After 23 years of living with my parents and the agonizing pain and depression that came with it, I finally moved out. Of course no one in my family liked the idea. But I ignored them and left anyways. I moved out in September and I was happy for the first time. I could come home and not worry about the little knick-knacks that my parents would b!tch about. Then the calls started coming.
"You got mail at home. Come home and pick it up."
"Okay mom/dad, I'll come pick it up when I have time."
Next day:
"You got mail at home. Why aren't you home to pick it up? Are you THAT busy?"
Eventually I started ignoring their calls and not pick it up. I figured that the few times I blew up and told them I'll just pick it up whenever and they don't have to call me at work or school to tell me to pick up my mail that they would get the idea.
And so today someone banged at the gate. It was my mom and sister who I didn't think even knew where I moved to. They came into my room and stood there pleading for me to please come home because "the family loves and miss you so very much. We'll do ANYTHING to make you happy."
I told them that it is too late. After all those years where I was so depressed at home and that it's too late to reconciliate. They told me about how my room is still bare and they remodeled it in hope that I would come home. I did not feel anything towards their kind gesture. My sister even threw in some guilt about my mom having high blood pressure and I should reconsider for her health sake. But I don't know. I don't think I can ever get myself to go back to what has been ailing me for several years. I admit that I am dead broke moving out and I'm not sure how I'm going to make rent but if I ever move back home, the pain of living there will be ten times worst.
I feel like sh!t inside.
I know some of you self-righteous people will think I'm an ass for being so selfish.
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So I decided to go home today to do laundry, show face around the home, and calm their worrisome. About half an hour of being home, it was my dads' turn to give me this talk about going back home. He told me to tell my landlord that I want out at the end of the month and my siblings will come help me move back home. He talked about how he understood what is going on and tried to calm me by talking about those things. But guess what?
Those things = frickin' irrevelant on a larger scale of the reasoning behind why I moved out. He was like "oh that lecture I gave you about burning dvd movies is just to warn and help you, not because I hate you." I'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?!?! You think I moved out because you told me not to burn mother-f*cken movies?!?!"
I just sat there quietly letting whatever he had to say go in one ear and out the next. He ended with him asking me again if I would move home at the end of the month. I sat there and did not reply. I was midway through my laundry when I just took it out and decided to leave.
For once I never felt so much hatred towards my family. I don't really hate anyone in particular but I just hate being around my family and the environment they create. I feel like a total stranger when I stepped back home; like I would feel no different if I were to walk into a random house down the street. There is so much anger and resentment inside me that I feel like dying off the face of their world. I have high goals for myself so I would never put myself in a situation I would regret. At this point, all I really want is to dissappear from their lives and start my own.
"You got mail at home. Come home and pick it up."
"Okay mom/dad, I'll come pick it up when I have time."
Next day:
"You got mail at home. Why aren't you home to pick it up? Are you THAT busy?"
Eventually I started ignoring their calls and not pick it up. I figured that the few times I blew up and told them I'll just pick it up whenever and they don't have to call me at work or school to tell me to pick up my mail that they would get the idea.
And so today someone banged at the gate. It was my mom and sister who I didn't think even knew where I moved to. They came into my room and stood there pleading for me to please come home because "the family loves and miss you so very much. We'll do ANYTHING to make you happy."
I told them that it is too late. After all those years where I was so depressed at home and that it's too late to reconciliate. They told me about how my room is still bare and they remodeled it in hope that I would come home. I did not feel anything towards their kind gesture. My sister even threw in some guilt about my mom having high blood pressure and I should reconsider for her health sake. But I don't know. I don't think I can ever get myself to go back to what has been ailing me for several years. I admit that I am dead broke moving out and I'm not sure how I'm going to make rent but if I ever move back home, the pain of living there will be ten times worst.
I feel like sh!t inside.
I know some of you self-righteous people will think I'm an ass for being so selfish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So I decided to go home today to do laundry, show face around the home, and calm their worrisome. About half an hour of being home, it was my dads' turn to give me this talk about going back home. He told me to tell my landlord that I want out at the end of the month and my siblings will come help me move back home. He talked about how he understood what is going on and tried to calm me by talking about those things. But guess what?
Those things = frickin' irrevelant on a larger scale of the reasoning behind why I moved out. He was like "oh that lecture I gave you about burning dvd movies is just to warn and help you, not because I hate you." I'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?!?! You think I moved out because you told me not to burn mother-f*cken movies?!?!"
I just sat there quietly letting whatever he had to say go in one ear and out the next. He ended with him asking me again if I would move home at the end of the month. I sat there and did not reply. I was midway through my laundry when I just took it out and decided to leave.
For once I never felt so much hatred towards my family. I don't really hate anyone in particular but I just hate being around my family and the environment they create. I feel like a total stranger when I stepped back home; like I would feel no different if I were to walk into a random house down the street. There is so much anger and resentment inside me that I feel like dying off the face of their world. I have high goals for myself so I would never put myself in a situation I would regret. At this point, all I really want is to dissappear from their lives and start my own.
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