slightlyhuman
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 19,632
- 38
- 91
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
- 126
that's naive. That's like saying ALL American cars WILL break down.
It takes true effort from both sides to make a marriage work. Think of how even your best friend pisses you off sometimes, especially when spending a lot of time together - it's tough to deal with someone other than yourself. Stubbornness, or the inability to keep your pants on (with others) kill most of them...
i think you should sober up and reason with her she is still your wife and you could work things out you need to sober up and think of your kids because this will be a hard time for them maybe if you move out of your parent's house it will help improve your relationship because that might be a burden on her you know to have to be supported by her husband's parents and maybe that is why she is interested in other men anyway just thought id try to help by the way USE FCKING PUNCTUATION.
Just don't use those tapes in court. I believe that is illegal tapping on your friend's side.
Good luck. I hope things work out with the kids. 50/50% would be nice.
Good luck. I hope things work out with the kids. 50/50% would be nice.
Depends on the state. I know that in WA state recording a conversation without the consent of both parties is illegal.
JulesMaximus
No Lifer
- Jul 3, 2003
- 74,589
- 986
- 126
edmundoab
Diamond Member
hmm, its just such a big risk with marriage.
but what a time to do it with 2 kids,
I hope you have gone through all kinds of possible ways to salvage this marriage,
but what a time to do it with 2 kids,
I hope you have gone through all kinds of possible ways to salvage this marriage,
Tennessee only requires consent of one party.
Back to the OP - first of all, sober up. You need to have your sh|t together, and you can't even write a coherent post by ATOT standards, which are already damn low. Is the current drunk an exception or the rule? If it's the rule, your fight for custody just went from uphill to vertical.
Still living with your parents after you've been together long enough to have two kids (how old are they?) is not likely to play well in your favor either - but can she do better?
Please forget the idea of hiding the kids. You can't possibly keep it up, so what good will it do? And you will completely poison any case you have for custody.
Back to the tapes - interesting of course. She sounds like a real piece of work. Is Tennessee a no-fault state? If so, then they are likely worthless. Particularly since apparently no actual adultry occurred.
Metron
Golden Member
- Oct 16, 2003
- 1,163
- 0
- 0
I've had a few PM's from others about what I sent to the OP for advice. Here's an abbreviated version for others:
She won't end up with the kids 24/7 unless YOU do something stupid, like hiding the kids from her that you mentioned in your OP.
NEITHER of you can deny access to the children, or you'll pay the consequences in divorce court. (read lose custody or at least end up with reduced visitation rights)
Though they are incredibly expensive, you MUST talk to a lawyer immediately. Try to find one certified in Family Law / Divorce. Lawyers are like most professionals... they tend to specialize in one or two areas. You don't want a Bankruptcy lawyer handling your divorce. Show him the evidence you have of her intentions, and then LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER on how to proceed.
From your initial description, your marraige doesn't sound like it's worth the efforts to try to salvage. I don't know if Tennessee is a "community property" state. If it is, that means in divorce court you two divide the assets (if any) and debts of the marraige. You'll establish custody and visitation rights for the children, as well as child support.
Unless your wife is a drug addict, convicted felon, registered sex offender, or is legally insane, SHE WILL get primary custody of the children. You will get rights of visitation, and be required to PAY child support until the kids reach the age of 18. You will LOSE the right to use them as dependents on your tax returns, and you will also have to PAY THE TAX on the child support you pay. That's just the way it is.... divorce sucks.
That being said, some recent divorce agreements allow "joint custody" where the two parties basically alternate custody each week, and NO child support changes hands. If you get a really good lawyer, you MIGHT be able to negotiate this option... though it's normally done where the parties are still friendly and willing to accept this arrangement. If your wife wants to fight, you'll end up with the "standard" arrangement I described in the preceding paragraph... and you'll both end up with HUGE legal fees.
