need seriosu life help please wife and i are splitting up

[captains]

hahha like leaving a job shes givin u her 2 weeks

 

[her209]

Post the sex videos and naked pics to the Internet!

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Metron
I've had a few PM's from others about what I sent to the OP for advice. Here's an abbreviated version for others:

She won't end up with the kids 24/7 unless YOU do something stupid, like hiding the kids from her that you mentioned in your OP.

NEITHER of you can deny access to the children, or you'll pay the consequences in divorce court. (read lose custody or at least end up with reduced visitation rights)

QFT - this is important! A friend of mine just won a VERY expensive custody fight (> $100K) largely because she interfered with his visitation and relationship with his son at every possible opportunity. He now has full custody, and she has visitation - it was the exact opposite during the 18 months of proceedings.

Though they are incredibly expensive, you MUST talk to a lawyer immediately. Try to find one certified in Family Law / Divorce. Lawyers are like most professionals... they tend to specialize in one or two areas. You don't want a Bankruptcy lawyer handling your divorce. Show him the evidence you have of her intentions, and then LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER on how to proceed.

From your initial description, your marraige doesn't sound like it's worth the efforts to try to salvage. I don't know if Tennessee is a "community property" state. If it is, that means in divorce court you two divide the assets (if any) and debts of the marraige. You'll establish custody and visitation rights for the children, as well as child support.

Unless your wife is a drug addict, convicted felon, registered sex offender, or is legally insane, SHE WILL get primary custody of the children.

Not neccesarily - the courts are leaning much more toward "shared custody", unless one side or the other is seen as unfit. That's what I have.

You will get rights of visitation, and be required to PAY child support until the kids reach the age of 18.

Child support is generally determined by a gender-neutral formula that takes into account each parents income, how much they have the kids (overnights), and how much each pays for things like daycare, insurance, etc. Guys generally end up paying the mother because they often make more money, and have the kids less.

In my case I make about twice as much as my ex, and although I pay for daycare and insurance, I don't pay any money directly to her. In fact, if we were to re-evaluate child support based on our current schedule with the kids, she would owe me.

You will LOSE the right to use them as dependents on your tax returns, and you will also have to PAY THE TAX on the child support you pay.

Who claims them on tax returns is negotiable. Even if mom has full custody, dad could claim them on taxes if that's the agreement reached.

That's just the way it is.... divorce sucks.

No argument here.

That being said, some recent divorce agreements allow "joint custody" where the two parties basically alternate custody each week, and NO child support changes hands. If you get a really good lawyer, you MIGHT be able to negotiate this option... though it's normally done where the parties are still friendly and willing to accept this arrangement. If your wife wants to fight, you'll end up with the "standard" arrangement I described in the preceding paragraph... and you'll both end up with HUGE legal fees.

Finally, things can get REALLY ugly. You and your wife will argue over the most stupid things (who gets the photographs, for instance). My lawyer had some really good advice... in the end, it's just stuff. The main thing you should be concerned about is your children. Try as hard as you can to make it painless for them (which is impossible, but try). Don't fight in front of the kids. Don't bad mouth each other to the children when the other is not around.

If you didn't have kids, you could just divorce, part ways and never see each other again. BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS, you'll be involved (to an extent) with each other for the rest of your lives. The sooner the two of you both realize this, the better.

The less complicated the divorce, the less money you BOTH pay to the lawyers. If you can both come to terms with how you want to divide things and how you want to set up custody of the kids, you'll BOTH save a lot of money. I know couples who spent more than $100,000 in legal fees for divorce battles that went on for more than a year.

It's hard not seeing my child every day... but you get used to it. When we were married my ex- and I were fighting all the time, mainly about money. Life is better now though. My ex- and I make better friends than spouses. I spend my money as I wish, and I have much more fun in life. I look better, and I feel better.

If you need more advice, or just need to "vent" drop me a message. Good luck.

 

[KK]

Why the fvck do idiots have kids when they can't afford them. Totally selfish if you ask me. Way to fvckup the lives of 2 more people.

 

[CRXican]

2 weeks notice

like quitting a job

 

[Kelemvor]

Originally posted by: Nik
If you want help, go to a councelor. AT is not the place. If you think it is, that's probably one of the reasons you need counceling.

But that would mean most of the people here would eed counseling since people seem to think that ATOT is the answer to every question...

And hello, OP. Call a F'ing lawyer... don't post here.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: FrankyJunior

Originally posted by: Nik
If you want help, go to a councelor. AT is not the place. If you think it is, that's probably one of the reasons you need counceling.

But that would mean most of the people here would eed counseling since people seem to think that ATOT is the answer to every question...

And hello, OP. Call a F'ing lawyer... don't post here.

shrug - if you don't want to read it, don't click the link. Alot of people ahve gotten good advice & support from ATOT on this subject. I'm one of them.

 

I'm quite perplexed with the degree of divorce. It appears to be increasing--even on AT. I wonder if it's just people being more open on the forum about their marital lives? Or could it just be a surge in the number of married members; therefore an increase in posts about divorce? Otherwise, the divorce rate is quite alarming and saddening. The more I read things like these, the more I think to myself: Screw it. I may as well just get a mutual companion and live the rest of my life that way with no deep attachments.

