because a lot of kids are medicated for illnesses they don't have.