Finally, things can get REALLY ugly. You and your wife will argue over the most stupid things (who gets the photographs, for instance). My lawyer had some really good advice... in the end, it's just stuff. The main thing you should be concerned about is your children. Try as hard as you can to make it painless for them (which is impossible, but try). Don't fight in front of the kids. Don't bad mouth each other to the children when the other is not around.
If you didn't have kids, you could just divorce, part ways and never see each other again. BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS, you'll be involved (to an extent) with each other for the rest of your lives. The sooner the two of you both realize this, the better.
The less complicated the divorce, the less money you BOTH pay to the lawyers. If you can both come to terms with how you want to divide things and how you want to set up custody of the kids, you'll BOTH save a lot of money. I know couples who spent more than $100,000 in legal fees for divorce battles that went on for more than a year.
It's hard not seeing my child every day... but you get used to it. When we were married my ex- and I were fighting all the time, mainly about money. Life is better now though. My ex- and I make better friends than spouses. I spend my money as I wish, and I have much more fun in life. I look better, and I feel better.
If you need more advice, or just need to "vent" drop me a message. Good luck.
She won't end up with the kids 24/7 unless YOU do something stupid, like hiding the kids from her that you mentioned in your OP.
NEITHER of you can deny access to the children, or you'll pay the consequences in divorce court. (read lose custody or at least end up with reduced visitation rights)
Though they are incredibly expensive, you MUST talk to a lawyer immediately. Try to find one certified in Family Law / Divorce. Lawyers are like most professionals... they tend to specialize in one or two areas. You don't want a Bankruptcy lawyer handling your divorce. Show him the evidence you have of her intentions, and then LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER on how to proceed.
From your initial description, your marraige doesn't sound like it's worth the efforts to try to salvage. I don't know if Tennessee is a "community property" state. If it is, that means in divorce court you two divide the assets (if any) and debts of the marraige. You'll establish custody and visitation rights for the children, as well as child support.
Unless your wife is a drug addict, convicted felon, registered sex offender, or is legally insane, SHE WILL get primary custody of the children. You will get rights of visitation, and be required to PAY child support until the kids reach the age of 18. You will LOSE the right to use them as dependents on your tax returns, and you will also have to PAY THE TAX on the child support you pay. That's just the way it is.... divorce sucks.
That being said, some recent divorce agreements allow "joint custody" where the two parties basically alternate custody each week, and NO child support changes hands. If you get a really good lawyer, you MIGHT be able to negotiate this option... though it's normally done where the parties are still friendly and willing to accept this arrangement. If your wife wants to fight, you'll end up with the "standard" arrangement I described in the preceding paragraph... and you'll both end up with HUGE legal fees.
Finally, things can get REALLY ugly. You and your wife will argue over the most stupid things (who gets the photographs, for instance). My lawyer had some really good advice... in the end, it's just stuff. The main thing you should be concerned about is your children. Try as hard as you can to make it painless for them (which is impossible, but try). Don't fight in front of the kids. Don't bad mouth each other to the children when the other is not around.
If you didn't have kids, you could just divorce, part ways and never see each other again. BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS, you'll be involved (to an extent) with each other for the rest of your lives. The sooner the two of you both realize this, the better.
The less complicated the divorce, the less money you BOTH pay to the lawyers. If you can both come to terms with how you want to divide things and how you want to set up custody of the kids, you'll BOTH save a lot of money. I know couples who spent more than $100,000 in legal fees for divorce battles that went on for more than a year.
It's hard not seeing my child every day... but you get used to it. When we were married my ex- and I were fighting all the time, mainly about money. Life is better now though. My ex- and I make better friends than spouses. I spend my money as I wish, and I have much more fun in life. I look better, and I feel better.
If you need more advice, or just need to "vent" drop me a message. Good luck.
I don't know where you are, but you will probably find it very unlikely that any court is going to take the kids away from their mother, unless she has been proven unfit. My brother took his ex to court to fight for custody. This witch was so bad, her own parents were trying to have her locked in the looney bin, and it was still an uphill battle for him to get custody.
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