To the original poster, I haven't been privy to a marriage or divorce life, so I cannot help you really. However, I do agree with those who say you should perhaps start from being sober, so you could reason with your complete faculties.

Good luck to you!

Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
uummmmmm.....why should she not have the kids.
Second Why the fvck are you living at your rents house with two kids. I'd leave your ass too.

LOL! I was wondering too. However, there are always stories behind faces. Who knows his circumstance? It does sound like he's too comfortable in his parents' house though.

 

[Tsunami982]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
I'm quite perplexed with the degree of divorce. It appears to be increasing--even on AT. I wonder if it's just people being more open on the forum about their marital lives? Or could it just be a surge in the number of married members; therefore an increase in posts about divorce? Otherwise, the divorce rate is quite alarming and saddening. The more I read things like these, the more I think to myself: Screw it. I may as well just get a mutual companion and live the rest of my life that way with no deep attachments.

its because people go into marriages while thinking in the back of their minds that if it goes bad they can get a divorce. this decreases the "trying to work it out" a lot because they already have a way out in mind. also i think people are jumping into marriage too easily these days, people do it because "they are in love". marrying because of love is good, its just that most people think they are in love way too much (including myself); i mean how many people in your life have you said that to? just my 2 cents.

 

[PHiuR]

Originally posted by: KK
Why the fvck do idiots have kids when they can't afford them. Totally selfish if you ask me. Way to fvckup the lives of 2 more people.

hmph....yea... people shouldnt have kids until they can truly support them.

 

[nutxo]

Originally posted by: cjgallen
No child deserves a father who posts on the internet drunk.

Who is the internet drunk?

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: logic0010
ok heres the dealwere married she said she was leaving me after next payday 2 weeks
we have 2 kids we live in my parrents house shes threating to take the kids....ect we have not had a good marriage it litterly sucked. and i need to know what i should can do to keep the kids and or what actions should i do to ensure at least my parrents get them i dont care any outcome as long as she dosent end up with them 24/7 any advice?

Also reciently found out shes been trying to hook up with a good friend of mine at least he sent me the emails and aims shes been having with him and he even recorded the phone calls and gave me the tapes nothing physical has happened but he is atleast 100%honest with me so i know this is over bet heres what i am gonna do to this point she wants 2 weeks to leave f that shes out in 14hours update later. im not dealing with that she is gonna take kids to daycare tommorow im gonna pick them up at noonish and take them to an unknown friends house. then shell be home at 5ish thats where im gonna have her leave perminiately but what else should i do


Drunk and shocked & confused man with nothing else to lose

 

[IBuyUFO]

Maybe I've spent too much time in front of the computer at work but I swear I had trouble reading that.

 

[creedog]

I really need to know why a guy who lives with his parents has two kids

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: creedog
I really need to know why a guy who lives with his parents has two kids

 

[Platypus]

lmao

 

[JulesMaximus]

Has the drunk posted an update yet?

 

[flexy]

Originally posted by: Sheepathon
Stay together for the kids :music:

LOL

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Has the drunk posted an update yet?

Yes, it's in the private forum.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Has the drunk posted an update yet?

Yes, it's in the private forum.

eh?

 

[alm4rr]

the kids are not pawns in your tug of war with your wife
try to remember that

 

[logic0010]

daycare = 1400 a month
car notes = 600 a month
insurance= 450 a month helth ...and car...ect
clothes food rent utilities monthly expences almost come to
4k a month total
some people dont make that much thats why we sold our house and moved in here
its almost been 6+ yeares of marrage im trying to get back with her as i love her more than anything and love my kids even more i cannot afford a laywer and im gonnna loose everything in my life at 1 shot

 

[QuitBanningMe]

Originally posted by: logic0010
daycare = 1400 a month
car notes = 600 a month
insurance= 450 a month helth ...and car...ect
clothes food rent utilities monthly expences almost come to
4k a month total
some people dont make that much thats why we sold our house and moved in here
its almost been 6+ yeares of marrage im trying to get back with her as i love her more than anything and love my kids even more i cannot afford a laywer and im gonnna loose everything in my life at 1 shot

daycare = you need to find cheaper daycare. I know it is available.

car note = why the fvck do you have one. Place to live comes first. Plenty of $500 beaters out there

Insurance I can understand...well almost. You are paying full coverage on a car note you shouldn't have. Health insurance should be high deductables on you and the wife while you are young. Possibly look into TennCare


You are not the only one with limited income out there. Most choose not to live with their rents.

And honestly "if money is the problem there is no problem"

 

[rahvin]

1400 a month of daycare is outrageous. If you truely have such limited salary that you live with your parents then with that much it would probably be cheaper to have one of you stay at home.

 

[Baked]

You're a fvcking drunk loser, end yourself and save your children the misery of having you as their father.

---

You're a rude ass who needs two weeks elsewhere to consider courtesy to others, especially those who are hurting.